Welcome to our community. Please fill in the following template as a way of introducing yourself, and helping others to understand your background and situation.
Where are you from (country)? United States
How did you find this forum (Google search – if so, what search terms? Via link from a forum or website – if so, what page? Other?) Through a PSSD Support group on Discord
What is your current age, height, weight? 20, 6’0, 254
What specific drug did you use (finasteride, dutasteride, saw palmetto, isotretinoin/Accutane, fluoxetine, sertraline, citalopram, leuprorelin, etc…)? trazodone, olanzapine
What dose did you take (eg. 1 mg/day, 1 mg every other day etc.)? 100mg trazodone, 5mg olanzapine
What condition was being treated with the drug? Anxiety, Insomnia
For how long did you take the drug (weeks/months/years)? I took the trazodone for two days, every night. I took the olanzapine four times: three days in a row, and then skipped two days before taking it again.
How old were you, and WHEN (date) did you start the drug? I started the olanzapine on April 15th, aged 20. I started the trazodone on April 16th, aged 20.
How old were you when you quit, and WHEN (date) did you quit? Aged 20, I quit the trazodone on April 17th. Quit the olanzapine on April 21st.
How did you quit (cold turkey or taper off)? Cold Turkey
How long into your usage did you notice the onset of side effects? Around two or three days after discontinuation.
What side effects did you experience that have yet to resolve since discontinuation? Mainly sexual symptoms.
Check the boxes that apply. You can save your post first, then interactively check/uncheck the boxes by clicking on them. If your symptoms change, please update your list.
Sexual
[X] Loss of Libido / Sex Drive
[X] Erectile Dysfunction
[X] Complete Impotence
[X] Loss of Morning Erections
[X] Loss of Spontaneous Erections
[X] Loss of Nocturnal Erections
[X] Watery Ejaculate
[X] Reduced Ejaculate
[ ] Inability or Difficulty to Ejaculate / Orgasm
[ ] Reduced Sperm Count / Motility
Mental
[ ] Emotional Blunting / Emotionally Flat
[X] Difficulty Focusing / Concentrating
[ ] Confusion
[X] Memory Loss / Forgetfulness
[ ] Stumbling over Words / Losing Train of Thought
[ ] Slurring of Speech
[X] Lack of Motivation / Feeling Passive / Complacency
[X] Extreme Anxiety / Panic Attacks
[X] Severe Depression / Melancholy
[X] Suicidal Thoughts
Physical
[X] Penile Tissue Changes (narrowing, shrinkage, wrinkled)
[ ] Penis curvature / rotation on axis
[X] Testicular Pain
[X] Testicular Shrinkage / Loss of Fullness
[X] Genital numbness / sensitivity decrease
[ ] Weight Gain
[ ] Gynecomastia (male breasts)
[ ] Muscle Wastage
[X] Muscle Weakness
[X] Joint Pain
[X] Dry / Dark Circles under eyes
Misc
[X] Prostate pain
[X] Persistent Fatigue / Exhaustion
[X] Stomach Pains / Digestion Problems
[X] Constipation / “Poo Pellets”
[ ] Vision - Acuity Decrease / Blurriness
[ ] Tinnitus (ringing or high pitched sound in ears)
[ ] Hearing loss
[ ] Increased hair loss
[X] Frequent urination
[ ] Lowered body temperature
[X] Other (please explain) Depersonalization/derealization, head pressure/head tingling sensations, especially around the temples.
What (if any) treatments have you undertaken to recover from your side effects since discontinuation of the drug? None at all.
If you have pre or post-drug blood tests, what hormonal changes have you encountered since discontinuing the drug (please post your test results in the “Blood Tests” section and link to them in your post)? Haven’t taken any blood tests yet.
Anything not listed in the above questions you’d like to share about your experience?
Tell us your story, in your own words, about your usage and side effects experienced while on/off the drug.
My story takes us back to late December of 2017. Due to some difficult life circumstances, that resulted in a depression and suicidal thoughts, I began taking my first round of antidepressants. My memory of the antidepressants used, the dosages, the duration, etc. are very shaky, but I’ll try my best to recount. I can safely say that most of my usage occurred between December of 2017, and March of 2018. I began by taking fluoxetine, which resulted in some heavy fatigue and hypersomnia. I switched from fluoxetine to bupropion, which I also didn’t take for long because it made me super irritable. I then switched from bupropin to citalopram, which (according to my own report), did help me quite a bit and it was supposedly a gradual change. I don’t remember at all as to why I went off citalopram, but it appears going off of it resulted in severe brain fog and a headache (I’m reading old chat logs where I talk of my experiences on the medication). After that, I was most likely prescribed Gabapentin, which made me feel very zombie but did eliminate a lot of anxiety (I have a strong history of bad anxiety as well). I also didn’t take that for long.
After this three month period of switching medications so much, I most likely settled in on sertraline at a low dose, which I took for around a year or so, before I began upping the dose around early-mid 2019. Being on sertraline is when I first remember having any sexual side effects: I had a short period of anorgasmia that did go away, and it did kill my libido quite a bit. I stuck with it through most of 2019, not noticing any permanent changes to my sexual health otherwise: I masturbated as much as I used to, and everything still felt the same. I quit taking antidepressants sometime in the summer of 2019. As I reflect back, I can note how I felt a subtle, yet noticeable decline in my cognitive and emotional well-being during that year of 2019 while using sertraline. I didn’t feel as mentally ‘sharp’, or as connected to things as I once was. Perhaps at the time I chalked it up to depression, or chronic anxiety. I started spending more time being lost in thought instead of connecting with things. Shortly before the present time and my last use of psychiatric drugs (which we’ll get to in a bit), I stumbled upon PSSD on Reddit. I had been off antidepressants for around six or seven months by that point, and it’s where I noticed that I did hold some of the persistent sexual side effects: lack of morning erections, lack of spotanteous erections, and a not-as-strong libido as I should have. If I could go back in time, I would tell myself that I did have a mild case of PSSD, and to never touch psychiatric drugs again. I made a big mistake.
Now, we come to the present time. As a result of the current COVID-19 pandemic, I began having severe anxiety, panic attacks, and insomnia. My insomnia got so bad, I ended up in a mental hospital: describing it as a mental hospital isn’t entirely accurate, though, as it’s more of a middle ground between general therapy/med provider and a mental hospital. I stayed there for a total of three days. The first day, I took 5mg of olanzapine, an antipsychotic medication that was used off-label for anxiety. They simply handed it out at a window where you could ask for meds. I’m still incredibly upset that they would use antipsychotics in such a way, especially ‘as needed’ for anxiety. I had zero idea it was an antipsychotic. It did help with my racing thoughts, though. The second day, I took another olanzapine pill and 100mg of trazodone that night to help my sleep. This is where my first major symptom showed itself: I woke up with pretty bad pain in my testicles. It was so bad, it manifested itself in my dream. I didn’t notice any other symptoms otherwise, except for some akathisia on the olanzapine that resolved itself within the first couple of days after my last dose. I took the trazodone at 100mg for another night, before being discharged. I haven’t touched the trazodone since.
Now, here’s where it gets tricky. It’s difficult to tell if I had my crash as a result of the trazodone, or the olanzapine. I’ve heard reports of APs causing persistent issues, and even found someone who reported the testicular pain while on it: but the testicular pain didn’t start until my first trazodone dose. Once I had returned home, I elected to never touch the trazodone again as I believed it resulted in my testicular pain, but I did take another olanzapine to relieve some major anxiety I was having around the possibility of PSSD. This is where I began to notice the genital shrinkage: it seems my penis has shrunk, as if it’s retreated into my skin, but it seems to come and go. I also believe my testicles have shrunk, but it’s difficult to tell, they don’t seem too small.
It has now been five days since my last dose of trazodone, and four days since my last dose of olanzapine. My libido has dropped to nearly zero, masturbation doesn’t feel as good and I feel I’ve lost sensitivity down there. My orgasms don’t feel as good either, but they still feel somewhat good. I premature pretty badly now, and I have soft glans. My erection quality is bad, they only feel strong when I’m nearing my orgasm. I used to masturbate two or three times a day. Now, I barely masturbate once every other day, and it doesn’t last long.
My other symptoms have included:
a persistent sense of derealization and depersonalization, as if my perception of the world has changed. Everything seems both clear and fuzzy, as if I’m not fully processing everything around me. It makes it difficult to invest myself in anything. It’s difficult to tell if this is a symptom of PSSD, or something resulting from my prolonged stress and anxiety. It has subsided over the days, and I hope it continues to. It seems to improve at night, and starts off worse when I wake up in the morning.
my brain works way too fast now. It’s like I can’t process everything in front of me, so my mind sort of glazes over it, like I’m trapped inside my own mind. All I want to do is pace, listen to music, and think to myself. My thoughts have grown incredibly dark: I often think of suicide, and how much of a possibility it seems to be now, and how my parents would react. I have cried a couple of times when I think of my parents’ reaction, and how disappointed they would be in me.
I have terrible constipation that doesn’t seem to be letting up. It coincides with a feeling of prostate pain: pain in my hip, just above my groin, and in my lower back. It comes and goes, it was at its worse last night to the point where I couldn’t sleep. The testicular pain comes and goes as well.
I have waves of feeling pressure and tingling sensations in my head, as if it’s suddenly going to explode or as if I’m going to faint. It sends chills down my neck and shoulders sometimes. It can sometimes feel like a burning sensation as well.
I’ve never been so profoundly depressed in my life. My entire perception of life has been flipped upside down, and I have very little hope at the moment in finding any sort of recovery. I cannot believe that only a few pills have done this to my body and mind. I don’t feel like myself, and it’s difficult to not think of suicide at the moment. My body hurts, my mind hurts, and I can’t really take it. I know it’s been such a short period of time, but I can’t help but think my case is severe and I’ll never see any important, only further cognitive decline. I can hardly recount the past week or so in any tangible timeline. It’s so difficult to keep afloat right now, and I have so many emotions pulsating through my mind: regret, shame, fear, terror, emptiness. I feel like I’ve changed as a person.
