Need to vent, thanks

Coping
#1

So I’ve been poring over this site non-stop just looking for…actually I don’t know what I’m looking for. Anything that doesn’t suck. Haven’t found it. The folks who’ve had temporary relief seem mostly young guys still concerned about dicks and sex, I guess I don’t fall into that category so they don’t resonate.

One thing that sticks out is how old some of these posts are…folks who posted rapid decline and stuck it out a while, posts got increasingly sad and desperate, then vanished. Not terribly surprising.

As much as there’s talk of science and studies, this isn’t cancer or Parkinson’s. This whole thing relative to the unaffected world I think is on par with botched cosmetic surgery. How many of us see those horror stories and think about them after we walk away beyond a hard lesson in vanity…I sure don’t. And that’s been going on far longer than this with no sign of slowing and there’s probably a lot more of them than there are of us. I wonder if their sad sack forums talk about lawsuits and coping and solutions that do more harm than good. Probably, but I’m not going to look.

I had more to say but I ran out of steam. I know this isn’t constructive but where the hell else can I vent.

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#2

Brother, I fuck myself this summer. I understand you. I have very serious mental and cognitive problems and ed. I’m very tired every day. I bought pentobarbital sodium. I just told myself that I should live ， give yourself two to five years, okay?

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#3

I’m in the fifties like you. 59 yo. Like your case every thing is going worse. The last months I lost the motivation for anything I’m fatuiged, depressed, muscle atrophy, Ed, back pain, no motivation even for a daily walk, staying homebound, living from pizza service, half the day bedbound, days total lonley, brain is racing, permanent thoughts, why I took the pills, what was wrong that I m here. Browsing this side. Members disappear after some years forever. I think compared to me you feel very very good.

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#4

Other severe cases they make a daily walk or go to the gym. Many users work or stay at the university. I do nothing. I need Sodium Pento Barbital and Fentanyl like you.

#5

I hear ya man, I’ve read plenty of your posts. Almost wish there was a section for folks say 40 and up. I’d specify pragmatists but I guess part of why we’re here is a pragmatic failure. I’m sitting here reading accounts of this therapy or that and I click on the profile to check their symptoms and they’re 20 years old. Prior to PFS I’d have said the day I take advice from a 20 year old put a bullet in my head. No offense to the 20 year olds, but that is how you’ll feel one day too. Hopefully.

#6

But that’s not good. The poor 20 yo boys just starting up their lifes. All their friends are totally full of hormones looking for girls and fun and they have to fight symptoms of a 80 old man.

The dreams of careers, family, marriage and kids is fading away in the early twenties. Some stay at their parents bedridden in the darkness of their rooms 24/7 in the early twenties. 50 years life just as suffering ahead.

So they have to try everything to get normal again.

#8

Im not your age. But the sides I deal with are mostly mental. It’s the root of it all. Seems to be finasteride induced brain changes.

Life doesn’t give me any satisfsction. Only being unconscious and sleeping does. It’s no satifaction either, it’s just the lack of being conscious that ends all misery. Slee feels like dying. It’s the one thing that makes me feel better. I can sleep for days without ever having the energy to come out of bed.

The only thing that gets me out are habits formed before fin, and the idea that if I let things slide more then necessary, i’ll never come back and my future self will despise me even more.

#9

If you don’t know what are you looking for on this site, then probably this site isn’t for you. I find your post very offensive as you’re clearly diminishing and ridiculing serious problems of younger people. They were supposed to have a whole life in front of them. And now many of them have to deal with the fact their reproductive function could be permanently disabled(not talking about the mental sides that many of them have as well).

#10

I didn’t mean to diminish and certainly not ridicule anyone’s experience though granted I might be diminishing the value of a 20 year old’s judgement and advice as people my age tend to do… I wouldn’t take particular offense.

But you’re right, I’m probably too jaded for this site. I just needed to vent because the whole thing is so damn confounding.

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#11

I’m in my early 20’s unfortunately and have this syndrome for 3-4 years. The only thing that keeps me motivated is my study. Nothing gives me a good feeling anymore, since I have anhedonia, just feeling like a zombie. The only hope that I have is that we find a cure and we get back to our normal lives.

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#12

I’m not as old as some, but not as young as others. While I understand how you feel with regard to the age and subject of conversation, I don’t think age needs to be a great divider here, some people have some good things to say, some less so, and age need not come into that judgement.

You might find that a few older members of the group will come forward if you offer a positive, inviting attitude. “Are there any people over 40 here?” Sounds different to “I’m not interested in what young people have to say”, which, intentional or not is just going to be alienating, maybe you don’t care.

But, I also understand that you need to let off a bit of steam, that things aren’t easy at the moment and you’d like to talk with people who you maybe share some reference points with.

I think we have a problem with retention of people who sign up here. Part of that is the lack of “big picture” thinking and planning and a focus on the individual and an understandable desire for a quick fix. A lot of the forum’s posts are “will taking X fix me?” And the answer, fairly consistently has been “no”. Which is of course disheartening, but is also how a lot of medical communities go, I believe.

If the community doesn’t have any answers to the same question being asked over and over, then it’s likely to have some problems keeping people engaged. On day 500 of logging in, what do you expect to find? Something different from day 499? So, I can understand how we end up losing people who don’t improve, but also those who feel better who leave are part of the picture too, the community is worse off by being one dimensional.

So, I think it’s good that you’ve stood up to be counted as a non- twenty year old. And good that you’ve said you’re having a rough time.

It’s worth remembering that the loudest voices aren’t the only voices and some people stay silent most or all of the time. The number of people posting is dwarfed by the number of people logged in who don’t and that number is matched by people who aren’t logged in. It’s worth trying to encourage people to speak up. I hope that some 50+ year olds will take the opportunity to say how they feel too.

Part of what we all need to do is make a case for those people to actually join up, contribute to the conversation and ultimately the manpower knowledge base, community and support that can be offered and received.

I’ve posted a few times that I feel that Awor and Axolotl really made a difference to me when I was at my lowest point, and that is why I can see the value of community.

To some degree we all have to lead the way to a better future for everyone.

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#13

Great words as ever @Greek this is a community for everyone. Age doesn’t matter at all infact the diversity should bring strength Even though I’m now one of the older ones I can see it from both angles being in this for 20 plus years firstly as a younger guy but now as a veteran. We’re all in this together and need to pull as one drawing from each others experiences young and old.

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#14

After all I know what you mean. At the age of 50+ we have not a bit of a chance to arrange with our new situation, not any chance to find our inner peace in any way. We’re running amok in our :speaking_head: head, this couldn’t be true.

All the younger ones try every protocol, make all the blood tests to make some recovery.

And we older ones stand there shocked and paralysed as a third person looking onto the the irreal situation. Looking at ourselves as strangers in a insane reality. No chance to connect to this new existence. Only living in the past and endless circles of what have I done.