Need something to change soon

Coping
#1

I’m writing this on the back of previous posts I’ve made on here recently.

I don’t really feel like I can go on living with this constant weight that I can’t shake looming over me. It genuinely sours any legitimate optimism and happy moments I feel in my life.

Yesterday I went on a date with a beautiful girl, which went very well, until we went back to her’s…and I guess I don’t need to explain what went wrong. I suppose it’s my fault for being naively hopeful that things would work properly.

Anyway, this all just illustrates the fact that at the ripe old age of 25, I have to put my life on hold. The amount of control I have over things that should be a given (mental, physical, sexual) has diminished to that of someone 3 times my age. All I think is that I can still at least control my own exit from everything.

Love for my family and the guilt anything happening to me would put on them, as well as my Christian faith, are the things keeping me from any sort of ‘final’ option. But I worry and increasingly feel certain that if something doesn’t change soon, then that option is going to be the only one.

I guess there’s not really a point to this post, but I don’t have anyone I can really share it with irl.

God bless you all.

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#2

Also for the record. I know I’ve only been on this site for a few months. But if you read my member’s story, you’ll see I’ve been suffering from this for a couple of years now.

#3

We’ve all been there. Have you tried cialis? Without it, i’d be in trouble too.

#4

If you take the last option, you’ll going to destroy the lifes of your loved ones too.

The same shit happened to me. The woman l still Iove, with her I had sex over two years, than I took Fin, we met again and all was over. It feels so unreal, so shocking, I’m ashamed for my live and I thought to kill myself for taking this f…cking drug. I’m so angry for myself, that I think about every way of giving me the rest.

But it would be hard for the loved ones. You destroy their lifes too. Thats the big Problem.

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#5

I took cialis a while ago, which has a kind of varied success rate for me. I stopped taking that when I had a more positive period recently, but it looks like I’m going to have to start using it again

#6

I completely relate to everything you’ve said here. Everything else that’s happened in my life, as sad and impactful as they could be, at least they’re in the past. This shit is constant and all too present.

But I worry that this sickness is going to eat me up to the point I’m not even the person anyone knows me as anymore. Part of me wants to end things on a higher note than the bedridden, bitter and miserable recluse I can see myself becoming.

I also feel like I’m just going on as normal for other people, my actual trajectory doesn’t even account for me anymore.

#7

Hi brother.

Feels the same in here.

I’ve been suffering for 18 months now, and my life is falling apart. Things were already going downhill, but in the past couple of months have escalated dramatically.

I live a very unique situation. Cinically unique.

Do you have people in your life? Friends, family … ?

If so, focus on that. They’ll give you joy. They’ll give you that human connection that can keep you going.

I’m losing eveyone in my life, and even though I’m not bedridden, I suffer from severe panick attacks (not related to Fin) that prevent me from leaving my small town. As you can imagine, this has had a HUGE impact on my relationships.

I just want to give you a warning. I got hit very hard with PFS, and the onset of this condition turned my ife from very bad, but with an optimist view and reasons to be lived, to a never ending nightmare.
But despite the gravity of my symptoms, the loss of my identity and the overwhelming sense of dispair, what’s been pushing me over the hedge is loneliness.

I’ve realized I just can’t live alone.

Take care of your relationships, even more than your symptoms.

I’m rapidly approaching that point, and believe when I say that being left alone has much more to do with it than PFS itself.

Of course you could argue that without PFS one wouldn’t be alone. But since we do have PFS, it we should put things into the right perspective.

Again, man, take care of your relationships. Believe me: you don’t want to know what it feels like to be alone.

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#8

Thank you for your message.

I’m so sorry to hear about what you’re going through; I don’t know the specifics of your symptoms but I think I can relate to you to some degree.

I’ve lost many good friends the past year, by their own choice. And I broke up with my fiancée a year ago, so I can definitely understand the loneliness you speak about.

Part of what makes things difficult is that I can’t talk to any of the people I have left in my life about this illness, it’s humiliating and even if I had the lack of care to tell them, they wouldn’t be able to understand or help me in anyway.

There’s a side of me that wants to be lonely. Being around people reminds me of how normal and healthy their lives are compared to mine, but on the other hand I want someone to just be able to understand what I’m going through, the people I love the most have no idea

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#9

I live this paradox as well.

I don’t know what “triggers” this in your case, but in mine is pretty bad and I can “snap” mentally just by looking two people holding their hands. Being in contact with reality is a challenge per sé. This very moment I’m playing loud music so that I don’t hear people celebrating Italy’s victory at European championships.

So I tend to isolate myself. But if I stay alone, my mental health suffers pretty bad.

It’s a lose-lose situation. I don’t know if you can relate to this.

Yeah not being understood is hard. But even if people understoood me, that wouldn’t make much of a difference in my life. After all, comprehension won’t fix us.

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#10

Yeah you’re summing up the way I feel pretty accurately as well. The triggers can be so trivial, I guess it depends on how harsh my mind is choosing to be towards me in the moment; seeing a pretty girl or even just people happy can send me down a spiral of self hate and bitterness.

What you say about loneliness and isolation is very relatable too. I often fantasise about going off to live some monastic life away from everything, which is the closest I can get to ‘being dead’ without actually dying. But yet, as I type this I’m alone in my room and wish I had one of my friends with me right now; this lose/lose paradox is a constant torment.

People say they understand, the very few that know. But they can’t, because so much of this is impossible to describe with just words.

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#11

I wish the research would begin so that it can change your life buddy.

#12

I wish it would too, but I feel like unless there’s some drastic change on that front soon, then it’s too late. Otherwise, this illness will have taken all the best and formative years I have left.

#13

I can totally relate.

#15

I don’t wish this illness on anyone, but I do wish I could let someone feel it just for a day.

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