I’m writing this on the back of previous posts I’ve made on here recently.
I don’t really feel like I can go on living with this constant weight that I can’t shake looming over me. It genuinely sours any legitimate optimism and happy moments I feel in my life.
Yesterday I went on a date with a beautiful girl, which went very well, until we went back to her’s…and I guess I don’t need to explain what went wrong. I suppose it’s my fault for being naively hopeful that things would work properly.
Anyway, this all just illustrates the fact that at the ripe old age of 25, I have to put my life on hold. The amount of control I have over things that should be a given (mental, physical, sexual) has diminished to that of someone 3 times my age. All I think is that I can still at least control my own exit from everything.
Love for my family and the guilt anything happening to me would put on them, as well as my Christian faith, are the things keeping me from any sort of ‘final’ option. But I worry and increasingly feel certain that if something doesn’t change soon, then that option is going to be the only one.
I guess there’s not really a point to this post, but I don’t have anyone I can really share it with irl.
God bless you all.