My Story... 36 yrs old in the UK

Member Stories
#1

  1. UK

  2. Google

  3. 36 years old, 11 stone, 6 foot

  4. Due to recommendations here, I have hit the gym for weight training ontop of a healthy active lifestyle.

  5. My diet leans toward macrobiotic but I am sometimes irregular and forget to eat.

  6. I took Finasteride for hair loss.

  7. I took Finasteride for four months

  8. I was 35 when I started… june 2012

  9. Quit October 2012

  10. I just stopped taking it.

  11. Propecia

  12. 1 mg/day

  13. 3 months in I noticed my libido rapidly waning.

  14. My wood has improved a bit from when it was the worst - during the days that I stopped, I was unarousable.

Put an X beside all that apply:

Sexual
[ ] Loss of Libido / Sex Drive
[ x] Erectile Dysfunction
[ ] Complete Impotence
[ x] Loss of Morning Erections
[ x] Loss of Spontaneous Erections
[ x] Loss of Nocturnal Erections
[ ] Watery Ejaculate
[ x] Reduced Ejaculate
[ ] Inability to Ejaculate / Orgasm
[ ] Reduced Sperm Count / Motility

Mental
[ ] Emotional Blunting / Emotionally Flat
[ x] Difficulty Focusing / Concentrating
[ ] Confusion
[ ] Memory Loss / Forgetfullness
[ ] Stumbling over Words / Losing Train of Thought
[ ] Slurring of Speech
[ x] Lack of Motivation / Feeling Passive / Complacency
[ ] Extreme Anxiety / Panic Attacks
[ x] Severe Depression / Melancholy
[ ] Suicidal Thoughts

Physical
[ ] Penile Tissue Changes (narrowing, shrinkage, wrinkled)
[ ] Penis curvature / rotation on axis
[ ] Testicular Pain
[ ] Testicular Shrinkage / Loss of Fullness
[ ] Genital numbness / sensitivity decrease
[ ] Weight Gain
[ ] Gynecomastia (male breasts)
[ ] Muscle Wastage
[ ] Muscle Weakness
[ ] Joint Pain
[ ] Dry / Dark Circles under eyes

Misc
[ ] Prostate pain
[ x] Persistent Fatigue / Exhaustion
[ ] Stomach Pains / Digestion Problems
[ ] Constipation / “Poo Pellets”
[ ] Vision - Acuity Decrease / Blurriness
[ ] Increased hair loss
[ ] Frequent urination
[ ] Lowered body temperature

[ ] Other (please explain)

  1. I haven’t taken any measures to recover except garlic, hot baths, increasing protein in my diet, and weight training.

  4. My story is I used finasteride without complaint for 3 months and was very happy to feel I had found something to combat my hair loss. The issue of hair loss now seems to be trivial compared to a loss of virility. I have always been a horny guy and I must admit never could compehend impotence. Experiencing a complete dropoff of interest and ability was … to repeat what many have said… devastating to my confidence and profoundly reorganized my concept of what it is to be a man and a sexual being in relation to women. Ontop of this, my long term 9 year relationship ended (unrelated circumstances) during the dawning comprehension that I now have a serious issue.

I am 3 months now without the drug and have had a modicum of improvement. There seems to be a cycle where morning wood briefly makes a return for a few days every three weeks or so. I don’t know if this is something hormonal, related to the moon. I have told myself a positive story that on each cycle the recovery will lengthen, but my hope is decreasing as it seems my improvement is flattening out, or is becoming so slow as to be imperceptible. I cannot get wood without continual stimulation. On-top of that, anxiety and the spectre of the whole issue looms over whatever moments of virility I experience. I can see if there is any physical recovery to be made, its also going to have to be accompanied by some sort of emotional and psychological recovery.

Its too early to tell yet if I’ve got off light or not compared to some of the horror stories I’ve read here. I don’t think I have brain fuzz although I went through a dark night of deep fatigue and depression in november (the crash, maybe). I don’t know whether to expect improvement or degeneration. I don’t know whether to try clomid or do some prostate flush and brocolli protocol. I don’t know whether to take herbal testosterone boosters or just leave everything alone and cultivate the most optimum lifestyle I can to capitalize on whatever I have left to work with.

I’m here to learn and to add my voice to this group of men. This poison should be banned immediately. Everything the profiteers have made off it should be directed to researching some way people could recover. I shudder to think of all the men like me looking to finasteride as a solution to a cosmetic issue, taking this substance from a doctor, and not being strenuously forewarned theres a big chance it will damage their reproductive system.

#2

So I am now 5 months in from taking my last pill. I feel emotionally/mentally some recovery - more clarity. And there has been, generally, a subtle improvement to my ED. I notice that my sleep is getting a bit better but I’ve certainly had to tune into my emotions a lot more so that I don’t end up pickling myself with anxiety about the state I’m in, doing a lot more to relax myself so I can get some sleep. I find a short nap in the day is important too. I often wake up with anxiety around 4 in the morning (especially if the issue of the PFS is big in my mind) and instead of pushing the situation away, I find it helpful to look it all in the eye, then usually can get some more sleep. Coffee really interupts this deep rest, and I need to work on cutting the caffeine completely out.

I know I’ve come off ‘lightly’ compared to some people here but the ED is pretty huge. I’m feeling healthy in my body and better in my mind than 3 months ago when I was in despair, and the ED is somewhat better. From 100% I fell at the worst to maybe 5% and am now at 20%. No morning wood still, but overall my cock feels more alive and connected than it did even a month ago. I read that people have ebb and flow around this. Around christmas for a week I felt I was really on the quick road to recovery, noticing a lot more stirring and activity in my cock, and a feeling of instinctual arousal around women again. And then after a week was back to feeling pretty hollow. It puts up a big psychological barrier in my relating, and find I withdraw from the deepening of some relationships just because I feel I cannot give a woman what she wants right now or expects in the early passion of a relationship.

I’m not pursuing bloodwork or hormone balancing just yet, as Dr John Ashcroft, the gp who writes a lot of folks fina prescriptions here in the UK, didn’t bother with any of that so I don’t have any baseline levels and I don’t know who I could go to in england with this issue through the NHS. I’ve been supplementing with fish oils, minerals, superfoods. I have found hot baths, garlic, and heavy proteins seem to give some connectivity.

I don’t really have symptoms of estrogen dominance, no sore nipples or weight to the belly or hips. I feel I may have low testosterone right now and I feel this could be greatly due to the anxiety but also maybe some biochemical throw from finasteride. I have just ordered some l-carnitine which I’ll take around 2g a day and give my reports here.

Its just now more difficult to get fully hard and stay hard without stimulation. I used to get hard way more than I actually wanted so this is just a massive flip from where I was. I used to find it hard to get through a few days without orgasm but now I could generally let things go completely fallow. During a good day, I’m feeling circulation and getting response without touching myself.

But touching myself to connect… with some sort of agenda of reassuring myself that I still work… whilst this whole scenario of permanent non-improvement running as an anxiety loop permeating the whole thing, is as big a killer of libido as could possibly be imagined. The anxiety, the trauma of it, and the fear, becoming self-confirming, it makes me pretty ambivalent about visiting here as it makes me more afraid, even though it feels important also to connect to this community.

#3

I just thought I would make an update here. I’m now around 7-8 months off Fin… and I would say that since early jan (around the 5 month mark) I started having some improvement to my symptoms I described. I noticed the wavering up and down or ‘crashes’ that people talk about as any slight improvement would tend to prelude a return to the difficulties. However I would say in my case that the improvements seem to notch up subtly every time, and the crashes do not go as deep.

My regime at the moment is the gym twice a week, lots of fish and fresh veg, vit c, b, d, b12, fish oil supplimentation, eggs for breakfast, no alcohol or tobacco, acetyl-l carnitine, and a cycle of tribestan, panax ginseng and maca. I find hot baths and garlic also seem to help with the health and circulation of the penile tissues. I may start adding in ginko to help with circulation. Interestingly I notice that having a day heavy on sugar (say, chocolate, coca cola, or something equivalent) tends to make the numbness worse. I also added the unorthodox approach of urinotherapy, the idea that the subtle emissions can give the body information for feedback and homeostasis. Half a cupfull of pee in midflow first thing in the morning. It certainly doesn’t seem to hurt.

I have not put undue pressure on myself to perform by opening to an intimate relationship at the moment due to the severity of the symptoms, so I’m single at the moment. I have found I am moving out of that zone of feeling really inert and unresponsive psychologically to women, to developing something faintly resembling my previous response of desire and attraction. Even though its only 35% of what it was, its really welcome. Since I am currently single, I don’t have much in the way of direct stimulus, so I’m sometimes using erotica just to test my responsiveness and keep things active so to speak. I am noticing that compared even to 3 months ago my responsiveness is definitely better. So if during the first 4-5 months I was like 10% of my old self, sexually speaking, I feel like I’m now 35% - on a good day even 60% - sometimes I’m getting some morning wood - if things continue to slowly improve I will count myself very fortunate.

I just wanted to add this in here… I’m keeping my emphasis on slow positive gains.

1 Like
#4

Just a quick update to say not much change since april… still having up and down days, but feeling like the flat out crashes or brain fog I was getting have not been so intense. Need to clean up a few things, have been drinking coffee, smoking and having some beer twice a week and noticed a dip with libido. I know I need to stop with all that.

#5

So yea, update here at the 12 month mark. Not good. Very little in the way of gains from feb, and actually some sort of sense that things are really suffering down there, like my cock and balls are starving of something. THeres been some shrinkage, tip feels cold, balls have shrunk. Really getting scared now. I have heard this 40 month recovery thing in some literature so am hoping things may slowly improve, but beginning to feel I really need to do something to save this situation. Beginning to dose with more vitamin d and upping the tribestan dose on cycle. But, fuck… this is really beginning to get me down.

Can anyone recommend a specialist in the UK?

#6

Sorry you’ve not had any replies yet to your thread

I don’t know of any PFS experts in the Uk, basically we are on our own

I’ve just started on Tongkat Ali which has seen some mild sexual improvements

You might want to try tongkat Ali, if you ever want to chat send me a PM with your mobile number

I’d be glad to have a chat with you to tell you what has and hasn’t helped me over the past 18 months off this poison

#7

Have u tried ed meds and are u still responsive to porn??

#8

Hey Cos,

I’m from Cornwall, 39 years, same boat, except that i’m now doing stuff that really works. Do yourself a favour and read the recovery post of cdnuts - after 5 years he found a protocol that worked and he recovered completely - his posts are inspirational - and others recoveries usually involve similar stuff that he did. There’s about 5 guys mostly recovered as a result of following his advice. I promise you you’ll notice a big improvement, but it takes iron will and a decision to recover. You’re doing some random stuff - hot baths? Dude that is not going to help testicles that thrive from being cool, why do you think they hang down?!!
All the best x

#9

Thanks for the responses TheTigershull and Praying to Heal…

Around the 12 month mark and actually am doing a lot better. Back in June I was really panicking because I felt like my circulation was really poor to my cock, especially the glans, and was worse than I’d been around early spring. Felt like I was loosing my gains. And got really depressed again. But over summer I seemed to have a lot of healing.
I haven’t really been doing anything special, still drinking a lot of caffeine and beer a couple of times a week… and even stopped taking Tribestan and a lof of suppliments. Kept the gym up though and I don’t want to get slack - may get back on the fish oils and amino acids.

I noticed around september was feeling better in many ways, and made love with a woman, which in itself was quite healing. Still have low libido days but there is a big improvement in erectile strength and duration, and the beginnings of morning wood again. 60% recovered…

When I was not in this mess I did not really go for porn too much, but since this issue I do intentionally stimulate myself in this way, just in order to ‘use’ those pathways and create positive reinforcement. Compared to how I was last year, post crash, I had zero interest in sex and days and weeks of no sexual arousal, so compared to this I can see I’ve come far.

This year has been hell. Its put grey hairs in my beard, but I feel more hopeful.

#10

Hi everyone,

Its been a while since I visited here. I shared my member story here when I became initially aware of being in a PFS crisis. Its been 2 years now. I am very much better than I was. Because of this, it would be easy not to come back here but it feels important to round off my story on this forum, because PFS is a very desperate difficult condition and situation and sometimes it helps to hear that there can be recovery even if it is slow and full of setbacks.

Just as I hit my crash I had seperated from my partner. I went to stay in the mountains for a while,away from people. I spent the first six months after the last dose of propecia with virtually no erectile response, gynecomastica, weight gain around hips, buttocks, chest, depression, anxiety,desperation. I had thread veins in my penis, my balls felt numb, the tip of my cock was dry and cold and felt like it had no circulation. And I had what I would call the residual artifacts of a sexuality… like some part of my brain remembered I was supposed to find women attractive, but actually the core, drive, passion etc was just gone out of it.

After six or seven months I started getting some activity back, but my penis would need quite a lot of stimulation to wake up, and without touch it would be flaccid within seconds. Orgasm, if I could reach it, was dull and disappointing. Worse, even having this kind of mild arousal would be anxious and stressful because of what a mockery of what it was before. I had full fatigue and would need long sleeps in the day.

I went through a lot of crisis and pain around the impotence and fatigue and wondered if I’d ever be able to make love to a woman or have a relationship again. I hit the gym,I took tribestan, I took fish oil, I took all kinds of things. I’d have small gains but sometimes would just look at it and feel no real substantial progress had been made and the problem was perminant.

But I would not accept this. I would keep my mind on other things, like work, and my creativity. Sometimes the fear and pain in my situation would rise up like a dark wave but I’d divert from it and focus on other things, on small gains, on getting ‘healthy’ in all the respects that I can directly control.

So its 2 years now pretty much since the crash, or a bit under. I am in a relationship and I am having sex. Not as much as I used to, maybe just twice a week, but I am near 40 now, so for some folks things do slow down anyway. I haven’t been to the gym in 9 months though I stay fairly well exercised. I’m not taking anything in particular. Lipophilic b1 (sulbutiamine)was good for energy. Picamillon (b3 + GABA) was good for the anxiety, at times, though sometimes made me feel a bit worse. I took modafinil for fatigue through winter, at times, and sometimes it helped, sometimes it made me feel strung out. But entering spring and summer, things have just slowly started improving. Sexually my duration and strength has improved over the past few months, getting morning wood again, which after so long feels deeply comforting. I am still vunerable to mental stress and stomach bloating but these are the next levels I want to focus on.

I remember reading a document about persistent side effects, and how some peoples issues subsided almost completely by the 40 month mark. It seems like right now this is possible for some of us, so I hope that people new to PFS can keep hope. One thing I’ve got through this journey is more perspective and more will to live. It is going to take more time I know to reach that 100% place since the mental trauma of going through this and going through it silently, alone, has taken its toll, but I felt to share my story now as I feel I’m finally on my way to recovery.

Best wishes and strength to you all!
D

1 Like
#11

Thank you so much for taking the time to come back on here and post an honest review of your progress, this has been one of the best most refreshing posts ive read here in a long time. I, myself rarely visit or post these days. I too have seen improvements over the past 2 years since I crashed, this has been mainly down to coming off all anti depressants and starting TRT

So pleased to hear about your progress in the right direction.

#12

Good news that TRT helped. Did you have low T when you went onto it?

#13

No, I was completely healthy before propecia

#14

Sorry, I mean’t did the propecia induce low t before you went onto HRT?

#15

Yes Propecia gave me low T and is the sole reason I am now on TRT for life

#16

I’m terribly sorry.