My Path To Recovery

I began taking propecia at the age of 21. During this time I was working out 4-5 days a week, for up to 3 1/2 hours each day. I’m assuming, because of my active lifestyle, I didn’t begin to feel the negative sexual side effects until I was 26 years old, and even then the sexual side effects were quite mild. However, what I didn’t anticipate were the mental side effects. I first starting feeling anxiety not long after my 26th birthday. I would have a panic attack when I would walk into the gym. I’d have a near panic attack while approaching the front desk clerk at the gym, then I started feeling anxiety while sitting in class, and then it progressed to the point where my anxiety permeated every aspect of my life. This anxiety progressed to the point where I would feel anxiety the moment I opened my eyes in the morning.

My anxiety became so bad that, for a time, I began exhibiting symptoms of agoraphobia. Though this only lasted for a little over a year, a day can feel like an eternity when you’re so anxious you can’t even leave your home.

My anxiety was eventually accompanied by sever depression, extreme fatigue, sever sexual side effects, and suicidal thoughts. There was a time when I came quite close to killing myself, but I had the sense not to pull the trigger, literally.

It was then when I decided to start seeing a counselor; this was a year ago. I am now currently 31, about to turn 32, years old. All my previous attempts to pinpoint the cause of my mental problems spanned nearly every avenue of my life, from the amount of gluten I was consuming, to any past traumas I had experienced which may have led towards the development of these issues; the one thing I overlooked was the propecia. I even went as far as becoming a vegan, and consuming almost nothing but freshly juiced fruits, and vegetables.

The only reason why I decided to research the side effects of propecia was because there was literally NOTHING else that could have possibly caused these problems; aside from having crappy genetics. However, there is no history of mental illness in my family, NONE. So, I googled “propecia, and anxiety”, and I was ultimately lead to this forum; I found this site about two months ago.

After reading many of your stories, and reading many of the articles posted on this forum I decided to stop taking the propecia. I can honestly say, with no reservations, that this site, and the community herein saved my life. So far, I’ve seen a gigantic improvement between the anxious, tired, depressed man I was just a few short months ago; I’m literally not the same person I was 60 days ago. Though, I’m still battling my anxiety, for the first time in over 5 years I feel as though I’m finally starting to win the war against G.A.D. (i.e., Generalized Anxiety Disorder), and depression. Luckily, I have fully recovered from the sexual side effects. Needless to say, my girlfriend is a much happier woman.

Propecia robbed me of my soul, my career, many of my personal relationships, and robbed me of my dignity. So, if you are taking propecia, and find yourself reading this post, PLEASE, stop taking propecia. I went from being the healthiest, strongest, and most successful person I knew to being a walking corpse. So, it’s not a matter of IF you will suffer these side effects it’s a matter of when. Stop taking this drug, tell your doctor about the dangers of propecia, tell your friends about the dangers of propecia, and make peace with being bald. Because, once you lose your mind, you’re screwed… And though these side effects stopped, or are in the process of stopping, for some men these side effect are permanent.

What good is a full head of hair if you’re too damn anxious to go outside, too damn depressed to want to socialize, or if your “gear” doesn’t work? Propecia was as close, and will forever be as close as I will ever come to making a deal with the devil.

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0) Where are you from (country)?
USA

  1. How did you find this forum (Google search – if so, what search terms? Via link from a forum or website – if so, what page? Other?)
    Google
  2. What is your current age, height, weight?
    31, 6’4, 250lbs
  3. Do you excercise regularly? If so, what type of excercise?
    No
  4. What type of diet do you eat (vegetarian, meat eater, raw, fast-food/organic healthy)?
    meat eater
  5. Why did you take Finasteride (hair loss, BPH, other)?
    hair loss
  6. For how long did you take Finasteride (weeks/months/years)?
    10 1/2 years
  7. How old were you, and WHEN (date) did you start Finasteride?
    21 years old
  8. How old were you when you quit, and WHEN (date) did you quit?
    31 years old
  9. How did you quit (cold turkey or taper off)?
    cold turkey
  10. What type of Finasteride did you use – Propecia, Proscar, Fincar or other generic?
    propecia
  11. What dose did you take (eg. 1 mg/day, 1 mg every other day etc.)?
    1mg a day
  12. How long into your use of Finasteride did you notice the onset of side effects?
    5 years
  13. What side effects did you experience while on the drug that have yet to resolve since discontinuation?
    anxiety

Glad to hear you are improving. I am also a ~10 year user, and have noticed improvement in depression and anxiety since stopping. Life is no longer a struggle, but a challenge. My story can be found here: viewtopic.php?f=3&t=8444

Have you experienced the èndocrine crash already? In my case the crash was probably a result of too much sex, fast carbohydrates and competitive sports.

Please update how your recovery proceeds.

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I was pretty naive to post a response like this so soon after i had stopped taking propecia… I did feel an slight improvement in the first month after discontinuing propecia. However, things quickly grew worse after creating this thread. I read the response asking if I had had any endocrine crashes, and I hadn’t… Yet. About a week after creating this thread I had a serious endocrine crash; I was so tired I couldn’t get out of bed, my anxiety was so bad even if I could get out of bed I wouldn’t have been able to leave the house, and my libido was non-existent. Nothing worked properly, and I was in a state best described as hell. My GF at the time couldn’t handle the symptoms, and withdrew… Even though she told me she said she would be there for me, she left. Not that I blame here, but if you say you’re going to be there for someone who desperately needs somebody than “you” should probably follow through with that statement. It’s almost funny how some people only see those closest to them for who they truly are, when they need them the most…

As things grew worse I began to distance myself from my friends, and my family. Now, I only speak with about 3 of my original friends, and see 2 of them on a semi-regular basis. I started speaking with a counselor, and it looks as though I’m going to bite the bullet, and pickup a script for an SSRI… I’m already on klonopin.

I’ve had people tell me, “things could be worse”. Really? Could they be worse? At this point, dying would be an improvement. I walk around, look at people in amazement, and think to myself… I used to be one of them, I used to be strong, I used to be grounded, I used to be healthy, I used to be fit, I used to be fearless… I used to be someone worth being with… Now, I’m simply a burden.

I haven’t worked in the years since these side-effects took full swing… I figured, since I couldn’t work I’d goto school, and went to school for a few years before having to take a year off because my symptoms were so bad. Now, I’m back in school, and school is proofing to be almost as difficult as it was a year ago.

I debated whether I was going to confess this… Anyway, here goes: I fight the urge to kill myself on a daily basis. I stuck a .38 revolver in my mouth a little less than a year ago, and had a moment of clarity… So to speak. I’ve had similar moments since, but nothing quite as dramatic. The only reason I’m still alive is because of my mother… It would kill her to see her youngest die, let alone commit suicide.

I’m sorry for the grim update… I’ve been holding off updating this thread for quite some time… I was embarrassed. I’m sorry if I gave any of you false hope.

Could you please list your current symptoms?

Currently, I’m experiencing sever anxiety (i.e., generalized anxiety, paid attacks, agoraphobia), sever erectile disfunction/complete lack of a libido, fatigue, brain fog (e.g., difficulty learning, difficulty remember what it was I was originally talking about, stopping in the middle of a sentence for no apparent reason, etc.), muscle waisting, gynecomastia, suicidal ideation… Hand to God, I’ve experienced so many sides from this drug I can’t always remember them all.

I’ve contacted some people in Houston, TX. I’m trying to figure out how I’m going to fly down there so I can be apart of the PFS study… Though, things don’t look hopeful because I can’t afford the plane ticket, and I don’t have any money for a hotel. Ive spent my entire life savings because of my inability to work, and only have about $2,500 to my name… That’s down from $147,000…

I used to be the most outgoing person I’d ever met. I was a highly successful Loan Officer, I worked out 3 1/2hrs a day 4-5days a week, I had a vibrant love life, and an equally vibrant social life. I was considered the life of the party, the guy you’d call for advice, the guy you’d look to for inspiration… I also went from being a straight A college student, to hanging on for dear life in my friggin literature classes… I was studying Economics, I was preparing to transfer to UC Berkley, and had already been accepted into UC Davis. I’ve since switched my major to English, and I’m currently attending the local community college.

Now, I’m less than nobody, now I’m nothing but an animated corpse. No offense to any English majors out there, it’s just not something I wanted to study.

Now, I have no love life to speak of, I had to quit working because of my crippling anxiety, and unrelenting depression… I’ve been unemployed for the better part of a decade, and because of this have exhausted my life savings of 147 thousand dollars… I now have 1 thousand dollars in my checking account, and I’m selling everything I own just to buy some extra time. Lets not forget the fact that I have, what I call, a negative libido. NOTHING WORKS! NOTHING! My mind, and body are completely out of sync… Some days I’ll wakeup feeling completely hungover, even though I quit drinking a year ago…

Suicidal ideation is a recurring theme… Because of PFS, my life has literally NO redeeming factor… I’m currently seeking help in this forum, and tomorrow I’ll be scheduling an appointment with a psychiatrist; this is something I should have done a long time ago…

It’s not to say I haven’t received help from Dr’s, it’s just that every Dr I’ve spoken with has expressed ZERO interest in so much as learning about PFS… Sometimes I get the impression when you suggest an syndrome/cause regarding the symptoms you’re experiencing, Dr’s tend to think you’re full of shit… It’s almost as if Dr’s have jammed so much info into their heads that, unless they discover the answer on their own or from another Dr, their completely disinterested in the explanation.

I’ve also found just about EVERYONE is completely disinterested in hearing about your problems… Maybe because PFS is so obscure… Who knows…

In a nutshell, I’ve lost the ability to get out of bed without medication -PFS is THE BITCH of syndromes-, I’ve lost my career because of PFS, I’ve lost my fiancé because of PFS -she left me because I simply couldn’t be intimate with her-, I’ve lost my lifesavings, and I’ve lost the education I promised my father I’d earn… I made this promise while he was on his death bed, and he died 2 days later… I promised him an MBA, and I’ve had to take a year off and am back at the community college… Currently, because of my anxiety I have an 20% attendance rate…

Interestingly, after I stopped taking propecia I had a burst of energy, and it kinda felt like my libido was coming back… Though, after the first few weeks I had what I now know as an endocrine crash… I was down for the count for 3 DAYS! I would then have an endocrine crash about 5 to 6 days… 3 days fucked up, and 1-2 days not so fucked up… Repeat. This has continued for MONTHS! The time between endocrine crashes is longer than before, but I’m still plagued by a crash about once every week/week and a half.

I need help… I feel alone, because I am alone… Incase you are wondering why I didn’t reach out sooner… Well, it’s because I thought I was different in that my symptoms would go away, and I’d once again be the man I once was… I hoped I could put all this behind me, maybe treat it as a bad dream… Instead, PFS has proved to be a living nightmare…

Thanks goes out to those of you who took the time to read my post…

Question: Is there anyone here who knows of any Dr’s in the Portland, OR area whom are familiar with PFS?.. Please, if you know of a person, and would forward me their info I would greatly appreciate it.

Thanks again

I hope you are dong better, whats your current status?

Thank you,
Winston