My family is pissing me off

General Discussion
#1

I have told them that I have PFS, they completely disregard me and tell me that I’m making shit up.
It’s the fucking 10th month of this fucking bullshit, I keep getting worse and worse and those cunts keep treating me like I’m a fucking retard.

I can’t fucking convey in how much rage I’m in right now.

I had a crash a month ago and feel completely lobotomized. Today my family sprayed the house with a pesticide (bros muchospray, because we had ants) even though I told them I feel like shit after it multiple times (did even before PFS). It contains a few anti androgenic substances.

Just as a note, if I crash from this bullshit I am killing myself tomorrow if not I’m gonna write an update

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#2

I had that reaction from those family members I shared with. AND, from every doctor I told about PFS.

I must have recently, inadvertently ate something that crashed me, the last couple months are the worst in years. In addition, my wife and sole supporter passed away a year ago. I’m totally alone now, no kids.

So, I know how you feel, you’re not the only one decimated by Merck. (Not that it helps!) I wish you all the best. Good luck. Jim

@Astax I look forward to an update tomorrow, not the alternative. Jim

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#3

Thank you very much, I hope you recover from your crash.

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#4

Try to take it easy on yourself. There are a lot of great days ahead it just doesn’t seem like it today. Use this forum as your touchstone. You will find your way through. We all did.

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#5

I hate to admit it, but I know that if I had met someone with PFS before it hit me. I would not have understood it. I would’ve been empathetic, and I don’t think I would’ve totally disregarded one of my friends if they had it, but I 100% know I would not have understood it.

I’m sorry you’re going through this man, I had the same reaction from some of my family members initially, but eventually they came around and became my biggest supporters through recovery. I also happened to meet one particular friend along the way who became my most steadfast supporter. You seem to be in a really tough spot right now, but there’s always a chance tomorrow is better. It likely won’t come together all at once, but maybe at least something will.

I also really hope to see an update from you and hope you recover from your latest crash.

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#6

I know you used saw palmetto and astaxanthin, but your dialogue with @Jimwildman and your phrasing in your opening post give the impression you used finasteride also.

When I had a toxic reaction to saw palmetto, those I told were so supportive. The most common response at that time was “once it’s out of your system, you’ll return to normal.” They were half correct, but not the half that counts. I returned to normal after about 2 weeks, but it only lasted 3 or 4 days, then I got so much worse. Over a year later, I started telling some of them I was still suffering. The most common response then was “oh, if it could do that, it would be banned, blah, blah, blah”.

It reminds me of a recurring theme in horror movies where the main character experiences or witnesses something supernatural. Nobody believes the main character and assumes they’re insane or lying until they witness or experience it themselves, then they apologize and feel remorseful.

Anyway, 2 years later, I started telling some of them I recovered. You want to guess the response? Nothing, just silence. No congratulations, no skepticism, no apologies, no denial. I wonder though, why? Maybe they are uncomfortable acknowledging the recovery because it validates my bad experiences they previously doubted. If I mentioned it again later, whether days, weeks, months, or years later, it was still nothing, just silence. Oh well, I’m happy to have my health back. Will you get the same silence too if you recover? I don’t know, but at least you know to expect the possibility and not be surprised.

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#7

Please don’t consider this. Suicide is a final solution to what could very well be, and most likely is, a temporary problem, or at least one where there are improvements in time. Suicidal ideation has been experienced by many guys with PFS who no doubt reached that point whereby suicide felt like the only option, but have found that these feelings can pass and that things can change and improve. Suicide can feel like a tangible option, probably in part because it at least feels like an action which would resolve the current pain and in a perverse way give some agency over a body which has been subjected to undeserved suffering, but it is an action in response to a situation in the here and now when things can improve in the future. What I’m saying is please stay with us. Things can get better, or at least improve. You are exceptionally young and the number of years ahead of you has untold hopes and possibilities. Please hang on. Your life is valued here and in this world.

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#8

Thank you

#9

Thank you for the uplifting words and congrats on your recovery.

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#10

Thanks man, sorry that I even wrote about that but I had kind of a breakdown yesterday.

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#11

I was really surprised at how both the humans I thought were my best friends and doctors couldn’t grasp that there was real physiology destruction causing my distress. I’m at 3.5 years and I have zero people in my life who let me be right about what happened to my body. Except for the people on this website who got obliterated too. What is wrong with everyone?

For me, I’m way less connected to other people now, because I’m living with the damage that trusting doctors got me, and can see that even people who should know better still project their world onto mine rather than hearing me. I was particularly hurt when my best friend of 20 years asked me if my two years of talking about my situation was just a midlife crisis. Yes, it became a midlife crisis too, but I’m surviving an attack, surviving with a wrecked physiology, surviving the betrayal of the organizations who should monitor this kind of thing. And apparently I’m doing that all alone.

If you want someone to hear you, this is the place. I hear you. This group hears you. Other people will likely never hear you. I’m not trying to separate you from anyone, it’s still worth embracing anyone who will listen, but the resistance from your family just generates pain, so they’re opting out of being included in this part of your life.

And, one of the main symptoms of this is a chemically induced suicidal depression. I kept thinking I was getting better, but it was really my third year before it was gone. If you knew you were drunk then you’d know not to believe every thought the liquor was giving you. While you know you’re chemically induced to kill yourself, it’s worth it to have your logic underneath knowing this is intoxication that will eventually pass.

It feels like life is ruined, but there’s plenty of good life ahead. And, even if life is ruined, there are interesting things to do with a ruined life. Right now I recommend giving yourself a break, letting yourself heal. If you were just in a car accident, you’d know that your body needs time to heal. Right now your body and brain were damaged and need time to heal. There’s no way to rush that. Your family has opted out of being a part of your situation, so find another outlet for your journey right now. I journal a lot. I talk to a camera or type out my thoughts. You can always write out thoughts on this website. Idiots pass through here too and will say needling things, but it’s generally safe here.

In the meantime, there’s still good life ahead for you. Do all the things that a healing body needs: eat healthy, sleep, hydrate, find what brings peace to your soul. Wait for the awful intoxication to pass. When joyful moments happen, really stop and feel them.

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