My family is pissing me off

I have told them that I have PFS, they completely disregard me and tell me that I’m making shit up.
It’s the fucking 10th month of this fucking bullshit, I keep getting worse and worse and those cunts keep treating me like I’m a fucking retard.

I can’t fucking convey in how much rage I’m in right now.

I had a crash a month ago and feel completely lobotomized. Today my family sprayed the house with a pesticide (bros muchospray, because we had ants) even though I told them I feel like shit after it multiple times (did even before PFS). It contains a few anti androgenic substances.

Just as a note, if I crash from this bullshit I am killing myself tomorrow if not I’m gonna write an update

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I had that reaction from those family members I shared with. AND, from every doctor I told about PFS.

I must have recently, inadvertently ate something that crashed me, the last couple months are the worst in years. In addition, my wife and sole supporter passed away a year ago. I’m totally alone now, no kids.

So, I know how you feel, you’re not the only one decimated by Merck. (Not that it helps!) I wish you all the best. Good luck. Jim

@Astax I look forward to an update tomorrow, not the alternative. Jim

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Thank you very much, I hope you recover from your crash.

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Try to take it easy on yourself. There are a lot of great days ahead it just doesn’t seem like it today. Use this forum as your touchstone. You will find your way through. We all did.

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I hate to admit it, but I know that if I had met someone with PFS before it hit me. I would not have understood it. I would’ve been empathetic, and I don’t think I would’ve totally disregarded one of my friends if they had it, but I 100% know I would not have understood it.

I’m sorry you’re going through this man, I had the same reaction from some of my family members initially, but eventually they came around and became my biggest supporters through recovery. I also happened to meet one particular friend along the way who became my most steadfast supporter. You seem to be in a really tough spot right now, but there’s always a chance tomorrow is better. It likely won’t come together all at once, but maybe at least something will.

I also really hope to see an update from you and hope you recover from your latest crash.

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I know you used saw palmetto and astaxanthin, but your dialogue with @Jimwildman and your phrasing in your opening post give the impression you used finasteride also.

When I had a toxic reaction to saw palmetto, those I told were so supportive. The most common response at that time was “once it’s out of your system, you’ll return to normal.” They were half correct, but not the half that counts. I returned to normal after about 2 weeks, but it only lasted 3 or 4 days, then I got so much worse. Over a year later, I started telling some of them I was still suffering. The most common response then was “oh, if it could do that, it would be banned, blah, blah, blah”.

It reminds me of a recurring theme in horror movies where the main character experiences or witnesses something supernatural. Nobody believes the main character and assumes they’re insane or lying until they witness or experience it themselves, then they apologize and feel remorseful.

Anyway, 2 years later, I started telling some of them I recovered. You want to guess the response? Nothing, just silence. No congratulations, no skepticism, no apologies, no denial. I wonder though, why? Maybe they are uncomfortable acknowledging the recovery because it validates my bad experiences they previously doubted. If I mentioned it again later, whether days, weeks, months, or years later, it was still nothing, just silence. Oh well, I’m happy to have my health back. Will you get the same silence too if you recover? I don’t know, but at least you know to expect the possibility and not be surprised.

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Please don’t consider this. Suicide is a final solution to what could very well be, and most likely is, a temporary problem, or at least one where there are improvements in time. Suicidal ideation has been experienced by many guys with PFS who no doubt reached that point whereby suicide felt like the only option, but have found that these feelings can pass and that things can change and improve. Suicide can feel like a tangible option, probably in part because it at least feels like an action which would resolve the current pain and in a perverse way give some agency over a body which has been subjected to undeserved suffering, but it is an action in response to a situation in the here and now when things can improve in the future. What I’m saying is please stay with us. Things can get better, or at least improve. You are exceptionally young and the number of years ahead of you has untold hopes and possibilities. Please hang on. Your life is valued here and in this world.

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Thank you

Thank you for the uplifting words and congrats on your recovery.

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Thanks man, sorry that I even wrote about that but I had kind of a breakdown yesterday.

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