Hello all. I’ve never posted frequently to the forum, but I’ve been around for awhile now, took a break, and I am now back. I’m in a really terrible spot (and have been for the past 2 years now), and I’m in desperate need of help/support from the community. I won’t be going into what brought me to this forum in the first place (can check out member story), but will briefly recap everything that has happened that has led me to be in a spot that is much worse than where I first started with PAS. I know it’s a bit of a write up, but I would really appreciate if you guys would read through it and offer any support possible.
So to jump right in, at the end of 2018, I was continuing my search for a treatment or cure for what I was suffering from due to PAS, and I had read about some people benefiting from rhodiola rosea. So without any hesitation, I decided to take it, and for the first time in several years, I had taken a supplement that backfired terribly: I developed severe insomnia. I went from having no sleep issues at all (consistent 8 hours of sleep a night while also being able to nap throughout the day if I’d like – never felt tired) to struggling to get a consistent 4 hours of sleep a night even without any naps (naps were no longer an option). I didn’t know it then, but this was the beginning of a downward spiral that would have me at the brink of suicide.
I continued like this for nearly 6 months (so at this point it’s June 2019), and I was terrified at the fact that nothing was improving. Needless to say, I was losing my mind, and began the downward spiral that I had mentioned. I truly believed at that time that SOMETHING had to give before my next semester of school or else I’d be doomed. At this time I began taking all of the extremely risky supplements that people have mentioned here: Mifepristone, research peptides (BPC-157, GHK-CU, etc.) and others. As you can probably guess, none of this worked, and at the time I finished trying all of this, it was August – nearly the end of summer break. I was more desperate than any other point in my life for something to give, and I thought that I was genuinely at the end of my rope. It’s important for me to emphasize this (I TRULY thought that I was going to be ending my life any day at that point), and so I made second biggest mistake of my life right next to taking Accutane. I’m having a hard time even typing this part because of how ashamed I am because I knew so, so, so much better, but due to reading about a few reports of PAS patients recovering from taking finasteride, I thought that I had nothing to lose and decided to take it.
As you can probably guess, it made me significantly worse. I went from having brain fog and sexual dysfunction from Accutane and insomnia from rhodiola to having all of the aforementioned and now the following: shrinkage, anhedonia, muscle weakness, severe cognitive decline (memory, verbal fluency), joint clicking, no appetite, and constantly clammy/sweat hands and feet. I was also more suicidal then ever, and to spare all the details, I discovered that I truly don’t want to die early 2020 when I attempted. I’m glad it didn’t succeed, but things haven’t gotten much better since that day, and I’m terrified that those thoughts are once again creeping up on me.
I’m not sure how else to ask, and I know no one really has the answer, but how am I supposed to do this? I’m currently seeing a therapist and currently trying to work with medical doctors, but as many of you already know, it isn’t being too helpful. I’ve also been sticking to a keto diet for the past 6 months, and it’s only helped slightly with the sleep issues. I don’t know what else to do.