Hello. This is my first message on this forum. I have been lurking for a while now.
About 18 months ago I stopped takingk Mirtazapine and developed symptoms identical to severe PFS. I have muscle waste all over the body, anhedonia, tinnitus and of course sexual dysfunction.
I have been a resilient person all my life, depriving myself from calmness, luxuries and little comforts that I considered useless and deemed to weak people. it was because of pressure from my family that I started to take antidepressants several years ago. However, with stoicism and all, I’m almost ready to quit as taking the pain no longer makes much sense.
The symptoms appearead in this order: Tinnitus (that’s nothing, life comes with it’s burdens) sexual dysfunction (ok, not everything is sex, I wasn’t even a very sexual person anyways), anhedonia (ok, this is starting to get really bad, but maybe I’ll get them back some day, I can survive), muscle wastage (now this is the drop that spilled the glass, no longer a life or a human being and can’t even pretend to look like one, but let’s steel up to survive). it’s like some sadistic entity was saying “Take this, oh! you think you can go on? take another bunch of shit? More? Ok, pleased! Enough? You never learn…”
Over these 18 or 19 months I’ve been holding on to the little success stories I can find here and there hoping one day things start to improve, specially the anhedonia and the physical changes, but I can’t find any success stories that include the weird soft muscles issue with everything else mixed. I can’t find any “My hands went back to normal and I can build muscle at the gym again, I recovered my muscular structure and the muscles got hard again”. None. So what’s the point in surviving the utmost form of imaginable hell? Cognition and the eye issues got better, but everything else remains basically the same. I tried to hit the gym for a few months last year and like many others I don’t get the pump anymore, muscles were mushy and the endorphins response was almost absent. If I could at least get the physical base to at least look good I’d gather the courage to fight the anhedonia and sexual issues, but this dream team of crap jumping at me all at the same time for so long is ridiculous and more of course knowing that no one has recovered from that combination.
Sorry for this sorrowful introduction.