Without Sex and Lust for live I give up more and more. And the creazy self harming psychotic way I took the pills after a harmless struggle. I won’t leave the bed, don’t leave the house only Breakfast at the gas station cafe corner or in the car. Pizza Service in the evening.
Find something to do. Take up running. Volunteer somewhere. Paint. Get a part time job. Enroll in an education course. Go to nightschool. Learn another language. Write a story for children. Learn to make a wooden bowl. Learn the violin. Join a choir. Learn to knit. Do something for your family. Take a boat out. Get off the Internet. Go to the zoo. Join a chess club. Clear rubbish from a park. Put food out for birds. Write about what happened to you and send a letter to your doctor or mp. Learn to make your own pizza. Learn Karate. Write a poem. Read a book by a river. Get a job in a coffee shop.
Many good activities! But how can I accept a live without a partner, without dating, tinder, loovo, sex a fiancee…
I have ED. I’m not able for Sex. Tell me how do you manage a live without sex, love and partnership. Tell me hoe you can live with a destroyed cock If someone answer me the question, I ll can go on…
Every activity was connected to androgen drive and sexual attraction. Until I castrated myself by taking the pills.
Yeah in half a year I transformed from a handsome woman lover to an old, unwashed and fat bum. With wild hair scalp and rotten clothes.
Now looking for an asexual new live.
you have to do the thing that guy in your avi does
Well said @Greek.
There are many things you can do. It might help to start by taking a small break from this forum, and just going outside and trying to connect with your surroundings.
When I first crashed, the derealisation was so terrifying that I couldn’t process my surrounding environment. Fuck sex, I could barely process the fact that I was alive and this wasn’t some bizarre dream. I would frequently forget where I was. I pretty much laid in bed whenever I didn’t have to force myself to work and watched TV, but couldn’t even process what was happening on the screen.
Eventually, the derealisation faded a bit, to the point I could go outside. I started by going on walks mid-morning, or mid-afternoon, when crowds were at their smallest. I avoided busy areas. Bit by bit, my brain adjusted to a sort of “new normal” and it really helped me.
There are plenty of things you can do. Every PFS patient is different and the things Greek listed above are probably not realistic for severe cases.
But there’s a great quote in our upcoming podcast series, where one of our patients says:
“If patients even feel the slightest hint they can put up a fight, they should.”
That really stood out to me. Don’t give up. Put up a fight.
Do you do any of these things, Greek?
All of them.
Most of you crashed alone. Nobody without mom and daddy know about it. And I know with my 59 years that I can thank good for all the good times all the good years I have had in comparison to the plenty of beaten guys developed PFS in such young age.
If I crashed alone, I have told it only to the mother of my child and would struggle alone. I should never informed anyone about it and should try to do all the things @Greek told me nicewise.
It should be easier to let the old reality pass and to accept the new reality. So it is the frustration over the way I crashed and that incredible concatenation of mistakes and wrong reactions to receive PFS like a bad joke like a killing joke wich makes me a kind of cathaconic against my own live. I know I’m not alone because @Grey_baron for example list his health by a doctors mistake, described Finasterid against prostatitis to a twenty year old man. And so many others were bot informed about the horror drug by their doctors.
But I crashed in such a unbelievable situation with an incredible concatenation of mistakes and awkward and mental destroying situations that I m on a point to think, why good fucked me down in such a situation. Why I developed PFS not in another period of my life, when I deal it alone. And after a time, I should tell it to some friends.
I crashed when my fiancee and me after two years with a two months break finally found together. I crashed with the love of my live with reduced erection and realized post finasteride syndrome in that horrible night. I quit Finasterid and crashed totally with the worst symptoms. After a time she went back to her new relationship. This was awful destroyed every memory of good times forever.
Than I had to realize that the urologist gave me the dangerous pills after I denied because of sexual activity just to take it with me after the pharma salesman was there and he had two muster packages. I wasn’t informed about the pills in any way. I thought OK not in a relationship but harmless staying alone. And I asked my self why did I take the pills with me and storaged it in my medicine board. Why and for what in a relationship??!! Why I didn’t inform about the pills, why didn’t throw it to the trash basket, like I did with Citalopram. Why I didn’t look for a second opinion of another urologist, like I have planed for a long time.
Than after a harmless struggle this February I was totally exhausted and out of a spontaneous Missfeeling I thought everything is over and started Finasterid for my benign prostatic hyperplasia. Much to early. Medical senseless.
Checking everything every sunscreen I didn’t check the internet, because it was a generic called Finural and I never checked the active substance Finasterid. So I thought all the side effects at the package leaflet are reversible. No advice the for long lasting ED.
So after that horrible connected list of mistakes, I m totally out of mental control.
This makes it so heavy to accept the new reality.
And that’s the reason why I repeat my story time after time. I do that to handle my pain. And if there was a chance to meet a new fiancee a new relationship all would be fine. But there is no chance with persistent ED for a hypersexual man, whose only thing in his life was women, sex and fun.
Now to accept an asexual live for the rest of my live, as a man in his best years. With Viagra wich unfortunately doesn’t work after PFS 70 year old men have a great sexlive in our days.
I know I’m resistent for every good advice. But I have to accept this new asexual and anhedonic live if I want to life on. But it’s so hard for me to accept it
I know @LazarusRy and @Papasmurf were cut off their marriage and relationship too in a very very harmful way. Many many others lost their fiancee, wife and girlfriend about the ED. The worst thing pharma and Merck did to us they cut our cocks.s
The drop in neurosteroids will be playing a big part in your situation. Not being able to move forward, not being able to step outside, not being able to context anything, dwelling on negatives all day. I relate with it all. Many have a rebound to a degree or improve with time and can move on or at least cope better. You’re still relatively early on but hang on to the hope that this could be you. By doing nothing to help yourself you’re only hurting one person. You!!! I could easily be like you, I’ve never improved, only because I repeatedly took fiin on and off. I go outside I do a lot of things that feel impossible I could vomit because of the state of my nerves but I take a deep breath and do it. Its never as bad as you think The imbalances cause a false perspective on most things. If Id sat in the house all day wringing my hands these past few years I would have been in an even worse position. I’ll also say STOP going on about the loss of your sex life/libido all of the time, it is the least of my problems and the same goes for some others on here. At least do something to help the cause get involved in stuff on the forum. Telling your story, doing a video, volunteering for things. Write to your regulatory authority, your politician. Make a difference with what you have, I doubt what you’ve been doing these last 6 months has helped you in anyway. Show positive spirit even if it is as a front!!! Some of it may eventually bring about change in brain plasticity. DONT let this disease define you. and remember this is NOT your fault stop beating yourself up!
@LazarusRy - “By doing nothing to help yourself you’re only hurting one person. You!!! I could easily be like you, I’ve never improved, only because I repeatedly took fiin on and off.”
This is the point, but I hate myself for what I have done and for all the mistakes of my live and that I never imagined what a stunning fiancee I had. Now it’s breaking my heart, that I denied a live as a couple living in a new house and having a family like every, every woman want.
Now she is doing everything by here own without me with new friends and partnership. That really fucks me down, because a least a fucking pill kicked my live …
It’s very intimate what I’m telling, but I’m anonymous and on the other hand you like Mitch and Ryan and all the other guys here, you are my new relationship my intimate friends.
The urologist who gave me Finasterid just to try died harmful on Covid.
In Germany there is a red hand list for Finasterid doctors are forced to inform the patients about the more the ten years persistent possible siteeffects.
Hope to survive, but my funny days are over. Now it’s just survival training. I was dump, so dump!!! So incredibly dump, self harming and psychotic!!!
Karma is a bitch lol. Not sure why you are mentioning this, but there is a nefarious part of me that just perceives this as divine justice and it allows me to to turn such dark news into something ‘positive’ or ‘funny’ in a way, even if a covid death is obviously tragic and unpleasant for him and his loved ones and I don’t wish it on anyone.
In any case, this has been the umpteenth time you revel in your self pity with the same doom and gloom almost word for word again.
It doesn’t really matter whether you ‘crash’ alone or not or what the circumstances were, PFS never comes at a convenient time. You’re really just dragging on with the self-pity and self-centeredness again and turning the conversation away from the solutions that people are trying to provide you, because it might be confrontational or not the magic soothing words or solution you would rather receive.
The situation sucks super hard, we truly understand and we’re here to support. It’s lovely that you regard us as your ‘new friends’ but honestly there is only so much we can do for you via some text on a forum. You need to put the work in yourself to turn this situation around, and it’s okay if that is done with small steps.
As Greek pointed out there are plenty of mundane things that have entire realms of depth and fascination behind them, that will help to steer your attention away from the setbacks in life and to create new paths and strengths. Perhaps the list Greek provided was a bit specific and long-winded, but you really only have to pick up one single small activity to get a ball rolling.
First of all, stop blaming yourself for taking finasteride. They told you it was safe. We are told in this society to trust in the people who told you it was safe. It’s unrealistic to expect from yourself to have been above all this. There is nothing to be gained from blaming yourself. It is just self-harming in a way and will lead to more negative thoughts.
You need to have more attention on the good things and positive things that you have in life and try to accept that there is a part of life that you have lost, (at least for now), and find meaning in other things. There is no use in mulling over all the great things that you had and that are now gone. Such is life, but new good and fun things will come.
I think with PFS it’s especially important to make sure you care about the little things in your life and it’s okay if not everything goes perfect right from the get go. When I was in the deepest of my depression it took lots of therapy and a personal coach to get everything back up and running again, from dealing with heartbreak and my new condition to cleaning my house, finding a job and taking care of myself and my administrative paperwork and everything. It was hard, it was confrontational, even embarrassing at times. But it’s ultimately rewarding struggling through these things and you don’t have to do it alone, but we as fellow forum member cannot really help you with this.
It would be a good idea to see if you can arrange for some healthcare or social worker or coach who tries to help you a bit, so you can use their help and motivation as a stepping stone for your own. I’m sure Germany offers plenty of options in terms of help at home, perhaps via your local regional governing agencies and whatnot. I’m obviously not familiar with the details in your area but you need to start researching options and asking around locally if you need help. Help exists in many ways that you have not thought of yet.
So pick up the pieces and show us some of that Teutonic fury you Germans are so famous for. Our ancestors didn’t dig the trenches for this Anstellerei. Das Leben ist kein Ponyhof.
Life is not a pony farm
I thank you all for the patience you have with me. I don’t want to pull anyone down. There are far too many recovery stories for doing that.
I notice that I break down very quickly physically and mentally. Every day it’s getting worse. Sexual functions, muscle wastage, joint pain in my left shoulder, groin up, dry eyes, getting old and weird like a bum and calming in my neck now. This is not my body anymore. So it’s not only self-pity and self-centeredness.
Maybe I give a little solidarity to some who think lonely of their old life and their relationships as one who is sick of it all.
Again, I don’t want to pull anyone down, I would like to be so far as to accept all these dear suggestions. I also have to because I am responsible for a child, living with its mother.
Sure I need help from supported living at home. And someone who helps not to loose control over it all.
Would like to be a teutonic fighter, never surrender. But I have been a kind of a new bourgeoisie Bohemian, the generation of living from their parents money just for fun and hedonism. And depressed of the senseless of such a Livestyle. Boheme and bipolar disorder.
It’s only me! All the young ones I wish a live as normal as it can be. And hope so much cure will come.
I have been in your shoes: an older man who had a still-daily sex life. I’ll hope you accept that I write with good intentions…
One message comes through in every post: you can no longer perform the sex act and its killing you. You lost your fiance because you could no longer f**k her. Hate to say it, but you sound selfish because you never discuss satisfying her needs.
Friend, have you tried pleasing her or another with your tongue, your fingers, or even wearing a strap on? Let her know that while you’re incapacitated you’ll still try hard to give her pleasure.
You may realize that pleasing her, even though your equipment doesn’t work, is a reward worth going through another day for. Another day closer to possible recuperation.
Believe me, I haven’t had an erection since PFS hit me over two years ago. I keep my sanity by knowing my wife is pleased, even if I’m not physically inside her personally.
We’re older. Supposed to be more mature. Shut down the pity party and move ahead ! Jim
I actually have no intimate contact to any women since half a year. It’s only the remembering to my fatal mistake to take the fu…ing pills in February and to the horrible circumstances of my crash in April 2021.
This was a story of loosing my pride as a man forever. And the thought why it haven’t been another story without the pills and PFS I have 24/7.
I could be a happy guy now with a patchwork family and a stunning woman, without the pills and the described disorder called PFS. And I’m going mad of this thoughts 24/7.
I talk about staying alone with out any partnership with PFS. I feel like thrown away like a peace of shit.
Dear @JimWildman You have the great pleasure to be in a relationship to a woman for years. She never would you leave alone. As you would never leave alone her.
So I wish I was a lucky guy like you!
My actual problem the topic dealed with is that after half a year my body and my health started to waste away as fast as I can’t handle it anymore. And about losing any drive to stand up or do anything with the lost of my androgen sex drive. I’m very sensible and self pity yes, so it’s so hard to handle all the worse changes in my live
I always flip between hopelessness and hopefulness. The thing is, I am pretty severely ADHD and I’ve had sleep issues that render me too exhausted to carry out daily duties or work. All that unto itself was disabling enough. The PFS is the cherry on top. It does feel like I am in free fall most of the time and it’s just a matter of time that I go splat, but I try to find reason to keep fighting instead of looking forward to withering away.
To be a man despite losing your manhood, to become an even bigger man than men with working penises. From an aesthetic point of view, there is something very dignified and beautiful about that. A fighting spirit that can be forged only through suffering. I’ve never read Hegel, but I think that’s what he’s about. After all, Hegel rhymes with Kegel.
“Alles Leben ist Leiden” Live means suffering, it’s from Schopenhauer. Hegel developed the dialectic philosophy.
The same thoughts in Buddhism.
Good for the sufferers finding themselves in this philosophy. It makes it much easier to suffer all the issues from our fucking disease.
I have been an epikurist for all my 59 yo live. My only philosophy was do nothing enjoy everything. This creazy philosophy caused the self harming behavior on this day I took the first pill, because I m totally unable to handle conflicts or criticism in my world. I was set under pressure and I couldn’t handle it with out self harming.
But I never never never thought in my ugly nightmares of the devastating effects this legal described drug did to my body and soul.
Now I have to fight out of suffering, or to surrender and commiting suicide by going bedridden by loosing interest in this new kind of suffering as drive instead of androgen drive.
Things going worse. I’m so fatuiged, I can’t get off the bed anymore. Visited by my daughter I stand up with my last energy in the morning.
Staying alone, I’m totally bedboud now. I’ll call the social health support service. I can’t hold the house and my house hold for more than half a year. Next winter I surrender. Maybe this winter without help.
I have to agree with everyone else. Only when I remind myself of what I lost, I feel sad. The rest of the time, I’m doing fine. Yes, it’s tragic that I lost something important, just like someone else might regret they lost a limb in a car accident (science has shown they go back to their prior happiness within a few months), men who have multiple sclerosis (same sexual problems as you!), someone who got persistent side effects from a medication (Vioxx, SSRI’s, antipsychotics, blood pressure meds, …), a parent who lost a child, a woman who can’t have kids or missed her chance, my colleagues whose brain is shot (PFS-like) due to long covid, 50% of all people will get cancer… Just saying: shit happens to everyone, get used to it because there’s more to come. If you stop rehearsing your misery, you’ll return to your base level of happiness, and make something out of your life, just like you’re designed to.
I’ve read comments saying that people who stopped commenting on this forum must have committed suicide. I’m convinced most of them have simply moved on with their life and avoiding this forum helps them avoid dwelling on their misfortune, and helps them be happy.
P.S. monks don’t have sex either and they’re happy. Kids don’t even know what sex is and they’re happy. Relationships are still a possibility if you’re interested. If I can get into a relationship, so can you. Not every woman is desperate for sex, they like other forms of affection / being held, and/or they may like you enough and accept that you’re not perfect (nobody is). Good luck!
P.P.S. This is coming from someone who doesn’t have major mental symptoms. If you do have major mental symptoms, I understand this may be more challenging. But I believe the principle still holds: what you focus on, becomes your life.