I'm becoming a danger to myself. Looking for hope and coping strategies

Coping
#1

Hey guys,

I’m sorry for doing this, but my family and friends are all on holiday and I’ve got no one to turn to. I guess I just need someone to talk to.

I only took Saw Palmetto. A stupid OTC herb. It’s even difficult to convince myself that it’s somehow capable of destroying my life, let alone convincing others. It’s utterly unbelievable. Even those who actually concede I’m not delusional, are more inclined to believe it is my mind producing these symptoms. I can’t blame them.

I’m stuck and don’t know what to do. I don’t want to leave my family and friends behind. But, I’m slowly getting worse and worse and cannot continue much longer like this. I’m afraid I’ll soon be at a stage where ‘cannot continue’ will become ‘I want to die’. I try to calm my mind but it’s not really possible.

Physically, my genitals are wasting away. My beard is thinning. My hands are those of an old man. My life was hard enough already when my fiancée basically left me at the altar out of the blue. Now I have also become a castrated man. The severe depression which I have developed following these events and symptoms, is making me fatigued, anhedonic, and prone to sudden panic attacks and mental instability and mood swings. I am a burden to everyone around me.

It’s too much.

It’s been 1.5 years for me. Maybe there is still hope, but today I don’t see it.

What usually helps me getting through the day, is going for a light run, or playing boardgames with friends as to take my mind off things. Do you guys have any other coping strategies or messages of hope.

I must say I admire the strength of all long time sufferers here. You guys are true warriors.

PS If there’s anyone from Belgium and would like to meet up, drop a message.

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#2

I live not far away from Belgium. If you visit the Rhinearea and Colonge send me a pm.

Your social Situation isn’t so bad! You have Family and friends arround you daily. I stay allone, day in , day out, only to the weekends my little daughter visits me. I know many people but I didn’t Invest much in friends and social live because I liked to be in my own and had affairs or partnership with women.
After pfs I cannot stay allone anymore and every day of lonlyness is Like a middleage torture for me. My fiancée left me too. Never come back to me.
Not only the sexuall Sites I have muscle loss and muscle weakness too.
I have the same thoughts Like you. And Im only three months in. Only my little daughter holds me on.

The strategy of hope ist going outside for a walk every day, try to contact old friends again and looking for some new projects.

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#3

Tell yourself you will get better no matter how punishing things are and believe it, calmy breath in the thought of healing, it brings you down via the vagal system. No matter how bad it is at the moment things won’t always be as dark. Find something that taxes, distracts your mind. A new hobby, something that is therapeutic Hanging around passive people is best Strong characters can burn you and add to the pfs induced stress. Do some sort of volunteer work it will bring back self worth and give you a purpose. The old you is gone for now so you have to adapt to the changes and carve out something else. Trying to convince people cripples me i never let it go and that hurts me terribly. Try to let that one wash imover if you can apart from with the doctors. Have you reported your symptoms to the authorities? Try getting involved in some of the stuff on here to help the collective cause eg a video, your story, take part in a podcast. Religion has helped me. Even if you don’t believe, thinking of God and regular prayers help bring you down. Above all don’t retreat get outside and take in the scenery. Doing your runs is great. You’re still early into this so don’t give up hope you could yet recover.

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#4

I now pray to a God I wish I believed in. I pray to my grandparents for help. Not a day goes by I don’t.

I just don’t understand how some of us are getting worse.

I think the worst part for me is the guilt, that I did it to myself, and knew beforehand I was probably playing with fire.

Thank you for your kind words, Lazarus. They mean a lot.

1 Like
#5

Keep praying!!! I also ask loved ones who have passed for help. I believe repeated use of fin is what set me on the progressive path Most who continue to deteriorate have often tried something to better their situation which caused another crash and set the worsening wheels in motion. It feels particularly cruel that a sub group of this group exists… Regardless, try to keep your chin up. One thing for sure “in my mind” that the extreme suffering endured by guys on here will buy us a place upstairs when our time comes, which I hope for all will not be for many years. I believe this is reversible for everyone we’ve just got to hang on. The mini breaks most get re affirms this. Identifying and resetting the killer switch will bring everything back on line. It will literally feel like a miracle

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