I Might Stop Sleeping Permanently From PFS and Die

Background Details

Since my crash in March my sleep has been severely affected.

In the first 7 weeks I only slept 26 hours partly due to undiagnosed high cortisol.

Two months later I hit my head in the bath. After the accident I could only fall asleep around 12-1am for 4 hours whereas before I fell asleep easily around 10.30pm every night for up to 6 hours.

Since the accident I started to crash every week and then about once a month. With every small crash my anxiety and sleep get worse.

After two crashes in September I can only fall asleep after 2am most nights and maybe for 2.5 hours. If I miss a night’s sleep then I can sleep for up to 4 hours.

I can’t seem to stop crashing and it’s triggered by small amounts of stress. If this pattern continues I might stop sleeping altogether in the next 6 months and I assume this will become a terminal medical condition. I know we can live for sometime without any sleep but my anxiety and general wellbeing are awful after only a few days without sleep. The thought of dieing without sleep concerns me and I would want some type of quick end either through dignitas or by my own hand.

The Future

I am not looking for sympathy it’s an awful situation and I’ve messed up my life. My Pastor said we ultimately make the decisions to end up were we are and I have done just that. I’ve underestimated the things that caused me harm and overestimated the things that didn’t.

I hate that this crap is the major talking point of my life rather than a family and a career doing something I loved. My biggest mistakes in life are not being more honest with myself, being too hard on myself and not asking for more help. I’ve missed sight of what life is all about. Being outside, being around other people, being thankful, making the most of our time and helping others were we can. For the first time I feel hopeless. I know my past friends would be shocked at my demise because I was so active and happy. I wanted to do more in my current situation but I continue to deteriorate despite my best efforts and my condition seems progressive.

I’m confused on how I move forward and live the next 6 months. I maybe over reacting or under reacting I don’t know. My decision-making skills have deteriorated and despite everything I feel calm about the situation, which is what worries me. Other guys would be freaking out in this situation and I should really by more concerned. What would you guys do in my situation? How do you find fulfillment in such circumstances? I know that’s a tough question to ask but you guys are smart and observant.

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When my sleep got to the point of pretty much zero minutes of sleep a night. I walked into an emergency room and told them I hadnt slept for 3 days and that I was having dark thoughts. They gave me an RX for Klonopin. I’m not condoning drugs but at some point, if you are struggling to the point of hopelessness… get help. Even one decent night sleep from a sleep med might help you put things in perspective. Once again… I’m not pushing sleep meds but sometimes they can bee a tool to help you through the toughest part of the this struggle. If its any consolation to you, after about 8 or 9 months… my sleep seems to have improved from what felt like zero minutes a night to probably 3-5 hours. Its not great and I still cycle sleep meds to be able to function at my job and family life. If you do chose to try sleep meds… just tread lightly. Nothing works forever and they can be a slippery slope.

Stay strong. Better days are ahead. Time will heal us eventually.

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Same, i was sleeping 1-2 hours at night, and i was getting a bit better whit time, until i crash whit a single beer, 0 sleep. I was having having burning sensations around my body, tinnitus, and totally unable to get sleep. I wanted to die. They have to put me on klonopin after 35 hours awake.

Long story short, i left klonopin and know i’m sleeping good, still have sexual side effects, amotivation and so on.

About finding fullfulment, i think activism would be good trying to save young sould from the misery of this drug.
Is up to you about hurting yourself, i do not encourage it, this is the obly opportunity you have to experience the existence, even if it is just crappy.
For the time being have hope that it might better in th future, sometimes you need a littl wishful thinking just to keep on living

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My sleep is atrocious. I went 19 days without sleep when I crashed. Believe it. I started wake dreaming. I now take Lyrica, Valium, and Halcion and still sometimes don’t sleep. It’s been 16 months and it’s still horrible. I have to skip the meds some nights because they stop working and I usually can’t sleep naturally except for a couple hours of stage 1 sleep maybe. Some nights massive amounts of pills only give me a few hours and sometimes I’m still awake if I use too many nights in a row. I’ve got about 10 hours in the last 5 days. There are nights when the pills work and I get a solid 8-10 hours but not always. I switch to Ambien sometimes but it all works for awhile then stops. It’s hard to skip nights because I have no emotions and other severe PSSD symptoms and being awake in this state is terrible. Trying to get Xyrem prescribed. We’ll see.

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19 days whitout sleep is impossible lmao

Yes for someone without brain damage. Go read about people with brain damage from benzos before you laugh your ass off.

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I am terrified too. I don’t know if this is it for me. I could easily be homeless as I have no capacity to stand on my feet.

After crashing with cacao nibs, my sleep still hasn’t improved after 6 months. I struggle to stay asleep for more than 3 and a half hours every night despite being terribly sleep deprived and exhausted every day.

I won’t touch sleeping pills like benzos or z-drugs ever again though. You do not want to fuck with that. I’ve family members who died with stage 4 cancers and I don’t want to be next. I shudder to think the heaps of Ambien and zopiclone I popped like candy which was the equivalent of smoking packs of cigarettes a day.

On the bright side, you are the new world record holder whitout sleep.

11 was the record but that was a normal person. I doubt I would count anymore than people coming off benzos. I hit 9 days coming off 20 mg of Xanax a day (ridiculous I know but I was an addict). Don’t know if my previous addiction has anything to do with why my GABA receptors are so fucked. Also lying there wake-dreaming has a name but I forget what it’s called. Don’t know if you count that as “sleep” but I was aware that I was awake yet dreaming. It happened around day 13. It’s a neurological mess and I will likely end it soon because it’s terrible.
It also shouldn’t be possible to have NO emotions for 16 months, or not to feel hunger or tiredness but it’s happening.

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It’s impossible to get ahold of xyrem, at least for me in Canada. Its exceedingly expensive, like thousands of dollars for a few weeks worth. Only few doctors are authorized to prescribe it if you have a particular kind of narcolepsy.

I really want to get ahold of some G but that seems just as much of an long shot for me. Also afraid of putting industrial solvents in my body.

@ac3c ,

Do you have anyone that can take you to the doctor? If I read correctly, you can only sleep for 2 hours per night, and other nights 4 hours if you have an all nighter the day before?

At this point, I’d get medical attention. It’s causing significant disturbances in your life and making things much worse. As @Paimon says, his insomnia improved significantly, and I believe yours could to. In addition to that, sleeping well might improve your PFS symptoms.

But thanks for the record anyway lol. I would call Guinness but I just don’t care. My psych ward roommate was there for 7 of the days and my mom was there for the rest. People at the psych ward were screaming for the doctors to give me Ambien or benzos but they just gave me Trazadone and Seroquel which probably made things worse for someone with PSSD and my symptoms. I still get that damn wake dreaming sometimes if I don’t sleep for a few days when I skip pills. Such hell.

Try Phenebut. Its pretty similiar to zyrem as its a GABA analog. You can use it once or twice a week and it will probably get you a solid night of sleep. Do your research though. It can be highly addictive.

I do have some but its safety profile is as tenuous as research chemicals because for all intents and purposes it is one. I’ve actually taken phenibut weekly for months before.

Gabapentin which I’ve taken before is similar to phenibut but there are concerns of it leading to bone loss which I wouldn’t gamble on again as I am about to get jaw surgery in the near future. It’s maybe something to do with gabapentinoids being calcium channel blockers.

There doesn’t seem to be many safe drugs for insomnia as I’m starting to find out.

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I think Gabapentins bigger concern is that it does nerve damage. I tried it a couple times. It wasnt anything to write home about. It supposedly helps your body generate more GABA. Not sure thats the case with us. I agree… no sleep drug is great.

Thanks @jrums01 I went 21 days without sleep after I crashed as my cortisol was very high. It’s good to hear I’m not the only one. Sauerkraut is really good for sleep as it contains GABA but it now upsets my stomach. It’s Cabbage so can lower 5ar.

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@Jaime Yes you are correct.

After taking pills I get burning headaches followed by intense head pressure headaches that keep me awake. Occasionally I take melatonin. My sleep is deteriorating with each crash and is just getting worse after 7 months. If I stopped crashing then I’d be more hopeful.

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I still don’t believe we’re all here

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What is your diet like?

My REM sleep has now fallen to about 20mins per night for the past week. It’s never been this low for so long. The closer my sleep gets to zero mins the closer I get to death. There is no stability in my condition and it only gets worse. The candle is flickering.

"Sometimes I dream of a tree,
And the tree is my life.
One branch is the man I shall marry
And the leaves my children.
Another branch is my future as a writer

And each leaf is a poem.
Another branch is a glittering academic career.
But as I sit there, trying to choose,
The leaves begin to turn brown and blow away
Until the tree is absolutely bare."

Sylvia Plath, The Tree of Life

Propecia has been very effective at turning patients lives into bare trees until the life they once had has gone. This is a hairloss pill that an arrogant greedy company decided to release into the world and play god with our bodies.
No care about the consequences tells you Merck understands the system and knew it could get away with this. It’s a blatant admission that the system is corruptible and works to their advantage.

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