I was just outside having a smoke after being awake all night and it just fucking hit me that I’m really going through this and there’s nothing that I can do. My diet is OK and I take a couple of supplements but outside of that I’m just absolutely fucked. Like, completely and utterly fucked.
I’m a hard worker. I like doing stuff and managing things for the better. But with this I’m at the complete mercy of my body. I can hardly have a shower let alone manage a full life full of expectations, activities, staying healthy, finding pleasure etc while my head feels like mush and I’m too tired to get out of bed 90% of the time. Literally all I do most of the time is lie in bed browsing my phone and trying tnot to go crazy about where I’m at. I’m too tired to even use my laptop which is humiliating if not darkly humorous. I have so many things I want to do but unless something happens I’m just stuck here, like a lifeless heap.
No one should ever feel like this, and especially not healthy young men who have their whole lives ahead of them. Being tired and crippled will come with aging naturally, but by then you’ve already lived your life and have social support networks. I’m supposed to be out there in the world, earning money and setting up my life, but instead I just have to waste time endlessly on dumb internet crap to get me through the day. I can’t fucking imagine my life being like this right now but here I am. I’m fucking here. Right now. And there’s nothing I can do to change it.
God I hate this so much. I can’t let life pass me by but I’m forced to do so every second of the day. Even my parents don’t really understand.
I don’t know what else to say. I hope this shit gets banned and someone thrown in prison for all this, but even that won’t change what’s happened to all of us. Life’s a bitch and then you die I guess. Oh well.