Hello!
People of your age are prone to impulsive moves and maximalist view, and that’s absolutely normal. I used to be the same not so long ago. So I completely understand how it feels sometimes when you just can’t see any bright light ahead. I’ve been there too. And looking back upon my life I see a lot of mistakes, missed opportunities, stupid acts, periods of depression that seemed unbearable back then.
But you know what? I value my better moments so much more, I really appreciate all the connections with close people, and overall I’m glad I didn’t do anything stupid to myself. (Except continuing to take Roaccutane, but I consider it as an unfortunate accident). So I ask you not to do anything stupid to yourself. There will be a moment in life when you will trully appreciate it. Although it’s far from obvious now.