I’ve been managing mentally for the past week since my 11 month crash back to impotence. It’s now 11pm on a Wednesday night and I’m sat alone in my room on this forum…scared about the future once again
My penis is lifeless and my testicles have gone back to being extremely droopy. This sends me into a spiral of bad thoughts everytime I look at them. Is this my permenant baseline? Will I always return here? Or ever escape?
I can’t stop reading this forum and searching for any signs of hope. There aren’t many cases like mine. I’ve read over 50k posts and I’m disgusted at myself for doing so.
During the day I have distraction at work and with my fiance, but when it comes to night time, I spend it all on this forum until my eyes actually hurt. I feel like I need to be on this forum searching for a way out, no matter how futile. I’m aware how pointless this is and keep telling myself to stop… but I can’t.
I’m sorry to bring so much negativity to the forum, but I have no one to talk to about this. I’m trying to be strong for my fiance and pretend like everything will be okay, when I cannot be sure it will be. I’m worried my suicidal thoughts will come back. I’m just so alone in this hell and need someone to talk to. No one else understands. It’s painful, as well as humiliating.
I know false hope is not helpful, but it seems like the only thing that my mind is trying to latch onto right now. I feel I’m coming close to breaking point once again.
Once again, I apologize for adding more negativity to the forum. I just needed to say this to anyone who would understand instead of bottling it up.
Wishing you guys all the best. God bless.