How long do we have to wait? Every day feels like an eternity. Sympathy and support are given to those with serious illnesses around the world. Yet, some of us continue to silently suffer in this isolated hell, pretending to be able to function as a normal human being.
It’s embarrassing, even people I trust and are close to me don’t want to hear about how my dick is mutilated from a drug that thousands maybe millions take on a regular basis. They don’t want to hear about how sex, the one thing in life that has been consistently something that gives me pleasure and something to look forward to no longer does so. They don’t want to hear about how I can no longer connect with other humans, or how I’m now a recluse who spends most of his time trying to distract my mind.
This condition is an absolute nightmare, and while we have a few ongoing studies, people continue to try their best to distract themselves long enough to dissuade themselves from suicide or worse. I’m trying to remain optimistic but the heartbreaking nature of this condition could make the strongest willed individuals drop to their knees in defeat. The same doctors who haphazardly give out this poison have no incentive to believe you or even care. It’s a real shame and incredibly hard to accept. I’m trying my best to live a normal life, but every day I try to find answers and end up with nothing. I feel guilty. I feel guilty for taking this in the first place, I feel guilty that I don’t do more to spread awareness, and I feel guilty that I haven’t done more to try to find normalcy, but at the end of the day it seems that my efforts would be futile nonetheless.
Baylor finished in 2015, here we are in Februrary of 2019 and there are crickets. I was told there was something substantial found in the study, thus the delay - however, if it was so substantial, they would see the miserable condition we are all in and at least make some sort of public effort. I remain optimistic, but nothing in my life has ever been this difficult.