And or as a character? I think its definitely changed me for better, it’s exposed me to a reality of hardship I never dreamt could even be possible. What it means for me now, if and when I recover I think I have developed an edge, steeliness and ruthlessness that wasn’t there before. It’s made me more driven to succeed in whatever I do, I’ve always been a bit of a lone-wolf but it’s pushed in the direction that I will do whatever it takes to survive.
If I get out of this mess and hopefully sooner rather than later I plan to do an ayahuasca ceremony which helps to see ourselves the way the world see us. I think this would be very useful right now as there’s a lot of confusion about how we have changed or are perceived by others. If I didn’t think my sick body would break in two during the harsh ayahuasca ceremony I would do it now. Many of us hide this condition and continue to work, how do colleagues see us? Possibly as less aggressive, assertive males who may come across as passive. It will depend on each person, but less testosterone makes a male less aggressive in life. In the time that I have been sick I have learned the importance of motivation and have battled through the pain barrier on many an occasion, however poor memory has held me back in my attempt to build layers of complex information. We have learned to suffer like many others with serious medical conditions. We are not that indifferent from other patients and to think that we could change the world if we survive PFS may be a little presumptuous.
Before PFS I used to write my own quotes, learn impressive facts and words that I could use in my daily life. I was perceived as a learned man, those were the fucking days. I was on a journey and that journey has been sent backwards by PFS. The older we get the fewer the opportunities in life. Many of us have learned the importance of hormones and how best to look after ourselves with good diet and exercise. We have the chance to live well in old age, a condition of the body which normal people do not understand. Our experiences of PFS will open new doors but affect others as well. If you want to be rich after PFS then owning your own business is one of the best ways to go about it. I have seen ordinary folk live very well from simple businesses. If you seek the good life then start thinking of how you can create this. You do not need to create the next Facebook to do well. Look at the services that are always in demand. After PFS I don’t want to waste a single minute, after PFS a new journey begins.
Well, it sounds like a cliche but, like many others here, i am the SHADOW of my former self. Literally ! 
Just a fuckin shadow waiting for the night to come to disappear.
But man, do i wonder what would happen without this debilitating disease ! At the same time wondering, is pfs only some kind of excuse for totally wasted youth/life ? I don’t know, i live for the moment of the health returned but i am totally aware that i am just lingering through life, for 4 fucking years now. It seems to me that you need to be a fuckin hero not to linger through, with not only sexual but cognitive and psychological side effects. Anyway, i have to say that pfs has dramatically changed my world-view. It has taught me that there are no ‘serious issues’, apart from mine and my closest’s health. I guess every serious illness learns you at least that much.
I really don’t find fault with people not believing us. It is absolutely unbelievable that one ‘medication’ could totally destroy young healthy man in such a vicious manner. I just wish i had used some serious drugs and went up suffering like this. At least some part of me would enjoy such a punishment. But with this, there is only suffering and everyday wondering why not to finally end it …
My somewhat realistic fantasy is that symptoms would at least alleviate a little. Especially the shrinkage. It is just killing any thought of trying to find some girlfriend.
Taught me that the universe owes me nothing. Taught me that humans are just animals.
If only i had a time machine.
Well … I try not to blame others for my own mistakes. Believe it or not, but about a year or two before taking fin, I found this website … I found it so unbelievable that I thought it was all bullshit, and that these people probably had these problems before Propecia. … so thinking so much about hair loss, decided to go at it anyway and act in complete denile of the dangers.
Today, I have no choice but to accept my fate. Not a day goes by without hoping I can find interest in a girl. Feel butterflies in my stomach watching a pretty girl… But I came to the conclusion that until I recover (if I ever do), my goal was to go through life acting as if everything was fine.
I remember someone on this site stating something like: “it’s unbelievable how we can fake our way through life”, and that’s pretty much how I feel. Right now, I keep going for my kids. Doctors are clueless and this is what’s most disturbing.
PFS has taught me that there is so much crap out there, and that people are putting anything in their mouths with the hope it will improve their lives ! But in the end, I realize I can still have a life (though not half as exciting).