All my life I spent the hot and sunny summer weather swimming in the water of an natural lake and exposing the sun. Now I sit inside and hate the summer, the long days, people sitting together in a cafe enjoying the summer. How do you cope the summer as a PFS member?!
Summer in the city
All my life connected with water and sun. In Berlin I drove with the subway to a lake in the forest and spent all the time on a meddow with nice naked people. Everywhere I stayed in my life I lurked for a little lake. Here my hometown has it’s own lake with a little lido. Sometimes we have spent sunny weekends at the north sea in Holland in a camping ground. Ibiza, Mallorca, Menorca, La Gomera, Logo Maggiore, Lago du Garda… Algarve in Portugal, Naxos, Paros, Greece, California Beaches, Sylt, Baltic Sea…
Now sitting inside. Totally creazzy, like a 80 year old hiding from the sun. Akastasia with regret and what I have made wrong in my life.
Not to recognize my demons. The fucking shit doctor in the backdoor fricklers K*. I went there by my own desicion. No one forced me to go there. No one forced me to take the poison with me… No one has forbidden me to check the internet… No one has forced me to throat the ugly pill that night …no one forced me to go one after the first side effects…
My Sumner thoughts right now. All my life I thought about the nice shapes of the women, girlfriends or the beautiful landscape with Greece Mountains, la Gomera vulcans…feeling my tinned skin, sexual aroused, walking on endorphins to the strand bar …feeling so great in the summer…
Summer in the city
I know what you mean
To some degree life was and still is what you make of it.
Unfortunately, not much can be done from what I have left
I’m light years away from my former self.
It’s a beautiful summer evening here and I can hear people having fun. I feel like if I could just get my alcohol response back…I don’t know, enjoy a beer or something. The aggregate of symptoms are so…life-sucking in every way. It feels deliberate. Like every direction you turn for relief is blocked. I guess I should be glad I can sleep now. There was a month where I felt this way every minute of every day and night. At least I have unconsciousness to look forward to although I have PFS in my dreams now.
At some point hopefully you’ll feel better. Until that day, you may have limited options, but you could still make yourself have a worse time. What I’m saying is you can choose to do the most positive things you can, or not. That might be something small. It might be something bigger, but you do have more choices than you may initially think.
Living in an intact family with a loving partner it could be much easier to survive and live something like a “normal” life.
I’m a 60 yo maniac living with borderline, manic feeling like god and depression peaks all my life.
I have been living only the moment. Not thinking about tomorrow, no plan.
Just living an impulse you need your cock, your intelligence, your jokes and good looking to survive from moment to moment. All the emotional skills Merck cartel murderers killed in me
I’m lonley and living in the past. No future for me…
…but I know what you say and I really live it the weekends with my child…
Let the innocence of your daughter help you cope with your losses, guide her and dwell in the love she has for her papa.
You may never forget what Merck has put you through, but set it aside and allow your daughter’s smile to light up your darkness.
May you realize how lucky you are, my friend. Jim