Great to hear brother, wishing you the best of health friend
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Holy shit :o @Ozeph, for me it is exactly the same with the insomnia. For me it comes with the long lasting morning wood as well. Always after around 5hrs of sleep. Crazy to read that.
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have you been doing anything lifeestyle-wise other than regulating sleep schedule?
Not really no. I donāt really do much outside of living my life. List would be the following;
Good sleep hygiene, regular exercise, lots of time outside with family, no alcohol, light caffeine now (was no caffeine for a while), also no heavy soy, like soy milk/tofu, still doing very natural diet with most things organic/handmade (although this is a lifestyle thing and I am not strict with this anymore and eat out from time to time), avoiding 5ari shampoo/deodorant, etc.
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I have also up and downs but one of the things I dislike more is muscle rigidity, spasm and lack of strength. Also trembling fingers and hand. I also have a bad moodā¦ Anyone feeling the same?
How the hell let these people poison us this way just for keeping the hair?
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End of month update. September was better than August. I only had one bad day this month which was the start of a crash, but after one day it wasnāt too bad. Iām still recovering from it and the main issues that still remain are as follows:
Current crash symptoms:
- Muscle soreness
- Joint and muscle stiffness
- Fluctuating body odor
- Mild sleep difficult/interruption
- Fatigue
- Brain fog
- Headache
Crash happened about a week ago and I experienced additional improvements over my maximum baseline up until that point. Additional improvements I noted were improved sleep. Easier to fall asleep, sleep within 2-5 minutes, and aleep for 7-8 hours straight. Also, deeper sleep as I usually wake up when my wife gets up in the morning, but I would sleep straight through for that few weeks. Also, Improved drive/addiction for hobbies. Went from wanting to do them, to almost needing to do them. Increased drive to watch shows, and find a wider variety of shows interesting. The level of improvements I experience now are things that I feel like the average person may experience commonly, but would never notice. They may not feel like doing things and write it off as being to busy or stressed. Iām just hyper tuned in as Iāve been monitoring myself for years now and I know what my true pre-PFS baseline is like.
One thing I noticed is that pre-crash my brain fog got really bad and I was super fatigue in the days leading up. I also got an extremely bad migraine immediately leading into the crash.
Overall a good month, hoping October is the first month in a while with zero bad days.
Great to here man, Iām sure as long as your careful, youāll continue to strive
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Just for record-keeping. I did have a slight crash again today, so officially thatās two bad days this month.
End of month update. Best month yet again still. No ācrashesā this month, but sleep has slowly declined this month and has generally been poor. I feel like I finally hit a bottom now and sleep is starting to recover past 2 days. Feels like instead of a sudden crash it was more like a month-long crash but mainly just for sleep. Sleep past 5 hours has been hard to come by.
Join pain/problems continues to be an issue and I have one of my earliest symptoms returning which is SEVERE cramping/muscle seizing, particularly in my calves. My calf seized up so badly last night I woke up screaming, it would not relax and hurt sooo bad. This hasnāt happened since while I was still using fin. Itās been tight the whole day, I am not looking forward to more of this.
Other than that, things are good. Just need to fix these last few things.
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Just for record keeping. My sleep has been poor lately, but things have gotten worse over past few days. Mild anxiety, worse sleep, mild depression, muscle twitches. This went hand in hand with me eating really terribly back to back to back. Iām back to 4.5 hours and no more. Did not feel like a crash but a weeks long steady decline. Mood has been decent until past few days but I did notice for past couple of weeks I have lost a good bit of interest in hobbies. Today is not a good day, but hoping itās the bottom and start of a rebound. Hopefully a slow and permanent one.
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So, I finally had a great nightās sleep last night. Like 8+ hours with 1-2 wakeups. However, today brought potential disaster. I got my haircut by a new lady, never used her before. We get to the end and she says something about my thinning scalp (not great English) and then slaps some tonic of some kind right into the middle of my head before I could stop her.
I just froze with fear, grabbed the bottle and immediately started looking through the ingredients and didnāt see anything that worried me, but anyway I went straight to the bathroom and started putting water on my scalp and trying to mop it up with paper towels. Obviously immediate anxiety and then I started feeling weird, but I just kept telling myself itās psychosomatic. The rest of the night I was on edge, but fine. I felt like I was having slight fluctuations, but again kept attributing it to just being āfreaked outā. Tonight however, I canāt sleep. Otherwise generally ok, but simply canāt sleep again. Itās early in the night, but itās been a long time of sleeping within 5-10 minutes of my head hitting the pillow.
Just looking to vent, and for a Sanity check here. The product was āst3x tonicā. Seemed to basically be salicylic acid, menthol, niacinamide, and herb/oils (lavender, rosemary, thyme, oregano).
I think Iām fine, but if anybody is feeling generous, could someone else look this up and also confirm it looks ālikely okā? Nothing I can do about it now either way, but just hoping for some comfort/confirmation I guess.
Sleep was definitely messed up. Worst night of sleep since maybe July (from what I see looking back). Trouble going to sleep, just laying there for 3-4 hours and then 4 hours of the worst quality sleep you can imagine, waking up constantly and never really feeling like a true deep sleep. Now the question AGAIN is whether this is coincidence as I had just had a REALLY good nights sleep (and even a solid nap yesterday) as I usually feel really good before a crash.
Like with most things PFS, itās likely we will never know, but this now seems a pattern. I did make sure to completely get rid of all potential 5ari shampoos, etc. Iām now thinking this was a key step towards recovery. My biggest hopes right now are that this is just a coincidence and tomorrow Iām back on track, or worst case this is just another 4-6 month setback.
Edit: Got another 1.25 hours of decent sleep and feel reasonably rested. Mild brain burning upon awakening.
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Super unstable since the hair tonic. Was extremely depressed the day after but mood has been good since then. My anxiety has been up and down though and the weird feeling in my head has been very up and down and it constantly feels like Iām just on the verge of crashing, but I havenāt. Other symptoms are hot/cold flashes, loss of libido, brain fog, tremors, cramps, digestive issues, joint problems. Iāve now found my toe/ankle joints also seem permanently damaged. Iām waiting until Iām stable for 1 year or more before going to the doctor about it though.
Sleep has gotten better though, and Iām still for the most part doing ok. Just hoping things stabilize from here without further problems, but the fear of a crash is always there.
End of month update. More stable now, but sleep has still been pretty bad since the tonic. I have only had really one more night of onset insomnia, but the staying asleep and terminal insomnia have been significant on many occasions. I have had varying levels of brain fog, anxiety, and mood since also. However all of those have been very manageable, my main issue is sleep.
5 hours of sleep has kind of been my baseline, although I have had days where I get more. There are also nights like last night where I slept from 9PM to 5:30AM, but woke up probably 8+ times throughout. I generally feel somewhat rested though, and even good some days.
Rigid hand joints is back, but less intense than previous times. Iām also experiencing mood swings to a slight extent. I find days where Iām significantly more aggressive, but it is very hard to notice. Hot flashes and other symptoms have now subsided.
Overall, Iām good though. It seems I likely escaped another disaster, but the threat of a false recovery or crash is always present. Hoping that Iām nearing my new ābottomā here and a new upswing is going to start soon.
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And the day Iāve been dreading since the tonic is here. It was a bad day for me, full-fledged PFS day but I will say on the more-manageable end of things. I laid down tonight with that familiar wired feeling, just knowing that sleep was not going to come easy. Is this the crash from the tonic? Was that all just a month long false recovery? Will I get better? Will I get worse? Will I ever sleep easy again? Who the fuck knows? I hate this and Iām so sorry to everyone still here that has to deal with this day in and day out.
Also, I got pretty severe food poisoning this past Thursday night and have been trying (unsuccessfully) to recover from that. I have never been affected by food poisoning this badly before and just canāt seem to recover. I have been dizzy and lethargic all day leading up to what Iām experiencing now. EVERYTIME Iāve gotten it before, once Iām done vomiting I usually feel much better (within 24 hours) and am basically recovered. This time, while I felt better after the vomiting which stopped within 24 hours, i still am struggling 3-4 days later and my diarrhea has not improved. Maybe this is also a reason for my current state, I donāt know. This is my 2nd crash this month already, as I also had a significant dip on the 1st of the month.
Iām trying to take stock of the positives as always, it helps me to type out here to remind myself when I look back through during rough periods:
- The depression/anhedonia feels mild and manageable
- While the familiar nervous system fire is back and it is harder to sit still, akathisia is largely absent and Iām able to sit still and lie down. With deep breathing and meditation I can reach a restive state.
- Still have my family and my job. Iām reasonably financially secure as long as I maintain my current employment.
- I have a solid support structure.
- Iām still physically active and can exercise
- I have large reason to believe I will get better and improve again. Tomorrow is likely to be a bad day, but if recent trends hold true, the next day should be better.
- I donāt recover to higher levels without crashes, I plateau. So maybe this is needed to get to that next level.
Current symptoms:
- muscle twitching (mild)
- hot/cold flashes
- severe diarrhea
- depression/anhedonia (mild)
- anxiety (mid-range)
- paranoia (probably)
- brain/nervous system burning (light)
- onset insomnia (severe)
- joint stiffness (mid-range)
- nasal/extremity skin dryness (mid-range)
- dizziness (light)
So I looked back where I was one year ago, and I was having regular days like this every month, so I suppose Iām still doing better than I was. I was also reminded of my exercise trick that helps me fall asleep, so Iām gonna give that a shot and see how it goes.
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Finally pulling out, was a dark few days. Slower recovery instead of the typical rebound (maybe thatās good?).
Currently only experiencing lower libido, sleep disturbances (although sleep is generally good), and light brain fog (maybe related to lack of sleep).
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End of month update.
Early month was a bit rough (see past couple updates), but since then things have been good. Sleep has been a little more rough this month as I recovered from the dips. Basically, I could not sleep past 7AM, no matter what time I would go to sleep, and I often couldnāt sleep early. Mood has been solid, but I feel the paranoia and anxiety peeking through occasionally. Past two days Iāve seen substantial improvement though.
Two days ago I got 8 hours straight sleep, and felt return of emotional affect of music to some extent, libido was significantly higher, and I feel aspects of perfectionist tendencies returning. Also, this morning I just woke up after about 11 hours straight of sleep and I feel great.
For now Iām back on track, although the threat of a false recovery/future crash due to the tonic is still large on my mind.
Happy new year everyone, I wish you all better health in the new year.
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PFS for coming up to 2 years here. I appreciate reading your updates man.
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Glad my story is good for something. Hope youāre seeing improvements 2 years in.
Yeah Iād say so, thank you. Mostly doing well, but there are remnants of pfs that still come up from time to time, just in a milder form compared to peak crash.
Wishing you continued healing.
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