Just trying to be the person that I needed when I was at my worst. Nothing more. Glad it helps some people.
Update from tonight. Sleep was better, but still not recovered from the alcohol. 6.5 hours straight. Joints have been REALLY bad the past 2 days.
I donāt know if it has something to do with the caffeinated things like chocolate and coffee and tea, sometimes I feel bad after eating them. So Iām cutting caffeine for a while.
Donāt know if youāve experienced this feeling before, I was always hovering between 50%-100%, the last 2-3 months it seems to be 70%-90% (mostly 80%), not that bad , but not as good. Iām just encouraging myself to be better than I was at my worst.
Yeah, caffeine still seems to mess me up sometimes. From what I can tell though it is short term only, and doesnāt seem to have any long term affect. Same with the alcohol, after 2 days Iām right as rain. I will avoid alcohol though as the response was significantly worse with zero benefit. Caffeine though is something I wonāt necessarily avoid, but wonāt overdo it either. Iām doing really well past few and something else returned that I had forgotten about.
Acid reflux, yayā¦ā¦
Was basically gone for two years and now itās back suddenly. Fucking weird.
Also, very much in the TMI category but solid stool, I mean SUPER solid. I had forgotten what thatās like. So something going on with my digestive system lately I guess.
End of month update. Still better and better each month overall. Improvements are getting harder and harder to notice, but are still noticeable. On the flip side, dips are also harder to notice but still noticeable. More early symptoms. Rash/bumps on the back of my neck. Coldness right arm and leg. Mental state continues to improve slowly and in waves. Sleep is finally starting to recover after the alcohol and is again approaching normality.
You mentioned acid reflux, do you usually vomit? Iāve been vomiting almost every day lately and occasionally have strong acid reflux while Iām sleeping. I donāt know if the vomiting has anything to do with the acid reflux, but Iām pretty sure the feeling of vomiting is due to finasteride. Oddly enough, I didnāt feel the slightest vomit during the 2 months of my total breakdown, and 2 months of my full recovery, which only occurs when I have severe ups and downs.
I donāt vomit but I get very close when itās bad. I had this issue before fin though, it just disappeared for the past few years. Now itās back. Wasnāt caused by fin although it does seem worse than normal lately.
More early symptoms, I would say the earliest symptoms I can remember, have returned. Symptoms before I even knew about PFS. Dry spots inside my nose that are so bad I constantly pick at and peel the skin off inside and the texture of my cheek and inside of my lip changed and I have the urge to chew on this and pick at it as well. This was on the back of my latest surge of improvements. It took about this long for me to recover from the alcohol. Iām not so sure it was the alcohol anymore and maybe just a crash coincidence, but the waves of up and down seem to be taking really long now, and are much harder to notice. Hand joint thing is almost gone now, but caused permanent damage to some of my finger joints with noticeable swollen nodules.
An example of things that I noticed from latest round of improvements. I got hit with nostalgia really hard the other day, and I realized thatās something that I havenāt felt for a long time. Something you never really think about being there until itās gone. Itās something that requires you to have a deep emotional connection to something in your past, never really thought about it before as being something PMS can rob you of. But yeah, recovered ability to feel nostalgia. I can still feel the arrow is up, still improving, just much harder to notice.
Iām really really close now though. With slowing improvements I still think it will take a while, but 100% is firmly in sight.
I just thought of maybe one earlier symptom I havenāt experienced yet. I wonder if it is coming as well. I remember getting severe calf cramps to the point where I would wake up yelling in pain. I donāt know for sure that these were due to fin and have never seen anyone else mention this as a symptom, but the timeline adds up and Iāve never experienced them outside of the 9 months I was on fin.
If I experience those though, then I will really take that as confirmation that I experienced many of my symptoms in reverse throughout recovery.
Had a very significant setback today. Enough for concern. Iām not doing well at all today, anxiety is VERY significant. Thereās been a lot going on lately, so Iām just not sure what to contribute it to. Possibly just another normal crash. My sleep has been progressively worse past few nights and last night was worst night in a while. 6 hours or so with like 3 disturbances. I am not well rested. Hereās my thoughts on possible culprits:
All I can do is go back to what I did before. Been exercising a lot more lately again. Running around 5 miles a day. Will start to mix in some weights when I can along with some longer runs. Will back off of the caffeine and Iām already resigned to never drinking alcohol again. Will also try to get back on a regular routine in regards to schedule and sleep.
I should note that besides my sleep, everything else had been improving for the most part until today.
Shit. Itās a full on crash. Slept horribly last night. 5-6 hours waking up constantly and was up for 1-2 hour straight in the middle. This morning my good old friends anxiety and anhedonia are back which I havenāt had now for months. I also have noticeably swollen and sore nipples which Iāve never had before. Also shrunken genitalia, loss of libido, the works.
So, I was thinking about anything else that Iāve done differently and the past 2 days which is when Iāve had my issues, I bought a 3 pound bag of mandarin oranges and ate like 1 lb each day. Did a quick google search on mandarin oranges and link to estrogen and got a lot of hits. Didnāt read into it admittedly, but i saw enough to throw the rest of the bag in the trash just on chance that it is affecting me.
So now avoiding caffeine again, along with chocolate, alcohol, and mandarin oranges apparently.
Iām hopeful this is just a regular periodic crash as those have thus far lead to improvements upon recovery. If itās a new crash due to COVID, the oranges, or the alcohol then I am scared. Iām mostly afraid just because I havenāt crashed badly really since like April. Although having a months long recovery period leading to a peak and then a large setback has been the pattern until now.
I had also have a very setback due to COVID and COVID vaccinationā¦ try to avoid COVID contagiousā¦
There is a lot of research ongoing, but apparently COVID and itās vaccines can alter seriously some people, specially if they have previous health issues as it is the case for people with PFS
Iām sorry to hear that Tiro. To be clear I donāt know that is what caused this. I have had 4 different COVID vaccinations/boosters so far with no permanent issues. I had not caught COVID yet though, but I highly suspect I had covid these past weeks. Not confirmed, but had some sickness that gave me a long lasting bad cough and a wheeze/chest congestion.
Hey,Henchman
It is very sad to hear from you, but I know that you will definitely get to that position, in fact you are the person I feel have the best chance of getting to that position, your perseverance and strength is amazing, I hope you can get back to a healthy position as soon as possible and can be good, it seems like a bigger crash, a bigger recovery
Iām starting to gain confidence the that this is just a normal crash. Last crash was in April and I had two nights of zero sleep which was followed by a long stretch of improvements, essentially May until now.
I have had now 3 bad nights of sleep but none with zero. Last night I knew I wasnāt going to be able to sleep, I could feel that familiar feeling in my brain. Just felt that the sleep switch was missing. Around 4 AM I felt it come back and slept like a baby until 9:45. I feel sooo much better today. Still not out of the woods, but for the most part all major negative symptoms of the crash are now gone. I just need to continue recovery in all areas to get back to baseline.
Also, the lump is not cancerous per the doctor. Woohoo.
do you by any means link the sleep deprivation with your improvements or was it a coincidence in your opinion?
Thereās no telling, but I do know that I always feel better when I get a GOOD nightās sleep. In my opinion it was a coincidence, but who knows for sure.
Edit: Considering the vast majority of people on here are likely sleep deprived, I donāt think sleep deprivation would lead to any improvements. Sleep deprivation is a symptom of whatever larger problem PFS causes. Not a cure.
Coming out of this crash slowly. Now sleeping 5-6 hours a night without issue, but cannot seem to sleep longer yet. Have slight anxiety in the morning that wears off as the day goes on. Nothing major but itās there. Anhedonia has mostly gone. Iām happy again and able to enjoy things but Iām not yet able to get super enthusiastic about things again yet. libido is steadily rising. Mental capacity in general is not yet up to peak.
Good news!
Are you following a specific diet?
So, now that Iām back on the upswing and thinking normally again, Iām just avoiding soy and alcohol. For soy, Iām really just avoiding tofu and miso. Iām Asian, so it comes up enough I have to actively avoid it. I have no idea if it will affect me or not, but just avoiding it, just in case. If nothing else, for peace of mind. Alcohol though, it fucks up my sleep a lot.