Help. I can't cope

Coping
#1

Its been about 19 days off just 1 mg dose of fin. I woke up the next day with no penis to brain connection and it has remain unchanged to this day. No crash, just straight impotence. I can get hard through stimulation and orgasm which brings temporary relief, but the lack of sex drive and libido is making me suicidal.
My blood work and hormones all came back “normal”, prolactin only slightly high.

I had a date with my gf all day yesterday and it was so hard, no physical reaction when kiss or hugging her, no sexual reaction at all unless stimulated. This makes me more anxious and panic.

We had plans to marry soon and start a life together… that’s all ruined now. She doesn’t realize how bad it is and just thinks I have some ed, but I have no emotions at all right now.

Its only been 19 days and I think of death as a relief from this pain, depression and anxiety every day. When I work, I am so close to breaking down and can’t keep it up. I pray for healing. But nothing really changes. This is not living. I am a husk of a person, shaking, losing more hair, and yet unable to shed a tear.

I beg someone to give me and advice in how they have coped. How they have found hope in this darkness. Should I break things off with my gf to save her the pain of me breaking apart? I keep telling myself “just give it one more day” but that is starting to feel futile now.

I am weak and admire the strength of those who have been battling this for years. You are much stronger men than I.

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#2

I don’t think breaking up with your girlfriend solves anything. You will have let Finasteride take that much more from you and you will feel even more alone than you are now. Fight however you can to make things work. Just let her know that you are in a dark place right now and it’s not your fault. The drug screwed with your brain and body chemistry and you love her just as much now as you did before you took the drug. Unfortunately, as things currently stand, nobody really has an answer for this mess and all you can do is look after yourself as much as possible. You did a good thing by not touching the drug again. The damage it did will not be repaired overnight and it make take a while before you start feeling like yourself again. Things for you may be different for now and maybe even a while after, but that by no means indicates that you’re going to feel this way forever. Give it some time man.

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#3

Thank you for your reply. I love her dearly. When I am with her my mind wants to grab and make love to her, but having zero reaction bottomside gives me mini panic attacks and extreme anxiety due to the reality of it all. Never realized how important this was to a guy until now.

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#4

I understand your feelings.
But it’s way too early for you to have thoughts of such permanent solutions to your problems. I know it’s super awful to experience, but stay strong.

There’s a really good chance your symptoms will get better over time, especially given how little time has passed for you. Mood and emotion-wise I definitely got back to my old self within two months or so after cessation. Obivously I had anxiety because of physical problems too, but at least I wasn’t a zombie anymore. Physical symptoms continue to improve as well for me, with a few ups and downs.

You really need to give it at least three months. Take care of your body.

Have fun times with your girlfriend and try not to overemphasize the physical aspect of your relationship with her. I think pushing her away would not only hurt yourself but also her.
If you feel uncomfortable with certain physical intimacies because it triggers your anxiety, try to explain this to her. It’s a tough time for you and she will need to be able to give you some space when necessary. If you still have physical fantasies about her that’s a good thing, because that means there’s still libido in you.
Also, it’s perfectly normal that not every kiss feels like the most exciting or romantic thing in the world. Sometimes just showing someone that you care about them is also love.

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#5

I think I’ll have to quit my job tomorrow. I work in entertainment and I have to be upbeat and act like I’m happy for my job. It’s a highly intense job. I am at the end of my tether.

My gf asked me not to quit, but I just can’t concentrate on work or anything right now.

I feel like I need to take all of my money and take off to a retreat somewhere far away. The moment I do this I know its over between her and me as she will see me as someone who is mentally unfit for any potential future. But I don’t know what to do. I feel I’m one of the worst cases on this forum after just one pill. Probably instant brain cell methylation from what I’ve read.

I’m crumbling mentally. The thoughts about my life being ruined are too much to handle. Trying to meditate, but the effects don’t last long.

I don’t know what I want from here, sorry to spam. I just… feel the end is coming. Drama queen, yeah I know. Sorry for acting pathetic here.

#6

Thank you. I know I’m over reacting. I always considered myself mentally strong before this. I’m a glass house

#7

You’ve come to the right place if it’s helpful to talk to people who can relate. The rest of the world has no way of understanding at all. In case it’s any comfort, only an extremely small minority of men actually get PFS. There’s something like a 99%+ probability that you will not get PFS. Hormones generally take at minimum a month to come back to equilibrium. Though you’re going through total hell right now, I do believe that you can be confident you will very likely be recovered completely say a couple months from now.

Speaking from personal experience alone, during hard times we tend to get a tremendous impulse to just run and kind of disappear for a while. For example, move to a foreign town and just work from home or something. However, I think that’s usually just escapism and usually doesn’t work as well as it feels like it would. The best conditions for recovery from trauma, I believe, are stability and focus on a long-term project.

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#8

Thank you for your words of encouragement. I am slowly coming to terms this is permenant. But I shall wait a month or two longer. Appreciate it mate

#9

Came in to pretty much post this. My GP in his entire career had never even heard of anyone not recovering fully from finasteride sides, so in terms of playing the odds it looks favourable.