Heart Problems & Heart Felt Apologies

General Discussion
#1

I haven’t posted publicly on the forum for over a month due to posting over stressed responses on here and also in other PFS groups. I am embarrassed and ashamed of this behavior. I would like to sincerely apologise to all those who were upset by my actions. I am not a bad person and have tried to help others in the past with this condition. However, my latest crash has ramped up my stress to severe levels that have led me to become overly emotional. I can only look back at the person I once was and know this behaviour is completely out of character.

I found myself posting things in the heat of the moment then looking back 24 hours later with regret. I was then going back and changing or deleting comments were possible and thinking I’m going crazy. I wanted to post this apology a month ago but used the excuse that I have PFS and people will understand. Despite having PFS and having experienced the most awful crash I want to own up to my mistakes.

The best advice I can offer is to face up to the things that cause you shame or embarrassment and release them. These are the things you should run towards and fix if you want to get better rather than lie to yourself that everything will be ok. The best people in your life will understand and the ones who don’t probably aren’t worth knowing. You may only learn who these people are by saying something rather than letting your mind create negative answers that rule your decisions.

About a month ago my symptoms started to improve. I gained weight, my penis regained almost full size, and erections improved, tremors, headaches and twitches all went. I thought I was turning a corner, as this was the most varied improvement I have made in the past 8 months. A week ago things have now worsened and my resting heart rate has jumped from 65 to 75 for no reason. My heart is beating a lot more and my sleep is down to 1-2 hours or none at all. I simply can’t function and have become trapped at home most days.

I spent Boxing Day in the accident and emergency unit for 7 hours due to my erratic heartbeat.
It seems that I am becoming more sensitive to stress and it is raising my heart rate. Doctors tell me they can provide medication such as calcium or beta blockers but these interact with 5ar or testosterone and I fear they will do more harm than good. No Dr I’ve seen believes in PFS and does not understand the seriousness of taking these types of medications in my position.

It leaves my thinking only the worst for the future and that I would be better off going by my own hand rather than in a hospital by bundling doctors who see me as just a number. I think in the US medical errors are the third biggest killer of people so my concerns feel justified. I’m not sure were I go from here but some days it feels like the walls are closing in. I know this condition has its ups and downs but some of my more serious symptoms seem progressive. If I don’t make it through this at some point I want you guys to know I tried and gave it my best shot.

Love and best wishes to all

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#2

First off, everyone understands, don’t worry.

Now that you’ve recognised your own distaste at your behaviour, try and remember that you might be prone to regretting things. If that’s the case perhaps give it a little time before you actually press the reply button. If you’re feeling angry or emotional, give it a little time and make sure what you’re saying is rational. This should help you avoid some of these feelings.

Next, remember that your symptoms improved. This is wonderful news. It should demonstrate to you that you may well be in a bad state at the moment but that improvement and recovery are possible. As I’ve said repeatedly, IMO it’s possible to recover from this. If you can have random improvements, then with a little more knowledge we will surely be able to influence the body moving into that state. Don’t give up hope, you have seen that this is both a spectrum and that it is possible to move in both directions, seemingly for no reason.

With sleep, perhaps you should try another strategy. Perhaps look here:

I think I saw someone talking about heartbeat issues recently, I’ll see if I can find it. Hold tight.

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#3

This might have been an old one from me.

I had heart arrhythmia problems for quite a while. Ended up in A&E once for about 3, 4 hours, after a bad run of heart racing. Sounds very similar to what you experienced. (Weirdly, it was also over a festive period, which is an even worse time to have to go near a hospital.) Had to wear a heart monitor for 24hrs and basically it ‘confirmed’ that I have heart arrhythmia problems, but there was no underlying diagnosis that could be made.

After becoming frustrated I did some research and found some info suggesting people had improvements from magnesium supplements. Decided to give them a try. Results were very impressive, with gains almost immediately. My arrhythmias have been resolved now for about 5+ years. I found various info online from people with similar experience.

After further experimenting, I found magnesium citrate works the very best. Have tried citrate, theronate, gluconate, mixed/natural kinds. Mg citrate is the only supplement I take. I take it daily, some in the morning, some in the evening. If I forget to take it, the symptoms come back and result in a racing heart during the night, which disrupts my sleep. Which means I have become very good at remembering to take it.

The brand type does not seem to make any difference. Stuff from Holland and Barretts is ok… Stuff from Amazon is ok… the factor that has the influence is whether you pick citrate, or gluconate, or some other kind… personally I have tracked it and emphasise that citrate worked best for me.

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#4

This is the insomnia speaking. Insomnia causes you to act from your HPA axis instead of your prefrontal cortex. Makes you irrational and act on emotion instead of logic. I know because I’ve turned into a raging bitch who is suicidal most days. Its funny if I sleep one night my brain almost flips on its head and I become a rational human being. I have all the hope in the world for you. Don’t give up. You got this.

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#5

You have offered me much advice over the majority of this year. I only see a very caring person who wants to help others. I know what your going through so will not comment further other than to say your a very decent bloke. Hope things improve with time as know you’ve tried almost everything without success.

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#6

I’m glad you’ve made improvements mate, I’m hopeful you will continue to. It was really kind of you to reach out to me the other day and I’m praying for your success in the future whilst you battle the heart issues

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#7

What is your meditation regimen like and what instructions do you follow?

Do all beta blockers block 5ar or testosterone? I couldn’t find anything about that.

#8

Beta blockers raise my libido they do something to my sex drive.

I meditated daily between 30-60 mins sometimes more but it no longer has any effect. TM and mindfulness.

#9

Hey @Andrew35 !

Don’t worry about what has happened. In the end, we all know what you’re going through and we only want you to have what we want… to be be healthy and happy. I’ve also done stupid compulsive things due to this condition. Things like dropping $450 of herbs and paying for thousands of dollars of useless blood work because I thought I could diagnose it all myself.

We’re only human, and we’re not only trying to survive, we’re trying to be happy and live fulfilled lives. I hope 2020 is a better year for you and us.

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#10

Andy, don’t worry mate… We, at some point have it bad and the drug is doing this to us… The fact you help people, MPing them in their worst state, encouraging them, sending links and hope IS your true self… This message alone and having the guts to feel sorry ( you did not have to do so mate that shows again how a good bloke you are) is just amazing… I wish you te best 2020 year possible.

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#11

Thanks Frenchfries. Releasing the negativity and embracing the good is something you do well. Making room for happier moments should be the way forward in 2020. We could all learn from this. HNY buddy!

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#12

Hey, fwiw I remember last December I took a bit too much of a stimulant and on a seperate day went too hard at the gym and induced a panic attack which landed me in the ER.

The accumulation of these two stressful events triggered a few weeks of constantly feeling like I was on the verge of passing out and would get constant palpitations and arrhythmias. I also had orthostatic hypotension. I got my heart checked out. Did an ultrasound, stress test, and wore a Holter monitor for a few days.

I was pretty terrified the whole time, but to my relief all results came back normal and they couldn’t find anything wrong with me. Eventually all my symptoms disappeared and I happu to be back to where I was before.
My sleep however hasn’t improved since taking cacao 9 months ago but I am optimistic that too will improve with more time.

I don’t know what you could take to help you sleep. Ive had limited success with baclofen which I used occasionally. I also follow The Mind Illuminated meditation and lately have been trying metta meditation to see if that helps too. I’d like to think meditation helps me to be a little more resilient and it at least helps me to keep myself anchored when times are tough which is every day right now.

Whenever I sit down to meditate for an hour, I think I was truly meditating for only a sixth of that time. It’s like going to the gym. It takes a long term commitment before we can begin to see drastic changes.

Please stay strong. I believe things will look up for you moving forward in 2020.

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