Ok I want to just want to get this out of the way before I continue:
I hate posting here. No offence. I hate posting anywhere like this as this forums are mostly full of doom and gloom.
I NEED hope. Please dont bother to reply with something sad or bitter to this, I cant handle that right now.
TL;DR: I’m 27, woman, was on 150MG of lustral (sertraline) that I cold turkeyed in 2014 (yup, I’m an idiot) on top of that, I had a spice/synthetic weed addiction in 2013, smoked weed as if they were cigarettes from 2012 til 2016, binge drank, eating disorder etc etc so I do not want my story to scare anyone here ok?
Just because mine has been long term so far, I dont want others to get bummed out by this cos I have other factors in my story. I have OCD and from 2012 onwards I had a fear of never falling in love again because someone I had feelings for psychologically damaged me in a cruel way. I formed an OCD obsession about romantic love and was hiked up to 150mg of lustral (before this I was on lexapro, 20mg I think?) and the lexapro gave me no hassle, it was fine.
I stopped taking my lustral because I simply forgot. I was smoking weed heavily at the time and drinking most days. I just forgot one day. I was 21
I noticed no pleasure when I had sex. Like none at all. No arousal etc. I found out about PSSD a year and a bit later and my world came crashing down. My anhedonia completely spiralled.
I’m 27 now and still never had a window of arousal. Haven’t been turned on since 2013. Pretty much ready to end it all if I’m honest.
Hate how I dont have crushes and haven’t in a long time. Hate the constant emptiness and the horror stories I read about losing romantic feelings.
All I want is to fall in love again. That’s it. That’s all I’ve wanted for almost 8 years. Having this condition is my own personal hell as I went on meds to stop my fear of never falling in love again, ironically.
I haven’t touched a med since 2014. Nothing. What can I do?
Please, I beg ye, positive answers only, please. I NEED hope.