Hey 5-a
Not that you were asking for advice, but I’d try for something to happen with that 20 something. In reality, you’re right, it probably won’t actually change anything as far as your recovery. But what difference does that make? it’s not gonna hurt anything in regards to it either. And if there’s a girl you’re attracted to that is offering up anything close to a sure thing, maybe give it a go. I’d love a situation like that right now
Greek, question for you because you’re giving really good advice
Are you out there trying to date? Seems like you’ve thought a lot of this through. Feel free to say that’s too personal.
I don’t know whether this is good advice or not but you could maybe try being nonchalantly vague, like think of your last proper relationship and irrespective of how long ago it was, bring it forward in time in that if she asks about your last relationship you can still refer to something concrete but in terms of how long ago it was you could be non-specific about this, saying something like, a year or so. It’s still kind of the truth, although the “so” in question is obviously longer than she would presume by what you said. It just means that rather than sweating over what to say you can latch on to something real from your past, but you are in complete control over how you present it. I remember a friend was once asked her age, and despite being in her forties at the time she said “32”, as she felt that if this person was impertinent enough to ask it she could reply in any way she chose. Now of course I’m not equating this with getting to know someone romantically, but at the same time I think that I’m using it to show that you still have a degree of control over what you say. You don’t need to hand over your entire sexual history as I’m sure that no one is that baldly honest on first meeting someone. The most important thing is being best prepared with anything that may worry you and that will help your confidence. I’m not suggesting that you come up with some elaborate backstory like some desperate fantasist. If any encounter has legs then you could always be more honest in time and maybe explain that you were reluctant to disclose this earlier.
Thanks and that sounds like some variation of what I will probably end up having to do. I wonder how eventually one day a girl would respond to the truth. That i’ve been out of the dating game for so many years because of adverse effects from a hair loss drug…man, never thought my life would include maybe having to one day have a conversation like that. Sometimes the situation still doesn’t feel real, though of course it is.
A girl says to you “I took a drug that gave me some major side effects.” Your doubtlessly compassionate response to that is likely to be the standard response anyone would have, man or woman.
Like, be smart about who you want to tell personal things to, but you don’t need to fear anything from nice people. And most people are.
How is your current situation after these years?
Can you explain what improved to you or not?
Took dut for prostate enlargement at 22 no issues. Took saw P at 26 got all sexual sides. Took Clomid and AI sexual sides got worse. Took saw P again at age 29 got severe constipation and insomnia. Recovered from insomnia 90 percent pre PFS using magnesium and glycine and time and some other things that are less relevant. Started playing around with amino acids at age 36. Caused a relapse insomnia episode that took 7 months to recover from using magnesium and glycine again and some other things that are not that relevant which I’m back to 90 percent pre PFS with insomnia. Playing around with amino acids resulted in me figuring out that increasing natural production of serotonin practically cures my constipation which I’m currently 90 percent pre PFS.
Almost 37 and all sexual sides remain. In the past I have made my sexual sides worse trying different things which usually go back to baseline although baseline for me is bad for sexual sides. At one point I took mifepristone which cured all my sexual sides to 80 percent pre PFS but faded over a 5 week period. Could not replicate again although obviously as you can imagine I tried several times with different dosages
Current plan to explore dopamine further . A recent dopamine trial brought my sexual sides back to baseline after previously worsening them with something else.
Nate99
This sounds like good advice and in my opinion could work if you meet a like minded woman looking for a long term relationship. Just my two cents.
What an awesome thread. Made me emotional. I am too anxious to date at 33 while needing viagra. I couldn’t hide it for long. It would take a miracle of a woman to put up with that for an extended period of time. And then if she leaves and the word gets out about my issue it’s a bigger nightmare than it already is. If I just had some friends to hang with and be open with about this I’d be good honestly. But I can’t be open with anyone about this. I’d be a burden and just plain weird. And I can’t devastate my immediate family with this.
Do any of you have people you are able to disclose to other than a therapist/doctor? I don’t want to say I wish I had friends with PFS to talk to because I don’t want anyone else to have this nightmare.
Also has talking to a therapist helped? I’d like to hear your opinions before I decide on getting one. Seems pointless to me honestly but who knows.
Feels good to see other people going through this at the 10+ year mark. Took this when I was 21 and 32 now but sides still remain, albeit improved as compared to before. We’ve been through a long journey guys. Personally I’ve been able to date since this without too many issues. I’ve found cycling herbs cdnuts style has helped with libido somewhat alongside a strict diet.
Would it take a miracle of a man to put up with a woman having to take birth control? You could take cialis (not viagra) be good for a weekend and nobody could tell. ED is a common thing and many young people without PFS take it to deal with performance anxiety.
If a girl would object to me treating a medical problem for her, that wouldn’t be someone i would like to be with. And unless you’re a celebrity, i don’t think you have to worry about ‘the word getting out’ to any potential dates.
Thank you for the more positive perspective brother. I need to work on my negativity. I will have to stop theorizing about what will happen and just out myself out there again to see what happens. Thank for your help while I adjust to this new way of life. I realllly appreciate it
Wegotyou
A few years ago I was going through quite a lot emotionally and I felt like I just had to tell someone. So I had a talk with several very close friends that I feel 100% comfortable with (individually) about what I was going through. They were supportive. They asked some questions, the obligatory ones at first of course. In general they’ll try to solve your problem or offer a solution or ask some questions to make sure it’s not all in your mind. I did the best I could to answer those but also let them know this really isn’t something that I can prove to them or something they can solve.
I needed to tell someone as I’m pretty sure they were all wondering why I wasn’t dating anyone for years. I’d say it went about as well as can be expected. They all remember that we had these talks but i don’t think they totally remember the exact specifics. They just remember that I’m going through something that prevents me from being comfortable with dating. But they will generally forget the exact things you are telling them. It’s a complicated thing we’re dealing with. But in the end, I’m glad I said something, just to not feel alone about it.
I talk with my family about it as well some of the times, but as the years have gone by and as the sides have lessened I have felt less and less need to discuss it. I thought about talking to a therapist a few years ago but at the time my medical network was bombarded with people wanting individual sessions. All they could offer me within the next few months was a group session. Needless to say I was not in favor of that. I switched networks but eventually felt less need to talk about it, but i do totally wonder what they’d say about how to deal with what we’re going through. Is there a way to frame this that would make us feel better?
It’s actually one of my really close male friends that I told about this that is really pushing me to get into dating. I always assume like you do, why would anyone want to be with someone that has these issues? My friend always says just let whoever you’re dating decided that. I get hung up on not being as good looking at almost 40 now compared to a decade ago when this started and he says the same, “Don’t make those judgements about yourself, you don’t know what they’ll see in you, let them decide that.” Basically he’s just saying don’t let this stop me from trying. I know it’s easy to say when you’re not going through this but it’s not bad advice.
Thank you so much for the reply! You guys are so thoughtful with responses. It helps to know you had some of the same feelings.
Hearing how it went when you told people gives me a better idea of how to prepare for when I disclose. That’s a big help to me!!! I couldn’t imagine what it would be like because just the thought makes me so anxious. I’m sure a therapist would have helped me figure this out so I better get one. Doesn’t sound as bad as I imagined.
I’m glad your symptoms are better, gives me hope.
I like the advice your friend gave you. Thanks for relating it. I need to get over the fear of rejection which was exacerbated by my ED. I’ll eventually give it a go and put myself out there. Is it worse than isolating myself? We’ll see lol People can surprise you. Def need a therapist to process the potentially awkward moments.
So I saw each of those friends individually, maybe going out to dinner with some, i remember I spent a weekend with another and I just said “Ok so I want to talk about something…” So I basically tried to simplify it and to sum it up with I took hairloss drugs and they gave me side effects and even after quitting the side effects didn’t go away and got worse. It’s such a long story for all of us that I think it’s good to kind of map out where you are going with it. You can basically say you’ve never felt right since quitting and every doctor says nothing is wrong but you feel wrong and the only people whose accounts match what you are experiencing are the people on this site. What they’re describing is exactly what you’re going through.
Most friends would be supportive, but i’m sure there are some that will try to say it’s in your head because they simply don’t know about it. They just want to help you and they think they are helping you by saying that. I have a buddy that is a good friend, but I know he would never believe any of this. He’s got certain pre-conceived notions about all our friends and if something doesn’t match what he believes to be true, he’d likely frame it within what he already knows. Like this would be in my head because he thinks i obsess about things too much. So as good of a friend as he is, i’d never talk to him about this, he just wouldn’t understand.
When you find someone to confide in, there is a weight lifted to a degree. It’s not like this friends want to actively talk about this stuff with you because again, none of them, even the sympathetic ones, will be able to fully understand this. They just won’t. But it’ll be an unburdening for you, to finally not have to hide something. A weight will be lifted.
How is your current situation after 10 years regarding side effects?
Which problems/sides still remains in your life?
Just to update: I did create an online dating account. There are so many different sites, i thought i’d start off with one that seemed simple and there probably wasn’t a high degree of pressure. I made an account for bumble where the women have to be the ones to message you. I have no idea what i’m doing with creating a good profile so i need to get one of my female friends who is on pretty much every site to give me a hand. No messages yet but possibly a lot of likes but you need to get an upgraded membership to see who likes your profile. Could just be fake users and a scam. I felt it was a scary thing to just get started. I had been putting it off and having a little anxiety about it.
When I started this thread in the summer, I remember just a few days after starting it I hit a period of temporary recovery. Was feeling so clear and alive mentally. The physical effects and sexual thoughts were returning as well. It lasted about a week but did eventually come down. The me when I’m recovered can definitely be interested in dating. I feel like as far as a recovery goes i’m much closer than before, but for years i’ve thought “just a few more years and this will be over.” Maybe this cycle of feeling low and blank and sick and then eventually getting to an almost recovery and then back again and back again is just a part of my life now. But i would like to have some more predictability to it. Like how many weeks will the low parts usually last? How many days will the high parts last. I think this could make it much easier for me to date, if I knew what’s around the corner to some degree.
Also, i got a prescription from my doc for Tadalafil and there’s some confusion about the quantity size so i’m gonna pick up a new one from him soon then get it filled with goodrx (the doc’s suggestion). This will make me feel a little more confident I guess. When things are going well i can easily think about sex. When i’m at a low point, it’s a lot more difficult. Maybe this will help
yeah i have
i have anxiety but its been pretty fun. the anxiety wears out quick
and the anhedonia gives me the balls to do and say unpredictable stuff with a girl or a group of them which have led to some interesting moments
encourage everyone to get back in the game
push yourself
Hi Lakehouse, just to be clear, you do suffer from sexual side effects though, right? That’s mostly what keeps me from trying harder to pursue this. If it’s a down time where the sides are stronger, it’s like there’s just something missing sexually for me to tap into. Has kept me on the sidelines for awhile
no i do not suffer from sexual side effects
all neurological
i can see how sexual side effects make things much more difficult. but if someone can get an erection without the feeling and the pleasure id say just plow through the numbness and carry on