Don’t know where to start, i feel like PFS reaches the victim’s soul, honestly, I think even if we die we will have PFS on the other side(lol), it made me an alien, I am really tired of this shit, all the difficulties, all the pain, it is too much,i can’t live a normal life, keep remembering my old self, how capable I was, how happy I was and now, just a passive human, I am so tired, I lost the battle, a viable cure is not in the prospect, just waiting for a miracle, It can either be the cure or sudden death in sleep.
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damn, one of the worst days ever, it wasn’t productive at all, the lower back pain flared up and I couldn’t do much
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Is this the vent thread?
Is it ok if I vent here? I will remove my post at the first petition of the OP.
Man, i’m truly having a bad time right now, saying my family has not been supportive is kind of an understatement, they always were bad as parents, distant and cold, but holy fuck even when i’m suffering so much they deny fin did anything and blame everything else, saying it’s all natural, saying i’m auto-suggesting my symptoms, saying it’s because of my antisocial behavior, and saying many other silly and contradictory things; honestly, i’m kinda falling appart mentally right now, I feel the least lucid i’ve been in my life, I can’t express myself, my studies are getting wrecked too. Maybe I went crazy and as my parents say fin didn’t do anything, heck, idk anymore, what I do know is that this is not a good life.
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nah bro it’s all cool, it is a vent thread, I hear you and am so sorry about the difficulties you have to deal with them on daily basis, some parents are cold and not supportive, not all of them are alike, if they are that way don’t expect much from them, lowering ur expectation will make you accept the situation easier and it will calm you down, it is shitty, what can i say, i had a flare-up yesterday and right now i am spending one of the worst days i had throughout my PFS life so i 100000% feel you.
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Many thanks man, it’s nice to have a place like this.
I think yesterday I was going through a panic attack of some sort, i’m more calmed now thankfully.
Anyways, I think i’ve learnt the lesson, from now on I will suffer in silence and hide my problems, telling them about it was always a bad idea.
Hope things calm down for you too man, be careful with the things you eat and the products you use, maybe it’s related.
Best wishes.
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the imagination of a PFSer: In a parallel world, PFS patients make appointments with their Drs, and their Drs in a course of 3 weeks treat their patients, more serious cases take 6 weeks of treatment. 
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I feel the need to vent as well. Bear with me, this is important!
I live in the USA, and when I rise in the morning I see all the new posts waiting to be read! All the thoughts of European and Asian members, who have been up and running for 5-6 hours or more!
It takes several hours for my head to clear enough to write intelligently. But by then, with the time difference, everyone on the east side of the Atlantic is burned out and sleeping! The board is dead, except for us Americans talking to each other!
We need you guys to stay up later, take a nap if you must, so we can all interact at once!
What do you all think? Is this doable? (I’m sorry if I was too harsh on you…) Jim
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Ooh, what does this button do? Lets find out! Woe, was me, I just histone deacetylated. Wait, what is a histone? I don’t know. Who cares? I don’t care, because I cannot feel it. I was told growing up not to press buttons I do not understand. I should not have played with myself this way. Did I just flip my circuit breaker? How do I factory reset? Oh wait, we do not come from factories. Where is the instruction manual?
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@Taw
Your vent was incredibly hurtful! I’ll need some quiet time…you know my problems with histone! …and buttons!
Hopefully sense of humor still exists. Jim
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indeed bro, before the pandemic, i used to work at a place next to a bodyshop, I could see all the cars towed in, all screwed up, some with smashed bodies, no tires, and whatnot, then after some time the owner would come to pick up the fixed car, all like brand new, back then i wish we could have done the same to our bodies, the world is so unfair, before my crash i always considered my self a lucky guy, enjoying life, getting the most out of everything and every opportunity, i would look at life in a way that its too short, in my 20s i would wish that i live 100 years cause i loved life, but now i just want this dark comedy to come to an end, the sooner the better, wish i could reverse everything with a press of a button,
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I wish there was a factory reset also. You lose on a video game, simply turn it off then back on again.
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Thanks to PFS, i don;t even know what normal life is like anymore, aside from PFS, Covid made my situtation more complicated, i got the covid twice and it made my back pain way worse, according to my DR, chronic back-pain is a lasting symptom of covid, life is fun, thank you God 
, oh boy how bad i want to feel my old self, its a feeling i crave 24/7, reminiscing is my nowadays addiction, i would travel to different countries, without worrying about my food and place of sleep, feels like it was 100 years ago, recovering from PFS is like coming back from the dead.
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I don’t understand how people can actually tolerate the anhedonia and insomnia combo for years. I’m only in so far 6 months and I want out right now. I didn’t bust my ass for years to finally start my life and career only to get hit by this. All the things I’ve wanted to do, see, experience are finally within my means and are now meaningless without that dopamine hit. I spend my days off reminiscing and playing what if scenarios in my head.
What if I had fought back against my parents who did the typical Asian bit where studying is God and I had to go to the US for university even though I was living in Canada. All the extra work I had to do just made me stress and lose my hair. Take a wild guess as to who suggested I should take propecia and get a hair transplant.
What if I had fought harder against the hair transplant treatment? They thought it would “help with my confidence”. I had no issues with shaving my head but they didn’t want me to look like a monk and be a social outcast I guess so my opinion was invalid yet again. I thought it was insane doctor Frankenstein levels of bullshit. Cut out a piece of my scalp and jab the follicles back into my skull? What the hell! I clearly expressed my discomfort about the procedure and the fact I would have to be on pills for as long as I wanted to keep my hair but the damn “doctor” clearly just wanted the money and my parents were none the wiser, saying that the doctor said the procedure and pills were safe and that I should be grateful. Imagine being grateful for being saddled with the costs of maintaining a pill reliance on a drug with dubious effects. I had done my research before and was leery of the benefits of propecia vs the financial cost. Oh well, just be grateful. BTW, better not stop otherwise that big ass scar on the back of your head will show up once the hair falls out!
6 years later wham bam the PFS grenade goes off. Insomnia first, anhedonia next. Nights with hot flashes and sweats. Complete loss of appetite. Muscles twitches. Brain zaps. Reduced smell and taste. I thought something was off and told my parents. Nope, insomnia is a natural part of growing up. Anhedonia? You just don’t enjoy gaming anymore because you’ve grown up. Rest of the stuff is just a phase, you’re just getting old, not a young man anymore.
By the time I managed to connect the dots I was three months in. Imagine my disgust and revulsion that a decision that had been made for me had dire consequences for my life. I quit the drugs then and there. It’s now three months in and no improvements.
I’m resigned now to the fact that my life is a ruin. My work is definitely impacted by this as I’m constantly in a state of misery and brain fog and I know 100% there is no way in hell I’m keeping my job like this with my responsibilities piling up. My psychiatrist and psychotherapist are both of no help whatsoever, claiming that there is still meaning to be had in a life without joy and that anything is possible without offering any scientific approach to treatment. I’m done. I don’t want to die but I don’t want to live in this state even more.
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Fuck those guys, tell them to cut their balls off and prove it.
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damn dude, you described this shit implacably, the what if scenarios is the daily routine of my life, reminiscing is my dope nowadays, life is so precious and i was a dumb asshole, too bad the pill is not forgiving.
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I can relate to what you’re saying. I also had a very extreme crash with brain zaps and am tortured by the anhedonia. The what if scenarios play in my head all day long. I always feel especially bad when people like you and me, who weren’t given any warning at all about the danger, end up here.
Believe me man, it wouldn’t have been better if it had been your own initiative.
Anyways, don’t blame yourself (don’t even blame your parents, they wanted the best for you), at the end of the day, what doomed us is a combination of bad luck and the fact that we didn’t research enough before taking fin, if you really want to blame someone, blame the greedy doctor, but it would be useless, just as useless as daydreaming about the “what ifs”. Even if you don’t feel much joy in anything, maybe you should try to improve your condition just to be able to feel things in the future (the idea of improving is what has keept me going and motivated, personally), though I really don’t know what you have tried so far, you haven’t done a member story post yet, this reads like one and if you made one we could share advice more personally without derailing a “vent thread”.
It sounds like your story is further complicated by having what sounds like a potentially unhealthy relationship with your parents where their love and expectations for you can appear controlling. This is probably a lot to disentangle, but since their desires have previously been allowed to override your own and also caused you harm, I would feel less likely to want to heed their opinions now and to try if you can to begin to chart your own course. I appreciate that I write this when you have been disabled by this drug, but I am positive that brighter times will lie ahead once PFS is figured out, and also time can be a healer to an extent for many with PFS. I just feel that your relationship with your parents might need worked on to so as your own voice is allowed to be heard in the future without seeming to be coerced by others desires for you. I’m really sorry that all of this has happened to you.
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Hey Scotsman wanna chat?