everything is missing

Member Stories
#1

What happened to life? I made some poor decisions during the past 2 years.

I used Finasteride, a generic version from mid Nov. 2008 to January 2009. I don’t even want to say how foolish my ‘logic’ was that led me to buy and use Finasteride.

I noticed fat accumulation on my neck and belly, poor sleep, and some cognitive problems during those days on Fin. When I finally shaved my neck in January and saw the fat on my neck for the first time, I stopped taking Fin and panicked a little. 5 days later, I found this forum and couldn’t bear to read much beyond, "irreversible, " “long-term” and “genetic” along with a quick scan of speculative theories on why people have these side effects long-term. I remember seeing someone’s post about “years” of side effects. I don’t think re-opened this forum’s site until about one week later or more.

I also noticed the information about the typical 2 weeks following FIN use and a discussion of whether to quit suddenly vs. gradually… I had already stopped 5 days prior to entering this forum the first time.

During those final two weeks of January, I did not notice a hormonal rush or a change as described on this web forum. I think that I already had too much dread.

I’ve never done blood tests. My thought on the matter was that no one knows how to treat these side-effects and that it would take my own willpower and good habits to defeat this problem I walked into.

Unfortunately, any ‘plan’ to defeat these side effects for me needed to be delayed because:

  1. I’ve been hit by a taxi and had foot and ankle problems since May 2007. I have had two surgeries on my foot and ankle this year. 2009.

  2. I decided to have nasal surgery twice since March 2008 and my nose is now worse

My entire year (2009) has been nothing but social isolation, inability to express myself vocally, emotionally, or facially (because of my nose), poor sleep (post-FIN), and a gradual decay of pleasure or joy.

After learning about the post-FIN, I remained somewhat optimistic that I would find a way to defeat this condition. However, my nasal surgery at the end of March nearly destroyed all my remaining hope and willpower.

I’ve just survived another surgery on my foot whereby bones were successfully fused together. I just started walking yesterday.

While I don’t take my foot doctor and successful surgery for granted, I can say that I correctly assumed that all would go as well as it could with my foot. My orthopedic surgeon is excellent, IMO.

However, I am finding that weeks are now becoming a little more difficult to endure and my fits of crying and calling myself an “idiot” for not dealing with one problem at a time, for not researching Finasteride beforehand, for not delaying further surgery on my nose, for not changing my geographic location (and thus climate and air quality) back in January or February of 2008, prior to nasal surgery (for some perspective)… And, of course, I have no one to “help” me and there’s no way to help these problems until later.

Anxiety has prevailed in my life since post-FIN and since my nasal surgery in March. For those reading this, I can tell you that the reason for this is that the nose doctors I’ve seen since March have given me very little hope.

I think that it’s important for anyone here to consider the role of anxiety, depression, and poor sleep when coping with your symptoms. I actually began having softer and less-sustained erections last year, before using FIN because I was having a lot of anxiety while living in Bangkok and getting far too little sleep, exercise, or calories. Every single day since then (and probably since my nasal surgery in 2008), I’ve been dealing with anxiety, not enough exercise, and having a poor diet or eating routine/habits on a daily basis (I know some of you might like Thai food, but when you live there you don’t feel the same way, plus there’s MSG on almost everything).

Actually, I want add one other detail to my story: during the first month on FIN, I returned to America and my appetite was better than it had been since my nasal surgery in 2008. It wasn’t my “true” self appetite, or my healthy self’s appetite, but it was a little better and I remember being able to breathe better when I came back to cold, brisk air (Pennsylvania, November, December 2008). During December or January, this changed. Also, it’s obvious to me now that as I spent more time indoors during the winter, my nose was always closed down on one side, thus causing me more anxiety and less interest in food.

I still really want to believe that there is a way for all of us here to use exercise, diet, and good sleep to overcome post-FIN life. Every day of my life now I struggle to believe that, but I struggle even more with anxiety about my nose TBH.

I wonder about many of the proposed and tried recovery methods used on this forum. The story about myelin sheaths being damaged is interesting… so, I wonder about Omega 3 and magnesium sulfate. I once used chelation therapy to help me recover from something and magnesium sulfate is used for chelation therapy.

I just want to say to any of you on here that I am on the web daily, wasting time or reading some stuff. I can be reached through pm and I will chat or link with you on facebook as I am not embarassed to talk about anything to anyone or anywhere.

October 2nd is my first appt. with an endocrinologist. I am going to UPMC in Pittsburgh. I cannot see Dr. Shippen at this time, but may attempt to move near Philadelphia in order to see him (and a top rhinoplasty surgeon) and attend school. I plan to update or ask questions on this forum regarding my test results.

what a disaster.

#2

I’ve taken advil PM during the last week and I’ve noticed that on the first night I took it, I slept VERY well relative to other days.

However, after that first night, I took it again maybe 2-3 nights in succession and my sleep has been about as poor as it ever was post-FIN. In fact, I will state with 100% certainty that there was a direct link between my poor sleep for the past week, the advil PM and an increase in my anxiety coupled with unusual sensations and MORE feelings of shrinkage.

#3

music used to be my refuge and one way to make myself feel alive when nothing could or when no one was there with me.

Now, because of my nose and perhaps the post-FIN condition, AND because I cannot sing anymore (nose), music usually reminds me of TIME, LIFE, and all that’s been lost.

I used to miss my girlfriend in Asia, now I miss life, period.

#4
  1. How did you find this forum?
    search… google?
  2. What is your current age, height, weight?
    31, 187cm, 79kilos
  3. Do you excercise regularly? If so, what type of excercise?
    no, i cannot at this time
  4. What type of diet do you eat (vegetarian, meat eater, raw, fast-food/organic healthy)?
    various. I’m moody or picky about food. I would prefer to have Indian or fish nearly every meal except when i’ve an urge to eat something crunchy but not fried.
  5. Why did you take Finasteride (hair loss, BPH, other)?
    hair loss
  6. For how long did you take Finasteride (weeks/months/years)?
    approx. 59 days
  7. How old were you when you started Finasteride?
    30
  8. How old were you when you quit?
    30
  9. How did you quit (cold turkey or taper off)?
    cold
  10. What type of Finasteride did you use – Propecia, Proscar, Fincar or other generic?
    generic
  11. What dose did you take (eg. 1 mg/day, 1 mg every other day etc.)?
    1 mg
  12. How long into your use of Finasteride did you notice the onset of side effects?
    approx. 30 days (I ignored never before seen belly fat until later)
  13. What side effects did you experience while on the drug that have yet to resolve since discontinuation?
    appetite, weaker erections
    Put an X beside all that apply:

Sexual
[x ] Loss of Libido / Sex Drive
[x ] Erectile Dysfunction
[ ] Complete Impotence
[x ] Loss of Morning Erections
[ x] Loss of Spontaneous Erections
[ x] Loss of Nocturnal Erections
[ ] Watery Ejaculate
[x ] Reduced Ejaculate
[ ] Inability to Ejaculate / Orgasm
[ ] Reduced Sperm Count / Motility

Mental
[ x] Emotional Blunting / Emotionally Flat
[x ] Difficulty Focusing / Concentrating
[ x] Confusion
[ x] Memory Loss / Forgetfullness
[x ] Stumbling over Words / Losing Train of Thought
[ ] Slurring of Speech
[ x] Lack of Motivation / Feeling Passive / Complacency
[x ] Extreme Anxiety / Panic Attacks
[ x] Depression / Melancholy

Physical
[ x] Penile Tissue Changes (narrowing, shrinkage, wrinkled)
[ ] Penis curvature / rotation on axis
[ ] Testicular Pain
[ x] Testicular Shrinkage / Loss of Fullness
[x ] Genital numbness / sensitivity decrease
[ x] Weight Gain
[ ] Gynecomastia (male breasts)
[ ] Muscle Wastage
[ ] Muscle Weakness
[ ] Joint Pain
[ ] Dry / Dark Circles under eyes

Misc
[ ] Prostate pain
[ ] Persistent Fatigue / Exhaustion
[ ] Stomach Pains / Digestion Problems
[ ] Constipation / “Poo Pellets”
[ ] Vision - Acuity Decrease / Blurriness
[ ] Increased hair loss
[ ] Frequent urination
[x ] Lowered body temperature

[ ] Other (please explain)

#5

the active ingredient, diphenhydramine, used in Advil PM is also a hormone inhibitor. It inhibits acetylcholine. of course, I did not bother to read about this before taking Advil PM. My symptoms worsened during this past week. very obvious now.

#6

I don’t think I’m going to get anywhere without a steady, 3-4 meals per day diet of wholesome INdian food and daily one to two hours of sunlight on my skin (regardless of whether it’s damaging, but yes, within reason). accelerating all the bodily processes: absorption, respiration, excretion, etc. are necessary daily and working all muscle groups moderately, but esp. the legs and buttocks.

I’m not able to do all of the above and I wager (i’ve said this before) that most of you on this website trying to recover cannot get a well-rounded, regular diet, daily sunlight on your skin, adequate sweating (aerobic), etc. but the part of this that somewhat confounds me still is the neurosteroid or the problems we may have in the brain or central nervous system as a whole.

My life is so anhedonic that surely, you can all trust that I would provide many on this site with the chance to simply retreat to a hot, sunny climate for many months where we would have good food and exercise daily along with some consultations and monitoring/testing done IF I WON THE LOTTERY… hahah. nothing better I can think of doing with the $$$ since I would only need about $350,000 to live out most of the rest of my life in Asia with my gf. nothing gives me joy, so I’d rather use the money to give you all a better shot at recovery and possibly a better chance to sue the profitability out of Merck.

#7

I found an online quiz for anhedonia and took the test and scored very high for it. I think that’s part of the emotional blunting we all deal with. Interesting how you mention indian food helps you feel better. It also makes me feel better too. Since I’ve been off finasteride I notice that sometimes I have a strong reaction to certain foods for some reason.

#8

A real Indian “meal” is more well-rounded than most Western meals IMO. Europeans didn’t have diversity of food in meals until modern times, I think. But they did eat fish, right? Nowadays, in the U.S., I think it’s rare that a person sits down and eats a good balance between the food groups and ALSO has a variety of tastes at the meal: sour, sweet, bitter, pungent, salty… Indian meals, traditionally include many of these—sometimes all due to the masalas used or vegetables or yogurt.

I suppose you can get something similar out of a Middle Eastern or Ethiopian meal at the right place and time. Italian doesn’t give you all the tastes, but can give you a near-complete protein profile in one meal. I always imagined a gourmet French meal consisting of incomparable variety for the European or Western standards, but compared to India or SE Asia, Mediterranean and French gourmet are still nowhere near as diverse according to the ideas I gave above that might constitute a “diverse offering” at a single meal.

#9

well, as we all continue toward age 40 and science is not soon to offer us any means of recovery, I give you some of my ideas:

  1. first off, don’t try Inhibit-E. It’s the first such foolish thing I’ve done since being off Finasteride. I used it for maybe 4-5 days and I think I’ve set myself back one year.

  2. the amino acid Theanine helps to minimize anxiety or ‘mindchatter’

  3. consider acupuncture, herbs for the kidneys and prostate. I am presently still trying to find a good Chinese medicine practitioner… don’t know if I will find one where I am. I am taking “Native Man” from New Chapter which includes cordyceps and Yun Zhi mushrooms among others. I have been thinking about mushrooms as far back as i can remember into my post-Finasteride days. I am finally taking some, but I cannot say anything about ‘efficacy’ of what I am taking because I just screwed myself up with the Inhibit-E.

  4. Although some of you will think me a fool for the Inhibit -E experiment which has cost me, I encourage you to consider this one final thing which I eventually found after more than 18 months of either being cynical, depressed, unmotivated, or simply wanting to cling on to some amorphis semblance of hope without having to make that hope materialize or become more concrete.

Here it is, and I hope that some of you will consider that this is a legitimate possibility for healing us:

scribd.com/doc/2072997/Dark-Room-Enlightenment

Of course, the problem is many of you probably have families or too many responsibilities and debts/obligations.

I am going to make a mission for myself to find a way to execute this same sort of ritual. I used to live in Thailand and if there is no way for me to do this in the States, I will surely make my way back to Thailand where there is a temple and a particular monk who oversees this activity.

Furthermore, I would bring this to the attention of Dr. Jacobs, but therein is the trick for “the way things work.” Even when/if a modern medical professional were to implement (experiment with or observe) this type of “therapy” (which is, btw, something that was likely used more than a thousand years ago in Asia by animists and various pre-Buddhists), then I believe the consequence would either be to seek stilll a different solution via modern technology (and discourage use of this old practice) or to commodify the use of a dark room to treat a variety of psychological and physiological problems. ie. it would be widely used and expensive unless you could have friends take care of you while DIY.

#10

Take it from someone who meddled in stuff like this (i.e. dark room therapy) for years for other reasons, most of the time it will bring harm and no good will come of it or just simply doesn’t work at all.

Why don’t you get bloodwork done and start from there? At least if you still want to pursue new age type treatments, you can then verify if they actually had any impact before and after.

#11

Brad,

you “meddled” in “stuff like this”? did you try dark room therapy? If so, Can you tell me truthfully how long you attempted to do it in one stretch… meaning total days, hours, weeks without coming out? It wouldn’t do any good to do it for only a few days.

I don’t see anyone with a solution for our problems and I don’t see something such as dark room therapy (whatever you want to call it) as potentially destructive as more drugs or other experiments. Of course, one can always just do nothing but try to eat, sleep, exercise, and socialize in a healthy way of life–and still have numbed penis, dry skin, fat deposits, poor short-term memory and less than adequate deep sleep for years apparently.

7 years on finasteride? have you made progress? what helped other than lifestyle/routine?