enough is enough

General Discussion
#1

I know it may seem like all my posts are nothing but me bitching about the circumstance I’m in. I have an endo appointment tomorrow but it’s a lost cause. It’s so much more than just physical issues I’m dealing with. The mental and emotional shit that I have been through this past year is overwhelming. I can’t cope with anything anymore, even the most simple things. I was reading past threads about guys noting that they feel as though they have regressed back into childhood. I couldn’t agree more. Probably the worst “side effect” that I have suffered because of this poison is how my Father views me now. After my parents divorced and things settled down, my Father and I finally reached mutual satisfaction with one another. Unfortunately that was just the eye of the storm. It’s back to him blaming me for things that aren’t even my fault, me blaming myself for everything even when I didn’t have anything to do with it. He straight up talks to me as though I’m a child; maybe I deserve it. Old fears and phobias I have long since forgotten are coming back to haunt me. He says shit that really hits home.

I feel weak and lost. I am now a schizophrenic. Everything in my life is broken. I am so ashamed of myself for what I have become. Hell couldn’t be worse than the place I am in right now. I remember a friend saying “suicide is the easy way out, I would at least enlist in the army and go overseas and die fighting”. I would GLADLY enlist, the only problem is that I CANNOT EVEN FUCKING FUNCTION!! I would fail the psychiatric test. I don’t deserve this life because I know well that other people have it far worse than me and are able to carry a better attitude. But what got me here? A fucking vanity pill. There’s no honor in that. I don’t appreciate life anymore.

To those of you who aren’t YOU anymore, this was me. I enjoyed wakeboarding, fly fishing, weightlifting ( I started out a scrawny kid at 15 years old weighing 120 by the time I was 18 I had gained to 185 with no personal trainers or steroids: squating and deadlifting 405 for reps), I had a 38 inch vertical, kept and cherished many friendships pre -fin, have been in love, have had my heart broken, loved to hit the dance floor, loved a good enlightened “high” equipped with good music and conversations, aided strangers and friends when and where I could, have experienced 2 spiritual moments where I can at least say I felt whatever is, found what I was good at, found my passion, have had my seconds of fame, have walked with integrity and respect, slept with beautiful girls, have thousands of beautiful memories I know less fortunate people might not have experienced.

In my eyes, I have already danced with and conquered life. I refuse to live out the rest of my days with this jaded attitude of mine and all the rest of the shit that Propecia has left me. To you guys finding things worth fighting for, more power to you. The personality I have cannot cope with with the guilt I’m feeling now. I can be either a really good combination or a really bad combination. It sucks I ended up with the latter.

#2

I understand the guilt completely. I am an only son and I believe I have ruined any chance my father had to carry on his name. The regret is beyond putting it into words. When this happened he told me I got what I deserved for being vain. Sometimes you have to temporarily seperate yourself from unhealthy relationships while dealing with this. Maybe over time your father will understand that this was something completely out of your control.

I was very athletic too. I described myself as Bruce Willis in Unbreakable. I was strong and while I loved the gym, I didn’t need to go to keep on muscle. Never even got a cold and looked 10 yrs younger than my age. Dated alot of girls many years my junior. Seems the more alpha you were the harder this hits you.

If you need someone to talk with I’m available (as I’m sure others here are as well). Just PM me. For me, trying to contribute something (no matter how minor) is helpful. Calling anyone I know who is involved with or might know someone in research, participating in studies, or just organizing my medical records in the event of someone needing them. Right now there is too much going on to give up all hope.

ps- IMO keep your appointment with the endo. At the very least you have brought our problem to the attention of another medical professional. Just be prepared with papers/studies from this website if he gives any resistance. We’ve all been there.

#3

I know the feeling guys. I always say that I am a shell of my former self. In every way possible; sports, mentally, sexually, academically, socially, etc. The worst part is that having no answer to our questions pretty much = having no hope. Lost my long term girlfriends to this shit, lost my basketball scholarship. If we ever find and answer to this I am going to travel the world and fuck every thing that walks. I lost the years 19-25 to this…what was supposed to the best years of my life were actually the worst.

I dont even try to explain my situation to people, not even loved ones. No one could possibly understand. Surely I would just be lazy and worry too much, like most Drs seem to think.

Finding a way to fix this will be like I was born all over again.

#4

Hang in there man, by mid september hopefully the results from awors study will have us making serious progress…

#5

I hear the same thing all the time about suicide being the easy way out. Tell those A**holes to put a gun to their head and get ready to kiss everything they know and love goodbye, ask them how easy that is? I loved life, I was full of life. And now I am pretty much in the same boat as you guys. I don’t want to die but living like this is worse than a nightmare.

I have everything else going for me,I’m 28 years old, I’m smart (130+ IQ, 1300 SAT, 96 ASVAB, 135 general tech) handsome (I hear it all the time), funny, and I have a great job. I have my dream job, I’m a US federal agent, I drive a BMW and am making more money than I ever have. But I can’t have a women in my life like this… I have no desire for sex… and could probably preform only a few times a week WITH cialis/viagra. I have been with 4 girls in the last six years because of this shit and the sex with two was not good, than i started the cialis and now I can get it up and maintain but its like I’m boning with a raw suasage with no feeling… I rarely get off… the girls don’t mind cuz I can go forever but WTF.

People at my job are avoiding me because I have been having issues at work maintaining my preformance… and have been visibly suffering. I have had to listen to dozens of people tell me to leave my problems at home… the idiots don’t understand that its my body and mind that are ruined and I have to take them everywhere I go… morons.

I used to be gung-ho, lets do this, borderline type A personality. Now I am a fucking pussy. I had the girl of my dreams in front of me 8 months ago and felt intimidated to seal the deal because of what this shit has done to me, everything has fallen apart.

I have spent close to $5,000 seeing doctors and getting meds and supplements to try to reverse my situation. Even the PFS docs are pretty clueless, the others are even worse. Nobody knows WTF is going on. I think its 5AR2 that has been destroyed. Others on this site have differing opinions.

T3 has helped… with “some” issues like flaccid penis size. I have been running around with JACKED out cortisol and acth like the body is in survival mode. My RT3 is super high too. I had to get the T3 myself cuz most normal docs don’t even test RT3 and think that if you have normal free T3 you are fine… so they wouldn’t give it to me. When the body is in survival mode the first system to get shut down is the reproductive system.

I have been at wits end for a while now. 4 times now I have come close to blowing my brains out…

I have 3 suicide notes pre-written, I have text messages to friends and loved ones pre-written, I have a final facebook post pre-written. Honestly at this point I think it is just a matter of time. I am going to try to hang on abit longer because I see that there is some progress being made, but I am not holding out for much at this point.

My life was over before it really began, I have so much regret. I wish I had screwed more girls in high school and early college, I should have been happier when I was young and healthy and less serious, not taken it for granted… who’d have thought at 22 I would be condeming myself.

All I have done and achieved is for naught, I wanted a wife and kids one day… who knows if that is even possible now, my fertility is low as well. Its terrible, I have done far more good for this world than evil yet many of the criminal scum I arrest have been able to enjoy normal sex lives and have children.

My father has had to slowly watch me fall apart over time. I have spent on average 2-5 hours nearly every night for the past 8 months taking to him because I live 2300 miles away from home now in the ass crack of the United States. Trying to keep my sanity, screaming for help, if he could, I think the man would give his own life so that I could be me again… its been tearing him apart.

He begged for me to go to a psychiatrist… I went even thou I told him this is a hormonal depression… and psych’s just treat neurotransmitters primarily. Several drugs later… no relief at all, except slightly better sleep.

I hope everyone on the team that developed and approved finasteride has a special place in hell reserved for them… if hell exists.

And thats it. I never thought my life would be like this as a teenager… I was tough as nails, playing HS football and wrestling. I am 215 lbs, 12% BF, on the outside I look fine, but when my friends look in my eyes they say they can see the pain.

I’ve dislocated my left shoulder twice, been punched in the face more times than I want to admit and been in fights and was a bouncer at one point. Never shed a tear. Since this all has happened particularly after I used finasteride the 2nd time and things got 50X worse, I have spent 3/4 of the days crying at least once… lying in bed thinking about the girl I loved who let me go because of this. And worse: that I did this to myself.

If this is going to be the end of me eventually, I at least want to be remembered for the person I was and not this wretched thing I have become.

#6

I know exactly what you mean. It ends with me. The only other cousin thats able to carry on our name had a girl. He’s married to a complete bitch so he’s not planning on another anytime soon. It sounds so medieval but it does add to the guilt when it’s up to you.

Damn man. Did you end the relationship because the impotence in the relationship? It put a damper on mine because it made me feel like shit not having an intimate relationship so I eventually broke it off with her. She was a bitch anyway and used it as leverage a lot of the time looking back now. I really believe she preferred me to be that way so I couldn’t cheat on her. When we first met, prior to propecia, we had good sex though. Apparently she contracted HPV and I’m pretty sure I gave that to her; of course I said I didn’t. This makes me happy though. :smiling_imp: Because she now constantly worries about if she can conceive or not and I know thats her big insecurity and am sure it will effect some decisions in her life. Yeah my university experience was damaged and I now have a wasted college degree. It sucks when you think about all your hard work and good decisions were done in vain.

@Broken_Pecker
It’s people like you that assure me I’m not a hypochondriac. I can see how some people would view my position as “it can always be worse”. But they don’t understand the ripple effect this has caused in my life, they can’t comprehend how I feel. I don’t know about you but when I was still putting up a fight and doing well in life, I became extremely indecisive post fin. It was as if I couldn’t commit to anything for some reason. To commit to a woman while having these problems would prolly be a nightmare. More respect to you for keepin up your shit though. What pisses me off the most about all this is that I didn’t even pursue the drug, taking meds were never an option for me. I saw the dermatologist and he “made it happen”. Played off the fear he saw in my eyes about balding; honestly going bald was the only thing that ever intimidated me. There is a massive sign of his dermatology and there that fuckhead sits with a huge smile on his face. I wanna take a sharpie, climb up to the sign and write DICK on his forehead. I told him “I wish you physical, mental and emotional anguish”.

Thanks for the kindness man. But unless they have a gadget such as the one in “eternal sunshine of a spotless mind”, I will never be the same. I’m tainted and tarnished now.

===========

Sooooo I got back from my endo appointment. He asked some questions about my predicament. I told him everything then said
“In your professional opinion could you believe that a medication such as Propecia could cause these lasting side effects?”

He said “Of course”…He then gave an example but was talking too fast for me to comprehend. He did some bloodwork and then told me that testosterone replacement would be my best option. I’m going back in two weeks to get my results. I don’t trust doctors anymore and not sure what I’m going to do because it doesn’t seem worth it to me anyway. I’ll post my shit though when I get the results.

#7

Think long and hard before going on TRT please. For most all of us (particularly ones of us who are really screwed up) its of no help or makes us worse. Again, not telling you what to do that’s just been many of our experiences. Maybe at least wait until we hear back from Awor’s first lab work in mid Sept.

It was moonman who lost his bb scholarship. I am 5’10. Sadly, no bb scholarships for me.

I’ve only spoke to one girl since this happened to me over a year ago. Was pretty much just a friendship thing but she was looking for something romantic. Anyway, after I told her about this she ended contact with me. Was depressing and a relief at the same time.

I’ve had times, like Broken, when I’ve been very close. Thing is I’d want to end it and not become a vegetable or have people say, “it was a cry for help” etc. However I just can’t because it would kill my mom. She already lost my sister to cancer a few years ago and has been whacked out on meds since. Been trying to get her off them. She could never handle it. I’d go to my grave pretty much taking her with me.

#8

You guys that are suicidal, have you ever seen any light? even a brief recovery since your side effects started?

Also, if i were to kill myself (which i have thought about many times) i would at least try some of the things that have apparently cured some guys.

I don’t blame anyone for feeling suicidal going through this - it completely changes your life. The very sad thing is, i think it’s hard for others to appreciate it.

#9

Before last year i never though of suicide. I still don’t know if I have. But I got to the point where my symptoms keep trending worse regardless of what I do and started to ask the question “why am I bothering?” the problem is there is no pleasure in life. Sexual interaction has become torture. I don’t want my penis touched because it’s worse than unpleasant. On average I can get a few erections a month that can be used for sex but its a struggle and unpleasant feeling. If it wasn’t for this board and a place to find some inspiration and connect and focus my energy I would be in a much worse place and possibly wouldn’t be here. This and the promise of research to repair my condition from propecia at least somewhat.

This drug has changed my life in such a profoundly negatively way that I no longer consider it my life, just a shell of what used to exist, I struggle to pretend for the sake of those few left around me. What was once joyous has been turned into a miserable burden with some few dwindling rays of hope every time my symptoms from this drug improve a litlle for very short periods, only to be crushed when they return for longer and longer periods. I cannot live any healthier.

I really hope one day it’s all worth it…

#10

I’ve tried almost everything to fix myself short of heroine and ghb… And if u could get them I would probably use them too if it had even a remote chance…

As sad as it is I have been becoming more and more acceptant that this will be the end of me… It has already cost me far more than I will ever know.

#11

I was hesitant when the doctor mentioned TRT. I felt like the doctor took one look at me, categorized and thats that.I never wanted to screw around with my hormones to begin with which is a big reason I never tried steroids (plus I didn’t wanna speed up MPB). I really don’t wanna make things worse than they already are. I’ll be damned before another doctor persuades me to try something I would not have normally tried. I’m sorry to hear about your sister. I know my family wouldn’t take well at all…but whose would? My family is already being effected because of my condition. Which is another reason why I just want out and I wish they would literally forget all about me and go on with their lives.

The only real brief mental recovery I had this entire year was at one of my stays at a detox unit. A dude in there was detoxing off opiates and was on suboxone. He gave me one when I was about to go to bed. I had the most insane vivid dream of how my life should have worked out, all my friends were there and we were on a boat that could fly. I could FEEL everything it was insane. I’m guessing the trippy dream was somewhat of a brief escape from my hellish reality due to its depth. I woke up and felt like my old self. I was laughing, smiling, talking open and clearly to others. My whole being felt crystal clear. There was a morning meeting and I was completely engaged in it. I was absolutely living in the moment. Not thinking at all. One older black guy even said " you got your face on…but is your head right?" Soon reality hit and I realized where I was, why I was there and my problem. I have experienced this somewhat in the past (pre-fin) taking xanax at night and waking up feeling like a million bucks. But I’m not going to rely on meds to bring me happiness; if it’s not real I don’t want it. I’ve never pretended to be something I’m not in the past and I’m not about to start now. In a way I respect it because it’s real; even though I reject it and know its not right. Sure I could fake, but fake actions and emotions are so thin people can see right through them; so why should I even try? Now I NEED shit to make me feel better about myself? No thanks.

Actually another odd dream I had that keeps poppin in my mind was from a few months ago. I was lost at sea in my truck that was floating. I drifted lost going from town to town but never got off because I was waiting to reach my destination. I finally arrived at my destination months later which was at a marine in my hometown. Once I got off, I thought to myself: why the hell didn’t I just swim to the first town I saw and take a plane to get home. Maybe that was my subconscious telling me to take the initiative to do some work and get out of this. And I really do believe I could get better to a degree. It’s just the impotence will always take a toll on me mentally and not sure I can cope with it much longer. I miss the days when my demeanor spoke before I did, thats something a med cannot give you.

Sometimes I picture the person who discovered that fin could prevent hairloss and the light that went on in his head to market it to balding men. If I had Hiro’s power from the show Heroes, I would catch him right at that moment, castrate him and burn his work. Then I would teleport him back to the days of the Egyptians and have him enslaved.

Every guy is unique and prolly copes with this in different ways. Maybe some worse than others. Maybe if I hadn’t always had such a good life I wouldn’t feel AS shitty now. Maybe if I wasn’t always a genuine person I wouldn’t view myself like I do now in such a negative way.

#12

6 years ago when this first started, i was semi-suicidal. i did not want to be alive, but there was no way i would have the balls to end it. i know it would hurt my family n friends too much. i can honestly say right now that i rarely ever feel that way anymore. if i do, it is 100% because i have zero libido and issue with erection. mentally though, i am 95% better. check out my member story on how i got to this point

it was her that ended it. i basically changed from an alpha male who could have sex multiple times a day the first few years we were together, to a pussy who was 100% reliant on her to be happy with myself + we would go days/weeks without sex. she actually stayed w me for a year or 2 after my “crash”, which i still cant believe

i have a gf now in australia, but because its long distance i rarely have to worry about continually keeping her happy in bed, which works out good, but she wants me to move to australia…which would be disaster…

so many stories here sound the same. great athletes, no sexual issues, smart, etc…then we crash and are in hell

stick around man. its tough, but we will get through this. there is an answer somewhere, we just need to find it.

i completely agree with your “we go into survival mode”. keep an eye on your adrenals though, cuz they WILL crash at some point after being on alert so long. check out my member story for my story + theory.

btw. i have the same issues sometimes at not being happy with what i have accomplished despite having this issue. your a fucking federal agent. that alone is badass. keep your head up!

#13

This shit changes us into a totally different person. During recovery periods life has seemed so good - i begin to think about my education, hobbies, girls, i laugh all the time and involve myself in conversation far more. This is what i truly cannot come to terms with. The fact that i am a completely different person and i will never ever be the same as the other guys out there who are competing for girls and just going about life in general.

At least you guys in the US can blow your brains out with a gun - i haven’t got the guts to hang myself so the best option is to jump off something high.

I have actively read tragic stories from young people and suicide stories to try and kick my ass into gear and stop feeling sorry for myself. It half works and i think that i should just ignore this as much as possible and go out there and live my life. I haven’t lost limbs, i don’t have chronic fatigue - nothing is debilitating me. However, this positive thinking all ends when i keep waking up ever 2 hours, my dick goes completely numb and i can barely even think my brain feels so fuzzy. All it takes is 1 very bad day for me to just think ‘fuck this - i am way out of my depth here’. Off for 16 months now and as many will have seen me mention before - i have had fluctuations. I have had two recovery periods where i felt fantastic and it just kills me to know how this has changed me. I am given just a glimpse of what could be, and every time those brief spells have ended - the sides come back even more intense.

Feel free to judge me as a complete idiot for saying this but sometimes i wish i had something terrible that is life threatening but at least diagnosed so that i had support networks and people around me could actually sympathize with what i am going through. This condition just leaves me feeling embarrassed and ashamed - if i fuck my life up because of this, nobody will understand and they will just see me as a failure and a loser. Honestly, if it gets to this i will definitely off myself and i won’t feel bad about it. I would never tell someone on here to just go for it and end there life but really i can totally understand why you would do.

Another very sad thing is that all i would need is some improvement, even if it was very slow. Give me 5 hours straight sleep instead of 2-3 crazy hours of sleep. Give me just ED and a lowered libido instead of shrinkage, numbness and all the rest of the stuff that i just cannot get my head around. Normal, stable moods instead of anxiety and depression. It’s amazing how many of us were feeling shit about going bald but this experience really put our mind into check. I suppose that’s the only good thing here - even if i look in the mirror and dislike the look of my fast balding at 20, i don’t even think about it for more than 2 seconds anymore. But really what sort of fucking compromise is that? if this is permanent (which i believe it is). Maybe if i was improving and could see some light at the end of the tunnel this whole experience might even make good therapy to get over going bald in your teens.

#14

It really does change everything about you. I use to say balding was the worst thing that could happen to a man if nothing tragic ever really has happened to him. Well I guess we all learned that there is one more. My “recovery” period lasted about 8 months and I always think to myself that was just a glimpse of the person I could’ve been. I got my shit together then fucking hit the ground running, then everything crashed. Trying to stop the aging process by taking a pill which in turn has made me age more and taken away all the good qualities about myself: physically, mentally and emotionally. Once I finally came to terms with my shaved head, I literally loved it. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. Then left with this shit. I can’t look at myself in the mirror because I see an attractive person and I am ashamed of myself.

Yeah this condition is a funny one because in a way we did it to ourselves indirectly. At one of my stays at a fucking mental institution, there was a therapist saying I just needed to accept my condition. Comparing her diabetes to my impotence and how she has to go the extra mile to live normally. She doesn’t understand the depths of what this condition has caused me mentally. It’s funny because I realized throughout my experiences just how un-objective therapist/psychiatrist can be. She had bull-dike written all over her and the perspective she had on my illness was obvious. It’s not like I just wanna go fuck everything that walks and I’m just pissy because I can’t anymore, only PFS sufferers would understand the domino effect of this shit. I wanted to punch that lady in the face. Another therapist was lesbian also, of course she wouldn’t understand any of this either. In fact I bet she wished this happened to more men because she had daddy issues. I got mocked by staff members also while in those places. I was thinking to myself, I came in here because I wanna kill myself and your making me wanna end it more.

I would bet money that I experiences more embarrassing and shameful moments because of all this than other members on here. I bet many guys have LOST more because of this no doubt, but there is no way others could compete with me on an embarrassment level. Absolutely no way. Pride is a very funny thing. I always tried to never carry pride in the past, but you still gotta protect it to a degree.

I can see how some members would see this as a Bitching Thread. But I think its good because if shit happens, doctors and media can walk in our shoes more easily in the future.

#15

Yeah, this shit sucks, no doubt about it. I’ve been suffering for 6+ years now, with one “recovery” period of 2-3 days. I can write a huge post too about how much it sucks and all the negative shit thats happened/is happening in my life, but whats that going to accomplish? Its wasted energy. We got dealt a shitty hand. I choose to use the energy I do have in as positive a way as possible. What I really don’t understand is why all the negativity and “I’m just gonna give up” mentality now? Nothing as major as this study thats taking place now has happened since this site started, now when were on the cusp of actually having some real concrete answers and making progress you feel hopeless? Like I said, just try to hang on for at least another month and a half and then if it comes back that this shit is permanent and there is no cure (which I doubt, otherwise why do people have temporary recoveries) then maybe I’ll join you. Even if it is, at least we’ll have a way to be tested for and prove that this shit was caused by propecia, and at that point a lawsuit will go forward. What about the other possibilities that exist though, what if a cure is discovered? Not only will we be back to normal again we should have a shitload of money in our pockets for the last years of life we have missed out on. I know its hard to see anything positive in this situation but other possibilities exist besides the worst. Hang in there.

#16

2011 is going to bring some answers. Hang in there, this thing is reversible.

#17

The guy just said he had a 8 month recovery period? that’s fucking lunacy. Hopefully after that he realizes it must be reversible.

#18

Sorry that was too broad. “Recovered” in the mental department and the fact I got my personality and LIFE back. I was so thankful for being able to feel emotions again I never even worried about the impotence problem and never thought it would effect me this much. During that time I had good sex about 8 times. But it was like I had to time it right, rush girls up to my apartment when my libido was sparking before it went out again. Then something just triggered mentally and all went to hell. Don’t know how else to explain it. At this point the idea of sex almost traumatizes me. It’s funny because prior to fin I considered myself a sex addict.

#19

Exactly. I think a lot of the guys on this board are probably exactly the same. I was a minimum of two ejaculations a day guy before propecia. Often it was more. I had to just so I straight about other things and not sex. I could ejaculate without going soft after the first and often second orgasm in a row if was having sex. I was very aggressive about it, I always wanted sex and never turned it down, I was constantly cultivating new girls for partners.

Now I cringe from anyone touching my penis because it’s unpleasant. I’m lucky if I can have sexual function once a week with a semi erect penis that’s smaller at it’s biggest and i don’t do it for myself, I wish I could avoid it because even if it works my penis isn’t the same and it’s so damn unpleasant. it’s more than just erections that this drug has taken, it’s sexual function and all pleasure that goes with it along with almost all other pleasurable things in life.

#20

I recommend the book “The Essential Marcus Aurelius”. It introduces you to basic Stoic thought. Essentially you live as if you were born yesterday, meaning you deal with what you have today. Much of your pain comes from what you remember. If you had amnesia and forgot about your whole life before yesterday, then today how much would be bothering you? You would be like a blissful idiot try to build your life not knowing you were an alpha male or such and be happy for today and all the little gains you make.

If your relationship with your father is negative, cut it. You don’t need that shit in yourself. If he says you deserve this, he’s too immature to be your father. He doesn’t deserve to be a father, so it’s not worth wasting your life energy having a relationship with him and looking up to that quasi-man like that.

First, look after your emotions. The Greeks used the word “pathos” for emotion which means “to move”. They move us and are somewhat out of our control. But you can train your reaction to them and how they affect your psyche. Your emotions MUST pass through you, one way or another. If they are weak feelings, they pass during the day with little reaction, and you forget about them the next day. If they are strong, and you always suppress them, they will stay there like an abscess. Your mind is inherently negative, so any negative emotions come up, your mind will automatically make negative thoughts. Even without negative emotions, your mind will start to make negative thoughts, which will evoke negative emotions and start a whole negative cycle. The way out is to pause the negative thoughts and let the emotions pass.

How? Meditate. How do you meditate? You find a quiet time and place, assume a comfortable position on the floor and close your eyes. This is a time for your mind to reconnect with your body. Often when you have negative emotions, you are in pain and so your mind disconnects from your body so you can get on with your daily life. But this is the time to reconnect. Focus on how your body feels, you emotions make your body feel pain. Try to gauge and probe that, make note of that. Focus on your body, not on your thoughts. Pay attention to your breathing. Now probe the pain your body feels and let it pass. It will always pass, the only question is the amount of time it takes. With anxiety, it may be especially painful to try to probe that, and you may want to interrupt. Don’t! Stick with it. It will pass.

The more often you meditate, the more robust you will become to your emotions.

Look at men with spinal cord injuries, they have it significantly worse. Besides not being able to walk, they have a zero functioning penis, no ability to have sex or enjoy the pleasure. They also can not control their bladder and their bowel. And yet they live.

Learn to live for now, if a cure comes then be grateful. But don’t live for the cure, live for yourself and others as you are now. You’ll discover that just because someone has a penis doesn’t make them a man, there’s more to it than that. Mature.