Hey,
I’ve been reading this forum and some of the stories frankly made me break into a cold sweat! Ultimately, I guess I’m here because I am concerned about my libido. I don’t really have much experience with this stuff, or indeed anything to compare to, so I don’t know if I have these sides so please would you offer words based on your experiences.
My sexual state:
Up until, ooh, last summer, I would say that I was ‘shy’ with the ladies. In fact, I was downright awful, call it a product of my upbringing, which was:
-all boys school to 18
-suburban live with no one my age around, esp not girls!
-developed lazy eye from 14-18 - although I kicked this with the help of a local optometrist it left psychological effects - i.e. used to be super active - school plays, athletic/football teams etc, straight a’s to being v. passive, didn’t want to be ‘noticed’ so didn’t participate in teams etc)
No idea if this stuff is relevant, but why not mention it eh! I don’t want to harp on about upbringing, I just mean to suggest there’s enough there to give me confusion in this issue.
Anyway, I started taking finisteride 1mg Merch version in 2006 and also took saw palmetto, one tab daily, along with your usual gaggle of multi vits, cod liver oil, hayfever tabs daily b/c I get that too etc.
As I said during this period although I had nothing physically wrong with me, I basically didn’t chat girls up, as I was afraid of rejection and all that stuff we all deal with. I mention this because I am different now, I basically realised that I was v. passive so changed to become more active, I now am v. extroverted and enjoying socialising and meeting the women etc.
When I started in prop in 06 I had broken up with the girl I was seeing (no problems with sex with her) and was in a ‘single period’ (re: sexual drought!) and didn’t notice any problems w/ masturbating, but didn’t have intercourse.
I did nearly have a one nighter new years 06/07, but we were both drunk and it fizzled out, I don’t remember any problems down below though.
Fast forwards to summer 07 and I was beginning to become extrovert and get more attention from girls etc, I wasn’t good like I am now, just starting.
First girl I failed to sleep with things weren’t really happening. But, if I’m honest, I wasn’t really attracted to her and she was the ex- of one of my good friends so it was ‘weird’. Really I was just doing it b/c I wanted to break the drought. I should say I was drunk too!
Next girl was at my sisters wedding, and was one of her best mates. Whoops! I was super drunk and not ‘expecting’ to get any, so was basically hammered. Still, nothing happened down there, I got a bit hard but it just went.
This is when I got a bit concerned but put it down to the drink. I’m not a big drinker, it just happened to be that on those two occasions I was drunk. Next time was a few weeks after with this American girl I had met and that was game on, I was a drunk again but not hammered and hadn’t jerked off for like a week. My junk worked fine, but we got interrupted so didn’t seal the deal!
Fast forward to this year, Feb time, I was seeing a new girl and she was great. These times I was 100% sober heh.
What would happen was that I’d get aroused but essentially in the time it’d take to go from getting aroused and foreplay to actually getting my kit off, things would go soft. Now I should say that I’m a sensitive lover heh, so it wasn’t like bam I’m aroused, whip off the kecks and lets do it, there was lots of foreplay in between so a fair old time gap.
When she’d go down on me, if things were soft to start with they quickly became harder and I had no problems there, although it would go quite quickly if she stopped for breath heh. I.E. when there was direct sensation I was fine, but almost as soon as that sensation stopped, things would start to drop. They’d return with more sensation.
When we moved onto sex, I found my erection went very quickly, sometimes before I was inside her, i.e. in the time it took to move from her going down on me to putting on the condom and inserting. Other times I’d go soft within a minute.
Now, I’m an uncircumcised guy so at first I put it down to a sheer lack of sensation, but now I’m not sure. I started taking 1/2 tab of kamagra, half as an experiment, half as, frankly, I was annoyed and just wanted to get on it. On that everything was fine for a good 4 hours or so, but after that period, i.e. when it wore off, it was back to the same softness.
I.m writing this b.c I know some guys have had severe problems, but I don’t know if my problems are physical, i.e. the effect of fin, or if they’re psychological. If we’re honest, it’s probably a bit of both - i.e. it starts happening, you read horror stories, you psyche yourself out etc. But I don;t know!
I’ve written a lot, so I apologise for that but wanted to give full disclosed. With that in mind, here’s a brief summary for and against it being fin that’s affecting things:
For fin causing this softness:
- Taking for 2 years - originally 1mb merch prop, not within the last month started taking generic proscar cut into 1/5ths (from dr ashcroft).
- Pre-fin I’d get aroused whenever and stay ready to go, at least I never remember having any problems.
- I’ve had this softness problem whilst drunk but also whilst sober.
- I feel a lack of sensation during the sex I have had, almost as if it’s a ‘take it or leave it’ deal, i.e. it’s not like super great omg fun, it’s ok this is kinda neat fun. I’ve never come during sex, always needed outside help.
Why it might be psychological:
- Issues of childhood - all boys school, boring suburban life, boss eye passivity during formative years
- The above leaving mental ‘scars’ of making me feel inexperienced etc - basically since I’ve often lived ‘in my head’ when young b/c of lack of other companionship, I easily psyche myself out once one problem arises.
- I also had a tight foreskin when I was younger. Basically my folks were always typically english about lots of this stuff - i.e. sex and all that so I never really cleaned down below properly, which meant it didn’t get naturally stretched. Consequently the skin never got over the head (didn’t know it should be different!) so I basically felt nothing during sex so wouldn’t come. I found out this wasn’t normal and started stretching exercises and ended up having a frenuloplasty - 10 min opp where they do some cuts to stretch your frenulum. Not exactly nice and certainly does come up in the old mind at times!
- General parental/society bullshit over sex as something between love and all that typical rubbishness which interfered with the above b/c when I was mr passive I didn’t ‘love’ myself, so couldn’t ‘love’ another, but wanted sex creating a weird dissonance.
- My unconventional life. I’m 25 and basically after uni was v. apathetic - again this is the effect of becoming passive with my eyes etc (which as I said are cured, physically, but left mental scars). Basically I didn’t bother applying for jobs with anything to do with enough eagerness and the months and years rolled by (2).
- As I said I realised I was being a fool so changed my life and now run my own business, the downside is I didn’t have enough money to do that and move out so I’m stuck living with my folks, which is very lame and I think has mentally locked me in a semi-adolescent state when I’m at home. This is certainly something I am looking to change within the next 3-6 months as it’s needed for my personal life, but also for my sanity.
- My folks are pretty well off, father was a banker etc, so I’ve never needed to be super motivated etc.
I hope that gives a good account of my strangeness heh! The reason I’ve posted this is b/c I know I’ve got a lot of mental baggage going on, and I know these things tend to work together to screw you (irony?), but I basically don’t know if I have a genuine physical problem here.
As I said - I get morning erections, I can get it up jerking off, my spunk is fine and I get turned on. It just lose it without sensation, and especially during sex.
Currently I take: multivitamin, cod liver oil, omega 3, hayfever (cetirizine), generis proscar 1/5ths, l-arginine, horny goat weed, maca, zinc,msm
This is a long post, but please don’t dismiss it for rambling, instead see that this is something I’m genuinely stumped about so am asking for help!
Thank you kindly,
Andy