Sunday, 20 March 2022
I’m going to delete most of my 54 comments in the suicide chat. It hasn’t been created to chat there my bad feelings. But I can only three per day.
To many guys there are acute suicidal. Three of them really committed suicide. It’s a space for all in an acute crisis.
My crisis has become chronic now close to one year. I haven’t been able to accept my PFS life as my new reality. Maybe I’ll can once.
I still live in my endlos circle, where I play a movie like “Lola rennt” a thousand times. It means, if I had visited an alternative urologist in 2019 when I stood in front of their house, just had to go in and make an appointment, I would have a total funny life today. Never took the poison, because these urologists are not criminal.
So I live in my endless circle now for a year. In the psychiatric ward, my general practitioner and doctor, all my friends going mad about this. But it helped me to stay the senceless 325 days of my new life.
The connection to my actual normal life I can’t accept, I have no interest in it, it’s only a bad nightmare. I’m reset to basic functions like a proud tiger or an elephant in a zoo shaking their heads and walking hospitalized choreographies.
My old me us gone on the 6. of April 21. My sun rises only from Friday to Sunday, when I m father and feel loved and needed.
Some chat groups in my new reality don’t allow any negative comment.
But this is a lie.
Everybody who gives me a comment not to provide bad feelings I answer write your own diary with your coping strategies and how good you can live with PFS. It will really help someone. Who is looking for success stories.
But I think many others here searching for other victims stories, to imagine I’m not alone in my pain, I’m not the only one whose life has been stolen for the profit of the pharma war machine, just to survive their own pain.
What a feeling for some never getting an erection anymore, if all have a great sexlife again. I wish it to all and everyone, that there is a cure for all if us!!!
What a feeling for someone who’s bedridden, when all the others on a journey, go to work and make a hiking trail and no one else shares their state.
So recovery stories and ongoing research give hope, special for the young guys, but to see I’m not alone with my suffering is important too, to survive.