Diary of a PFS sufferer

After half a year pfs I contact supported living and a supervisor coming Tuesday. Only some hours out of the bedroom. Fear of leaving the house. Pizza service comes every afternoon. Can’t do my houshold anymore. Totally FATUIGED. Left totally alone in my chaos.

After half a year with this shit I have all the symptoms of the book. Now first friend send me home to have a shower, to brush my teeth, to wear fresh clothes and cleaned the kitchen and the floor from garbage and flies. I’m unable to wash my clothes, to pay my incasso orders, to do anything. More and more bedbound
After half a year pfs I contacted supported living and a supervisor. What a shit. An environmental engineer and smart guy with a stunning fiancee, the best father of the world and well known individualist is a rotten stinky totally helpless brain damaged bum now.

From a legal described drug from a doctor of medicine. A drug, wich is sold per million. And there is no advice to the long lasting side effects?! Only for profit. That no one becomes fear, they fight for every word on the package leaflet.

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“HanruSun from Germany”, are you feel a little better recently?

The sun is shining. I live in my own house. In a nice little city in the middle of Europe near colonge. It’s carnival here. For all my life dancing in the pubs and the streets. Singing colonge carnival songs. In the late night everybody is in love with a nice girl / woman. And now after 10 months with PFS I wake up on a sunny day and I feel like every PFS day. I’m so unlucky as someone who lost everything. As someone who was bad injured in an accident. Is that the anhedonia we have to suffer for the rest of our life’s?!

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I’m going to try one after the other. HCG, Testo, … Did your cock rebirths after DHEA

Partially, but I’m getting better day by day of all the symptoms…

Sunday, 20 March 2022

I’m going to delete most of my 54 comments in the suicide chat. It hasn’t been created to chat there my bad feelings. But I can only three per day.

To many guys there are acute suicidal. Three of them really committed suicide. It’s a space for all in an acute crisis.

My crisis has become chronic now close to one year. I haven’t been able to accept my PFS life as my new reality. Maybe I’ll can once.

I still live in my endlos circle, where I play a movie like “Lola rennt” a thousand times. It means, if I had visited an alternative urologist in 2019 when I stood in front of their house, just had to go in and make an appointment, I would have a total funny life today. Never took the poison, because these urologists are not criminal.

So I live in my endless circle now for a year. In the psychiatric ward, my general practitioner and doctor, all my friends going mad about this. But it helped me to stay the senceless 325 days of my new life.

The connection to my actual normal life I can’t accept, I have no interest in it, it’s only a bad nightmare. I’m reset to basic functions like a proud tiger or an elephant in a zoo shaking their heads and walking hospitalized choreographies.

My old me us gone on the 6. of April 21. My sun rises only from Friday to Sunday, when I m father and feel loved and needed.

Some chat groups in my new reality don’t allow any negative comment.

But this is a lie.

Everybody who gives me a comment not to provide bad feelings I answer write your own diary with your coping strategies and how good you can live with PFS. It will really help someone. Who is looking for success stories.

But I think many others here searching for other victims stories, to imagine I’m not alone in my pain, I’m not the only one whose life has been stolen for the profit of the pharma war machine, just to survive their own pain.
What a feeling for some never getting an erection anymore, if all have a great sexlife again. I wish it to all and everyone, that there is a cure for all if us!!!
What a feeling for someone who’s bedridden, when all the others on a journey, go to work and make a hiking trail and no one else shares their state.

So recovery stories and ongoing research give hope, special for the young guys, but to see I’m not alone with my suffering is important too, to survive.

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Yes I need the other sufferers all. I need their stories and their comments, even their cosuffering to cope this totally unbelievable inhuman state of a permanent torture chamber in my brain. Even in a middle age, a Taliban or a drug cartel torture they let the victims die and don’t let them in a torture state for decades, like pharma war machine does with us.

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Oh no, every one here has a deep connection to my heart. Everybody’s suffering affects my entire body and soul.

22 March 2022

Today I don’t want to stand up like every day since the 6 April 2021. The same fight to get out of the bed. Yesterday it was 3 pm I stand up. No walk again, like the last days. I ordered a cheeseburger and ice cream for breakfast. Than I hang around. In the evening I bought sparkling wine and some cheese balls. Netflix and my old videos Help me through the evening.

Today a friend comes at 12. I have to wash myself. My beard looks weird. In the afternoon I’ll see the doctor. I’m a bum now. All my life I bought so much Bodycare in the drugstore. Now I don’t take care of myself anymore.

I think about this kind of living has any quality left. Why I m going on with this unfunny torture, day by day???

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I live in me as a total stranger. I can’t identify with this man who I am now. That’s not me anymore :sob::sob::sob:

So all the processes in a human being are set to “kill” yourself without hormones by the evolution.

So it helps me to survive writing my frustrations here. I hope my account will not be suspended. But I don’t lie.

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@Exsexgod you say how it is. Some of us feel exactly the same. U need somewhere to off load.

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Express your pains here, spill your heart!
If someone doesn’t like it, they can quit reading it! This is your bulletin board!

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No one wants to be here. No one wants to cry.

We all lost a wonderful life, how wonderful life has been, every hour, minute, second full of pleasure.

You know that we can’t feel the spring any more. You know how dark life is now. You stay in the dark too. You can’t enjoy the nature any more. You are lonly and suicidal too.

Don’t blame your friends anymore please!

  1. March 21

It’s spring suddenly. Time I was permanent riding through the beautiful Netherlands, with my bicycle on the back of my car, I started a tour every day. I have been super fit and super motivated, every f*cking day of my life. (Only short periods of depression. I fighted out of)

Today I lay in bed, after one year with PFS totally demotivated even for a little walk through the forest near by. Like a 80 year old who has no power anymore. And even more disconnected from reality than they.

Hope my mind changes one day and I can accept this situation.

Just eating and drinking junkfood from the delivery service as my last parasexual pleasure. Or buying sparkling wine, cheese balls and chocolate candy cream cups. I go fatter and fatter from this unhealthy food. It’s not good for the prediabetes and the metabolic syndrome, but I don’t care anymore.

Everybody who tells me don’t tell about your negative thoughts all the time, I answer act in a better way! Tell me your coping strategies, tell me you get out off it.

People here and in privat groups try to motivate me to try Hormones and get the drive for life again. Friends and doctor offer a long cure in a rehabilitation hospital.

Everybody goes one with his life, my life stopped. A year ago I new that the pills are not good for me, but I took it out of a spontaneous frustration over a woman. And I have had so many ONS, affairs and relationships in my live and than I react as a little 4 year old boy. And I have been a 59 yo man than. And the doctor who handed me the pills out just to try, after he said for a sexual active better not. And in that night I took the first pill just to do something good for my prostate, I thought. I’m still hanging in there.

As more I read I see how many young guys here acted in the same way. The got the pills described or ordered it online and than many have been unsure, many tried it even for one day get a bad reaction and than quit without sideeffects.

And than so much have had that bad day they throat the fucking poison against their doubts and have been f*cked by the ugly venomous poison. This bad day sucks them all.

And pharma war machine goes on with the next euthan… program.

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I have not eaten in 48 hours (2 days) nor have I drank anything, not even water, in the last 24 hours (1 day), and here I am reading about “sparkling wine, cheese balls, and chocolate candy, cream cups”, yet your post is motivating me to push further. Why? Not sure exactly. I thank you though. “Feed” me more tales about junk food please.

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Yeah, I think all the younger guys here you have a very good chance to live with PFS if you live a healthy lifestyle. Many get benefits from hormones and protocols, healthy food and a good gut bacterials, work out, meditation and good thoughts.
And you all can hope to participate in a causal treatment once.

For me, I’m much older than the average here and I’m fighting to accept my new situation and on the other hand I have given up. For you all I’m the one you can only make it better.

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One is the “hypersexuality theory”, that the ones who take fin or SP have a highly expressed Androgen Rezeptor Gen Cluster and after increase of Androgen Rezeptor molecules after decrease of DHT by blocking the 5ar we have persistent highly expressed AR Genes after quitting Fin an increase of DHT.

This would be a friendly hypersexual fire.

I think I collect here now the creazy guys in my diary. Tasting the bad taste of saw palmetto and prefer blue cheese stuffed olives in melted butter.

I have had this fucking saw palmetto poison in my hand when I was 30 years old. I thought just to do something good for my prostate. It has been 30 years ago now. This day I had a guardian angel and I put this scat out of the hell back. 29 years later I had no guardian angel and I took this fucking Finasterid muster packages from a criminal urologist with me. It’s just faith.

Yes friend, I am even older and daily find my self closer to giving up.

The younger ones, if they can withstand the trials, have some chance of a cure in their lifetimes.

Hang in there. Do some jumping Jack’s! (Lol) Jim

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