Decided to end my life

[2Doisde]

Hello, everyone.

I am writing this simply to let the community know that I have decided to end my life. It has been 14 years. I started taking Finasteride when I was just about 18 years old.

That means that I lost my youth and accumulated so much trauma that it is becoming increasingly difficult to cope with the symptoms—not just physically, but psychologically as well.

The thing is, yesterday, something inside me snapped. I reached the logical conclusion that there is no reason to keep living in this suffering.

I cannot explain to myself why I am still here. I live life as a heavy burden, yet I don’t know why or for whom. I think ego and hope kept me alive. But I have lost both.

I no longer have the ego needed to refuse to give up and keep fighting as I once did, and I have no hope that I will recover.

Furthermore, I am 38 years old, but a great part of me is still stuck at 18, because I was unable to develop normally from that age onward.

I see young people who are happy and in relationships all the time, and I feel like I am living on the sidelines of life. In fact, I truly believe Finasteride alters our masculine dignity to such an extent that we don’t even have the balls to kill ourselves.

Ordinary men commit suicide for far less.

We don’t even have the aggression driven by androgens working in our favor to simply put an end to our suffering.

My plan isn’t to do this anytime soon. I am working on a PhD, and as hard as it has been, I want to finish it. And, since I am not a bad person — no matter how much I might want to be, given everything I’ve been through — I want to get my affairs in order before I go.

Of course, logic dictates that if I were truly going to take my own life, I wouldn’t tell anyone; I would simply do it. But I want this recorded here so that there is information regarding yet another death caused by Finasteride.

Anyway, that is what I am going to do: I’m going to wait a year—the time needed to complete my PhD—and then, if I haven’t changed my mind, I’ll come back here to make one last post saying that’s it.

I appreciate the efforts of the foundation and the forum. See you in hell.

[PFS]

I hope somehow something happens for you to change your mind but it’s completely understandable.

I personally have a job in which I find meaning in life, being of worth to many people (medical professional). Considering you’re a teacher at the top of your game, I hope you are somehow able to find meaning and strength in your daily work and keep pushing through, beyond obtaining your PhD.

There are so many technological advancements these days, I still have hope something will happen for us. Imagine reaching age 50 and then suddenly having full energy and drive again. I bet you you’ll think it’s all been worth it. Then, it’s only the presence that matters. There are so many men who find the love of their life after 50 and still have children for instance.

Good luck on the last year of your PhD. Extremely respectable feat in our situation.

[Henchman21]

I wish you luck with your PhD. Such a truly impressive achievement for anyone with any level of PFS.

I also hope that something with your situation changes, that makes life worth living again for you. May you find relief and peace one way or another.

[betweenjobs]

Hope the moderators see your post dude and find help for you before it’s too late.

I’m sure you’re under a lot of stress pursuing your education. A PhD, that’s amazing man. Keep it up. When you finish perhaps you can use it to make the world a better place.

From my experience, I can’t handle stress at all where as before pfs I dont think I ever experienced it. Work, Finances, my family, social situations stress me out and then I feel worse. When I’m on holidays spending time away from everything is when im feeling my best. The stress of your school work is contributing to how bad youre feeling. Get through it then take a break and go back when youre ready. Good luck man.

[2Doisde]

To be honest, my life used to have a sense of purpose. But so much has happened. First came the COVID-19 pandemic, and we were confined to our homes for about two years.

After that, everything changed. It wasn’t just education that deteriorated — due to screen time and social media, students’ attention spans dropped to less than 10 minutes — but there was also a generational shift that hit me hard.

I used to be a young teacher who had a lot in common with his students, but in the blink of an eye, I became an older man who can no longer connect with the younger generation.

I suppose that would be a normal change if I had lived a normal life. But I see gray hairs appearing all over my body, and it hurts to think I wasted my youth pretending to be normal without actually living a normal life.

On top of that, I suffered a crash two years ago, and my life turned into a living hell. I had to keep going just for the sake of fighting.

I’m doing a bit better now. But all of this made me realize that what I lost is gone forever. Even if I improve somewhat, I’ll never be young again, nor will I have the experiences of youth.

Today, serving others and trying to be a good teacher no longer satisfies me, because I’m tired of a life made up solely of responsibilities and almost no pleasure.

Since I’ve been living like this for some years, O have nothing to look forward to. As the saying goes, “I’m not getting any younger.”

I eat well, exercise, and don’t drink. I live like a monk, yet my body doesn’t recover; I feel that, despite doing all this, I look older than most men my age.

The thing is that I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not living my life. I’m living a life of restrictions and duties, but this isn’t the life I want. I’m a teacher, I’m working on my PHD, and I’m grateful for this job, but I wanted to do more, to experience other things.

For some reason, a teenager I had managed to keep quiet for a long time is screaming, and just like a spoiled child, all he wants is that healthy youth: free from body worries, trusting that everything will work out, and spending time with a cool girl, with his whole future ahead of him.

To tell the truth, as spoiled as he may be, I think he’s right. I once had a body that functioned normally in everyday life. Now, I’ve been struggling for 14 years — sometimes getting worse — and I can’t explain to myself why I should keep living like this, even If I am great at my job.

[lakehouse]

bro ive had pfs induced gut issues for many years and ive literally started improving after doing an experimental treatment for it

ive also found that the emotional blunting and anhedonia can probably be modulated by targetting the correct areas using rTMS.

seriously man, even if the full blown cure is years away still (even though research is progressing), ive never been more convinced that many of our symptoms can be signifcantly improved using different cutting edge technologies that are rapidly maturing.

and ive lost my youth as well as have many others. and to be honest, ive accepted it, what we’ve lost we may never get back.

but the other day i was reading about “partial reprogramming” (axolotl did say our disease is linked with aging research though maybe not directly), and even though it’s kind of far out there, you may be able to restore a lot of youth one day in the future. being 38 puts you young enough to where this technology may mature or some other discovery may come out that may restore a lot of your youth.

dont give up man, i mean what we’ve lost is genuine, and its real. but it doesn’t have to be a weakness, it can be a strength. but only if you decide to. if you decide to use all this pain and loss as a driving force you can develop agency that exceeds the average person and eventually achieve far more than anyone, for example.