Thank you, and I agree with a lot of what you’ve written. I’m no longer a “Type A” personality, and spend so much more time listening and caring even more than I had. Since this condition doesn’t seem to affect our cognitive abilities, listening helps us make better decisions, and I think more and respond better. Not all Betas are weak, and many appear “smarter”, but yes, it’s a huge shift. It’s also interesting to see people who somewhat feared my old Type A personally react to the “new” me. It was a strange feeling to see everyone at my old job, where I was often someone to be respected and sometimes feared. At that moment, I realized how much I changed over time, but especially due to this condition.
This condition has also made me so much more introspective, and I hope mature. I often buried myself in work, and usually don’t give myself a free minute to start thinking and worrying about this condition. Keeping busy all day also tires me out that I sleep better, which is important.
I try to keep doing the “right” things and keep positive, which doesn’t always work, and I can get really depressed, but I know that I will come out of it, because I have over and over in the last 15 years. To a degree, I think this condition’s effects are cyclical and maybe based on some circadian rhythm, kind of like a woman’s period.
I don’t know how many people here would admit to a change in sexual preference, but the forum has quite a few who expressed the same. I will say those feelings are relatively short lived and seems to go away. I do miss the intimacy with women, maybe more than the sex, and when the opportunity arises, I spend so much more time in foreplay with them, which they love seemingly more than the actual act. If you develop other skills, they can still be well pleased and it will keep your and their interest. It may not be the most masculine thing to say, but I make it all about them, because human touch is very very missed and I find it more painful to live without that than sex.
The absence of the sexual tension is missed, yes. But what it’s done is make me the mature, “safe guy”, and I now enjoy so much more of the platonic company of women, especially because this can be a very lonely condition.