Everyday i wakeup in the morning from my unrefreshed 6 hrs sleep, i am just in regret and remorse. I have been totally suicidal since 3 months and keep visiting this forum every few hours in need of some hope. I have read 1000s of post here and i got no answer for my miserable condition. Even the disease is not a problem, but the thought that this disease is permanent and i am just 22 year old who has whole life ahead is what makes me suicidal. I am just trying to cope becoz of my mother. She is my responsibility. She has already suffered a lot in her life and now it’s me. I feel like this miserable condition is due to some of my bad karma. But then again, there are more bad people than any of us who live their life king size. I have started to have paranoia. I have become jealous of people around me. Last week i had my final exam and i was about to faint in the examination hall becoz my body cant handle the stress anymore. My hands started to become pale. Felt like i have nothing left in my body. My results came yesterday and i am the last in my class even though i have been preparing for this exam since months day and night. The depression and anhedonia i have is miserable. I can’t blame anyone. It is all becoz of me and my stupid decision of saving hair.
U need to know that there are a lot of people in this world like u. Some are suffering even more than us.