Been some rough two months

General Discussion
#1

I’ll try to make this post as good as possible.
I’ve had PFS since december from 2018 and had gotten into some bad pathways in regards of the medical system, specfically psychiatry. I stayed over a month on a psychiatric clinic, being pumped up with antipsychotics like risperidone and antidepressants like sentraline. I was cataloged as psychotic for thinking finasteride induced in me a State of mental and physical instability, even tho I showed them medical evidence of my DHT being totally out of range and having my total T from 650 when starting finasteride to 390.
There were a lot of unberable things I had to endure. Days were I could barely talk after the Risperdal shots or reason, having my short Term memory whipped out to an extent I could barely remember what I did the day before, days were I was as rigid as a plank — not even going to mention the fact that I was dealing with total Insomnia for almost the whole process. I came out from there with a diagnostic of schizo-affective disorder. As for the active symptoms of this so called disease, I’ve never dealt with voices or hallucinations.

Since I was 14 I’ve been dealing, to be fair, with the psychiatric system. Being given antipsychotics like quietapine for sleep for years as an example. I was never diagnosed with anything aside of depression untill I started having side effects from fin and said diagnoses getting more tangible after my big crash.
I feel so worthless right now. I’ve gained 20 pounds of fat, some days I can barely move properly due to the antipsychotics given to me (Really afraid this might be developing into tardative diskinesia) and I feel overall souless. Already felt worthless with pfs and now this Is living hell. Being cataloged by your family and society as a schizo Is beyond one of the most denigrating things imaginable.
There’s more to my story but i can barely type right now. It’s 9:30 PM and I’m thinking if I should just end it by Jumping of the 12th floor of my apartment complex. I barely feel human anymore.
Maybe if I had gotten out of the pathological grasp of my family tackling this I could have gotten better instead of being the broken and pilled up zombie that I am today. One thing that I’ve comed to aknowledge is that the psychiatric sector is just a system that takes advantage of the people in our society which are the most broken, making them hooked on substances that are based on a model that has been completely disproven (Aka the chemical imbalance)

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#2

So true. The idea of psychological disorders being viewed as such a childish concept as “chemical imbalances” is disturbing in itself.

It’s useful for selling pills though.

I was amused by my GP telling me about now my brain doesn’t make enough serotonin when pitching Zoloft. A few years prior it was norepinephrine when pitching Wellbutrin. She had no understanding of what she was saying but did a great job of parroting a pharma rep.

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#3

Will i be able to
tapper off safely all this crap and thrive afterwards?

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#4

It pains me to see what has happened to you. Don’t do it! You simply cannot give up at the point when you are at your worst in life. You have so much time ahead of you. Things will change if you stick around. You are so young and have so many chances for recovery on all fronts.

First of all, you can absolutely taper off the psychiatric cocktail and recover from that. A lot of people have done it. I know personally a couple of people who have done it. One of them was on 17 psychiatric drugs for over a decade. Another one is Laura Delano (link below), who was on a powerful multi-drug cocktail for 13 years. She had all sort of “diagnoses” like borderline personality disorder, bi-polar disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, etc. She is now an anti-psychiatry activist and runs a non-profit that helps people taper off drugs safely. You can read her story here (there is audio too) but also check out her videos on YouTube.

Second of all, as regards PFS – and I have said this before – you are so young that you can literally wait for a cure for 20 years and still be able to begin your life properly at 40. Lots of things are happening right now - the Baylor study will be out soon, new genetic treatments like CRISPR are being developed, etc. Truth and reality are on our side and very soon we will be able to show to the world tangible evidence for our condition but also begin looking for treatments together with the victims of accutane, SSRIs and other androgen disruptors.

Last but not least, you are such a bright and talented young man who can accomplish so much in life. I know you feel bad about where you are in life right now but you are so young that you can literary wait for 10 years and start college at 30 and be done by 34. You can then go and start grad school if you want and you will still be significantly younger than when I started grad school. Or you can go and do a programming boot camp and six months later you’ll have a great career. There are so many opportunities in front of you.

What you said about psychiatry is spot on.

For the readers, I will add that I have spoken with Wetaka on the phone multiple times. I will say that he has nothing like schizo-affective disorder as he has very clear thinking and absolutely no delusions of any kind. (And I do know someone else who does so there is no denying that’s “a thing” but Wetaka doesn’t have that.)

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#5

Sending you an angel.

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#6

“the loss of my sexuality is the hardest part to make peace with—it feels like a betrayal. I’ve discovered how much of the richness of being human is sexuality.”

This Is what I recall you saying in one of our calls. Aside of that, i swear I’ve read your reply over 5 times — it warms my soul.

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#7

Most doctors in most areas don’t update themselves, why should they have there’s incentive from the establishment toeep learning aside of what they learned in med School

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#8

I’m so sorry that doctors have inflicted this kind of damage on you. It must be horrible to not be believed by your family, and then be forced to take even more dangerous drugs against your will. I can’t give you any advice on how to deal with the effects of the psychiatric drugs, but in my opinion it sounds like you need to give it more time to see how long the effects will last. For the amount of harm it sounds like they’ve done, it cold very well take a while for the healing process to begin. Are you still taking the anti-psychotic drugs, or any other medications?

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#9

Yes, I pretty much am. I’m on 3 mg of risperidone at the moment, plus sentraline, lorazepam and zopiclone. They injected me with a risperdal shot, so I need to wait two weeks or a little bit more so I can start taking risperidone orally and, hopefully, start a a tappering process.

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