Been really struggling recently and in need of support

[silenceispink]

First off, I’m so appreciative of the people who are fighting and championing this issue with me in the community. There is (understandably) so much negativity in this community, and it’s great to have people who are moving things forward.

That said, I’ve been really struggling psychologically recently. I’m very lucky to have my parents as my symptoms are relatively severe, but I’m quite worried about my future. I‘ve tried to stay motivated as best I can this semester, but I’m starting to lose my grasp a little. It’s such a battle to push through every single day. I don’t know how I’m going to be a functioning member of society like this. Like many others, I struggle with constant suicidal thoughts. I sometimes get a break from them, but they’re always looming in the background. I try to operate and pretend like everything is normal, but it’s getting harder by the day. I have very little motivation to do anything, because I don’t really enjoy anything anymore. My diet is shit because food is the only source of dopamine for my brain these days. My insomnia has only gotten worse. I feel pathetic complaining like this, but sometimes I don’t know how I’m going to go on.

Sorry for the negativity, and thanks for letting me vent. Things have not been easy.

[Huehueh96]

Why sorry? Dude we understand you. Life like this is not a Life. But things do improve with time, im 100% sure. Hang in there. There is only one life. Every daily Battle is a step into the recovery. Stay as healthy as posible. You dont die from insomnia. I also have severe insomnia, in 3 months i didnt sleep for periods of 5 days 3 times! Ijust got microsleeps of 10 min.

Im also eating worse than the beginning xD Its the only pleasure momento of the day. Just keep the mentality of a monk and let days pass.

Keep fighting please

[Erik]

I’m really sorry to hear man. We’ve never had so much momentum as a community. If we stay the course I’m sure the situation will be radically different by the end of the year. You’ll also likely see some gradual improvements over time. You’ve been a tremendous part of the community in the short time you’ve been around and I have no doubt if we keep pushing we’ll get this disease recognised and then treated.

Also, there’s nothing pathetic about complaining about this situation. This situation is horrific and unacceptable. We don’t deserve to live like this and we should feel entitled to a normal life free from torture. Don’t ever think that’s an unreasonable expectation.

[PeaceHugs]

It is really okay for you to be negative right now. In a crazy coincidence, you and I stopped Finasteride two days apart.

If you had been hit by a literal bus, everyone would understand you still having trouble five months later. Instead you had your hormonal physiology attacked. So no one can see damage on the outside, but you’re just as much in the situation where your body needs time to heal. You also found out that doctors are shit, the FDA is shit, and corporations are shit. The only good thing that happened is that you found a chat group of men with shriveled penises.

So I think it’s okay for you to know that 2023 is just a healing year for you. That’s it. Your role in society is to heal for now. I think it’s okay for you to not pretend anything is normal. I tell everyone that I got awful medical news that I don’t want to talk about because I get really upset and angry, but the honest truth is that I’m angry and in pain almost all the time now, and probably for the rest of the year. Most people assume it’s cancer and I just let them think that. If we were in Ukraine and the two of us were the guys who got shot, no one would think it was pathetic for us to lay around and complain while we healed. Instead we’re in the US and had our penises attacked. If anyone deserves the year off, it’s us. Neither of us is lazy because of it.

My general feeling is that it’s okay to give this a year to heal before I make too many predictions about my future. I’m already a little more at peace with the idea that I might not get better at all, but I also recognize that I’m slightly better now than I was at only 30 days off the drug, so I just don’t know. Mainly I would like the constant penis and testicle pain to stop. Neither of us deserved this, and it’s a shame that it happened at all, but presumably there is some life for us after this. I hope that it’s too early to know where either of us levels out. And, by the time we really know, maybe we’ll both have more perspective on where our lives go from there.

In the meantime, I say it’s okay to immerse in your misery, as long as you don’t actually hurt yourself. Your body got attacked. It is still in some unknown stage of an unknown-length recovery. It’s okay to be hurting so much that you don’t do what the not-hurting people are doing right now. Someday we’ll be the healthier ones while other people have situations they didn’t deserve. In the meantime, I’m not judging my negativity as being a problem. It’s the fitting reaction for the situation I’m in. It’s okay if I’m negative still when Christmas gets here. I hope not, but it would be really understandable still.