I don’t know what’s what anymore
I don’t know what to do
I think I have sepsis. I am meeting the criteria of the infection spreading but also crash symptoms are the same. I was feeling so ill yesterday.
Swelling on gums has gone down but pressure on ear and eye in that side if my face. My stomach is churning my derelaization is insane. I am extremely fatigued. I accidentally swalled some of the anti bacteria mouthwash. Maybe that’s causing this. it’s also signs that the infection has spread. Hot and cold flashes. Muscle twitches… I have all this shit already. I’m just fucking done. I’m.so tired guys I’m so so fucking tired. I want to scream and cry. This has been a merciless beating the past 1.5 months and I’m hanging on by a thread.
I’m going over this in my head there are a few ways this tooth shit will pan out for me
- Miraculously it goes away and I’m okay (not likely)
- Dental surgery to remove tooth and can clean out infection (low probability)
- Dental surgery plus antibiotics (most likely)
In event 3 I will prepare my will and take out the $10,000 thats owe to me. Spend some before taking the plunge and leave the rest for funeral costs. I am not saying I will kill myself before doing this. No ill take the antibiotics and endure the reaction. If however it completely devastes me then I am checking out. I’ve suffered long and hard. Over 20 years and I won’t live a life if I’ve truly lost everything. I know the horrors of this disease but I know it can get much worse. And worse is a place I will not live in. My bones, connective tissue, muscles, cognition are already so impared. My humanity and identity is something I am barely clinging on it. I cant imagine crashing to hell and having major dental surgery with my connective and bone issues being in a crashed state. But that’s getting a head of myself. Just planning a head. I was so very sick yesterday. Mentally deranged really. Haven’t slept.
God please help me to overcome this. These are some of most trying times of my life and my fight is not what it used to be. Guys I am not well at all and there’s no signs of this really letting up. Please let this pass