Before i know it it’s 2012 already, and in a few months would mark the two years since i started on propecia. And since my symptoms started around march of 2011, I haven’t been out of my house much since, and spent most of my time in front of my computer. Life is just plain shit.
I’m sorry but i really feel like i need to vent here, since nobody would listen to me now, even my family. They are all just tired of failures after failures in seeking cure with doctors, who evaluated me right from the start as “it’s all in my head”.
Right now i’m 23 years old, with no job, no college degree, just a high school degree. I was really lucky, because even before fin started i was already having trouble with college, and dropped out. When fin hits me, i was just getting ready to go back to university. Before fin hits, i was a virgin…and after fin, i still am.
I guess maybe i should start first by talking about my “routine” since march…or about ten months. Before that, my life was shitty before, but we are not gonna get into that. Ok, so i would wake up around three or four in the evening, and urinate, eat late breakfast, drink as little water as i can and urinate. Take a shower, urinate, and back to sit in front of my computer. As pathetic as it is urination has been a big part of my life. Despite all the doctors would say “it’s all in my head” i have this urge to urinate all the time…like 6-7 times an hour…and that is if i hold it in. I asked someone on this board once, who’s friend who is a doctor, and he confirmed that Fin does things to your prostate, and it certainly effects your bladder. My theory is that it shrinks up your prostate and reposition your bladder somehow, and causes you to have less capacity in holding urine. And it goes on like this for the entire day…watching youtube…then go to the corner of my room to piss in a bottle…and come back to the computer. Oh yeah i for got to tell you that my knees are also in need of surgery, both of them, and it prevents me from walking downstairs to the bathroom. It goes back and forth like this, maybe interrupted by grabbing something to eat for a while, then back to the computer. Finally, i would start to feel sleepy around eight in the morning…and that is when hell starts. Whenever i try to sleep…i would feel this slight surge to pee, and then i would feel fully awake, and i have to get out of bed, take a piss, and go back to bed. However, i would be able to doze off for maybe ten minutes, then the surge would come back, and i have to repeat the process…the whole fucking time i was sleeping. So when i finally wake up, it would equal to not sleeping at all. And it has been like this for the entire 10 months now. Also, the thing that really makes me feel pathetic is that it seems like everything is loose down there. Urine would be seeping through all the time, but just a little bit though. And after i piss, even if i pushed all the way, my pants would be wet a little bit.
You might wonder, just the pissing problem? For me even this already make my life literally a living hell, since even though i slept for an entire ten hours, i would wake up extremely tired and weak. Because of this i cannot get any job, let alone going to school.
Now let’s talk about the other symptoms. I have them all, and in a severe fashion as well, whether it is complete impotence, erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, fatigue, mental fog, etc. I would be watching porn and don’t feel anything down there…nothing…just numbness. I would be pretending that i have somekind of horniness when in reality there is nothing…nothing at all. And when i masturbate, it would take me less than two minutes to ejaculate, and not the slightest satisfaction.
Before this i’ve tried broccoli for months and it just didn’t work. Vitamind D did nothing to help…and it makes my nerves weird too…i would be feeling this numbness in my biceps, and at night i would involuntarily raises my arm…it’s horrible.
I just wish that it would get better soon, and yes i know i could only wish. I’m just in a very dark place right now, and really if guns and bullets cost less, i would outright go and buy it and just end everything, it’s just easier. I don’t have the guts yet to hang myself. If there is such thing as karma(what you do is what you get) i just hope whoever invented this drug will eventually have to pay for our suffering. It’s just not fair…not fair at all.
just eat right, exercise, dont think about sex and let your body try to heal, dont watch porn, stimulate or do anything just try abstinence for some time and maybe it will work ! And try vitamins and supplements and the thing that makes doctors take you seriously is blood tests that prove your point so do that and see what you get, most of us got nothing but at least doctors are making an effort with me now hehehe to no use ofcourse but it helps some sympathy!