Alienate myself from the world

I think I’ll spend my time indoors, television turned off, without watching movies or anything like that, without going out or going to places with people. I do not even know how to spend my time. Guys, you know my very serious illness situation but the sentimental issue makes things very bad for me, I received a stroke and for me it’s totally distressing: I have a sense of extreme anguish and suffering when I see girls or worse couples in love, some people kissing and enjoying life, or seeing people making love or something on television, I have to stay away from it all, I swear it sends me a depression and an uncontrollable strong anxiety. I never experience this thing the first time it happens to me. So, I have to alienate myself from the world, otherwise I will not survive. I really do not know how all this happened, I just wanted to live a dream with the woman I love… I was better the first months, now only worse…

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I’m sorry to hear that you are struggling. You obviously have a poetic soul.

I know you dreadfully miss your ex girlfriend but if you are able to move yourself away from thoughts of Her, perhaps you should.

Do you have any artistic inclination? Do you feel creative? Do you have any skills that you could practice? Perhaps you should create some goals or aims.

You should try and bring people closer if you can bear it. You need them and they need you. They will miss you.

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Yes, I miss damn because I wanted it to go differently and be happy. My activities were mainly videogames, development of Hardstyle music, Dragon Ball, poetry and above all reading books and studies of religions, I wrote a book and collaborated with many academic scholars, wrote articles, now all this is difficult for me I miss the concentration and total interest in it, it’s really a hard fight my friend… I just think of her…

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Which games did you play? Can you still play them? I used to play a lot. When I first got hit with this, I found I lost interest but I play some things again now, I’m not sure if I’m worse at them or if I was always not so good but I have found I enjoy them more than I did now. I’m going to try and play an RPG so I won’t need hair trigger reactions!

What’s hardstyle? Like who?

I know things might be harder, but perhaps you should try and do some of these things again. I don’t know if your concentration will improve, but if you try to concentrate for s short amount of time and then take a break, perhaps you can build things up a little?

Nobody knows what is going on with us, but if you can make yourself a little healthier, a little stronger, and a little less stressed, you will be in a better position than you are now.

Perhaps you should try and do one thing every day to make things better. Think about something that you can change, not what you can’t change. Even if it’s a tiny thing.

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I understand completely how you feel. I often feel like that too when I see a really attractive man. Before PFS, that would be a motivating force - it would motivate me to improve myself, to achieve, to compete… Now all it does is make me depressed, sending a pang of pain to my soul to remind me what I cannot have any more.

The couples thing too - it makes me feel resentful to see people nonchalantly enjoy and take for granted something that’s been taken away from us. The kind of suffering we experience is unknown and unknowable to these people, oblivious in their happiness.

I don’t think you should become a recluse though. The only thing that helps me in my suffering is socializing and talking to friends. Social isolation would make the torture and loneliness of our condition engulf your entire being. You need to take breaks from that for your sanity. Reach out to as many people as you can. Look for the misfits - they will be your friends.

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its such a shame. always imagine how my life would turned out…

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Wasn’t you booked in to see a specialist last week ?
How did the visit go ive not seen any updates from it yet I’m interested in the outcome would you mind telling us what happened there ?

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Yes my friend visit was skipped! The doctor has canceled! Visit soon as possible

Have you rebooked appointment ?
Reading some of your recent posts i would say best to see someone soon as possible.

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