Advice/help for early symptoms! 2nd crash!

I’ve tried to stay positive about my situation so far but I’m coming to the end of my rope here and need some advice or help. I had horrible depression, anxiety, insomnia intermittently through the first 3 - 3.5 months, but overall I was able to ride it out and felt I was making some progress on everything but sleep through significant diet and exercise. I was OK with my situation if not really enjoying my life.

However I just had another crash and my emotions and joy in everything has been taken away entirely, 100%. With this my libido dropped to zero and I have pretty much complete ED. This wasn’t a problem previously. For past few weeks my body has been in and out of this state, for first week it was completely gone. 2nd week I had 3 out of 7 days 80-90% back to normal in all aspects (emotions, libido, visual arousal, everything). This past week I’ve had only two evenings of normality and it’s now been 3 days since I’ve felt anything.

Immediately prior to this the anxiety raised to almost unbearable levels and I was not in good shape. Then suddenly I felt better towards the end of that day as had happened a few times before, but this was preceded by hot flashes a few days leading up to. This lead into the cycle of feeling better and feeling nothings going through now.

This is unbearable. I have no joy for anything to break up the general horribleness of it all. Additionally, I now have some light brain fog which was not there before. I have to know that some improvement is possible as I know I’m still early in. Will I ever find ANY joy in life again on any level? I just want to hug my kids and wife again and feel something at least. I want to enjoy something small, like a video game or a book to at least give me some reprieve from this. To hell with sex, I can live without that although from my experience this seems like a package deal. It all comes and goes together.

Did anyone go through a similar episode like mine? I feel like my body is on a giant roulette wheel right now and I don’t know where it will stop “good or bad” but right now there’s a lot more bad spaces than good. Is it possible my body will settle somewhere that is at least a life worth living? I can barely keep it together currently.

For information, I’ve been following Chi’s recovery post the most as I find it the most inspiring. I’ve been mostly focusing on exercise and healthy eating. I exercise fairly heavily daily as it makes me feel better somewhat. I do mostly paleo, no-gluten, very low dairy (some cheese and very occasional plain yogurt with small amount of honey). I do eat quinoa, and brown rice some along with occasional gluten free bread. And very occasional tapioca based breads as snack.

I mostly do not take any supplements as I’ve had no noticeable or repeatable results with any that I’ve tried so far except sublingual melatonin which I take to go BACK to sleep occasionally. I have no issues falling asleep initially anymore. I only sleep 3-4 hours and wake up always. Most of the time I get one more session of 1-2 hours, sometimes not and rarely I get a 3rd session of 1 hour or so.

I measured my testosterone and other levels when I was feeling OK about a month back and here are my results. I have another appointment tomorrow.

TSH 2.160 range 0.450-4.500 uIU/m
FREE TESTOSTERONE(DIRECT) 11.8 range 8.7-25.1 pg/mL

WBC 4.0 3.4-10.8 x10E3/uL Final 01
RBC 4.73 4.14-5.80 x10E6/uL Final 01
HEMOGLOBIN 14.7 13.0-17.7 g/dL Final 01
HEMATOCRIT 45.2 37.5-51.0 % Final 01
MCV 96 79-97 fL Final 01
MCH 31.1 26.6-33.0 pg Final 01
MCHC 32.5 31.5-35.7 g/dL Final 01
RDW 12.0 11.6-15.4 % Final 01
PLATELETS 195 150-450 x10E3/uL Final 01
LYMPHS 33 NOT ESTAB. % Final 01
EOS 2 NOT ESTAB. % Final 01
BASOS 1 NOT ESTAB. % Final 01
NEUTROPHILS (ABSOLUTE) 2.2 1.4-7.0 x10E3/uL Final 01
LYMPHS (ABSOLUTE) 1.3 0.7-3.1 x10E3/uL Final 01
MONOCYTES(ABSOLUTE) 0.3 0.1-0.9 x10E3/uL Final 01
EOS (ABSOLUTE) 0.1 0.0-0.4 x10E3/uL Final 01
BASO (ABSOLUTE) 0.0 0.0-0.2 x10E3/uL Final 01
IMMATURE GRANS (ABS) 0.0 0.0-0.1 x10E3/uL Final 01
NRBC NP Cancelled 01

I had a 9 month recovery then crashed down back to impotence/zero libido out of nowhere. Fluctuated in and out about 4 times over the space of a month, until I finally recovered again and have stayed that way for the past 2.5 months or so.
Fluctuations do occur for whatever reason, but your body totally has the ability to restabilize itself, so don’t despair mate.

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Thanks Tricky. How far in did it take for you to hit your significant recovery?

Did you have any mental sides?

To be recovered to an extent I could be comfortable with, probably 4 months or so. Not 100%, but enough.

My first couple of crashes, I had pretty bad brain fog and extreme depression leading to suicidal thoughts. During my more recent crash, these didn’t return, thankfully.

Anybody else have any input? I have a doctor’s appointment today and am very very low right now. They are going to push medication on me I know which I have avoided to this point however I am on the verge of losing my job, I’m not sleeping well again (none last night), and I have pretty significant depression. My sleep had improved past few weeks, I’m sad that didn’t hold. I’m the breadwinner of my household and am trying to hold it together for my family.

Should I hold off on medication still? Do I have high hope for a large rebound like what Tricky describes? If not, what medications would anyone recommend I look into taking to improve my situation? Anything relatively safe that won’t affect long-term recovery?

Given your depression, if they are pushing the antidepressant route then you may want to investigate Wellbutrin XL. Along with TRT (important to have good T levels as well), this medication worked very well for me - whereas SSRIs only made me worse, like many others here.

Note that Wellbutrin can be stimulating for some people, and it did initially make it harder for me to fall asleep at my normal early bedtime, it was the single best treatment to get me functional when I needed it. Way more energy and way less brain fog, so WB is a good option if those are the main problems.

It was also relatively easy to wean off when I needed to come off (for fertility reasons, I plan to get back on in the future).

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Thanks Renegade.

Doctor didn’t do anything except check my levels again which I’m waiting on results for. They don’t want to prescribe anything to me until I see a psychiatrist in two weeks. I don’t know if I can make it two weeks though.

I am extremely low right now and trying very much not to consider the worst as an option. I just need some reprieve from this emotionless, enjoyment lacking void I’m in. For those of you in this state or that have been in this state, how do you cope? I just want some entertainment or enjoyment from something. A TV show, a game, a conversation. I know I’m early at only 4 months, and only really 3 weeks since this symptom set in. I have to hope that there is room for some improvement here.

What do I do with my time? I can barely make myself motivated to get up and feed myself. The only thing I really do is scour this site and internet for potential help in my situation which I know is not healthy, however nothing else gives me any satisfaction. How do I cope with this, what should I do? I don’t feel depressed, I just feel like I’m about to jump out of my skin because I have nothing to do with myself.

Renegade mentioned WellButrin, has anybody seen improvement on this particular symptom with this medication or any other for that matter?

My only path forward currently is to try no carb diet which seems to have helped at least Ozeph get past similar sides. Beyond that I’m lost and am thinking the worst constantly.