Accutane, ruined me. The biggest mistake of my life. Every single day of my life, I regret taking this poison

Welcome to our community. Please fill in the following template as a way of introducing yourself, and helping others to understand your background and situation.

Where are you from (country)?
USA
How did you find this forum (Google search – if so, what search terms? Via link from a forum or website – if so, what page? Other?) Googling my sides

What is your current age, height, weight?
23, 6’3, 175
What specific drug did you use (finasteride, dutasteride, saw palmetto, isotretinoin/Accutane, fluoxetine, sertraline, citalopram, leuprorelin, etc…)? Absorica (accutane)

What dose did you take (eg. 1 mg/day, 1 mg every other day etc.)?
40mg, doc prescribed 80mg but I only took half to have a chance of less sides, thank god I did or I’d be even more fucked.
What condition was being treated with the drug?
Acne
For how long did you take the drug (weeks/months/years)?
3 months

How old were you, and WHEN (date) did you start the drug?
18
How old were you when you quit, and WHEN (date) did you quit?
18 (dont know specific date)
How did you quit (cold turkey or taper off)?
Cold Turkey
How long into your usage did you notice the onset of side effects?
2 weeks
What side effects did you experience that have yet to resolve since discontinuation? Alot, fatigue, depression, anxiety, paranoia, feel like I will go insane any second, don’t feel “human”, don’t get colds or sick anymore, feel like the walking dead.

Check the boxes that apply. You can save your post first, then interactively check/uncheck the boxes by clicking on them. If your symptoms change, please update your list.

Sexual
[ x] Loss of Libido / Sex Drive
[ x] Erectile Dysfunction
Complete Impotence
[X ] Loss of Morning Erections
[ x] Loss of Spontaneous Erections
[X ] Loss of Nocturnal Erections
[X ] Watery Ejaculate
[X ] Reduced Ejaculate
Inability or Difficulty to Ejaculate / Orgasm
Reduced Sperm Count / Motility

Mental
[ x] Emotional Blunting / Emotionally Flat

[ x] Difficulty Focusing / Concentrating
[X ] Confusion
[X ] Memory Loss / Forgetfulness
[X ] Stumbling over Words / Losing Train of Thought
[ x] Slurring of Speech
[ x ] Lack of Motivation / Feeling Passive / Complacency
[X ] Extreme Anxiety / Panic Attacks
[X ] Severe Depression / Melancholy
[X ] Suicidal Thoughts

Physical
[ x] Penile Tissue Changes (narrowing, shrinkage, wrinkled)
Penis curvature / rotation on axis
Testicular Pain
Testicular Shrinkage / Loss of Fullness
[ x] Genital numbness / sensitivity decrease
[ x] Weight Gain
[ x] Gynecomastia (male breasts)
[ x] Muscle Wastage
[X ] Muscle Weakness
[X ] Joint Pain
[X ] Dry / Dark Circles under eyes

Misc
Prostate pain
[ x] Persistent Fatigue / Exhaustion
[ x] Stomach Pains / Digestion Problems
[ x] Constipation / “Poo Pellets”
Vision - Acuity Decrease / Blurriness
Tinnitus (ringing or high pitched sound in ears)
Hearing loss
Increased hair loss
[X ] Frequent urination
Lowered body temperature

Other (please explain)

What (if any) treatments have you undertaken to recover from your side effects since discontinuation of the drug? Numerous vitamins, sups, drugs. vit d, magnesium, vit mk4, dhea, nac, tudca, l dopamine, taurine, celexa, various SSRI’s, SSRI’s etc.

If you have pre or post-drug blood tests, what hormonal changes have you encountered since discontinuing the drug (please post your test results in the “Blood Tests” section and link to them in your post)?

Anything not listed in the above questions you’d like to share about your experience? Stopped sweating about a year post tane and my armpits had no body odor. Both have returned. Oddly sometimes the smell fluctuates between both pits, no pits, one pit smelling. Sweating back permanently.

Tell us your story, in your own words, about your usage and side effects experienced while on/off the drug.

Hello, everyone. I’ve been a lurker of this forum for years now, I never bothered making an account because i didn’t think it’d matter. That It wouldn’t help cure my symptoms etc…but I’ve grown beyond that; We’re in this together and the more people that come together about this debilitating syndrome, the higher chance of a cure/treatment being found. On to my experience with accutane. This is going to be a long one, I’ve had acne all of my life, on and off since around the age of 10. I hit puberty pretty early. All of my life (until accutane) I’d say I show’d signs of hyperandrogenism, if anything. I always had a sky high libido, I could gain/retain muscle very easily without working out, aggressive/competitive. I never had depression nor anxiety, I felt comfortable in my skin, I felt happy…i enjoyed my life. I had EMOTIONS, And a drive. I felt masculine, virile…etc. At 15 I had a really bad acne break out and I tried going on accutane but my derm refused. I was angry at her at the time because I just wanted clear skin. Little did I know she was trying to save my ass. Fast forward to 18, at this time I had the worse breakout I’ve ever had in my life, dozens of huge cysts that were extremely painful. Enough was enough, got a referral to a different derm and she prescribed me accutane. I was ecstatic. Finally, I’d have clear skin and I could get any girl I wanted (that’s kind of all I cared about at that age).

Started accutane, all was normal until about 6 days in, started getting massive headaches, ignored it and kept going. 2 weeks in I broke out in these small white bumps all over my body, itched like crazy, I also noticed I started to get extremely aggressive, and angry. I kicked my dog a few times…just because, something I’d never done or thought about doing in my life. About 1 in a half months in my right nipple started to hurt and pulsate, my left did aswell but not as much, I ignored it…being ignorant of gynecomastia at the time, as I’d never had it in my life. Around 2 in a half months in, I started to notice I couldn’t hold/achieve a full erection , and when I looked at girls something was missing. That raw, primal urge and attraction you get towards a female was gone. I could look at a girl and realize she was aesthetically pleasing yes, but all of the natural physiological/psychological responses that came with that were missing. I lost major strength, felt weak all of the time, tired etc. I was shocked and afraid, and tried it for about another week before I Decided to quit due to these sides becoming dibilitating. Immediately post accutane I was impotent, had no sex drive, felt little/no attraction towards females, had full blown man tits, psychologically I felt empty, void, anhedonic. Things I once loved doing felt fake and non genuine. I felt like a part of my humanity had been ripped from me, I didn’t feel like me, I didn’t feel human, something was different. This is where it gets even more crazy. My body type had changed, it looked more feminine. While before I had an extremely masculine physique. Narrow hips, broad shoulders etc. It wasn’t super drastic but I’m very aware of my body and knew something changed. I had moobs, my hips had a more female fat pattern, as did most of my body, become afraid to take shirt off etc do to my gyno. Also psychologically I was a mess, i forgot to mention i had weird gay thoughts on tane and I felt like i had literally dropped iq points, i felt stupid, and slow. I literally felt myself go from highly intelligent to somewhat intelligent. Fast forward 2 months in , I wasn’t as fatigued, started to workout more, gained strength back etc, body looked pretty masculine besides the moobs and hips at times. Felt kind of normal energy wise, but the sexual/psychological effects were still there. I tried to force myself to be attracted to girls, it was horrible.

3-11 ish months post tane i got a job, started to work again, boners were on and off, 70 percent of the time I couldn’t achieve an erection. Felt a slight glimmer of attraction to females in this time, was working out etc, had energy, no real major depression or anxiety, just apathy, anhedonia, OCD etc. I could function. I still got colds etc. Then around a year post tane, everything came crashing down. All of original tane symptoms were amplified x10 it felt like. In addition to new symptoms, crippling fatigue, cold hands and feet, extreme constipation like rabbit pellets most of the time, GERD, muscle wasting, bone wasting I lost my facial/body mass, like my bones/collagen in my face melted, I looked like shit, my physique was thin and sickly, had no appetite, I was psychologically a mess, started getting horrible panic attacks and major depression. My body felt/looked dead. I felt like the walking dead, I thought I’d die soon, thought I had some rare disease etc. I was in bed all day everyday for months, quit my job . About 2 years later, I Joined the airforce, I had no actual “diagnosed” or visible/findable illnesses so i made it past meps. At this Time some of my symptoms had improved slightly. Nothing major. About 2.5 years in I was still in the military, my sex drive was back on somedays, but it didn’t matter because I couldn’t get erect most of the time. Embarrassing as all shit. Energy was up etc. Symptoms weren’t as horrible. Eventually things got bad again and I ended up getting discharged. Fast forward to present day. I’m in a really fucking weird spot. Physically/hormonally I look feel pre tane. Look masculine, gyno has mostly dissapeared , alpha attitude (felt like a beta mentally post accutane and few years after) , muscle/body/bone mass Is back. Feminine fat distribution is gone, Erections/size are back I’d say 98 percent most of the time, I get morning wood, I have a very high libido, I’m strong, but on the flip side I’m extremely fatigued, depressed, horrible anxiety, extreme paranoia, ibs, cfs I’ve been in a psych ward multiple times in the past year, half of me is recovered while half of me is worse than ever. At one point I was so paranoid/feeling so bad I thought my mom was poisoning me with accutane, somedays I feel like I’m on it again. Like how can I go through weeks of feeling completely better and then back to shit, makes no sense. Some days I feel amazing. I feel like I am in fucking limbo most of the time. I’ve tried so many different suppliments etc I am on the verge of simply accepting death. I go through periods of feeling normal, to near dead. Some suppliments agitate my nipples like accutane, I’m sensitive to many foods etc. I don’t get colds either, like almost at all sincee taking the drug. Pre tane, I bgg got about 4 a year. I’ve probably gotten 3 colds in the past 5 years post tane. I am just at a loss of what to do. This drug has taken everything from me, I hope roche and all of these derms get what they deserve. I regret taking that shit everyday of my life, I’d do anything to go back in time, I’d accept all of my acne back ten fold to rid myself of these persistent sides. Sometimes it doesn’t feel real how a drug I took 5 years ago for 3 months fucked my life up this bad. Is there any hope? Any treatment? How can half of my sides be gone but another half (mostly mental health) are worse than ever? What the hell did this shit do to me? There has to be some herb/medicine out there that an help us. How does this drug leave some people completely fine and others on the brink of death? I’m running out of hope for us pfs, pas, and pssd victims, I’m at a loss. Thanks for reading.

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Sorry to hear your story. One quick q - Were you drinking while on accutane? I was a heavy drinker at the time I was on accutane (silly me) and I have heard the same from a couple of other PAS guys.

Nope, no alcohol while on tane.

Welcome to the club, please complete the survey and hang in there. Accutane also was the worst mistake in My life.

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I was drinking and smoking a lot on propecia

Damn that’s a messed up story, I’m glad to hear you’ve recovered in some aspects, and obviously the things you’ve experienced will be a scar you’ll have to slowly accept. You should try to avoid the things that seem to mess you up man, and for the sake of your mental health, try to reach out and talk to someone about it, rather than bottling it up thinking that someone like your mom could be poisoning you, I know Accutane has messed up with your brain chemistry, but don’t let it absorb you, you’ve come this far, and you’ll keep going until every day is going to feel amazing

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Very sorry to hear what happened to you. Your situation is very similar to what has happened to lots of people here, including me. If you know anyone else affected by Accutane - online or in person - please ask them to join our site - so we can work on this thing together.

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I feel for you, I took accutane twice without knowing any side effects aside from improved skin, dry peeling skin and lips and risks to fetuses if I were a pregnant woman,

PM me. I also took finasteride, antidepressants, and lariam --alll of which do bad things to someone too.

Stay off all antidepressants since they all fuck with serotonin that makes it all worse. Find ways to relax and refocus on other things. I can tell you PM what helped me.

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