A goodbye for now

I’m leaving this site for now and want to wish all the men here past and future all the best of luck, I realise that this website can’t help me right now although great to communicate with others in similar positions I realise it only causes me further distress this is just me being honest so please don’t take offence as I know the hard work that has went into rebuilding the site and making the survey so thank you to the admins particularly axol and awor. The site has also been a safe haven for me in my hour of need and it will serve as a pathway of information for future generations to come who have been affected by these endocrine disrupters and hopefully a better understanding behind what went wrong will one day materialise. I realise that a cure for this may not come about for a long time so I would reason with people to just focus on your own individual health by way of a clean diet and not buy too much into trying to self experiment on here or expect a sudden cure to pop up. I’m a very severe case of PFS- I realise that my life was drastically cut short the day I decided to ingest that pill, it stole everything from me, my friends, my love life, my future wife, my future children and destroyed my family- the untold damage is immeasurable, Merck & Co have effectively handed me a death sentence- I’m living in a shadow of my former self and have watched an entire year pass me by in the flick of a switch while I lay bed bound completely disabled in agony and mental torture. A large part of me wishes that I’d have seen a video like mine as I otherwise would never have touched Finasteride and with that I’m about to leave behind some advice- people must stop riding on the coattails of others and expect them to do something you won’t it’s unfair to have different expectations for others but not yourself. You must tell your stories, your stories are the only thing that you have as testimony to what these drugs are doing to people out there other than that you don’t exist and nobody cares because right now you’re just a microscopic ant hidden away in the depths of a Google search engine and you’re giving them exactly what they want. Think about what has happened to you very carefully, what it’s taken away, how your friends are out there having babies, settling down living their lives, making memories, how it impacted you and your family, all the missed birthdays and celebrations, the minutes, hours and days that have passed you by, the pain and trauma and turn that into something impactful. When I made my video and posted on my personal Facebook people from all over the world contacted me and the outreach of love and support that I have received was overwhelming- I didn’t receive one negative message and I honestly couldn’t care if I did. If anything happens to any of you would you want people thinking that it was just plain old depression that killed you or would you want your friends and family to understand your situation better? rare human emotion is a powerful tool to utilise in these desperate times. For all the lives taken by these drugs remember something- the dead cannot cry out for justice, it is the duty of living to do so for them and with that the change starts with you my friends. I love and wish you all the best of wishes in this life or the next.



You’re an inspiration Ryan :heart::clap:

All the best for now @Papasmurf

Understandable. Take care of yourself as best as you can and remember you have us all here for you. You’re not alone in this struggle.

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Powerful words Ryan all the best

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No offence taken Ryan. If I could I would do the same. I appreciate the thanks for our efforts, as the staff are under a ceaseless and unbelievable burden. I hope you are managing as best possible during what I have heard is an extremely trying time.

I very much hope due to your bravery in going public you’ll feel able to help us one day by contributing your story to our video project, and help us get a series out there together. Strength in numbers will far outweigh the value of scattered accounts, as what you say is exactly right regarding the necessity of telling these stories.

Please also check in from time to time for news, as we are working flat out to bring practical research opportunities to the community. We’ll make it very obvious when the time comes, and hopefully by working together things will be very different in the future.

Best regards to you and your family,



There is a doctor in N Ireland you should contact–he could advocate for you since he is a PFS resource:

Trevor Thompson, MD trevjthom@aol.com
Lagan Valley Hospital, Belfast

Some days I’m unable to talk, think, put words together or comment but today I will @Papasmurf . Thank you personally for letting me know I was not alone in this. Do remember your bravery in telling your story that has helped so many of us and more to come. You have reached people around the world.
That in itself is such a life changing accomplishment. God bless you Ryan

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Yeah I agree you seem to be a very decent lad and I hope that once we all here can have a pint of beer together

All the best


Please stay in touch somehow for updates on the book and everything that I am planning to follow. Your story is instrumental. <3 maryjpayneauthor@gmail.com.


Take very good care of yourself. Never hesitate to reach out- no matter the hour.

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I am upset that Ryan papasmurf disappeared just as soon as I found a PFS doctor in his part of the world (northern ireland) and told him about it. Now I am not sure I believe that ryan was even in a mental ward or anything else. I dont get it.

He’s seen a Urologist that is aware of PFS but there wasn’t much he could do for him but did acknowledge his symptoms.

Hahaha what on earth. You don’t believe him because he left before you made a recommendation? For those of us who are severely effected doctors have proven to be completely useless anyway.


Exactly even the good doctors that believe us can’t do anything either way since there is no known treatments.

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I have two separate specialists who are on board and both apologised for my suffering and told me there is nothing that can be done anywhere and to not spend any money looking for untried treatments such as stem cell therapy. They also acknowledged / knew of Mercks cavalier approach to drugs such as Viox


Can you talk to them and see if they’re interested in exploring this syndrome. Obviously no doctors can help us immediately because there’s no research material to follow.
If we can convince them to spend some time exploring we could come up with something helpful.

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One is a rheumatoid professor who I’ve known for 20 years as a patient he’s a very caring guy and has seen what this has done to me but it’s not his field the other is my endo I don’t know him very well and he’s also very sympathetic but don’t think he’d be that interested outside of his patients as he’s seen me desperate, they’ve both been great by acknowledging it in their post appt summary letters but think that’s it to be honest. In the endos shoes I’d see it as a challenge but he’s probably tied by the constraints of his position in the NHS. Private specialists are probably the best placed.

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I can’t do anything for you but hope you have a good future

THIS IS KEY. This has to be told to every doctor and health professional we see.
We MUST remind our docs that Merck/pharma hides or deletes data that makes their drug look unsafe.
Remind them of Vioxx, remind them of other drugs in the past taken off the market, tell them it is the same with finasteride–recent legal action exposed how Merck hid data on side effects in people taking finasteride

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