@Exsexgod hi man, sorry, could you dm me? I’ll send it to you and explain
deleted the full story, and edited it.
45 days pfs:
I’m extremely self conscious. Masculinity hasn’t returned. More feminine, no improvement. Taking responsibility is an issue. It’s easy to let all of it slide of the shoulders. I don’t feel guilt towards myself regarding it anymore. Issues with self reliance as well.
Physical sides are better. Gaining muscle seems to go better, although I can hardly care about it. Erections come slow and go fast. Still on nofap. Skin not restored: dry and lack natural oiliness, body hair is growing but is thin. Veins in hands thin and more hidden.
My thoughts being on this forum and reading on it every single day for the last 1,5 month:
- 43 days visited
- 3d read time
- 770 topics viewed
- 8.8k posts read
- 108 hearts given
- 15 topics created
- 152 posts created
- 97 hearts received
Certain things are unexplainable besides brain changes or epigenetic changes.
I’m also at a stage where it seems pointless to keep updating this thread. I have no hope things will ever restore, even though there are some possible remedies available through androgen receptor modulation, dht supplementation, and or dopamine upregulation. I’ve read most interesting threads on here and talked with some of you. You are nice people.
My hopes are non existent, I’m merely going to try some things to check them off my to do list, and then know for 100% certain even the pharmaceuticals that seem are most rational and logical, won’t ever change me back to the person I was. Why? Because I can’t live in the perpetual maybe. I’d rather know now that it won’t cure me, because these things are the only things I have some very slight uncertainty about.
There’s no logical explanation to me other then Finasteride having caused endocrine disruption. Which caused changes in gene expression and or brain changes and or epigenetic changes possibly by dna methylation. This might have changed androgen receptor transcription, and estrogen receptor transcription, and probably altered brain function and pathways. This would explain why hormone levels alone don’t help to bring change. It explains the study to gene expression changes. It explains the variety of side effects that people report. People might improve by trt or exogenous dht, but the way the brain responds to it is not the same as pre-fin.
The source might be dna methylation, but it might also not be. We don’t know. It’s like curing cancer. We can’t, and we won’t be able to soon. And what by a one in a million chance we could… What will happen then?
We now experienced what life is like, being this weird whole different kind of person (speaking for people with the same issues as me). And it’s forming us in this new person, it’s not as if you can forget it, and became like you were before. As if nothing ever happened, or as if you had a time machine. That won’t ever be possible. The only thing that might happen, is that some things will go back to how they were, but you won’t ever experience them like you did back then, because you now have this knowledge of being this extremely different altered person. What probably will happen then, is that you will feel even more separated from your true self, something some of you already experienced post pfs. Because after possibly crispr or something, you might feel your back, but at the same time the perception you had of yourself can’t ever be like it was when you hadn’t took fin, because you’ve experienced being this whole different kind of human being.
Well, if you lost me, I don’t really care. I hope you understand, to help you out, but otherwise, well, you’ll probably find out some other way.
I believe most recoveries here are simply people getting used to sides after x amount of months or years, and accepting to live with it. Maybe some things will improve, like did mine, but I won’t ever be the same person, and I think I have to live with the pile of s I made myself become by crossing the line, and taking this medicine.
It all sounds terrifying maybe, and extremely dark. But I’m not here to help you keep up hope that isn’t there. Maybe it’s best to just accept our faith, and see what good life still has to offer. By focusing on what we don’t have and lack, we’re making ourselves more miserable by the day. But by trying to accept what we can’t change, we’ll probably start to feel better.
So, I’ll probably stop updating this thread, unless I find anything that’ll help the potentially permanent mental f up fin has caused. To maybe help you guys out.
But the long story short, we probably have to accept that this is the way we have to live our lives until the end of our days. Probably better to get used to it.
I guess if you don’t take this well, you can just write this off as my opinion. It’s just my opinion anyway. This message isn’t meant to hurt anyone. It’s more of a way to tell the truth as I see it with the knowledge I have, and I’m eager to be proven wrong.
If you have questions or comments or arguments other then, some day, let me know, I’d like to believe the opposite. If you have more personal questions, please send a dm. thanks.
To give some hope after this dark post, I’ll list some sides that got resolved:
Metabolism is very slow. Eating the exact same 2300 calories daily, which was my maintenance. This is now causing an increase in bodyweight. At first finasteride caused an extreme lack of hunger, to the point of being able to not eat for a whole day with only getting some slight signals of hunger at the end of the day.
- Subq fat is declining a bit it seems, veins on muscles are more visible.
- Derealization occurs much less often
- People are more comfortable around me, a bit too much so.
- Metabolism seems to have stabilized, it’s slower, but not as slow as it was. Stopped gaining weight.
- Nofap seems to improve my groundedness, focus, alertness and purposefulness to a degree
- There is some sense of responsibility, but it’s extremely weak, weaker then I can afford.
- Hunger signaling is better, as is response to caffeine
- I seem to have no bowel issues, something I was worried about, and talked about with @NewYorker
- I’m somewhat better at having arguments then I was before.
- Waking up has become easier.
Please do take into account that the body needs time to readjust to lack or overdoses of stimuli, as does the mind to mental changes. I can’t say to what extend the above are actual improvements, or getting accustomed to this new way of being. Either way, can’t say it’s negative. And I’m happy with it.