Ok, checking in here to report some weird ass shit.
So things in general have been going ok. I’ve worked hugely on the mental symptoms in the last 3 years and its really paid off. I have already spoken about using Claire weeks / anxietynomore blog. I didn’t have many other mental symptoms except what seemed like apathy, fatigue and poor memory. My brain fog had since cleared years ago. I had some bouts of feeling quite low (which was unusual for me even post propecia). They weren’t that regular (perhaps once every 3 months). I started to suspect that i did have depression basically all the time, I was never really happy. Anyway I started reading about self compassion, i listened to a great audiobook called love yourself like your life depends on it, and some good ones by Tara Brach. I started to notice that i was thinking a lot clearer, performing better at work and more about to talk without worry.
After a failed date about 3 weeks ago (she actually said she was sad i didn’t check her out more). I think she thought i didn’t find her attractive. I started looking at Propecia help again dismayed about my libido. This really sent me into a tizz where one weekend i was reading all weekend about it, yelling at my parents occasionally, very down, distressed and worried. Basically saying that i needed to quit my job and move to Thailand. Yes i got that upset.
I tried a couple of random things, bought some tomato juice and ate a whole can of asparagus. Basically desperate.
I went to the doctor and discussed this again (a new doctor as they keep moving on). He ordered some blood tests, suggested i see a sexual health counsellor but also said that perhaps I could also see an endo as he could see it was years of the same. I started thinking that perhaps it was time to start trying some harder drugs as i would never recover. Id try HCG, Test or something like that. Yet at the same time i was also thinking about my mental symptoms. I wondered how much of an effect feeling fucked by propecia was having on me. One night i said that perhaps i should start giving love and attention to my thoughts of low libido.
Anyway blood tests came back and he tells my my cholesterol is a bit high, my liver (ALP & Bilirubin) is high also. My liver has shown signs of damage in the past (I barely ever drink so i wouldn’t be surprised if that’s Propecia related. Then he tells me my T is out of range. Yep i knew it. He tells me that it is elevated??? What???. The range is like 12-32. My T is 34.4. Wtf? Last year around the same time it was 22.2. He wrote me a referral to the endo.
So i started taking stock of my body, what the hell is going on. Its probably in my head but i realised i do feel manly. Keep getting headaches like i used to when im younger. I feel a bit stressed as if there is a pressure to do things / talk more. I feel a small tingling in my scalp. I don’t care what people think at all at the moment. The strange thing is i think im naturally a high T person. As a child my voice broke earlier than everyone, i was quite muscular and also my hair fell out at 15!.
Ive been hitting the gym (powerlifting) for about 2.4 years now consistently 3 times per week (sometimes 4). I unknowingly took Tribulus before i found out about the blood test and I felt like an animal at the gym one night. This trib was after the blood test though.
So i’m really confused. I feel better, in fact im even having some sexual thoughts. Am i recovering? I don’t know but i’ll keep an eye on things over the next few months. Was the huge T some weird aberration/error? Surely a tin of asparagus couldn’t do this? Hopefully it lasts or something changes.
If i really am getting better i really believe finally unwinding and dealing with my thoughts on this could be what has done it. I don’t want to Jinx myself, i am just going to relax and not expect the world and see what happens…
Elevated T… wtf lol.