Hi there,
Thought id give an update 1 more year has passed. The girl did not want to see me again. I managed to sleep with a couple of girls in the UK, and actually it was pretty good. The only thing that was wrong was maybe a little soft with BJ’s and once I had orgasmed, that was it, no more sex.
So I moved back to AUS. I don’t really feel like telling a long story so i’ll just give you some cliffnotes. Have had some anxiety / stress. Generalised anxiety has been a constant companion although in the UK ive seen signs of it abating. I was smoking in the UK (well aware this lowers penile bloodflow) but I thought you know what, fuck it. I was doing it for me and for fun. I swear to god the dopamine or nicotine or something from cigarettes helped relax me. Im well aware that cigarettes actually make you more stressed and the relief is from nicotine withdrawl, but I was generally less anxious on cigarettes and happier too. Still I quit, not worth it.
Current situation - I feel a bit sad and have the last few days. I have been abstaining from masturbation / porn, but decided about 3 days ago to re-test. Immediately regretted it. I’ve wanked a couple more times and my anxiety is back again.
My libido is still low, mental clarity is a lot better, anxiety is a lot better. Let me say what ive done and what I think is helping.
Sleeping - Have been sleeping fairly well, getting good sleep. Hopefully it helps
Intermittent fasting - Have been doing this for years now. I really think it helps with clarity, and hopefully cell repair (autophagy). Lately ive upped the fast (eat by 8:00pm latest, eat again around 1:00pm where possible).
Diet - Hasn’t been brilliant but not terrible, try to eat healthy take away (subway, noodles etc). Tuna & eggs at home.
Gym - So ive been to the gym a bit over the years, but for the first time I feel relaxed there. Have had good energy there in general (few aches and pains) and have been getting stronger and putting on muscle. This is the light of my life at the moment as Ive never been able to tolerate the gym.
Reverse Kegels - Ive learnt that i have a tight pelvic floor. In a bid to try help my erections (prob from propecia problems) I tried Kegelling back in about 2005. Ended up with some premature ejaculation problems. I think this became a habit and have been reverse kegeling lately with good effect for my erections.
Mediation - I really believe meditation is great for anxiety and for lowering stress. I haven’t done it for a few days but I MUST get back on it.
Walking - I also don’t walk enough but I when I did I felt far better
Anxiety - Between mediation and some excellent resources I’m making incredible inroads towards anxiety. Claire Weekes is the key to beating anxiety imho. Propecia induced anxiety is almost impossible to deal with (trust me I know) but I think i’m dealing with the remnants of that. By facing > Accepting > Floating > letting time pass, Im learning slowly to let go. I need to give less fucks.
Work - I quit my job, was doing fine but long story. I’m currently at uni and fortunately am in the position I can stay away from working for a while. Full steam ahead trying to help myself.
Abstaining from porn and masturbation - This is my secret weapon. I know that propecia caused my problems, i’ll never deny that. But abstaining from the above really really helps. It significantly improves my cognition more than anything else. In fact after 95 days I even felt my libido come back. When I orgasm a few again I get an awful hangover though (very anxious). Starting tonight, abstaining again, hoping to get to even longer this time 6-12mo. Should be able to.
So who knows if i’ll ever get better. It does seem mentally im getting better ever so slowly. Perhaps in a few years I can hold down quite a professional job well, at least i’ll have some purpose. There’s a chance i’m getting better in all areas, even sexually. It seems to be an upward trend. My deepest hope at the moment is that working out for a year and packing on some bulk switches something back on.
Welcome to contact me for any reason, but i’ll probably try go back to my own devices again now. I am really averse to taking pharmaceuticals to cure myself, since that’s what screwed me in the first place.
I really wish you all (and myself) the best of luck