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I crashed two years ago this week. 11/13/21 was my last fun night out, went on a date with a woman I was likely going to spend the rest of my life with, the soul mate to who I was then. I crashed a few days later and havenāt had an alcohol buzz or caffeine boost since. The same can of deodorant I had on my sink still sits there unused since my last processed androgen emitted my last trace of body odor.
Happy anniversary.
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Lol at least you have a sense of humour still.
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Not sure what fresh circle of hell this is but for the past month or so Iāve had insatiable itching in my calves and ankles and it seems to have spread to myā¦whatever it is, muffin top I guessā¦and the backs of my old man hands. Reminds me of living back in Texas where if I didnāt immediately shower upon returning from a park or a trail Iād get poison ivy, but the upside was hot water in the shower felt amazing on it. Same here, I find myself cranking the hot water and letting it burn through my lower legs to scratch deep. The cocaine stopped working so now I have this for entertainment. Fucking die already, whatās taking so long.
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I love how every time I google a new symptom I know in advance itās gonna be right on point with every other god damn symptomā¦diabetes, neuropathy, fungus, etc, etc, fucking etc.
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Many of us start to not metabolize carbohydrates properly, developing insulin resistance and progressing to type 2 diabetes. It is ideal to at least go for walks, be patient and use cinnamon in sweeter things and fiber in foods with carbohydrates to avoid glycemic spikes. .
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Just a data point. Symptoms: wastage everywhere, skin dysfunction, etc. I used Selsun Blue dandruff shampoo for decades before PFS, never had any problems with it. After PFS I developed a bloody lesion on my scalp toward the front which persisted for months before I suspected the shampoo. I finally switched to another shampoo and the lesion went away. I recently tried the Selsun Blue again sporadically and developed another lesion. Quit using it and the lesion went away.
Approaching three years with this shit, rant time.
Before PFS I had a group to ski with, a group to bike with, a group to shoot with, a group to play music with. A happy hour crew, a softball crew, a disc golf crew. A lunch bunch. Sailing friends, fishing friends, hiking friends. Long distance friends. A woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. A family. A goal.
And itās all gone. Every last fucking one.
Looking at my slender feminized forearms and wrists, unable to fill out the thermal I threw on because Iām freezing like a girlfriend. The useless nub that was once my junk undetectable in pants and underwear. I went from being a man to being a man stuck in a womanās body. This must be what it feels like to be transgendered. Maybe I can get a sex change operation and go back to being a dude.
Fuck platitudes, fuck 'em. Nobody is obligated to live like this. My blood pressureās up, God willing before another year goes by Iāll have a heart attack. Or pull the trigger. Or choke down the death salt.
I know, Pec Blaster had a hormone expert on his podcast who cured PFS by taking Widowās Wart and L-Orangutan. And a one hit wonder on Reddit with āevery possible symptomā from low libido to ED recovered from cold showers and postive thinking so thereās hope for us all.
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Going into my 3rd year as well you have my full sympathy. This drug is truly a posion. Always curious to read recovery stories do you have a link to the cold shower & positive thinking one?
Thanks, I donāt have the link handy but IIRC the protocol is take a cold shower and think positive. Maybe a sauna too.
Woke up to notable gum loss behind my left incisor. Havenāt had a noticeable advancement on that front in a while, I guess PFS thought I was getting too complacent.
One of the weird side issues of PFS is Iām going through a lot of chairs. Since most of my time now is spent sitting in a chair watching videos Iām squeezing what used to be a week or moreās worth of sitting into a single day. All the time I used to spend [insert an activity I posted above] is now spent crushing the life out of my chair cushion. Iām four years into PFS and on my third chair.
Good ones arenāt easy to find either, after some trial and error I found myself returning to the same one. This time I added a support plan so I can replace the cushions for free after the warranty. Possibly the most forward thinking Iāve done since my crash.
Never considered in pre-PFS life how important wrists were day to day, moment to moment. Mine have lost so much tissue and range of motion that a simple task like washing a pan in the sink has become a major challenge. Picking it up, turning it over, holding it steadyā¦all take full attention and finding new ways to do them. Working a manual air pump causes a painful transition pop and requires a brace. I think if PFS degeneration was normal human structure our tools would have evolved a lot differently.
Wrists getting worse, thumbs going fast, starting with left hand.
Hard to believe this person ever existed. Just looks and sounds painful to me now.
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Gonna post more videos for posterity, this is an interesting one. I had back spasms as a fin side, they would come on suddenly and put me on the ground. I had one about a half hour before I shot this, started down a trail and felt my back go out. I could barely make it to flat ground and was ready to leave but decided Iād head to easier terrain and see how I felt. I was glad that I could finish out my day but also frustrated that these episodes were so random and out of my control. Never made the connection to fin until my crash.
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A random March Wednesdayā¦this was my life. I donāt so much miss the skiing because, you know, PFS. I just miss the happiness and the healthy obsession.
I once rode the lift with a 90 year old who started skiing when he got back from WW2. I always thought Iād ski at least into my 80s, it was such a zen feeling I couldnāt picture life without it. Hell I was skiing with retired guys who are still out there hard charging, wondering what the hell happened to me.
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Imagine if fin could be safely used and dose adjusted and when you discontinued it side effects went quietly away.
Sorry to hear what a terrible time youāre having @mstone. It shows great strength of character to tough it out like you are.
Iāve got everything crossed for all of us.
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