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I crashed two years ago this week. 11/13/21 was my last fun night out, went on a date with a woman I was likely going to spend the rest of my life with, the soul mate to who I was then. I crashed a few days later and haven’t had an alcohol buzz or caffeine boost since. The same can of deodorant I had on my sink still sits there unused since my last processed androgen emitted my last trace of body odor.
Happy anniversary.
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Lol at least you have a sense of humour still.
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Not sure what fresh circle of hell this is but for the past month or so I’ve had insatiable itching in my calves and ankles and it seems to have spread to my…whatever it is, muffin top I guess…and the backs of my old man hands. Reminds me of living back in Texas where if I didn’t immediately shower upon returning from a park or a trail I’d get poison ivy, but the upside was hot water in the shower felt amazing on it. Same here, I find myself cranking the hot water and letting it burn through my lower legs to scratch deep. The cocaine stopped working so now I have this for entertainment. Fucking die already, what’s taking so long.
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I love how every time I google a new symptom I know in advance it’s gonna be right on point with every other god damn symptom…diabetes, neuropathy, fungus, etc, etc, fucking etc.
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Many of us start to not metabolize carbohydrates properly, developing insulin resistance and progressing to type 2 diabetes. It is ideal to at least go for walks, be patient and use cinnamon in sweeter things and fiber in foods with carbohydrates to avoid glycemic spikes. .
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Just a data point. Symptoms: wastage everywhere, skin dysfunction, etc. I used Selsun Blue dandruff shampoo for decades before PFS, never had any problems with it. After PFS I developed a bloody lesion on my scalp toward the front which persisted for months before I suspected the shampoo. I finally switched to another shampoo and the lesion went away. I recently tried the Selsun Blue again sporadically and developed another lesion. Quit using it and the lesion went away.
Approaching three years with this shit, rant time.
Before PFS I had a group to ski with, a group to bike with, a group to shoot with, a group to play music with. A happy hour crew, a softball crew, a disc golf crew. A lunch bunch. Sailing friends, fishing friends, hiking friends. Long distance friends. A woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. A family. A goal.
And it’s all gone. Every last fucking one.
Looking at my slender feminized forearms and wrists, unable to fill out the thermal I threw on because I’m freezing like a girlfriend. The useless nub that was once my junk undetectable in pants and underwear. I went from being a man to being a man stuck in a woman’s body. This must be what it feels like to be transgendered. Maybe I can get a sex change operation and go back to being a dude.
Fuck platitudes, fuck 'em. Nobody is obligated to live like this. My blood pressure’s up, God willing before another year goes by I’ll have a heart attack. Or pull the trigger. Or choke down the death salt.
I know, Pec Blaster had a hormone expert on his podcast who cured PFS by taking Widow’s Wart and L-Orangutan. And a one hit wonder on Reddit with “every possible symptom” from low libido to ED recovered from cold showers and postive thinking so there’s hope for us all.
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Going into my 3rd year as well you have my full sympathy. This drug is truly a posion. Always curious to read recovery stories do you have a link to the cold shower & positive thinking one?
Thanks, I don’t have the link handy but IIRC the protocol is take a cold shower and think positive. Maybe a sauna too.