Want to give up

General Discussion
#1

Hi all,

Not expecting replies on this but they’d be appreciated as I’m at a very low point and dont know where to turn to. I’ve posted this in PSSD forum too but I’m DESPERATE for hope.

Long story short: F, 27, PSSD since 2014 (150mg Sertraline) and I haven’t had any windows of libido since. Basically complete hyposexuality, haven’t been turned on since I was 21. I am also badly anhedonic and frankly very suicidal.

I hate posting here as I dont want anyone to feel bad over anything I post. I am absolutely sick of my life and how I feel like I live in limbo. I wanted so much to fall in love and I dont see that happening for me at all as I dont have an interest in men anymore and I cant remember the last time I felt good emotions, years maybe.

I’m desperate to get a window so I’m going to try meds again. Not SSRIs, but something. I’m sick of going to doctors who just dismiss this condition though. But I need to be medicated, I’m highly suicidal and I am tired of doctors either 1. not knowing wtf I am talking about or 2. telling me that PSSD is impossible and that I have no sex drive or good emotions because of depression/anxiety.

Has anyone heard of PSSD or PFS rendering someone completely asexual for years with 0 windows somehow ending up getting at least somewhat better? I’m so bitter that this has happened to me. I want so much to be a wife and mother. I just want to know if there is anyone else like this out there as I feel so alone even in the PSSD and PFS community as I have been suffering for most of my 20s and everyone else is getting windows whereas for me my libido is at a constant 0%

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#2

Hi laurieloo,

I am sorry that you are in such a bad place. There have been all kinds of stories, including people getting better after suffering from a long time. I also remember a German female SSRI victim with similar symptoms to yours getting better after a decade when she started Wellbutrin. I am not advocating getting on this drug, as it hasn’t worked for others or even made people worse, but it is an example that there is always hope.

You are certainly not the only one not experiencing any windows. People not experiencing them just not post that much about it, because there is nothing new to report, while those with windows report on their up and downs.

Unfortunately, there is not much more I can offer you. But be assured, the staff here is just as desperate as you are to get better and is working hard to get research going. Please do our survey to help: Post-Drug Syndrome Survey FAQ. Survey NOW LIVE - Please Participate

Thank you and good luck!

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#3

Hi lauriloo.

I’m the same with no windows in any areas. I relate to how your feeling. As Northern star says some do recover even after years. This is the thing that keeps me going. Hang in there

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#5

I’ve been in the same place since 2008, and yes, the feelings (and lack of feelings) can be devastating at times. Utterly devastating, with very few who understand us. You’re not alone in this, with so many on this forum who are in the same place and understand. Eventually, the medical field will come around, and treatments and cures will be forthcoming.

Yes, many good years of our life may have been missed out on, but you’re still young, with an entire life ahead of you. Personally, I was utterly devastated for the first 5 years of PFS. It took a very very long time to learn to cope, and while it’s far from ideal that this is the “new normal”, it is, I’ve accepted it, and I’m grateful for what it is I do have, and hopefully there will indeed be relief, especially as the medical field advances and becomes aware of our condition.

Perhaps out of this forum, there can come a support group, or perhaps there already is one, where we know we are not alone, and there are so many others like us, who will one day return back to normal lives.

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#6

Do you have any tests for hormones? Mainly Testosterone, Estrogen, & Progesterone? Do you suffer IBS?

#7

Hi, Laurieloo! I’m a wife of a PFS guy, 46 yrs old, took Finasteride about 2yrs. His crash was Vfib/heart attack, in sex worker‘s hotel room about 3 months ago. I restate these shocking events because they’re evidence of how desperate and low all of you sufferers may be, from time to time. As bad as my man’s choices were, I know the internal struggle is even more distressing, and at times you feel you may break. You CAN make it through these darkest of moments. Fight it! Keep pushing! Keep dreaming! Keep wanting! Strive for progress, not perfection. Progress, no matter how small, is still progress. One moment at a time :heart:

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#8

Please stay strong and weather the storm
We are here for support

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#9

First of all, you shouldn’t feel bad about posting here, because that’s why this site is here. We are here to listen and to help, you are not dragging us down by sharing your problems with us. At all.
I am proud of you for stepping over that sense of guilt and/or shame to post. Good job!

We care about you and urge you to stay strong.

I have been in a dark place too for a long time with extended periods of suicidal ideation.
With therapy, help of friends, changes in my life and environment I have made a strong recovery from depression. PFS however is still there. But it has become more sustainable because I have a better baseline.

I have dedicated a thread to ideas and tips to alleviate depression and ways to cope. Take from it what you will, see if there is something in there that helps you. Feel free to ask questions.

I would urge you to try and make your life as comfortable as you possibly can, despite the discomforts of your physical condition. Try to avoid and reduce stress factors to the best of your ability and create a positive environment in little and realistic ways. Try to direct attention towards other enjoyable things.

When I was at my deepest, my psychiatrist prescribed me Wellbutrin (Bupropion). Like others have said, we are not authorized to recommend any pharmaceutical. But it’s worth investigating in your case. It gave me a few temporary adverse effects but it did help in alleviating my worst depressive episodes. Always be careful with anything you take of course.
This was pre-PFS for me personally and was helpful with depression… Some people say that Buproprion has alleviated their libido symptoms to some degree. However, again, this is coming from a person who has no personal experience with using Bupropion for libido related purposes so please investigate it before doing anything reckless.

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#10

Progress over perfection is a very nice way of phrasing it. I like it a lot.

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