Hi guys,
For those of you that dont know me, i started taking propecia at age 15 for 10 years. Im no stranger to this drug. When i was on it i had awful anxiety, my brain simply would not shut off from negative thoughts. I had to fight them even when being at home by myself.
So i quit propecia 1 year ago. To be honest, i dont even know what my body is supposed to be like, since i started propecia when i was still growing. I do remember having really hard morning and night erections because i used to pee on the wall of the toilet accidently.
So fast forward to now. My anxiety has subsided probablly 85-90%. My clarity of thought is far greater and i am now happy about that. I used to wake up almost every morning feeling like a truck hit me, but now i wake up feeling clear.
Something seems to have changed over the last few weeks. I was playing a computer game dragon age origins, and i realised that i was actually enjoying myself. I was talking out loud and laughing. I hadn’t felt like this in years. At work, i have been funnier, more relaxed and happier. Two women were making mozaics at work and i started commenting on how screwed up they were. They both thought it was hilarious and i did too.
Over the last year i probablly had 3 morning erections all up and this disturbed me a lot. Over the last 2 weeks, ive probablly had about 10. They are still a little weak i think but morning erections seem to be quite common. Im dreaming almost every night where i wasn’t dreaming at all before. I went to the gym for the first time in a couple of years yesterday and smashed my muscles to peices. I walked out and noticed a girl driving in her car and i looked straight at her nice legs and i had some movement downstairs. I walked into the shop at uni and the girl called me darl. I noticed a blush in her cheeks and a smile. I walked past a bald old man outside and looked at his bald head and it seemed strangely beautiful and primal to me.
So what has changed? To be honest not a great deal… Ive been walking heaps lately as i dont have a car. I walk 4k’s to the shops without blinking these days. Plus, the temperature has changed and i think im getting better sleep. I do think that the morning erections have some connection with my increased dreaming. Finally, ive taken ownership of my problem and im trying to be happier. Im trying to have fun and not to worry. Im not sure if im able to do that more because of some change, or if because ive been doing that ive made a change happen.
Please let me stress not to beat yourself up about this too much. Being happy and trying to have fun has really increased the quality of my life. So much that if this is how i would stay, i think i could be happy like this.
Now, im not an idiot. Ive been through that many up’s and downs in the past that i know this might not be a long lasting change. Ive felt good in the past too. Im going to keep trying and hope we all feel good again 