Relationships

General Discussion
#1

I am not sure how many of us this will apply to, but I am mainly to talking to those of us who are in relationships. I have an overall optimistic view of eventual recovery, but the side-effects are still frustrating and tragic. I am dating this girl who did not know of my condition. I would (and still do) use Viagra to compensate for the effects of the Propecia.

I decided to finally open up to her last weekend. I showed her the pills that are left over from my old prescription and also showed her this forum to help illustrate my plight. This site helps legitimize my (OUR) conditions. She was remarkably sympathetic. We have had sex a couple of times and, even though I still use a half tablet of Viagra to sustain myself, the mentally DETACHED feeling is starting to disappear… It’s like my condition has STRENGTHENED our bond. It is a beautiful thing.

I guess what I am trying to say is that a certain part of our disorder is in our head, in other words, we mind-fuck ourselves… this can be as big or as small of a struggle as we choose to let it be. For those of us who are either a) in a relationship, but reluctant to tell our significant other of our condition, or b) would like to find a relationship but are too embarrassed/ humiliated by our condition to pursue one, there is hope. There are many women (and men too if you swing that way) that are good souls and will be understanding and open-minded of our dilemmas.

I know that trying to explain what you are going through may be tough. My mind was cascading with so many thoughts and emotions when I was trying to break it down for my girlfriend, I had a hard time trying to organize them. My suggestion would be to use this forum as an aid to explain your tragedy to your lover. Let our stories be the paint on a mental canvas that illustrates the train wreck of a conundrum we have incurred. I look at this forum as a society; because that is what it is. We are ALL bonded through our suffering. We can all make each other stronger with our combined knowledge and support.

Anyways, I am through preaching… I am just saying you are only alone if you want to be.

#2

Good post.

I have been in a relationship the past month. She’s a catch, and damn well suited to me. However, at 24 years old it looks like I am going to have to get on the viagra train. The last girl I was with longterm, I wasn’t really that into, and had no problem having “flawed sex” which is essentially what I have thanks to propecia. With this girl however, I have managed to abstain from sex so far, just oral, etc.

Why have I avoided it? Simple, I really like her, and I don’t want to have propecia induced inferior sex with her. We connect really well physically, and I firmly believe it will damage our relationship. On that note, I appreciate your honesty with your girl, but I couldn’t show her this site.

Anyway- I question how “right” Viagra is for me, since I get lots of “half- to three quarters” erections, but barely any “Mostly hard- to completely firm” ones. It’s not really an erection problem, but instead a firmness problem.

Maybe, as someone in a similar position. You could shed some light for me? Thanks, and I agree about the detached feeling dissapearing if you REALLY like someone. I’m grinning just saying that.

#3

Guys, do you get any enlarged prostate feelings, or prostate symptoms ever? I’m just wondering if more of us have these symptoms.

My numbness, shrinkage, and ED problems are more or less gone, and have been for a month or two. I think its just a prostate problem for me now, unfort… But my dick looks normal for the most part now. Its just a slow process of recovery. Its looked better week by week. And erections slowly get harder. I’m telling you. At least this is how its happened for me.

#4

Hi Berliner, i have a problem similar to yours. I get lots of three quarters erections, and with a little effort i get a full one. When i am laying in bed, i am able to keep the erection for some time, but if i change position i loose it easily.
I am not dating right now, but i am trying something to gain confidence and not fear losing my erection. I got custom-fit condoms from this site
www.condomania.com (USA only i think)
The point is to get a tight fit, so it helps you keep the erection.
You print a measurent page and choose your size (lenth and girth, any combination - i chose one size smaller than what mine should be). You get it by mail, no company name, very discreet.
And the condoms are very good.
I have been practicing masturbating with the condom, and i am able to stand up, walk, move around and not loose the erection before ejaculation. So i am hopeful it will work good for sex too!

I am going to try using only the rubber band from this condom as it is the exact size of my penis erect. Hopefully it will hold my erection as well, and i won’t loose even more sensitivity by wearing a condom.

Anyways, it is worth a try!

#5

I’ve actually gotten some from that site and I have to give them a lot of credit. You print out a sort of “measuring tape” from their site which helps you figure out which size to order from a grid of length vs width sizes.

I got a box and they were exactly right. Can’t say enough good things about them.

#6

Guys, why dont you cut off ciculation to it too, while youre at it, so that it then also turns black and blue!!
Guys, why waste your time ordering this stuff when you can order Clomid, and try the Clomid stimulation test as outlined by Shippen to increase blood flow to your prostate again by means of raising your T back up again via hormone treatment.

#7

The bottom line is that you have to be with someone who will be supportive of your condition.

I just started seeing someone amazing. As soon as we started to get to the point of intimacy, I told her what was going on with me sexually. I was amazed. She was so understanding and more than happy to be pleased orally if I couldn’t perform. I told that I will ofter have to take viagra to have sex and it didn’t phase her.

The reality is that any girl that isn’t supportive is not someone you want to be with anyway. People can have much worse things happen like terminal illness and dismemberment. You should find a girl that stands by you through anything.

Believe it or not… They are out there.

#8

What do you do if Viagra doesn’t work. I am in the same situation as yourself, but neither of my prescriptions of Viagra, Cialis, or Levitra work for me.

Here’s my full story:

I am 27 years old, and I have been suffering from Erectile Dysfunction for about six years. I can honestly say that I have not ever performed sex, successfully. Up until the age of 21, I feel I was fine. I dated different women during that time, but the relationships didn’t go that far (but they were oral). When my gfriend at the time performed oral on me, I was totally fine with no problems. The first time I attempted sex, I was 21 and with a girlfriend (who I wasn’t fully attracted to). It failed on me, but I brushed it off as me not being really attracted to her. A few months later, with another girlfriend whom I was very attracted to, it failed yet again. This has been going on for years, with many attempts with eight different women (some were girlfriends, some were vacation flings). My ED problems include not being able to erect 100 percent, not being able to sustain it, and delayed ejaculation.

I am in a very great relationship with a super-attractive and supportive girlfriend, but I feel terrible that I can’t satisfy her. I know it bothers her that we can’t have sex as she is (“was”) a very sexual and passionate girl. I feel as if my ED is lowering the quality of her relationship. I have accepted my ED, but I feel for her. I went to my family doctor, and he brushed it off as nothing. I went to a Men’s Clinic, and they prescribed me Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra. These help in somewhat sustaining it, but not really. It is my libido that is the real issue, I think, and according to the Clinic, they say my penile blood flow is totally fine. They checked my hormones, and the results, according to them, are fine too:

Testosterone-Free: 42.6 (Range: 31-94 PMOL/L)
Thyrotropin (sensitive TSH): 1.26 (Range: 0.35 - 5.00 MIU/L)
Lutropin (LH): 4 (Range: 2 - 6 IU/L)
Prolactin: 11 (Range: 2 - 18 UG/L)
Glucose-fasting: 4.2 (Range: 3.6 - 6.0 MMOL/L)
Creatine: 94 (Range: 60 - 125 UMOL/L)
eGFR: 95

I asked for them to further test my hormones, such as DHT, Total and Bioavailable Testosterone, DHEA, Estradiol, Estrone, SHBG, etc…but they said that this is the standard test that they do, and that testing the rest of these hormones is unnecessary. I voiced my displeasure my asking them how they can possibly believe that a man in his mid-20s who has ZERO history of any drug use, smoking, and poor diet could be recommended to just use sex drugs on a basis (Levitra being the only one that kinda works). He just said that it was psychological, and that’s that.

I can understand that, but I wake up every morning to ZERO erections. I never get spontaneous erections, and even when I mastrubate, my penis still fails on me! It gets hard, sometimes it can get to full erections, but quickly subsides and then it ejaculates a lot later, after it already becomes flacid. I want to go to a urologist, as I think it’s more than just performance anxiety. But I simply don’t think the urologist will tell me anything different than what the Men’s Clinic has told me. I am seeing a Homeopath, it’s good to talk to him, but I don’t know if he can help me either.

What disease could this possibly be? Peyrone’s? When I mastrubate, many times, I am not feeling it. I ejaculate with no pleasurable feeling many times, and a lot of times I don’t feel much as I am thrusting. Could it be nerve damage? I am circumsized since birth, so that could be an issue. I’m out of options.

#9

Miki, please post this story in the Members Story and link to it in this post.

PS: You didn’t mention where your use of Finasteride has anything to do with this or if/when you took Finasteride?

#10

Miki - I couldn’t begin to tell you what is going on with you but I can offer a viable solution.

I know this sounds daunting but you get injections in your pecker to make it hard as nails. Maybe you could consider that once or twice a month just to give her full on sex once and a while. I’ve never done it but I have heard of other men using it to keep their GFs/Wives happy.

Ask a urologist about it.

#11

Bumping this to see who else is in a decent relationship despite this. ??

#12

Excellent topic!

Here’s my take on the situation…

First off, most women prefer intimacy over sex.

A guy with erection / libido issues, can definitely use this to his advantage.

What I like to do is trade foot and back massages for testicle massages.

Play your cards right, and your woman will agree to this trade off, every single time.

Here’s how I deal with the situation…

Once the agreement has been made between the two of us, I jump in and take care of her first.

I’ll give her a nice long massage, along with plenty of affection, which women absolutely LOVE!

Do a good job during this phase, and your girl will be game for just about anything afterwords.

Once I’m finished she gladly takes over, and begins to massage my testicles.

To my mind these massages are like foreplay without the pressure.

Since there are no expectations going in, solid erections always seem to magically appear.

I never ejaculate more often than once a week, so I rarely climax during these sessions.

This ejaculation control has the added benefit of notching up sex drive, big time, the following day.

This method may be tough to pull off in the early stages of a relationship, but once you’ve gotten into a groove with a woman, you should have no problems pulling it off.

Cheers
Mark

1 Like
#13

Good advice. I’ve recently started a relationship myself and have done surprisingly similar things to you :slight_smile:

#14

PEople still doing relationships?

#15

Yes. Just unsure whether to tell her of my problems, although she doesn’t seem to notice and it doesn’t really affect our relationship in a direct way

#16

Chi are you referring to your girl friend?

Wow if so, I can’t imagine haven’t any sort of an intimate relationship with a woman and not telling them about our predicament. I can understand you might be afraid you would scare her away, but if she’s a good one she’ll stick around. If not you don’t need her. This is something you likely spend hours thinking about every single day. If she’s important to you, you should certainly discuss it with her IMO.

I wish my side effects were as minor as yours that a girl friend wouldn’t know something is wrong.

#17

Same here. If i meet another girl i will probably tell her the minute things start to get really intimate.

#18

I’ve been with my gf since January. Our sex life has been pretty good, but not perfect. When we first started dating, we were having sex like 3 times per week, but lately its been once every week or two. There have been a couple instances where I couldn’t ‘get it up’, and a couple times I’ve used the aid of Cialis, but in general, I can get it up. One area where I suffer from, however, is getting an erection on the same day I ejaculate. Sometimes my gf will want an ‘act 2’ right after, but most of the time I’m not up for it. I haven’t told her about my issue or this site yet, as id prefer to use it as a ‘last resort’. You guys can see my previous posts as far as what I’ve done that’s helped, but at least for me, kegel exercises have been by far the biggest beneficiary.

#19

This is a very interesting thread as I am currently at the point in my life where I really need a relationship. 26 years old + no significant other = Pretty meaningless life at the moment.

I just started a dating website, and a few attractive girls are flirting with me. It feels like skydiving without a parachute and everyone in the plane is telling you that you’ll be fine when you hit the ground. Maybe some sufferers who are in relationships / have been in relationships can chime in to these challenges with some insigt.

1.) How do you physically support a relationship with compromised libido?

2.) How do you emotionally support a relationship with compromised emotions?

3.) She’s a great person and you’re a damaged good. How do you deal with thoughts that she could do better / she wants better / she deserves better?

4.) If things get rocky and you have an emotional attachment, how do you deal with the added devastation on top of the living nightmare that is everyday life?

These 4 things make me incredibly apprehensive about relationships. Any insight is greatly appreciated.

Thanks