Month 6 update.
Felt well enough to start a full time manual labor job, and I think about pfs ~2% of the time, but usually not at all.
Dry eyes are much better.
Frequent urination is much better on the whole, and especially if I’m moving around and keeping my mind occupied.
Pins and needles are much better on the whole. Longest, most consistent remission thus far over the last month. Small flares here and there, but my mind feels so much more adapted to them, as if I were running into an annoying acquaintance, knowing that they’ll leave me alone soon enough.
Muscle twitches are basically gone.
Testicular pain is basically gone.
Numbness is better?? Not quite sure. Still having very satisfying sex, especially when I focus on the emotional connection between me and my partner.
Emotional range is maybe muted compared to other people, but that’s not new to me and my cortex can compensate for my blunted affect when I focus on acting in accordance with my values and second-order wants.
On the whole, a positive trend for sure, such that pfs occupies less and less of my mental space. I’m still not 100%, but think about how my partner, family, friends, and dog need me, and I push through for them. Most people in life struggle with some health issue at some point. We got fucked up from a pill, and the loss feels especially poignant because, at least for me, it feels like I let my health slip through my fingers. Alas, such is life, and I will not let Merck win.
I feel fortunate to be in the position I am in, and in no way do I imply that everyone should just keep soldiering on as if it were merely a mental choice, because it isn’t. To those who are bed bound or in dire situations, my heart goes out to you, and I wish you all health. You all deserve it.
To those who are new to the game, 6 months seems like an eternity, I know, but time moves at on regardless, and you will likely be in a similar situation. Better, not %100, but much better.
Keep fighting, keep being invested in research, and don’t ever give up.
I probably won’t be back on here posting until another month or so, but if anyone replies, I’ll jump on to talk.
Stay strong brothers.
It’s really encouraging to hear this news, especially that you were able to recover from severe muscle twitching and pain without the expected muscle atrophy. Keep fighting my friend.
Month 7 Update:
I made the mistake of taking 1/10th of a very mild THC edible a week or two ago (about 1mg total), which aggrevated my paresthesia and urinary urgency for a few days. I tried it partially as a litmus test, but I also used to abuse cannabis, and old habits die hard. Aftetwards, I returned to baseline, and now, I can confidently say that things are the best they have been post-fin when I take everything into account and weigh it for myself subjectively.
Today, I felt zero urinary urgency, nor did I feel anything which at any point I could point to as constituting PFS. It was just a normal day in my body.
However, and unfortunately, after the THC edible, my erections have taken what subjectivity feels like a 10% hit. I cannot establish causality for certain though, because I also work ~40h of manual labor now, and I am so exhausted (albeit in a somewhat pleasant, satisfied way from it), and I have been dealing with some kind of cold, and a tiny bit of relationship ups and downs (non-PFS related). It’s worth mentioning that in the 6.5 months post fin, my erections have routinely been very firm and consistent, and before fin, I would sometimes go through waves of having less firm erections, usually corresponding to period of heightened anxiety/ specifically performance anxiety, so this might not be a fin/androgen receptor issue. Just wanted to present observations about the variable nature of erections, at least in my case.
On the whole, month 7 is probably the best month so far.
No more weed, no more experiments. Just having some semblance of health is a blessing and it’s not worth fucking with if you don’t absolutely have to.
Stay strong everyone.