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Month 6 update.
Felt well enough to start a full time manual labor job, and I think about pfs ~2% of the time, but usually not at all.
Dry eyes are much better.
Frequent urination is much better on the whole, and especially if I’m moving around and keeping my mind occupied.
Pins and needles are much better on the whole. Longest, most consistent remission thus far over the last month. Small flares here and there, but my mind feels so much more adapted to them, as if I were running into an annoying acquaintance, knowing that they’ll leave me alone soon enough.
Muscle twitches are basically gone.
Testicular pain is basically gone.
Numbness is better?? Not quite sure. Still having very satisfying sex, especially when I focus on the emotional connection between me and my partner.
Emotional range is maybe muted compared to other people, but that’s not new to me and my cortex can compensate for my blunted affect when I focus on acting in accordance with my values and second-order wants.
On the whole, a positive trend for sure, such that pfs occupies less and less of my mental space. I’m still not 100%, but think about how my partner, family, friends, and dog need me, and I push through for them. Most people in life struggle with some health issue at some point. We got fucked up from a pill, and the loss feels especially poignant because, at least for me, it feels like I let my health slip through my fingers. Alas, such is life, and I will not let Merck win.
I feel fortunate to be in the position I am in, and in no way do I imply that everyone should just keep soldiering on as if it were merely a mental choice, because it isn’t. To those who are bed bound or in dire situations, my heart goes out to you, and I wish you all health. You all deserve it.
To those who are new to the game, 6 months seems like an eternity, I know, but time moves at on regardless, and you will likely be in a similar situation. Better, not %100, but much better.
Keep fighting, keep being invested in research, and don’t ever give up.
I probably won’t be back on here posting until another month or so, but if anyone replies, I’ll jump on to talk.
Stay strong brothers.
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It’s really encouraging to hear this news, especially that you were able to recover from severe muscle twitching and pain without the expected muscle atrophy. Keep fighting my friend.
Month 7 Update:
I made the mistake of taking 1/10th of a very mild THC edible a week or two ago (about 1mg total), which aggrevated my paresthesia and urinary urgency for a few days. I tried it partially as a litmus test, but I also used to abuse cannabis, and old habits die hard. Aftetwards, I returned to baseline, and now, I can confidently say that things are the best they have been post-fin when I take everything into account and weigh it for myself subjectively.
Today, I felt zero urinary urgency, nor did I feel anything which at any point I could point to as constituting PFS. It was just a normal day in my body.
However, and unfortunately, after the THC edible, my erections have taken what subjectivity feels like a 10% hit. I cannot establish causality for certain though, because I also work ~40h of manual labor now, and I am so exhausted (albeit in a somewhat pleasant, satisfied way from it), and I have been dealing with some kind of cold, and a tiny bit of relationship ups and downs (non-PFS related). It’s worth mentioning that in the 6.5 months post fin, my erections have routinely been very firm and consistent, and before fin, I would sometimes go through waves of having less firm erections, usually corresponding to period of heightened anxiety/ specifically performance anxiety, so this might not be a fin/androgen receptor issue. Just wanted to present observations about the variable nature of erections, at least in my case.
On the whole, month 7 is probably the best month so far.
No more weed, no more experiments. Just having some semblance of health is a blessing and it’s not worth fucking with if you don’t absolutely have to.
Stay strong everyone.
9 month update. Sorry for the hiatus.
Things have been trending up I believe, but because I don’t keep a journal or more objective record, it’s hard to say for sure. I get random bouts of the symptoms which first manifested after my crash, but they last much less and happened not as often, I think.
Having a bad body day, unfortunately. I have pins and needles and need to pee and feel dreadful. Mind is super foggy.
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Ten month update.
I’m trying to write this through an episode of anxiety and brainfog, so I hope this update comes out cogent.
Symptom-wise, I’m better overall. Recently, within the last two weeks, instead of the usual, painful sensation of pins-and-needles that occurs within my left hand, which is the most frequently affected body part and the first indicator that an episode of paresthesia is about to begin, my hand no longer hurts, but just feels warm and tingles. That, im hoping, is a good indicator that whatever has been causing me paresthesia has abated somewhat, and will continue to do so until i am one day free from this afflication.
Frequent urination wise, some days are better than others, but overall, I’m in a good spot compared to how I was at the beginning. For some portion of the time, abiet less frequently than I would care for, I feel something like pre-finasteride sensations to urinate. I have undoubtedly pathologized urination, however, as I honestly would and do prefer to go as long as possible without urinating, and this makes it difficult to accurately access a return to normalcy, especially since, as previously mentioned, I don’t track my symptoms in any way beyond subjectively evaluating the days and hours. I fear that focusing on my symptoms could reify them if there is any mind-body interaction, which I suspect there is in my case. Extreme stress can bring on my symptoms, and sometimes trying to find them also does.
One thing which I haven’t mentioned before is that my penis has the definitive hourglass shape that others talk about. This, as far as i can recall, was not the case prior to taking finasteride. Sucks.
Aside from these symptoms, I also feel as though my brain fog, which was present before finasteride, has become significantly worse over time, such that i can no longer recall previous days, episodic memories that would have recently formed, nor names which I should know, streets I should be able to navigate, and concepts and ideas that I have poured hundreds of hours into solidifying.
My partner, who I plan on marrying in a few years, is a beckon of kindness and support for me, and does not care about my pfs in a judgmental way.
Stay strong everyone.
~1 year, 2 months.
Today, I had a bad flair of paresthesia, and I lost my erection while having sex. Hourglass shape is more frequently manifest. Seem to have much less sensation on my body compared to before. Might try to do a skin punch to determine how much small fiber neuropathy has taken from me. Anxiety when I read, and I can barely focus at that. Feel utturly stupid most of the time.
Still, I have some days of more or less remission, and I’m better than my crash. I just want to get better. It was a single half pill…