Nowadays, I really only feel the need to update when I’m feeling down – usually this occurs when something other than PFS goes wrong in my life, something that briefly takes my mind off PFS for a while and, as a result, I almost feel “normal.” I remember that there are hardships for non-PFS sufferers as well, that there is more to life than this disease. It is a queer notion to contemplate, but I am grateful for the ability to still feel despite years of being numb. These fleeting feelings are everything that life is worth living for, and so I soldier on.
August 2020 marked my 5th year anniversary with PFS. I had no motivation to update, as nothing had changed. At an earlier point, I really thought that I would have seen some improvement by this milestone, but unfortunately my case has not improved. This has not come as a surprise – after two years of coping, I found that although the weight of the illness and psychological impact had lifted significantly, I accepted this would continue to afflict me for a considerable amount of time, perhaps indefinitely.
Regarding symptoms, I have not filled in the standard template this time, as again, nothing has changed. The brain fog / cognitive shift is still significant, emotions still blunted, hormones still depressed, sexual function still diminished, muscle wastage continuing, sleep ruined, and fatigue ever-present. Still, I continue to do my best every day and hope for either natural improvement or promising research.
I have tried many remedies over the years; all of which have yielded less than stellar results. Unfortunately as said best by @M_C: “many serious problems remain, and good remedies are hard to find.” This will be the truth for all new users reading this post (particularly those with bad cases), but it is not a reason to give up.
Outside of PFS, I have persisted with my career ambitions. For several years after developing PFS, I doubted my ability to return to a “normal life.” Despite my fears, I have learned this is indeed possible. After graduating college, I secured a highly selective job in finance, requiring demanding time commitments of 60-80 hours/week. This was very hard at first but has since become considerably easier. I no longer doubt myself because of PFS, and it rarely affects my work.
During my college career, I was devastated as my grades sank, social life diminished, and extracurriculars suffered. I know this is trite, but despite a lack of improvements, one can still live and prosper with this disease. This is something I refused to hear for my first year with PFS – I argued with every person on and off of this site who told me I could still move on. I would not rest unless there was a cure or otherwise. In fact, I readjusted my long-term goals for the “new me,” a weakened, undeserving shell of my former self. At one point, I almost sold myself short and changed career paths. Luckily, through anger and frustration, I was able to achieve more.
PFS is a nightmare for an Obsessive Compulsive like me. There is no cure, the prognosis is grim. My symptomatology is continuous, with no escape. But there is still life to be lived.
Many of you will remember I joined this forum as the youngest member (19) in Summer 2015 – if not for some of you, I would no be here today. Thank you to all who have supported me thus far. I appreciate all that the Site Admins and Mods have done for the community. We have come a long way since the old forum that I first joined, and I’m sure an even longer way since the Yahoo help group. Although I still classify myself as a pessimist, I continue to have hope.