Please respond whenever you can Lazarus. The brevity and incomplete nature of your post worries me.
2 Likes
Iām being sent for scans to rule out cancer, last year when Iād put weight and muscle on I should have looked to heal the gut ā¦ a huge opportunity missedā¦ now it all seems to be out of my hands.
1 Like
The dramatic worsening has stepped up a level. Had to leave my wifes again this morning very hard, suicidal, irritable, i feel she cant deal with it, well she cant as i get worse, i lay there after springing awake @ 1am this morning massive urination, extreme anxiety weight loss, everything pain, destruction of my body, guts etc etc horrific, feels like everyone is pushing the phyciatric card at me. Realised the hair is coming back in on my scalp. Ive looked into tocilizumab the drug i recently restarted for RA to help with the pfs, to find reports it possubly helps with hair loss. The explanation for why ive only got worse , feeling of doom inside me (always) its just how much horror i can take before this kills me sitting in the car staring at my childhood home knowing only a miracle will save me. 
Never feel this path awaits you the repeated years of exposure brought me to this point
3 Likes
Wdym they are pushing the phyciatric card on you? You clearly had physical symptoms, what do they want to do?
1 Like
It feels like no matter what I say or provide thereās a degree of scepticism and belief most of it is in my head. Recent xrays confirmed bone loss from the last ones taken less than two years ago.
3 Likes
I mean, yeah that makes sense. Tbh all mental health related issues always have a degree of scepticism cause they canāt see whats broken in our brain, while we can feel it. How are you feeling today? Better than yesterday?
Itās infinitely infuriating, I feel your pain. You even have physical manifestations so itās not like you have the invisible illness thing going on either. I think itās largely that with us who have multi system complex chronic illness people just donāt want to believe something like this could even happen to someone so itās better to them to just pretend your depressed or whatever they want to label you as. It also blows my mind that people think āmental health issuesā can be separated from the entire biology of the rest of the body, itās absurd. The mind is not another planet, itās the mirror of what is going on in the body.
2 Likes
Well! Went out for restaurant food for tea, immediately started getting hot gas and grumbling, went to bed as normal woke @1am and it broke loose, acid, nausea, head aches, tinnitus through the roof, back pain and pain everywhere, like breaking a damn at the other end been at least 6 times, none stop,itās like Iāve been poisonedā¦ weak as pissā¦ vison, eye pain anxiety ramped 9.5 hours later and feel terribleā¦ yesterday I was thinking Iām sick of living like this so fuck it and I get hit by a truck as a consequence. Stupid thing to do I knowā¦
More weight loss ensues, new holes in the face too as immune system took a bite out of 5ar tissue
3 Likes
Isnāt it ironic that you try to eat more and better but you just end up losing more with this, horrible. My weight appears to be stuck, I eat more and I just bloat more no matter what it is. Canāt really seem to be absorb much nutrients from food anymore. Restaurants can be risky alright, food crashes are real. I had one before at a restaurant myself, it was from pho and Iām now terrified of ever touching it again or anything in that heavily spiced asian or indian food sphere. Otherwise a lot seems ok in general as long as I have it in moderation and for me fasting breaks are also essential or my gut just stops functioning period.
1 Like
Hello Dear Ryanā¦ this is your old friend Varun hereā¦ how are you?!!
1 Like
Varun I often wondered about u, its been a few yearsā¦ how are u old friend. Has anything changed at least settled downā¦ we last spoke in the summer of 2021 when you were at the lowest point
1 Like
Thank You for the reply dear Ryan, I was yearning to hear from you.
I donāt know what has happened to my body but it has went to a terrible downhill since the start of this month. Crippling insomnia along with all the other severe muscle symptoms are killing me 
these muscle symptoms were atleast manageable with adequate sleep, but now it has become intolerable without any sleep.
1 Like
Harun Iām so sorry my friend. Some do see some light, abatement youāve just got to keep going.
While fasting is very popular thereās the likelyhood that in some cortisol sensitivity is triggered and more issues become prevalent. If your wide awake at 2 ish then exhausted hours later with the odd drop into a vivid dream state I think this is whatās happened and fasting isnāt for you at this time.
Just try to stay calm, think happy thoughts, mindfulness etc regardless of not feeling them they bring the excited state down for a little while. I regularly go through a routine before bed at it gets me a few hours. I try not to feed the panic, upset etc Hopefully you will return to baseline at some point.
Drop me a pm anytime my friend
4 Likes