Journal of a Wildman

Welcome to our community. Please fill in the following template as a way of introducing yourself, and helping others to understand your background and situation.

Where are you from (country)? USA

How did you find this forum (Google search – if so, what search terms? Via link from a forum or website – if so, what page? Other?) Google search for “Finasteride and Acne” eventually led here

What is your current age, height, weight? 64 y/o, 6’4", 305 lbs.

What specific drug did you use (finasteride, dutasteride, saw palmetto, isotretinoin/Accutane, fluoxetine, sertraline, citalopram, leuprorelin, etc…)? Finasteride as Proscar

What dose did you take (eg. 1 mg/day, 1 mg every other day etc.)? Dosage was 5mg/day

What condition was being treated with the drug? BPH

For how long did you take the drug (weeks/months/years)? Exactly three months

How old were you, and WHEN (date) did you start the drug? 63 in April 2019

How old were you when you quit, and WHEN (date) did you quit? 63 in June 2019

How did you quit (cold turkey or taper off)? Cold Turkey

How long into your usage did you notice the onset of side effects? Within a week my libido was fading and ED was beginning

What side effects did you experience that have yet to resolve since discontinuation? ED, sexual and social anhedonia, joint pain, muscle weakness, weight gain, severe acne, confusion, uncoordination, brain fog, depression with suicidal ideation, constant headaches.

Check the boxes that apply. You can save your post first, then interactively check/uncheck the boxes by clicking on them. If your symptoms change, please update your list.

Sexual
[ x] Loss of Libido / Sex Drive
[ x] Erectile Dysfunction
[ x] Complete Impotence
[ x] Loss of Morning Erections
[ x] Loss of Spontaneous Erections
[ x] Loss of Nocturnal Erections
[ ] Watery Ejaculate
[ ] Reduced Ejaculate
[ x] Inability or Difficulty to Ejaculate / Orgasm
[ ] Reduced Sperm Count / Motility

Mental
[ x] Emotional Blunting / Emotionally Flat
[ x] Difficulty Focusing / Concentrating
[ x] Confusion
[ x] Memory Loss / Forgetfulness
[ x] Stumbling over Words / Losing Train of Thought
[ x] Slurring of Speech
[ xLack of Motivation / Feeling Passive / Complacency
[ ] Extreme Anxiety / Panic Attacks
[ x] Severe Depression / Melancholy
[ x] Suicidal Thoughts

Physical
[ x] Penile Tissue Changes (narrowing, shrinkage, wrinkled)
[ ] Penis curvature / rotation on axis
[ ] Testicular Pain
[ ] Testicular Shrinkage / Loss of Fullness
[ x] Genital numbness / sensitivity decrease
[ x] Weight Gain
[x ] Gynecomastia (male breasts)
[ ] Muscle Wastage
[ x] Muscle Weakness
[ x] Joint Pain
[ ] Dry / Dark Circles under eyes

Misc
[ x] Prostate pain
[ x] Persistent Fatigue / Exhaustion
[ ] Stomach Pains / Digestion Problems
[x ] Constipation / “Poo Pellets”
[x ] Vision - Acuity Decrease / Blurriness
[x ] Tinnitus (ringing or high pitched sound in ears)
[ ] Hearing loss
[ ] Increased hair loss
[ x] Frequent urination
[ ] Lowered body temperature

[ x] Other (please explain)I have had severe acne, first on my face and now my chest and scalp.

What (if any) treatments have you undertaken to recover from your side effects since discontinuation of the drug? None, after reading all the conflicting stories here, I have tried to "ride it out."

If you have pre or post-drug blood tests, what hormonal changes have you encountered since discontinuing the drug (please post your test results in the “Blood Tests” section and link to them in your post)? I only have testosterone numbers, which stayed steady in the 600’s before, during and after the onset of PFS due to TRT I believe, until recently when my script ran out and test dropped to 25.

Anything not listed in the above questions you’d like to share about your experience? As you will read in my story, I have hypogonadism treated by Androgel TRT. Contrary to the opinions of some members here, I fully believe that I have PFS and that maybe my TRT kept it from hitting me as hard as it may have otherwise done. More in my story…

Tell us your story, in your own words, about your usage and side effects experienced while on/off the drug

This is my story, I am different from the majority here in three ways:

First, I am 64 years old. I am one of those insignificant “old men”, according to some of the youngsters here.

Second, I was on Proscar for BPH, and at 5 mg daily my dosage was five times what most Propecia dosages are.

Third, I have been on AndroGel TRT long before, during, and after my finasteride usage and the onset of my PFS.

My story, from the beginning:

I do not drink alcohol and have not had any in 30 years. Also I do not partake in any recreational drugs, even weed. I have taken supplements in the past when working out, but not in the last several years. I maintain clean living and watch my weight. I mention all this to set the stage:

I was hypersexual throughout my adult life. Even going into my sixties, I was good for two times a day.

Four years ago things started slowing down, and I was diagnosed with hypogonadism. My urologist prescribed AndroGel testosterone, and life was back to normal for me.

Last spring he prescribed Proscar for BPH. I started taking a 5mg daily dose on April 1st (how appropriate,) and within a week my libido and erections were disappearing. Since the middle of April 2019, I have not had an erection, and thoughts of a sexual nature have also ceased (anhedonia.)

Two months into Proscar and I had depression. Was this caused by lack of sex, or by the Proscar itself? Who can tell? Also, in 6 weeks I had gained over 30 lbs with no change in diet or exercise activity. Since then I have gained another 10 lbs despite my best attempts at losing weight. It can be hard to diet when you are depressed.

By the third month I was having acne attacks on my face that was unlike anything I’d had in 40 years. I Googled the phrase “acne and finasteride”. The sixth article on the list that came up was a story “How finasteride destroyed my skin”, written by a young man Matthew Johnson. I later found out he had committed suicide due to finasteride, and his story is in the memoriam section of this website.

My acne was mainly on my left face side, deep pustules that bled heavily when drained. Although TRT can cause acne, it never did with me. This was a new development. Sometimes a few would erupt in my scalp, chest, or my right cheek. Also, my hair would feel greasy within hours of a shampooing.

The Johnson article led me to propeciahelp, which then led me to this forum. Reading through the forum, I recognized so many things that had happened to me: the ED, lack of libido, joint aches and pains and accompanying inability to sleep, weight gain, and of course the ever-present depression.

I called my urologist the next day and told him I was going off of Proscar immediately. My last day taking the drug was June 30th, exactly a three-month period. I had an office visit with him shortly thereafter and discussed PFS with him. He seemed sympathetic, but unfortunately for me he was closing up his practice and moving to California. He extended my AndroGel prescription by 6 months and suggested I find another urologist.

The third week of July I had what I think was my first crash. Over the space of two days I had a terrible rash on my chest, neck and face, and the neck and face regions got so swollen I went to emergency care. They could find no reason for it and gave me a steroid shot and a week’s worth of steroid pills.

That was when I first experienced brain fog. Also I seemed uncoordinated, stumbling when I walked. I added tinnitus to my ills. I also had gynecomastia (male breasts), muscle weakness, confusion, and penile numbness. I believe my penis is about an inch shorter now but without an erection I cannot really tell.

Luckily for me my wife of over 40 years is very supportive. She is not happy about the lack of sex, even at 60 she was enjoying a healthy sex life.

We have stumbled along hoping that things would just get better naturally. I have taken no new drugs or supplements, have not experimented with any of the substances mentioned here on the Forum.

In the last couple of months, two things happened which I must mention.

First I had an appointment with my principal provider. I tried to explain PFS to him and he had no interest. I had written the words post finasteride syndrome on a paper for him and he would not even take it. I told him that my AndroGel prescription was about to run out and asked him to extend it, and he refused. I understand it is my fault for not getting a new urologist yet, but I was hoping to find one that was savvy about PFS.

I asked him to do a blood test for the other values that are often mentioned here, and he refused saying that he had no reason to and insurance would not cover it.

My blood pressure had also increased over the previous 6 months, and the doctor doubled my doxazosin dosage from 2 mg to 4 mg per day. (Doxazosin is also helpful With BPH.)

After increasing my doxazosin dosage, over the next several weeks I realized that my brain fog was lifting. I felt minimally better physically, but I was hopeful for the first time in months. For the first time in months, my acne cleared up!

After about two weeks of actually almost feeling good, I completely ran out of AndroGel. Then came a real crash.

Androgel clears out of your system in just days. That weekend I could barely get out of bed. For 2 days I laid in my bed with aches and pains. When I crawled out of bed into my easy-chair I laid there and dozed. My aches, and my muscle weakness were worse than they’d ever been. The acne returned with a vengeance, on my cheek and chest.

The worst effect that I felt now, more than any other, was the suicidal ideation. It beat into my head day and night.

I wondered if the TRT had been propping me up over the previous six months, saving me from the worst side effects? I had been taking 82mg/day. My testosterone had stayed level before, during, and after Proscar. However when I ran out of AndroGel, it tested at 25.

I absolutely force myself to go to work everyday. I’m 6 months away from retirement and we must have the health insurance.

An orthopedic surgeon that I went to about my aches and pains provided me with a prescription for benzodiazepines for my pain and sleep aid. When I read on the Forum, and Googled, what these can do to you, I never took any of them. But now I have 40 of them sitting in a bottle calling my name.

Currently I am a wreck. I am sure this is PFS, and ask that no one dare tell me it’s just hypogonadism Gone Wild. I read other members make statements that hypogonadism precludes PFS, and dare wonder why they think they’re experts.

And that’s my story. I waited longer than usual in case everything went away. Also it’s not always been easy to put these thoughts down on paper these days.

I wanted all this on the record, in case it is a help to any other members. Jim

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Hi Jim, First off I want to tell you I’m sorry for what you are going through. You have come to the right place, you are not alone. I am 61 and also did 5 mg fin for 3 months for BPH.
I have been off Fin for 2-1/2 years. We have a lot of the same side effects as most people do here. I have found a few things to share with you.
This community changed a lot of being despondent as I was no longer singular in this.
I have found low carb/keto diet with periods of fasting helped me so much.
Daily cardio/ exercise Expecially swimming helped crashes and brain fog for me.
Don’t try and fix this with supplements or experimenting as often this can make it worse.
As a former medical professional, I believe Androgel is not what you need right now and probably causing your skin issues.
Anxiety is not your friend, it makes PFS worse. Do what you can to lessen that.
You are in your 60s like me, you have a loving wife and sounds like a great/ blessed life to this point. Life may be altered because of finesteride but do not allow it to define your life.
There are great people here in this community. Some in pain too but many with stories of managing and recovery.
Reach out anytime to vent, journal or to find people with whom you have this in common. We are always here for you.

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Thank you for writing your story out. I know it’s something you’ve been meaning to do for a while and it’s not easy to put in all into words when you’re battling through this condition.

You are not insignificant here at all, please don’t think that you are. Your presence here is valued @JimWildman.

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Seconded, wholeheartedly. While I wish none of us were here, I’m glad both you and @Akiyah are here.

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@Greek @Akiyah @Tzinkman
Thanks for your support. I am certainly blessed to have a supportive wife, so I needn’t go through this alone as so many here do.

Many years ago, I used the Atkins diet to successfully lose over 50 pounds. Alas, you can’t eat the same food afterwards, or the pounds return! But I am considering the Keto diet as something I may have success at.

I did not have problems with acne throughout my time using Androgel, which is actually reverse from the norm. After I used finasteride the acne hit severely, again just the opposite of what is normal since most PFS sufferers have dry skin.

I don’t know if I could stand it if my testosterone level remains at 25 or less without TRT. Presently, I have no choice. I guess I’m into an involuntary, enforced non-TRT trial period! Jim

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Hello Jim Wildman, I had an activ sexlive like you to the age of 60. Finistarid prescriped from the urologist transformed my life into a Nightmare. All the symptomes told by every member of propetia help say hello to me. One after the other. The Most horryble thing ist the total fatigue. I’m tired all the time. Muscle atrophy. Weight loss. Someone like a god had hold my Penis unshrunken in good shape and connected to my Brain. Sometimes able for Erections. Sometimes nothing. Burning feets. I feel a New Sensation an some minutes later I can ready about this in the Forum. Same with the doctor. For Acne I m waiting. I transformed from a good shaped 50 to an old weird man. The best thing you have is the love of your woman married for 40 Years. So you never stay allone. Maybe this f… deasise will attack only sexuell activ older men, or Youngsters…My best wishes from old Europe to you. WE and Akiyah are the Chairman of the Beaten…

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@Exsexgod
I just found this message, sorry for the delay in responding.
You’re new to this, and may find your symptoms lessen with time. There are actual recovery stories here! Stay positive!

As for me, it’s been two years now. Still suffering from total ED. Gained 50 lbs at the onset and can’t lose it. Acne only occasional now, not as severe. Constant fatigue. You get the idea.

Still, I make my way through each day hoping for a brighter tomorrow. My loving wife makes that possible. Good luck. Zum wohl! Jim

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ED the cock witch doesnt function any more and fatigue the loss of testosteron drive are my main problems too. I visit a Neuroendocrinologist the second time, knowing that he has only symtomic skills and no causual Treatment. I had a stunning Ex girlfriend on my Sofa, when I get weak. She was waiting some days. So you stay with your loving wife! I stay allone, but I have a little daughter, living with her mother. I Just have to Clean Off the horryble Set Off with my Ex girlfriend, than live goes on. I Wish you a going in in Recovery
Grüß Gott from Germany.

(Thanks to @Wintermoon for change of title, and also @Exsexgod for inspiration. )

Update to my story:

I am now at the tail end of three years of PFS torture. As I hobble into year four, this entry will update my condition. If you have read my initial member story, you will see where I am coming from.

SEXUAL

Before I started taking finasteride my wife and I, even into our sixties, still had a daily sex life. Within months my erections were gone, and I have not had sex for nearly three years. As big a loss as this would seem, it is minor in comparison with my other health issues… I haven’t had a hint of an erection for three years now. My penis before was 6" flaccid, now it has shrunk to half that. I have the urine dribbles, and need to take a leak every few hours, day and night.

AUDIO/VISUAL

I am plagued with constant tinnitus in both ears. My hearing has also deteriorated and I’ve been told I should get hearing aids soon. My vision has been plagued by eye floaters, and sometimes it is difficult to focus. I know I need new glasses, but wait to see how much more vision deteriorates.

PHYSICAL

My physical condition has deteriorated steadily. My coordination and balance are off, I walk like a drunken sailor. My muscles are wasting, and I am exhausted from morning to night. My wife forces me to arise each day, but I have trouble simply getting up from my easy chair. I feel so tired I expect my heart to cease beating.
My joints ache unceasingly.

MENTAL

Many years ago at the University I tested in the genius level. Now it is hard to write, it has taken me two weeks to put this entry together. My mind is frazzled and I can’t think of simple words when I speak. I have had this brain fog for nearly two years.

I was writing a book and was about two-thirds of the way towards the ending. It was a story about a man taking a trip across country… I recently reread what I had finished so far, and despaired knowing that I’ll never finish it in my current mental condition.

THE ARTS

Perhaps this could be included in the mental section. I have always enjoyed music and prior to PFS I sang in the church choir, and also sang solos. I can no longer sing because I don’t have the wind in my lungs to sing more than one verse. My singing volume is barely at conversational level . Also I cannot remember the words to songs I’ve known for years. I have not listened to my stereo and CDs for over two years because I find no joy in them anymore. (I call that music anhedonia.)

I cannot play the guitar any longer, I cannot remember the chords and my fingers don’t work right.

EMOTIONAL

I have experienced emotional anhedonia. I sit next to my wife and know I love her, but do not feel anything. My 90 year old mom is in a nursing home; while I am a dutiful son in forcing myself to visit her despite my fatigue, I wonder what I will feel when she passes?

I frequently feel the urge to end my life, the thought springs forward from the dark recesses of my confused mind. This death wish sometimes will pass in minutes, or may possess me for days. I am 67 now, and wonder if I can continue to fight this battle. My life is near its end anyways.

There is probably more, and I will use this space for updates. I wrote this to get my condition on the record.

I have asked my wife to inform you if I were to pass on for any reason. Your fellow suffering victim, Jim Wildman

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原谅我用中文留言,因为我实在是没有用翻译器翻译成蹩脚的英文的动力了,你说的症状就像我的一样。

你的今天就是我的明天,我快24岁了,感觉就像233岁一样,我走路的感觉就像“杰克•斯派洛”,我有巨大的脑雾和焦虑,我的脑子里像装了一坨屎,昏昏沉沉的,好像凝固了一样,我的头动不动就像着了火一样痛,我的嘴张不开,我的呼吸有些困难,我的学生说我说话声音小,但我真的再无法大声了,说真的,如果按照这个进度“自然恢复”下去,我可以先在床上躺三十年。

你67岁了,太讽刺了,像你和 @Exsexgod这样的老年人,看上去时间似乎是有利于你的,你们不可能像20多岁生病的人一样困在这个笑话里二十年,三十年,死亡竟然给了人希望,说实话,我觉得你有可能看不到我们这些年轻人的结局了,但你有过完美的青年,壮年,如果有可能,你还会有一个奇迹般的晚年,你的人生不会残缺太多,谢谢你的坚持!

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It’s the time shift.

Jim has lived 63 years, I have lived 59 years before the pharma war machine killed our life’s. Jim has had 4 years more than me! What would I give for 4 normal years more. Unbelievable!

So many guys fucked in the mid thirties. 15 years more of a wonderful life, than the real young guys slaughtered for pharma profit in their early twentieth

And than real awful childs destroyed from pharma machinery with Accetuane and PSSD drugs.

In every period of the time frame we are victims of lobotomy and castration, while all the others live their funny lifes.

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Dear Jim, to your heart breaking update I’ll answer tomorrow.

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I did get a chuckle out of that, @baitongWu. Old people!

The average life expectancy for males on my father’s side of the family is only 58 years. I have out lived all my male cousins and male uncles. I should be satisfied with that, right? Jim

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Are you planning on going back on TRT or did you abandon that ship?

Just wondering because if you are truly hypogonadal, not having any T in your system is probably worse than TRT. Whatever people on this forum thinks. While it might not cure your PFS, it could at least help you feel decent. Even if our AR is fucked, estrogens will help with mood, and even muscles to some degree (ERb helps muscle protein synthesis).

Sounds like you felt better when on the gel than when it ran out. Your call in the end of the day but my $0.02.

@Cbrandel
Yes, I should clarify the TRT situation. The following is from my original post:

I was only out of Androgel for a short period in '20. I found another urologist and restarted TRT, albeit with generic. I don’t believe any of my current symptoms are due to that 4 week gap. Indeed, I shudder to think how much worse I’d be without TRT.

You are right, I was more miserable during that month without the TRT, if that seems possible. Jim

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Not aimed at anyone in particular… I saw it and thought I’d share it. Jim

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There was a life I enjoyed the morning and I enjoyed the breakfast as a cult. I prepared my kodiak salmon norwaygen fresh goat cheese dill cream on swedish french herbs crispbread rounds. Nice coffee with milk foam and listen to carnivals and old fashioned party hits or sailor songs.

I had a plan for every day. A Nordic Walking around the lakes, a bicycle tour through the Netherlands near to my hometown, to swim in our lake in the summer, picking up my daughter from school to spend the weekend, fiancee with a bottle of cremant…

In the morning organize my live
Making my household everything with fun.

This was my life. Interrupted by a criminal urologist a backyard bungler like and pharma lobby.

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Something strange happened yesterday that I would like to have put on the record.

My member story tells about the anhedonia that I have experienced the last several years, beginning with a crash at the tail end of year one. Anhedonia hit me in three ways:

Musical: For nearly two years I found no joy in music. A month ago I started to listen to the tunes again (and started a conversation here about favorite music.) Enjoying music again felt wonderful!

Sexual: My first year of PFS I was devastated by the loss of sexual ability. Like our friend @Exsexgod, I felt like a ruined man. Then, that crash removed all cares about being neutered. For two years, I have had no interest in things sexual. This anhedonia remains fully intact.

Emotional: This is my concern today. For two years my emotions have been dead. No happiness or elation, but no sadness or dread, either. I’m just emotionally non-engaged. Until yesterday…

One of our dogs became deathly ill. For a week we tried to nurse her back into good health. As is the new norm for me, I felt no emotional investment. “She lives, she dies, makes no difference.” Finally, we decided to euthanize her. Took her to the vet, to the exam room, the vet tells us to say final goodbyes…

I put my face into her soft neck fur to say goodbye…and broke down sobbing. I blubbered like a child. I shed two years of tears. Finally the floodgates dried. I felt sadness the remainder of yesterday. Could this be the end of my ice age? I could only hope…

But here’s the kicker: I awoke today and that cold feeling has returned. The anhedonia affecting my emotional responses is back. After my musical recovery, and the crying jag over a dead dog, I wanted to believe some recovery was imminent. One step at a time. But apparently not yet.

Any thoughts on this?

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For some reason very strong emotions do come through sometimes. For instance when I was talking to my mother about her being the only reason I’m still continuing I had wet eyes for the first time in 1.5 years. Every once in a while I can still laugh at something, but the feeling quickly subsides. It’s not like true happiness.

I’ve had some thoughts on why this would work this way. Why we only feel emotions for short durations “in the moment”?
I think this has to do with our dopaminergic system being shut off or functioning at very low level. For instance, when someone or a pet dies, part of the reason why we used to (as non PFS victims) cry is because we are already actively thinking about missing the moments with the person or pet. If the dopaminergic system is not functioning, which is clearly the case in many PFS victims (either directly or indirectly by an unknown mechanism), we are not able to look forward to things, so missing these things is something we cannot feel anymore either. Because we simply cannot “feel” the strong emotions of missing something, if we can not look forward to them in the first place.

I hope I’m making myself clear enough.

Jim, I was wondering, when comparing yourself to other men your age, would you think there are many men who wouldn’t notice PFS as much as yourself? Would it be plausible that they’d think “Oh well, I have prostate problems, so I am not too surprised my libido is getting worse, I’m also getting older”.
Or do you think acquiring PFS is such a big difference every man will notice?

I’m asking because there are literally tens of millions of men taking finasteride 5mg or dutasteride for prostate hyperplasia. There must be hundreds of thousands of men among them with PFS, I would say.

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I have PFS from Proscar generic against benign prostatic hyperplasia too. Normally elderly men get it if they can’t pee any more to prohibit a prostate surgery. The majority is in the end sixties and has lost sexual activity over the years.

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I had to ponder on this overnite. So we need a moment of overload to break through the dam? I don’t know how many “grand moments” like that I could stand!

I’ll respond to the rest of your message separately. Thank you, jim

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I had a crash yesterday of a different type…

I was descending a flight of stairs and I didn’t grip the handrail tightly enough. Halfway down, my right knee gives out and I tumble to the bottom. I land on my knees and right shoulder, none of which needed that punishment!

Today my body aches are greater than ever, but I broke no bones. This deterioration of my muscles and joints is due to Merck’s corporate greed, and they’ll never pay the price.

I’m walking like a 90 year old today, and I hate what I’ve become. My years of senior leisure that I had anticipated so long, instead will be years of torture. I expect to die by years end. What a relief that will be. Jim

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All our life we did so much for a healthy best ager and a comfortable senior life. Every time in the gym, every walk, hike, biking…

And than kicked off by a useless brachial inhuman murder medication…

It have been a useless treatment. For me with 59 like @Akiyah much to early to treat a prostate with this last resort murder medication. And for the devil me as a biologist and @Akiyah as a doctor of medicine. Both used to look for background information before using anything.

For you dear @JimWildman with 64 more in the proscar age range but the worst of 1000 other non brachial alternatives.

Even a surgery is not so brachial than chemical castration with the poison.

@Grey_baron treated for prostate problems with 21 from a criminal and totally insane military doctor and getting very severe pfs is the worst case of us all. Because he didn’t do it for cosmetic reason , he trusted a criminal doctor for a medical reason. He was hidden as a very severe case. Nobody knows, he is still alive or not.

So this brachial one time off the market chemical castration caught us in our senior lifes and destroyed us totally. We have no power to fight this horrible disease anymore. I think no fun too.

It’s a very awful final of a good and healthy life. Hope once Merck gets an atomic :bomb:

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@LazarusRy

  • “… I’ve had a fungal big toe nail and it’s gradually rotted away over the last 6 years, it’s no longer painful and is starting to re attach to the bed…” *

I didn’t want to hijack the other conversation, so I’ve moved this here…

Have you had success curing the fungus using ointments, etc.? Or is this improvement a natural occurrence?

I never had fungal nails before, and no OTC solution has helped. Thanks, Jim

Fungal nail is not uncommon. Treatments for this are generally 5aris. Nothing has helped, This side is common in diabetes. I expect your general nail health is not good, ridged and fragile. Omad is the only thing that has helped which is also recommended by some in the medical world as an alternative Treatment for insulin resistance .

Hope this helps

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@LazarusRy. Yes, my nails are ridged and brittle. I never considered PFS as a cause!

Did I interpret right, OMAD is one meal a day? That actually helps? Literally, one meal each day? I have some research to do, I guess! Thanks, Jim

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Nothing has helped this was suggested by someone that’s been in pfs since 2003 he’s extremely knowledgeable. I’ve been on it over 40 days and I am starting to see some minor positive changes… if anything it helps with the volatility of moods, irritability, etc as the digestive system gets rest. It’s not calorific restrictive.

There is lots of science behind this, and in the absence of a treatment its as safe as it gets

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The last few days have been a debilitating trial. Despite my emotional anhedonia, I have been seething with anger: how is that possible?

I worked 50 hard years towards the day I could retire and enjoy my final years. But there is no joy in Mudville tonight. My dreams are dashed.

This has exhausted me. I can’t foresee improvements, and don’t want to be on the battlefield any longer. I tire of this miserable life.

I know I’m not alone in this. But, my body tells me it’s time to give up. Jim

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Dear Jim,

my real thoughts about ending up I can’t write here. Because the young ones need hope to live on with this shit.

I feel miserable as you.

The windows of normal feeling disappeared totally over the day. Only In the evening I can watch videos, eat junk and drink beer and can cope for some hours. For that I m fat now, with an unhealthy big belly. But it doesn’t care me anymore.

It’s my second summer with this shit.

My muscles going on to atrophy, my joints and bends are injured after every walk or action. My eyes are permanent dry and burning. The dark cycles under my eyes become really dark. Anhedonia, unbelievable hate and regret eats me in every second of being awake.

Last spring and summer were very cold and cloudy. It was a present for me. This spring is already hot and sunny weather.

A torture for a sick old man. Stuffed with that all. Sitting on the Terrasse or in the garden feels total unreal. Having breakfast outside or in a cafe feels total unreal. I stand up at midday and I have my breakfast in a gas station cafe outside or at McDonald’s Drive in. It’sonly Science fiction not real anymore I can’t swim in the lake because of my eyes, I can’t cope the crowd. I can’t make bicycle tours anymore. Nothing. What have we done???

So sorry Jim,

that I write no positive things to you, but I can’t do that without lying. Game over. We live a torture existing. No natural disease lobotomize human beings.

The only thing, we know each other here on the forum and we suffer not total alone.

Giving love and peace to each other!

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I wrote the above nearly two weeks ago, and have slogged through the days since. Each morning I’m surprised to awaken to face another day; I genuinely go to bed nightly expecting my body to “give up the ghost.”

I’m exhausted, I’m old, I’m without hope for a cure in my lifetime. I walk through my house holding onto walls and furniture so I don’t fall down.

I’ve read what’s happening to our friend @LazarusRy and wish I had ten percent of his strength and bravery. His life is torture and still, he writes here to encourage others.

My friend @Exsexgod is like me, older and thrown away by society because we have nothing to offer in our current state of health. Unlike me, he is quick and constant in telling the world what this poison from merck has taken from him. For that he is told to shut up, even by fellow members of this group! How do you dare deny a dying man the right to tell his story! Keep going, Herr M.

That’s all I have strength for tonight. We old age members get little feedback or encouragement in this young men’s club. But, I’m here until I’m “not here” any longer. Love and respect your fellow members. Jim

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Dear Jim…

it’s a hot spring this year. Sun burns down over Europe. All the years of my life as a Privatier I spent the whole day on my little plastic boat in the middle of our lake and enjoyed the sun. I cooled down by swimming, I drove the boat with my arms like Delphin style. In the midday sun I had an old wheat shirt on board to protect my skin a headband for my face and an Ibiza towel for my legs.

I need water and I have been living in the water like a dolphin the entire summer every year of my life. Even as a student I enjoyed every afternoon on a nudist lake.

Now I can’t enjoy the sun anymore. I can’t swim because of my dry eyes. I have no emotion anymore to buy a new boat for me and my daughter. I fear the crowd of youngster’s with their music boxes.

Like you dear @JimWildman I was so excited to live my senior years as a brown tinned body fit best ager in his white Sumner clothes. With blond hair and tinned face like a late surfer boy and women’s man.

Now we forgotten best agers sitting inside our house waiting for the end of our torture and anhedonia. You are in the middle end sixties already. I could live more than a decade in this anhedonic state.

My fucking killer urologist died. His fucking college wrot my layer I have been informed of the risks. What a human devil. What a criminal!

Fucked down with an archaic castration medication. I have been a foul to trust in backdoor fricklers instead of getting a second opinion from a serious urologist.

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Don’t condemn yourself for that, most of us probably had fin prescribed by serious, well-regarded urologists. Most times, they are in the dark about PFS.

I do condemn them when, faced with a suffering PFS patient, they refuse to acknowledge even the possibility of this being a life-altering poison! Jim

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Dear Jim

sitting here totally enabled from the rest of the world, even good friends give up the contact to me and ask me to call for professional help.

So I phantazise about the past. And play the game a thousand times and do the right thing a thousand times:

And I ask another urologist for a second opinion. Or ask my urologist for permanent side effects. Or check the internet. Otherwise I would sit here without any thoughts.

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@Exsexgod
May I ask a noncritical question? Why do you edit your posts so often?

I awoke this am to read your prior entry, and it’s showing 4 edits already! Color me curious… Jim

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Yes Jim, I’m a Privatier since 2003. Only a short period I lived together with the mother of my child. The rest of the 15 years I have been living alone. Not one day in all this years, I think not one day in my entire live was boring.
I enjoyed every minute. With a nice breakfast with spoky carnival music or french coffee house music. Did my office schedules in the morning. Made my bicycle tour driving with my car and bike on the back to the wonderful Netherlands, as I told lived the whole summer from May till October as a dolphin in our lake, was a walker and hiker in the wintertime. Weekends with my little daughter. Saw some friends over the weeks. Had some affairs over the years. Visited my macrobiotic guru when I was to fat and walked through the black forest, after that through the french Vosges based in a ferme auberge. Sometimes when I was randy, I visited a clinic or sm studio with woundeful nurses, working for free for their own. I loved my life. I traveled through California and New Zealand, entire Europe, studied in the wild Berlin years, when the wall fell down. Traveling to Amsterdam in 2 hours. At least I had a stunning girlfriend and we had a wild on off relationship. Planned was a happy ending as a patch work family.

I have lived a funny privileged live from the many of my parents in the house of my grandma. I have been an epicurist all my life.

But I let the life run. I was the lucky one without fear. But the trauma of my dominant mother still working inside and I throated the poison. I have been supercritical all my life. Even my house I tested of asbestos and chemicals. And than I walked into the catastrophe.

After the crash I lost everything I was. All my friends, sexuality, hobbies, everything.

So this chatting with you is all left to me. And I want to write so much that I edit my posts. I don’t want to bore you with the same thoughts every day. So I write, than I delete, than I refresh the deleted post, than I edit. I’m empty, no fun, no hobby, no friends anymore, the fucking handy is the last thing in my life.

That’s the reason, why I edit my posts so much.

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…and you know from yourself with the hormones everything is gone away. Like in the former east block they destroyed classical quarters of historical buildings and build up Beton bunker architecture. Dead areas.

Finasterid did that with us. Now as sitting in the chair zombies.

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Sorry I’ve been late exsexgod.

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This has been a bad week. I have ideas I wish to pursue, theories to research…and not a spot of energy. Dead tired.

I’ll know I’ve lost when I no longer care about continuing. I’m trying, I really am. I don’t want to be seen as a whiner, I try to remain upbeat. But I tire of the battle.

“Absent from the body is to be present with the Lord.”

The lyrics to my favorite song are on a loop in my mind:

Lord, I feel like going home
I’ve tried and I failed,
And I’m tired and weary
Everything I’ve done is wrong
And I feel like going home
Lord, I tried to see it through
But it was too much for me
Now I’m coming home to you
Yeah, I feel like going home
Clouded skies are closing in
And not a friend around to help me
Of all the places I’ve been
Lord, I feel like going home
Lord, I feel like going home…*

If you’ve taken time to read this, thank you. Jim

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Hang in there Jim

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Thanks for the encouragement, @HarryMedlar.


Also, adding to my record, yesterday I started taking generic Claritin short term for allergies.
Loratadine is the chemical name.

I searched our archives for reactions to this. Some reports suggested relief from tinnitus, others had sex benefits. None that I found had harmful reactions reported.

If I notice any changes that can be attributed to Loratadine, I’ll report it. I’m simply using it for allergies. Jim

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Brothers, I believe my time is drawing nigh. I’m just too tired to imagine this life lasting much longer.

I’ve written elsewhere my belief that PFS causes accelerated aging. Fellows in their 20s and 30s look and feel like a 60 year old.

I’m one of just a handful here who are the “old agers,” men in the 50s and 60s. I think I’m the oldest at near 67, at least no one older has chimed in yet.

For us older ones, accelerated aging means we may have under 5-10 years before we expire. I’m in my 4th year now. Our death will probably be declared natural causes, but our families and PFS brothers will know better.

One of my older co-sufferers has been nearly silent for a week, and we all know @Exsexgod likes to write!

This week I’ve felt older and more tired and painful than at any time until now. Frankly, I just want it to be over. I feel it will be my heart that fails me, and I have tests scheduled for 10 days away including EKG and blood work.

In the grand scheme of this forum we’ll register as a temporary blip in the archives.

Keep looking into the aging aspect, I think there are answers to be found. Jim

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Hang in there, Jim!

I also have unexplainable symptoms ever since PFS. Tests showed nothing out of the ordinary for me. Sometimes I lay in bed in the evenings and I can barely feel my heart beating. Pretty sure I’ve had moments of variable heart beat intensity. I’ve been told it’s just flukes of anxiety… and I hope that’s the case in lieu of anything much worse.

But sometimes I wake up and feel as if I’m weak and starving, even though I had dinner just fine the day before. I look in the mirror first thing in the morning and I’m just incredibly pale like some vampire, then after a few minutes the body gets up and running and it seems like nothing happened. But it’s bizarre.

Not sure if any of that sounded familiar to you in any way, but I can totally understand you want to get your heart checked out. I had a heart graph (not sure what the english term is right now) made and it showed normal activity so I’m not too worried it’s a heart thing right now.

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Also, @Exsexgod is alright. His activity shows he was online very recently. I’m sure he’s just taking it slow right now. Some people are more active on reddit these days but I’ve not been on there a lot and I don’t know if that’s the case for him. Thanks for keeping an eye out for fellow members.

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I hear ya man this week has been especially bad for me too, not sure why. Increased fatigue, accelerated wastage and pain, also developed Terry’s Nails which sounds like everything else that comes with this garbage: “Often, Terry’s nails is a symptom of a chronic condition, such as liver failure or diabetes.”

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Yes I m still on board! The last time I have been so full of hate of the backdoor fricklers who gave me the drug just to try without any information and now say I was informed. Hope for them and their whole families the eternity in hell. Cause they destroyed our families and lifes as doctors we trusted.
That the - for thousands of people longtime deadly torture causing -finasteride is still on the market since 1994 is pure evil !!!

My own borderline syndrome wich let me behave like the greatest fool on mother earth slittering in the catastrophe with wide open eyes. The start of it all with a urologist who believes in the hippocrat swere and denied to give me a drug. I think it have been finasteride. And I thought this doctor Don’t want to prescribe me a drug and I chairman of the psychopathics changed to the backdoor fricklers and after years the set me under the poison.

Yes my dear old men’s club, I see you have had a bad time last week too. I see @LazarusRy, @mstone and @JimWildman very unhappy too. Our best years and senior years eaten by a well known drug monster eating lifes since 1994!! Unbelievable!! Where are the regulator agencies!! Where are the critical politics, all pharma rent boys?!!

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Let’s do a trip like lastvegas then go around Kenneth’s house and boot the fucking life out of him after forcing some fin into his not so smirky pipe hole. I’m sure our testosterone would come back on line for such an opportunity. I’m not a vengeful person but for this I’d forego my lifelong standards.

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Police: Tulsa suspect targeted surgeon he blamed for pain (yahoo.com)

As much as this dude’s message is going to be lost to the gun control debate I bet there’s a lot of chronic and neglected pain sufferers nodding in approval.

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@mstone. Yes I have seen that, but major media is ignoring the “revenge for pain” angle in favor of more gun control.

Us Americans have a unique situation.
Most readers here are from across the Big Pond, and gun ownership in most their cases is more restrictive.

We have midterms in 4 months, and now a rash of killings, immediately followed by calls for gun control. How naive do they think we are?

Back to the main subject, I couldn’t injure or kill a Dr because he gave me PFS but some here may be more bloodthirsty. The world degenerates daily. Jim

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I wrote this elsewhere, and want it on my record as well.

It has been nearly 30 years of lives ruined by fin, and merck must know this is happening. Why do they not take action , research a cure, reach out to the victims?

We all know the answer. $$$$$

If they admit the harm they’ve done, the compensation would be enormous. Look at the billions rewarded for baby powder, or asbestos relief. How many brands of fin would be pulled off the market? More lost $$$$.

No, we can wish and hope and pray, but Big Pharma will never make us right voluntarily or willingly. May the wrath of God be poured out onto them. Jim

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Yeah where’s all the personal injury ads like mesothelioma. “If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with post-finasteride syndrome call us now…we fight the big drug companies”. That would be epic.

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Please hold on Jim. I’d hate to lose you. We will get justice one day, we have to keep pushing.

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Today I watched my wife’s face as she read a book. Studying it, still enjoying it after 47 years together.

I then realized that due to PFS, we won’t have those long golden years together that we have anticipated. I found I had tears in my eyes thinking of her, alone in the future.

Considering the emotional anhedonia I’ve experienced for too long, I was surprised by the tears.

I just wanted to mention this. Jim

"It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to…"

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This morning was so surreal, I hesitate to write of it. You’ll think I was dreaming…but this is my journal, so here goes.

I awoke about an hour earlier than usual. I was shocked to realize that my penis was tumescent. Not stiff enough to enjoy, but its first sign of life in over three years.

I’ll admit I fondled it a bit, hoping for it to get hard. Instead, after about 5 minutes it was soft again.

During this time I also noticed that, for the first time in forever, I felt positive! I looked forward to today, planned the things I hoped to do. It was like a throwback to the old pre-PFS days.

Finally, I dozed off again. When my eyes reopened a while later…reality was back. My body was tired even after a night’s sleep. I ached like I’d been beaten. My penis was a shrunken joke again. My mind was fuzzy once more. All joy and anticipation from earlier was replaced by dread and depression.

How could this be? Is something good trying to break through? Has anyone else experienced this?

Life is a bitch, and PFS a sadistic whore. I had a view of what could be, and -snap your fingers- it was gone. Thoughts? Jim

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Twice in the first few months. Like the reward path got turned back on for a few hours. First time I thought I was cured and started making life plans. Second time was even more intense but I couldn’t enjoy it because I knew it was just a mirage.

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What a cruel joke, right? I should have known a recovery wouldn’t happen overnight. To add insult to injury, later yesterday my left hip gave out while walking, I nearly buckled to the floor. It’s OK today though, just a little sorer than usual. Jim

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If you by any chance continue to experience these recovery lapses or if you feel improvements, please share them. It would be very nice to hear and very encouraging for most.

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It would be safe to say that we all come to this forum for differing reasons.

Some men discuss why their penis does this or does that, yet hardly ever what they want it to do: get hard and function properly.

Some of us discuss the latest potential recoveries, using scientific journals and 10-syllable science words.

Others argue over diets and protocols that work for some and not for others. There are a myriad of reasons why we post here.

I don’t come for any of the above reasons. Like a few others, I need the interaction and fellowship of like-minded and similarly damaged friends. Is there room for us here?

My point (and I do have one): Friends I share with have been disappearing lately. Two I notice are @Exsexgod and @Taw. Neither has posted much, if any, in recent weeks. I’m told they are OK, but not here.

Now, one of them liked to talk about his misery, and I wonder if he got bullied away. He won’t even engage in PM 's. One of them was irreverent and sometimes rubbed people wrong. Did he get banned or just bored?

I don’t expect answers, only they know for sure. I liked to talk about less technical matters than most, to help myself stay calm in the midst of this PFS induced nightmare. Two of my friends are gone, and the discussions to read each day are of epigenetics and methylizations and ar inhibitors and so on and so on. And I know there was a day I could have engaged in those talks with the best of them. Not now, no more. Effing fin.

On another subject, @Call_Me_Fighter asked me to mention any recent changes, for better or worse (stemming from a post I made several days back.)

I have had two other instances of a semi-tumescent penis, nothing great but more than anything in the past few years. But I also have had more urine dribbling and leakage than usual.

Also, back in the beginning I had horrible acne for several months (it’s in my initial member story) and I have been blemish free for over a year. Dry skin instead of oily, actually. In this past week, I have begun forming zits again. Small so far, nothing like the ugly leaking pustules from 3 years ago.

Finally, the suicidal ideation has hit again with a vengeance. Just on and on, finish it, rest will be so sweet. So enticing.

I guess this got long, but these are my thoughts for today. Thanks for reading. Jim

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Dear friend Jim! Before PFS I looked back to my life and it was exciting. I have been living in different towns and countryside, I have had many relationships, women, red light, alcohol, but I never found the inner peace, after my mother died, the only place to rest my home since my childhood wasn’t a place to rest anymore. The last 15 years I have been searching for a peaceful home, for living my dream as a nature experience guide in a lovley area together with the right woman to find my inner peace. I did wrong everything I did, since my mother is gone. No one to warn me from bad desicions. So the last 15 years I run from one chaos to the other. PFS is the final countdown.

So I m so tiered that I let life run down the street with some joy of affairs, buzzing and binge eating all night, money if my parents, dealing with toxic relationships and criminal consultants like a female real estate criminal, who destroyed my financial background, a female therapist, who said nothing over years and has stolen my chance for psychological health. I let everything flow, never asked about my prostate, stayed with the criminal backdoor fricklers. Never reflected toxic relationships.

Now I m tired. As a fool who have had every chance, let the things run downhill. After my mother there have been no one who protected my against myself and my sudden desicions from one second to the other, only emotional, resistent to all the good advices from my friends and people who love me. I destroyed my own life.

So I m in regret with my whole life now. Never had the balls to make a desicion by myself. Never fought for my vision. Only let me lead by toxic influencers like the killer urologist or the criminal real estate consultant. Never been critical for the killer poison, on the other side searching for asbestos in every corner of my house. So creazzy all.

So dear Jim, be so thankful for the 47 years with your loving wife. And a peaceful life until Merck fucked you down.

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have you tried anything, exsexgod?

I tried psychotherapy and stayed in different rehabilitation programs and psychosomatic hospitals. But the key point is with severe psychological problems you don’t need medications or a part time therapy, you need a mentor and analyst for livetime, someone who supports you and leads you through the insane dshungle life is for a borderliner. It has been my mother. But than I didn’t recognize the danger I was in and didn’t look for a coach or a supervisor.

After some weeks with pfs I had appointments with two of the best known PFS specialists in Germany. Got all my hormons checked. But at the state of research it’s an epigenetical disregulation, caused by some alterations in the DNA code, so nothing helps to cure. Only mental will and time!

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Sorry if I was accusing.

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No problem! You’re fucked for over a decade by this horrible FDA proofed syndrome. I’m totally done after one year.

So I feel huge respect for you.

My German friend, it was good to hear from you again. You have the good memories to enjoy, ja? Stay around my man. I look ahead to your future posts when you will be telling us how you are feeling better!

Don’t pull a vanishing act, Herr M.!
Jim

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I wrote a few posts back about acne recurring and have some more to add. Over the last few days my balls have felt like ice. Urine dribbling and leakage is back and embarrassing.

My joint aches are of greater magnitude than usual, my lower back aching so much I’m tempted to sleep in my chair so I don’t have to walk to bed.

My head aches today are a return to my worst. I feel like I’m in a crash, wonder what will be worse tomorrow?

How can our body send such mixed messages? Three days back I wondered if I was recovering. Today I pray, God have mercy. Jim

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I had an appointment with my Dr today. He reviewed blood tests from the past 12-18 months with me. I have had at one time or another: low hemoglobin, low hematocrit, low red blood cells, low platelets, and a few other markers.

He had (for the first time) included B12 in my last round, and I was low on that as well. His decision is that I have anemia, and he prescribed B12. He wrote a script for the cyanocobalamin version, and I have been urged elsewhere here to try to switch to hydroxycobalamin instead. Any thoughts on that are welcome.

Reviewing articles on anemia, I found:
“… anemia can cause a variety of symptoms and side effects, including:
shortness of breath.
headache
heart palpitations.
fatigue
poor balance.
memory loss…”

Of course, all of those are also effects of PFS. My PFS preceded my anemic blood results by over a year, and I wondered if PFS can cause anemia? Looking through the archives I found little on that subject.

(I’ve asked him about PFS in the past, and he denies any knowledge, BTW.)

Once I start B12 (whichever formulation) I will report here on any changes in my health. Comments are welcome. Jim

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In additional bad news, the Dr called again today. The chest x-rays showed the onset of COPD, or emphysema. He is referring me to a pulmonary specialist.

I find next to nothing about COPD in the archives. PFS, anemia and now emphysema. What an effing trilogy of good times ahead. Jim

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Yes Jim my PFS and related diseases report from the University of Münster (Prof. Zitzmann) is a page long. Before the evils own company’s perverted drug fucked us, we have been both sex gods in their thirties. Now we can’t say anymore, what’s a normal problem of the age and what is related to the devil’s company’s disease.

I think the alteration of 3800 gens in their biosynthesis and activity triggers everything in our bodies. Hope every employee of the evils company gets the eternity in hell.

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@JimWildman

How’s things?

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@HarryMedlar

Since my last post, the Dr took me off B12 but the swelling remains, maybe it’s unrelated.

I’ve gained 12 pounds in the last 10 days, with no change in eating habits. Water retention?

I started taking Iron pills (on my own) to battle the anemia, I’m just 2 days into them.

I’ve noticed breathing is labored with even the exertion of walking. I’ve taken my BP on my home machine for years, and my BP is up some while my pulse has gone up and is staying around 105.

In a strange turn, my libido has improved. I find myself enjoying the female body again (visually at least), both in person and in media. For two years I’ve been a monk concerning sexual interest, my hypersexuality devastated by PFS. I still have no sexual function, though, despite the newfound interest.

It would be the ultimate hurtful irony if I improve sexually before I drop dead.

So that’s the latest. I received no advice or interest when I wrote about my copd and anemia diagnoses. Thank you for your concern, sincerely. Jim

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Dear Jim,

some of the last frequent posters disappear here: Lazarus Ray, Taw, me and you. I wrote it already. For ten thousands of victims the traffic here is low. I myself in some privat groups some times I’m to tired and frustrated to answer but we should frequent post here to show the community is on air! And there are so many Facebook and Twitter posts.

So I thought I made a post about your COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease). One step more in the incredible history of PFS. But I think I didn’t.

So whats going on with you is still so close to me and our unlucky club of the elderly men that we won’t miss you here!!

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You won’t miss me? :face_with_raised_eyebrow:

My true comrade in this war, my friend… you and I are the elders, outnumbered 2000 to 1 by the younger generation; here not because of cosmetic or vain reasons, but given a medicine promising to save our lives from prostate disease, that instead was a poisonous scrip that became our death sentence. There will be no cure in time for us old fools.

The others disregard us or ignore us, after all if old people get PFS why aren’t there more victims here, they ask, insinuating this is in our heads or is some elderly body breakdown, maybe not PFS. We are invisible.

What few friends I’ve made here seem to be moving on, no matter, as I expect to be moving on as well one way or the other. I added one last song today, part of the lyrics tell:
“Death’s chilly waters, I’ll soon be crossing but His hand will lead me o’er,
And then I’ll join the quartet in that great city and sing up there forever, evermore.”

No PFS no pain perfect body. Stay strong my man. Jim

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I feel more and more tired of all.

Have I been driven by agressivity against my enemies and self pittynes the last month I’m going more and more tired. Don’t go for a walk, don’t sit in the garden, don’t have the regret thoughts in my walking up and down endless circle anymore, don’t doing anything anymore, only tiered, laying on my sofa, even forget drinking water on the hot summer days

First time that I realize that I’m going through the last years. I have no acute diagnosed heart problems and COPD like you, but I’ve 40 kg / 80 pound overweight, extreme shortness of breath. My mother had this with 81 when she died.

And you’re 4 years in now but I feel like you. Tiered of that all, instead of living creazzy horny senior years.

@Exsexgod

I know how you feel. I was tired enough from PFS and now add copd to that…

Need to lose weight, I know! I gained 12 pounds in two weeks in June, barely eating. I think it’s water retention.

You’ve written in the past about the bitterness over losing your sex life, and my anhedonia kept me from sympathizing properly. Now I understand and it’s soul shattering. That’s another post, tho. Jim

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Did you have elevated BP for years?

Do you know if your BP changed before/during/after finsteride?

Sad to hear about your troubles Jim. Wish you the best.

My dad’s side all had BP issues. I’ve been on Metoprolol for several years before PFS and my BP has been under control. The higher readings have started in the last few weeks. I’m contemplating buying a new machine, they’re cheap enough.

Thanks for your concern. Jim

Hello Jim despite being extremely fit with a 1sf rate diet I went from having text book bp to it becoming eratic overnight. This was before I discovered pfs. I now now know that it’s either because of insulin resistance or high cortisol, or a combination of both. Basically the disregulation is causing it. Intermittent fasting seems to be one of the few things that helps minimise the levels and as youll know standard bp management protocols don’t work for pfs.

I recently learned from another pfs vet that staying away from food and even water until midday helps the cortisol levels to a degree and can also dampen down insulin spikes.

I hope this helps a little.

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@LazarusRy
Thanks for the info, bro. I’m trying to get some follow-up from my Dr and will ask about this. Stay well as possible. It’s a helluva nightmare for us all. Jim

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Good luck my friend

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WTF Jim!

Of course we don’t question you have PFS, and you may be twice my age but that doesn’t make you less interesting than a youngster. The youngster may get more attention because there’s so many youngsters looking for a guy that’s just like them but has recovered and can share what will help them recover.

I have to admit I don’t like reading Exsexgod’s posts because they sound so bitter and it makes me feel depressed, it’s not good for me when I’m trying to do the opposite and make something out of my life (they can give me PFS but there’s no chance in hell I’ll let them take away my “spirit”). Just saying: his age has nothing to do with that. My respect for someone has nothing to do with age but everything with how the person conducts himself (contributes, …) in spite of his circumstances. This is why I’m here reading your log and not someone else’s.

To me you’re one of the great people on this forum, your supportive messages stand out (and surely not to me alone). That’s why I checked out your log here, because it’s Jim’s. I’m really sorry to read how bad you have it and I’m kinda shaken because how can a guy in that condition have the mental strength to post all these constructive posts to others, and how could I miss the fact you’re going through hell…

A final thought: when reading the dark parts of your log (the suffering and the evergrowing list of medical problems) I thought, this is exactly what my grandparents all went through in the last years of their lives, it’s what pretty much everyone goes through if they get to an old enough age. I think they hang on and tolerate the torture to the extent they feel like they can still make a difference in the lives of their loved ones.

You seem to have a wife that the rest of us can only dream of. Can you stay strong for your wife? (or some other cause that speaks to you)

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Thank you for your encouraging message. I have a long post to share that I have put off for a week, I haven’t decided whether to add it here or make it stand-alone. Keep an eye out for it please.

Now as concerns my wife…yes, she is my rock. Pushes me to keep my chin up. Inspires me to stay alive. Also, I’ve not shared this with anyone here, she has cancer in her lung. She has monthly immunotherapy and it is in remission (until it isn’t.) I force myself through the days for her. She accepts no pity or sympathy and is so much better than me.

Again, thanks for the encouragement. Jim

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I am very sorry to hear this. My neighbour had this and they said she was likely to die, but she managed to pull through and have been healthy for a couple of years now.

And I’m sorry if this question is insensitive but since you have COPD and she lung cancer I just wanted to ask. Did you live in a polluted area, smoke or work in a line of work with air pollution?

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Neither of us has ever been a smoker. I worked 15 of my youthful years in smoky bars, but that ended almost 40 years ago. Before retirement I worked 8 years in a factory, exposure to chemicals and dirty air is a probability. My COPD may have cause, my pulmonologist appointment is tomorrow.

My wife’s cancer is actually a melanoma that started as skin cancer and spread to her lung. So it may be irrelevant, but she had no exposure to polluted air. Jim

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I never ever forced one who doesn’t want it to read my posts. And you know all it’s the first place where regulators, doctors, researchers, psychiatrists, media and politics look on. If they only read CDnuts and Propecia123 “having three times sex this day, feel better, look better like before PFS. It only did two years hard work with CDnuts protocol and I was heeled of all severe PFS symptoms like shrinkage and total ED” they think Merck and it’s rent boys from regulation and medical community are right. This disease is only in the head of some hypochondriacs.

And for this bitter posts I write so many young and middle aged guys talk private to me and pssd, pas guys and women too.

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@Exsexgod keep posting it’s you and your saying how it is

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So dear Jim, you told us your wife, your partner for near an entire adult life, has lung cancer now?

That makes me unbelievable sad. But having a partner for life, children and a family is the greatest thing a man can have.

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Thanks my friend. She’s a strong, wonderful and wild woman and it’s been my honor to have her next to me for nearly 50 years. Young guys here need a soul mate like she for support.

Alas, we never had kids so we get no support of that type. It’s just us. Jim

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I think alone for this 50 years it has been worth to be on earth :earth_americas::earth_africa::blue_heart:

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Sigh… that’s so tragic. Yet in spite of it all, this woman has the strength to be strong for you too. That’s amazing.

Based on what you’ve told us I see a lot of suffering in your life but also strong meaning/purpose (the two of you) that has kept you going. (Psychologist Jordan Peterson has REALLY insightful things to say based on his own struggles and those of his patients, about how people find their suffering is worth it if the journey is meaningful to them. I’m convinced he’s right… although I realize it may be slightly more complicated if the brain is compromised by PFS).

Some random thoughts I had: seeing how much you get out of sharing experiences with the guys in this log, makes me think that talking to a therapist might be helpful to deal with it all. Also, maybe you find it meaningful to write some of the stuff you’ve written here and that you do seem to feel strongly about, in the occasional letter to your wife… it could become a story of how the two of you are coping with all that life is throwing at you (there’s heroicism in your marriage, people make movies about this stuff!).

You say that your wife is “so much better than you.” That’s not necessarily how I’d look at it. In a great couple each party contributes their strengths (she cooks, he maintains the cars). Between the two of you, she’s the one lucky enough not to have a “PFS brain” where motivation abilities may be compromised, so she’s contributing that. Likewise there are things that you’re good at or that you can contribute / do for her (even if they don’t seem obvious at first sight or seem unimportant like a hug/making coffee - don’t discount the importance of things like that, to her, and as a result, to your sense of self worth.

I’m very much looking forward to your upcoming post, by the way.

@Exsexgod: I’m really sorry about the way I brought this up, I didn’t mean to criticize you or even make this about you. My intention was simply to encourage Jim by disproving the notion that older people are seen as worthless on this forum.

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Have you tried setting your alarm extra early to catch another episode of this? And see if it holds throughout the day (hey, you never know).

The tumescence could be something that happens every night (after all, the body is programmed to have nocturnal erections). I know my penis is in a MUCH better state (like, a hint of normalcy) around the time I wake up than the rest of the day, and I’ve read similar reports by others. Not that it responds to manual stimulation (like you were trying) and I’m convinced this is because the part of the penis outside our body doesn’t have much feeling anymore and that seems to be necessary to get an erection. (What DOES seem to have a little effect for me is repeatedly pushing the base of the penis into my body (i.e. into the perineal region. So you could try that next time you’re in the same situation)

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I just read Viktor Frankl’s book “Man’s Search for Meaning,” in one go. I feel I have to mention it on this forum, and I decided to mention it in your thread Jim, because I feel you and the commenters here would get a lot out of it. It’s a gamechanger. It’s freely available on google (just search for the PDF).

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I just wrote this post!

“We have the right to vent about our pain! Only 100% recovery by protocols and hormones and how good I feel with PFS stories are exactly that what pharma, FDA and medical mainstream wants to here about us!”

Like you I like the motivation I get over a year here and in private groups. @BestLife and @Taw gives us the very pleasure full feeling not to be the forgotten ones, trying to give us back some sense. New friends like viking American fighter @Erik support each other. Old friends like @mstone still active. Old friends comments like @LazarusRy missing. Some friends like @bsvc totally disappeared.

I’m going on to write exactly how I feel. This fucking disease isn’t only a hormone axis disbalance treatible with some hormones and supplements.

I’m still sitting isolated and disconnected in my house, only thinking about what I have done wrong over the last 15 years after my mother died in 2007 and a former girlfriend prophesized me years of chaos. It has been one and a half decade after all with the final countdown called Mercks euthanasia pill…

For you dear Jim now things become strange COPD and lung cancer for your loving wife and we ask what have we done that life ends up in such a mess.

We with PFS from finasteride against benign prostatic hyperplasia are much older than all the young lifes stolen by lies and criminal medical trails known now by all the agencies but we are a minority in a rare patient group. Or all the other elder victims believe in their prostate butchers lies.

So our loving senior years as hypersexuel best agers end up forgotten in sadness and hold on to come through every new day.

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I’m happy to have your camaraderie

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It looks like a deep read, the meaning of life, found in a Nazi concentration camp. I requested it at the library. I’ll let you know. Thanks, Jim

It’s an excellent read. At least I thought so when I read it years ago. Though I must admit I’ve found it exceptionally hard to put its philosophy into practice now, arguably when it actually matters. Maybe I should read it again.

There’s something about the destruction of your own body that, for me, makes it almost impossible. I haven’t been able to read since I crashed. Though I’d assume many in the camps would’ve thought it impossible as well, so I don’t really have an excuse I guess.

Anyway, I recommend it. :slight_smile:

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Guys, it’s time for my final update…

I continue to experience brain fog, fatigue, muscle wasting and weight gain. My coordination and balance are poor. The tinnitus is ever louder and continuous. My vision deteriorates and I have developed floaters. I have emotional and social anhedonia. Now I have developed anemia, COPD and heart enlargement. These last three may have nothing to do with PFS, we’ll never know. But these are exhausting complications I didn’t need and don’t have the desire to fight. Health wise, I’m ready to quit the battle. In the last week I’ve started choking on food and fluids if I’m not careful eating, which I’ve seen here in others.

The decision to give up comes as a result of my sexual anhedonia. I’ve gone over 3 years without sex, which may seem unimportant except for this personal aspect:

My wife and I have been “hypersexual” throughout our marriage. When younger, we could easily have sex 4+ times a day. Even into our 60s we enjoyed each other a couple times a day. Then my PFS hit. Nearly overnight we stopped having sex.
Strangely, My sexual anhedonia not only stopped our sex life, but put a mental wall up against the memories of our sexual history.

It was like I had amnesia, for 3 years I didn’t even think about sex, past or present. I was a eunuch. When others here wrote about sex problems, I skipped their posts. My friend exesexgod was torn up over his lost beauty and I couldn’t feel empathy. Sex meant nothing to me.

Recently, I had a breakdown. I was at a Cafe, and realized how sexy the waitress was, and how before I “could do things” with her.

The scales fell from my eyes. I went to my truck and bawled like a baby. I recalled my past sexual life and adventures. I thought of what I missed over the last three years. I realized the deprivation and lack of fulfillment my wife had endured. This PFS had not only decimated my sex life, but hers as well. This was all a crushing burden on me. I was lucky I made it home, driving poorly with tears in my eyes.

In the days and weeks since, I have watched porn of every type, trying to regenerate my shrunken useless cock. How could my interest in sex be renewed, only to have no way to express it? I tried masturbation hoping for a spark of life. It’s been weeks now, and despite hours of inspirational porn, my cock remains dead. I have the shrunken dick of a pubescent boy, and my balls are like ice cold marbles. Today I faced facts, I will never enjoy sex again. Some might say this is a piss poor excuse for suicide. But I’m thinking of my wife, too. She can still find a new man and have years of a reinvigorated sex life. I need to get out of her way.

I could stand not having sex when I didn’t think about it. But the desire now is overwhelming with no positive outlook in sight. I could put up with all the various illnesses I listed above, but this last straw has broken my spirit irrevocably. I will end this suffering today. I just have no desire to continue this charade. This is goodbye, friends.

Keep up the fight young men! You may still find answers. I have a stash of benzos waiting. Jim

“…Lord, I feel like going home
not a friend around to help me
I tried and I failed
And I’m tired and weary
I tried to see it through
But it was too much for me
Now I’m coming home to you
Lord, I feel like going home
I tried and I failed
And I’m tired and weary
Everything I’ve done is wrong
Lord, I feel like going home…”

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I recalled my past sexual life and adventures. I thought of what I missed over the last three years.

I can relate so much. My way to cope is often to ignore reality, until it spits in your face when you’re reminded of what is and what has been. It begets a sadness that’s very insidious and almost impossible to shake. That’s the moment I have to reach out to someone. Do you have someone close to talk to? Please do. We’re here too.

Jim, I know the feeling very well. I have bawled my eyes out so many times, also almost crashing my car because of my swollen tearful eyes. I have written my suicide note multiple times in the past years. I know it’s a lot to ask, you have suffered too long and too much, but if you can still find a little bit of strength, please hold on. Not just for the sake of holding on, but because we’ve got a real chance now. I feel the tide is turning. And it might turn sooner than we think. But we need everyone on board, to fight back and be there when we finally round the cape.

In my experience, the suicidal feelings often pass when I can talk about it to someone, and there is again room for hope. Can you talk to your wife about this? I assume you have in the past. You love her and she loves you. I know you say you’re doing her a favor, but I’m sure she’ll put that thought straight to rest.

I don’t really know what to say, because I understand. I understand so much. But please don’t leave us, Jim. Please reach out to your loved ones.

I will light a candle tonight and ask whatever deity will hear me, that you may find the strength to continue.

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I’m very sorry to hear this Jim, although I respect and think everyone should have the right to end their own life.

But by the sound of it, it looks like you’re libido did improve? Maybe more improvements are on the horizon.

Also did you ever try something like caverject? It’s great for inducing an erection, and unlike viagra you don’t need to be aroused.

I hope you read this message before you go. I think before taking such a decision one should explore all possible solutions (even the risky ones), I know I wouldn’t be able to rest easy unless I did.

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Jim, hear me out bro.

I had the same experience: it’s surreal that we have a hard time even remembering our old sexual selves. It’s surreal. (Personally I’m grateful for every “waitress” moment… because in that moment I feel somewhat normal, even if I can’t act on it like I used to.)

But what I really wanted to tell you is that, as important as sex may be for your wife, I’m very confident she’d rather have you alive and give up the stupid sex. How do I know this: look at the choices she’s made, she clearly wants you, dude. And why would she not: look at all the memories you’ve made together over the years. She’s not gonna throw that out just to get laid. Have you asked her?

Yes, it is horrible to be confronted with what we lost. However, you’ve gotta get out of this one-sided/tunnel vision (that’s how I’m perceiving it, and neither does your wife seem to see it the way you do right now). I realize you’ve been thinking about this for a while, so you may think you’ve come to a well-thought-out decision, but trust me when I, being a neutral external observer, when I say that you’re still not in the right frame of mind for decisions. You’re in an emotional state right now and need to come back to your senses (as in: realize all these other things that matter beside sex), talk to your wife, and perhaps hear what Viktor Frankl has to say about this and worse (can I send you a summary?)

You’d be missed on this forum, your constructive advice made a difference. But the person who’ll miss you 1000x more is your wife…

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Hello dear friend @JimWildman!

It is like @Cbrandel said:

I’m very sorry to hear this Jim, although I respect and think everyone should have the right to end their own life.

But if it’s becoming real it’s hard to imagine. If you didn’t, see please we are thinking about you and if you did I hope your wife will inform the community.

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Jim, silly question maybe, but have you tried openly discussing all this with your wife?
I understand you are going through agony but from how I read your story I fear you are filling in yourself what your wife might be feeling or going through because of your situation.

I know such a conversation can be painful and confrontational, but who knows, maybe your wife is more considerate or understanding of your situation than you know and your interpretation of what she’s going through might be a worst-case scenario that doesn’t really reflect reality.

I’m sure your marriage rests on more than just your ability to have intimacy with her, and even if you couldn’t give her the intimacy she needs, there are probably other solutions for that situation rather than ending your life.

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We have been in touch by messaging for awhile now and was alarmed by your silence. I wish I knew what to say. I send words and wishes your way because I care about you. I do not have the time, energy, or feasibility to reach out to everyone, sadly. I do not want you to sign off, not permanently. Maybe a break from all things PfS, or at least as close to it as possible, including from the forum. Then again, that is what you tried to do at the cafe. It is possible the waitress suffers from a similar syndrome with impairments too. People pretend to be okay more than they pretend to be sick. I know more people in general who work through pain, grin and bear it, than those who collect disability. Nobody truly wants to die, they just do not want to live in an unhealthy state, understandably. I cannot tell you what to do or what not to do. I would ask those who endured decades of this syndrome how they did it, but they’d probably say they had no choice with the cards dealt. There are no easy choices, or should I say reactions. I feel I am letting you down by not knowing what to say, but I’m trying.

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Nothing still. Fuck… we’re too late. I knew it when I saw he’d posted 2 hours earlier. My reply was originally 1 sentence, to save time. Too late. I wish I’d seen it coming. It’s such a pity.

Hoping for a miracle now.

Thanks everyone for posting.

There’s lessons to be learned here. What you focus on, grows. Don’t allow yourself to be sucked into the abyss. We need to do a better job helping people find a why in their life post-PFS.

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Please try to hold on. Your wife is still by your side and you mean a great deal to her. I wouldn’t want to guilt trip anyone here because I know how horrible it all is, but leaving your wife like this could devastate her. You also don’t know what the future holds. You don’t deserve any of this and we are here for you Jim.

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Ouch. Jim suffered years of torture and fought the good fight. Let’s not frame this as a failure of resolve…this is another Merck murder.

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I really hope you’re still here with us, Jim. I didn’t know you for long but you were always a good man. Goddamn these fucking criminals for what they’ve done to you.

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mstone, that’s not what I meant. So perhaps I should qualify: negative feelings can compound and affect your judgment of the situation. I’ve experienced this myself and later I arrived in a better (more objective) place mentally. I just wish I’d been able to intervene, although I acknowledge that wouldn’t make the underlying problem (PFS) go away.

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Bullshit, Jim didn’t misjudge anything and we’re not putting this back on him. Nobody is obligated to endure the torture he went through just because Merck and the FDA refuse to do their duty. Yesterday we had a new member sign up just to say PFS is a natural result of aging, then a veteran member agreeing with him, now this. I don’t know what’s going on here but let’s not do Merk’s legal homework for them. They are going to answer for Jim and the rest one day and we’re not going to let them call his murder ‘negative feelings that affected his judgment’.

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Guys I think we’re getting ahead of ourselves assuming Jim is no longer with us. I would hate for him to login in here just to see that we all assume he’s gone.

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Jim sent me a pm yesterday. It was more or less a farewell message. I hope he was unable to go through with it and is having a period of reflection before reposting. He did say previously that he’d left instructions for his wife to leave a message if he ever chose to bring an end to his suffering.

He was an extremely strong, intelligent, lucid thoughtful and positive man.

Like many he had a great life before this shit ripped his world apart.

One day the fuckers will be held responsible for the lives they’ve destroyed.

Jim will be a big miss on here, and then there’s his poor wife. It’s heartbreaking.

At least he’s now at peace, one could not fail to feel his pain.

I hope I’m wrong but I think we’ve lost another decent stand up human being… Merck has his blood on their hands.

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That’s very troubling to hear. His message on here was heartbreaking. I really hope he finds the strength to hang on.

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Has anyone heard from Jim?

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He is 64 with a wife. More reason to live than lots of us.

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I’m 60 yo with a loving one by my side. But the disease knows no mercy.

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Seen 4 days ago…no answer…

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I hope he’s talked to his wife. Courage, Jim. Wherever you are.

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To my forum brotherhood:

I owe you all an apology for any concern or discomfort that I’ve put you through. I had promised that I wouldn’t disappear without leaving a message, maybe I could have handled it better. My wife has asked me to stay off social media for a week or two but gave me permission to come here and leave this message.

To summarize my adventure, my wife was visiting her mother and, when I didn’t answer a text, had a premonition and came home 2 hours early. She found me and I’m told I took a flashy ride to the ER. I was given flumazenil(sp?), and ended up with 72 hours observation on the fifth floor. I’m not sure what antidepressants they gave me while I was in the psych ward, but now I am back home and not partaking of their chemicals.

Doctor said that I may experience some respiratory or muscle weakness, and I asked myself “what would be any different?” One of the doctors bluntly told me I look like hell, and I tried to explain PFS to him while his eyes glazed over and he moved on.

I’m reading your messages and appreciate the encouragement. At the moment I am still a pot of negativity, and not sure if you would want me to post my thoughts.

Again, I’m sorry for any distress I caused. I’m still here for the foreseeable future. Your brother in pain, Jim

PS:
Please resist the urge to edit or delete your messages, your encouragement gives me strength and I hope to reply to each one in coming days. Jim

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I’m relieved to see you again, Jim.

Take some time off and be with your family. We’re here if you need us.

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Thank god! Really happy to see your message. Stay strong we will be always on your side to help you!

Really glad you’re still with us. Although I wish the world could do more to ease your suffering

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You and me and Akyiah here are the only ones with PFS from finasteride against benign prostatic hyperplasia. So we are anecdotal cases under millions of descriptions. Much rarer as all the rare younger propecia pfs cases.

And we don’t believe that PFS is solved with hormones, herbs and supplements. Some other elder guys too.

Only because we deny that PFS is a temporary disease what can be healed by the right protocol we have a bad mindset and frustrate the young sufferers?

Why than fundraise and research, why are there awareness campaigns and research projects to find the pathology, when CDnuts can heal this disease already, with pine pollen…(this is the total denying of the severity of this disease, for what we so angry of the FDA and the mainstream medical community)

Even now a big project starts with more hope for the young community than ever with seriously research and announced here. And all stay with the charlatans instead of being a though community here.

And right in this moment we all suffer the same. Our life’s are destroyed by this pharma criminals. Dot!!

We, me, Jim the other elder men know that the younger ones have lost much more life time. But this gives us absolutely no satisfaction.

Let people venting.

The hope from research is totally ignored by the community.

Only praying CDNuts and that PFS is a temporary missfeeling is exactly that doctors and psychiatrists tell us.

If I was young impotent, bedridden with weak muscles I would wonder about all the huge erections, muscle building, sex and partnership told by so many recoveries and ask what do I wrong?! And for the devil it’s not pine pollen…

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Sex and love is an absolutely vital part of the human experience. Jim suffering from this later in life doesn’t diminish the horror and tragedy of his condition. I’m a moderate to severe case and the sexual symptoms alone push me to the brink sometimes.

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At first, I was nervous seeing you had posted because I was not sure if it was you or someone else, at least until I read it. You have family members battling Lung cancer, kidney disease, and long-covid, so I would not have blamed your family for not informing us.

You should be enjoying your retirement years comfortably, not these lousy cards dealt. Everyone impacted by these preventable and avoidable ailments deserve a public apology and more.

For all we know, that waitress could suffer from PsSD or another syndrome and could have went years deprived of intimacy too. Whenever something would be shoved in my face, I would say something such as that to make myself feel better.

Anyone struggling with thoughts of self harm, never forget: An attempt could backfire making your quality of life untold amounts worse.

I am touched you said you would reach out to me first if there is a next time, so I must have said something right.

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Thank god!

It’s a chance to take some time off from this forum. This forum can be a source of support but it can also make us focus more on our condition, and whenever we do that we don’t exactly feel better :wink:

Also: a person’s viewpoint (incl. yours) is super subjective and can change dramatically. Your future self may see your situation in a radically different light than you currently do, and some of us may already see that viewpoint (or part of it) right now. So I hope you’ll continue to search out our perspectives. Humbly offering mine (even if I can sound controversial/opinionated sometimes).

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I finally received this book from the library, it’s next on my read list. I’ll let you know how it goes. Jim

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If something resonates with you, take a note/summarize, for future reference.

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Hello Jim,

now propecia help runs stable again. Post history is lost for a time period. Better than once a total community shut down.

Without this plattform even more than now every victim would fight only for their self, no awareness campaigns to save others, no research, only young polytoxicomaniacs. Ok Bad mindset, they take action not to loose hope.

So I’m so pleased to have you, MStone, LazRay, some others here, in the chats and some German language co sufferers, who talk about their sufferering and real feelings.

So we hangle from day to day sitting lobotomized in our chairs. In Ohio, the Rockies, Scottish english boarder and the Rhine river “Ruhrgebiet” are sharing the same frame day by day.

Wish you some good moments. Some windows and good moments, like I have sometimes with my daughter experienceing now the world of the grown ups step by step and when the last friends visit me to play Romme or Kniffel.

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Showed my changes from the Sex God to the Bum King :crown: after 17 month right now under “Photographic evidence of facial changes (post your changes)”. Wonder how I’ll look in two years.

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@Exsexgod
You’d clean up good, with a shave and a haircut (two bits!) I am curious, do you not pursue your interests due to a lack of energy? or a lack of interest? Jim

Four o’clock in the afternoon
And I didn’t feel like very much
I said to myself,
“Where are you, Golden Boy
Where’s your famous golden touch?”

The mirror cries
“Hey, Prince, you need a shave”
Now, if you can manage to get
Your trembling fingers to behave…

For what?!
Without a cock?!

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Jim, from the old man competition here, it has become silent around you like it did around my friend Lazarus Ray too. Are you still on board, like me tired of that all hangeling through the tired days. Yes I have three friend s in my german chat who realy and documented recovered and three who can live with their symptome. Only me and two other ones are fucked up from that all. But all of them so much younger.

After all there are initiatives of a handfull guys to fight and recognize the disease but most still only intetested in the next protocol and the next 1200 % unbelivible insane himalaya salt recovery after 10 years. And they all believe it. So sometimes it’s boring to write something about feelings.

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Hey Jim hope you’re allright!

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How long did it take for your friends to get stable and live with the symptoms?

They need years.

@Taw You make me blush. Thanks for the kind words.

I read thru the forum daily, but haven’t been joining in like I have in the past. I feel like an outlier, the old man that is irrelevant to the cases of the young.

I do intend to post an update soon, I had a crash recently that has dropped me to my knees.

Also, @Exsexgod, I should apologize to you my friend. You reached out here and I didn’t respond. You seem to be doing better. Stay strong. Jim

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Sry for joining a conversation when you dont even know me. But i think its normal to sometimes no disappear or no answering. This condition is hard and even navigate on internet is hard!

Btw im Young but your case is also interesting for me. We both humans we both being fucked by the same substance we both we Will be use the same cure if ever exist!

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Hello dear “old” friend. A crash put you to your knees. What shall I write you as I sit in my chair too, now a 61 yo senior and see the spring rising outside. These days taking my bicycle all my life for a nice pre spring ride or a long walk.

Now I wait for the third summer with this shit and I have at least no motivation anymore. May I say that? You know from all the other posts here that we all recover and this pfs is just a little hormonal imbalance.

I hope we have not to tell us this fucking shit! There has been a memorial ice hockey game in Toronto for Mark Turner, who committed suicide. Heartwarming pictures of some pfs guys and the parents. With my friend Erik and friends and relatives there is a little loving community, with etical principles to warn other young men taking the internet marketed hims, keeps and my spring products and supporting great research ongoing.

As you liked my response to the next infantil recovery post like you and Lazarus it’s hard to find a normal conversation in this grotesque clownery of a severe disease. That’s the reason why I delete so much comments.

So I try to hangle from day to day, motivation from two old friends and a nurse service. As you know that all recover, I can say as a dark minded outsider, it’s at least only a daily fight for my child.

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And I hope from my heart that your lifelong loving wife is still standing by your site and you are going through the tough senior days together.

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Summers are the worst. I can handle winter much more easily.

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I put this picture on my Farcebook page a week ago. Not one person has asked about it. People generally don’t care anymore.

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It’s like the nomads, they walk to the new hunting grounds and let the weak ones behind. No one looks back.

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Hard to believe it’s been nearly 6 months since I last posted here.

Our friend @Exsexgod wrote the following recently:
I fall deeper, deeper and deeper, loosing every power. Getting fatter, fatter and fatter. Getting immobile, more and more housebond. Living with my fantasies 95 % in the past… Bloodpressure through the roof. Breath short.

He has written my story as well! Instead of enjoying a life of retired leisure activities, I stumble from day to day.
I need to add one more short and simple line:

Waiting daily for this miserable life’s end. Jim

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I grew up in a litlle suburb, in the 60ties a village with farmer boys, bakery daughters and village people in my primary school. The wild 70ties with glam rock from England and then Punk in the early eighties. Study in West Berlin, wall was down experincing all the east Berlin Club sceene. Years in the hinterlands “Grimms thales land” Düsseldorf and Colonge, back home. I met so many different people, lived with women, affairs, parties, friendship with so many guys.

Now forgotten! Nobody left! Two old friends! The childreen on weekends, but they go their own way. Sometimes I’m full of fear for the childreens future. Germany was the safest country of the world all my life. Now getting a failed state. Lost my money and estate because of Oil Boycott and supervisor etc. too. I’m forgotten.

Then here! Im happy that two guys recovered in my german group. Spontaneous, not by fucking hcg lie. But the rest, only some are very active, together with pssd to rise awarness and fund good research with universities and new techniques. But the rest only expiriencing hcg voodoo cult and fake recoveries. So I feel lonly in the groups too.

Forgotten and shut off. Like the silent majority of us. So I sit in mc chair day in day out, cant face the whore I had, cant face the sick midget urologist with his mini cock in summer 2018 in his Surgerey shorts in the practice, cant face that I sent probes to an asbestos lab before I renovated a wall and didnt check my pills…

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Friend, you and I face a denial that the younger ones do not: the denial that we are sick from some strange drug reaction, instead we are sick simply because we are old.

I am nearing 68 next week, and people including my wife will tell me that the ailments I have are those shared by many old folks. (Regardless of the fact that I was very healthy and sexually active just a few years ago.)

I don’t have PFS I’m told,
I am merely growing old!
Jim

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19 posts were split to a new topic: Move to Reddit + automod rules

I wrote that a full year ago, and still have not posted a decent update. I will finally try, breaking it into manageable segments.

I wrote then that I was deep in a crash. The best I could figure was I had taken zinc for a month to ward off winter colds. Afterwards I read that zinc could cause problems, and boy howdy, it did to me! No zinc for me ever again.

Today, a quick catch-up on sex. A few months after the crash I actually started experiencing nocturnal erections! First time in years! This developed into rare daytime erections, as well.

I thought I was on the way to recovery, but overnight it all ceased. No hint of erections, day or night. No sexual dreams. All gone with the wind.

Possibly the worst part, my penis is shrinking. Last summer it was near normal’s 6 inches, now it is at barely 2". Hardly enough to hold onto to piss. And that my friend is depressing!

I have no idea what caused this genital crash. No new meds. No illness. Just gone, overnight. And that’s part one of my update. Jim

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I do not post here as often as I should…but today I must.

Yesterday I made an attempt at humor on a fellow poster’s topic. No harm intended, but it was not appreciated. He called me on it, and I sincerely apologized. He says we’re good now, and I pray that is true. I’ve been miserable all day at the thought I caused distress to this good man. Again, I apologize to my friend.

This incident made me realize anew, how this insipid PFS can harm us in vastly different ways sometimes.

Some here lose weight uncontrollably, and others gain weight despite diets.

Some have brain fog, others stay sharp. Sometimes it comes and goes!

Some can take a vitamin like zinc and they crash, and others feel no effects.

Worst, some recover in several months (yay!) while others are tormented for decades! (I’m at 4+years now.)

Mostly I’m reminded that under it all, we are all hurting with no cure in sight. We need to support each other through this mess. Stay strong, brothers. Jim

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Jim you are a good man, you always try to be a positive influence on here with your empathetic understanding and caring nature.

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I was preparing for a new post here, and got a surprise shock!

I’ve thought this is my 4th anniversary of my PFS, and yes, I have now been on this forum for four years now. But…

Rereading my first post here, I see with shock that my PFS started in April 2019. FIVE years ago, not four. I lost a year in this battle!

This worries me anew, as I read here recently that a good number of us heal in their 4th year. Significance unknown, but something to look forward to. Now that’s a false hope for me.

Five years this month. Damn. Jim

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Jesus. Did the missing year occur while you were at the lowest point of PFS, or was this something that occured to you without explanation?

In retrospect, I must have in my blurred mind, associated my years of PFS with my time here. Never thought twice about it! Until…recently I reread my first post and realized I had PFS for a year before starting my member story.
The shock was like being an adult who just discovered he’s adopted!
My own fault, I guess! Thanks for asking…Jim

I write this to give hope to those men in the same boat who have lost their sexual ability and wonder if it will ever come back…

SEXUAL RECOVERY AFTER 5 YEARS?

(This entry contains blunt talk of sexual conditions. Read no further if you’ll find this offensive.)

Five years ago I was a hypersexual male, enjoying sex several times a day whenever possible. My penis had a length of 7 in erect and about 5 in flaccid. It was also thicker than average.

I was prescribed finasteride in the form of Proscar for treatment of BPH. Within 3 months all my sexual function and activities ceased. I could not have an erection and had no interest in sex for the next three plus years. I cannot say if this was anhedonia or if my mind was protecting me by making me forget what sexual happiness I had.

One day about 2 years ago the blinders came off and I recalled what a sexually satisfied life I had before, and realized how much I had been missing. Shortly after that the unhappiness over my current condition grew until I became suicidal. It is simply by the luck of fate that I am here today but that is another story.

I also had many of the other symptoms of PFS, but this particular post centers on the sexual aspects. At about the four-year point I started to have nocturnally erections again and even occasional morning wood. I even managed to have sex with my wife again, and thought maybe life was returning to normal. And then I crashed.

For another year I could not get erections again. My penis had shrunk to barely two to three inches long in its soft state, and there was no erection to measure. In addition it was totally numb with no feeling whatsoever. There was a post on the Forum that indicated that some people had a recovery around the four-year mark and I thought I had almost had that …and it was gone.

Now I am a few months past the 5-year mark, and I am writing this to tell you that I am having the start of another potential recovery. My penis has recovered several inches of its length and instead of being numb it is now super sensitive. With proper stimulation (fellatio) I can achieve an erection that will last 5 to 10 minutes maximum, far short of my healthy days but much better than the last 5 years! The extremely sensitive head has made it difficult to last any longer.

I am not able to achieve erection on a frequent basis, only once or twice a week.The next day or two afterwards I feel like I am totally exhausted. But I have had strength enough to have intercourse twice in the last month. (I still have my failure days.) Also the firmness is not bone hard as it used to be, but is firm and stiff enough to do the job. Comparable to a stick of pepperoni or sausage I guess.

I do not know if this will be an ongoing recovery or if a crash is in my future again. I will update this journal as the weeks pass if there is an interest in that. I write this to give hope to those men in the same boat who have lost their sexual ability and wonder if it will ever come back. For those readers who have PFS but have managed to continue their sex life, you are experiencing a treasure that many of us have not.

FOOTNOTE:

My wife was my sexual companion for over 45 years, willing to try anything, anytime. When PFS robbed me of my sexuality and we had a four year period with no intercourse, she slowly lost interest. When I had my short-lived recovery she was there to try, but when I had my crash she said that it was “just as well” because she was no longer interested in sex. I was devastated. However, I would not give up my hope of regaining my sexuality. Now that I am experiencing a potential recovery, we have a long time lady friend who has volunteered to help me in my Rehabilitation with my wife’s blessings. (Lady friend is the best fellatrix I’ve known!) I cannot imagine what I would do otherwise. Jim

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Friday I had an appointment with my endocrinologist. We discussed my hypothyroidism and my med dosages for that. We also discussed the TRT I have been taking for years.

She is a new doctor for me and I felt like she was getting frustrated with an inability to get the dosages right in what she thought would be an open/shut case.

I decided it was time to spring PFS on her. I told her about my use of Proscar 5 years ago, and the immediate side effects it had on my body. She knew about finasteride as a medicine but didn’t seem aware of what we call PFS.

I told her that research so far showed gene silencing and 5ar antagonists… and so much more I can’t explain. She knew a little about that but not much.
Afterwards I sent her a link from this site so that she could look into it, but honestly I don’t think she intends to. She could surprise me and do some research into it, (and at least she wasn’t like my GP who threw his hands up in the air in total lack of Interest.)

BTW this was only my second appointment with her and I had not mentioned PFS previously. I thought I would enter this into my record. Comments? Jim

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I posted the following in the Favorite Music column, hoping to explain music’s importance to me.

I feel it is important to post it here, in my personal journal, as well. I want this in my personal record for future readers who may never read that music thread.

The mods have been kind in allowing me to use the musical conversation as a therapy for my PSA-tortured soul. I thank them, and remind you all that comments and contributions are welcome!

Now my true confession:

My mom was a music teacher. She instilled a love of music in all 4 of her children. She confessed once that growing up she had dreams of being a concert pianist, or an acclaimed singer. (This is a lady who grew up in depression years.) She added that as a teen, she would go to her room after supper, open her window and sing to the world.

My youngest sister has perfect pitch. Her instrument is her voice, and I have posted her music skills in the song column previously. She has performed in public as recently as 2023, and is also involved in theater acting/singing, including most recently a production of Cabaret.

My other sister was in high school band and sings well, but has been the black sheep who never pursued music.

My brother leans to stringed instruments. He plays 6 and 12 string guitar, acoustic and electric, as well as the banjo. Not a singer, though!

Myself? I played piano and organ, I liked the keyed music. I have dabbled in guitar with my brother’s urging, and even have a couple autoharps (think Carter family). I sang in the church choir and also in solo sets, pre-PFS.

PFS stole my love of music, for three years I had music anhedonia (my self-diagnosis.) I didn’t touch an instrument and did not turn my stereo on. I didn’t miss music and didn’t care. Slowly, the anhedonia lifted. I heard music again as a thing of beauty, not just noise.

I love music again but as a listener only. I cannot sing because I don’t have the wind to make it through even one verse, and cannot remember words. I can recall parts of verses of songs I’ve known for 60 years, but only bits and pieces. I do not play, my hands don’t cooperate.

That’s my story, why I started the music column. I’m praying for the day I can recall whole songs again, the day my fingers are capable of “tickling the ivories” again. Meanwhile, I’m there in the music room. Join me. Jim

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Music has always been a huge part of my life too, never made any myself but I’m ok just being a listener. It took me many months to start enjoying music again. I can’t remember the month I started being consistently able to again but it was gradual. Now I enjoy a good 3-4 albums a day usually andd I like to listen to something new every day. I’ll just fire up last.fm, randomly pick a related artist to something I listened to recently, find a random album by them on soulseek, and that’s the music for the day. Makes every day feel a little different. I’ve learned to live with my memory loss, I can do daily life well but things like remembering and applying names to things/people, remembering what I did and when, and often a lot going on in my short term memory isn’t written to memory. I just let go, maybe one day I’ll find something that improves t but for now it is what it is.I’ll throw some music in the topic when I can.

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I’ve mentioned that I’ve started on L-ARGININE. The brand I have recommends 3 capsules totalling 2.25 mg of it.

One benefit from it, and why I take it at bedtime, is this:

L-arginine affects sleep because it’s a nitric oxide precursor. When nitric oxide is released in the blood, it relaxes blood vessels. This helps to relax the endothelium cells and neural firing. Induced sleep is a positive side effect…

Of course, another benefit, even more important, is this:

…oral L-arginine might improve sexual function in men with erectile dysfunction due to a physical cause…it boosts nitric oxide levels in the body and improves blood flow…

Experiment:
Last night as I took my dosage, I added a Viagra to the mix. What could go wrong, right?

As I fell asleep, I had a semi-chubby. I awoke midway through the night with a full hardon. Jerk-off worthy…so I did. Drawback was a mess to clean up at 4 am.

I woke this morning with another erection, and had a quick but enjoyable wank. But, boohoo, another mess to clean up. I mention here my ejaculate was very thin, like it lacked any sperm?

Successful Experiment? Not quite. I have had a MASSIVE headache all morning, just now starting to fade after 4 hours. Was this caused by the dilation of blood vessels?

Those who know me are aware I have been rendered sexless by PFS for 5 years now. I started ALCAR about 6 weeks ago, and added ARGININE two weeks ago. After 5 years of avoiding all supplements waiting for a natural recovery, I’ve changed course. I am actively exploring exercises and supplements. I want my sex life back.

Comments? Jim

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Hello all,
I need to update soon. But I want to ask you to remember our colleague @Taw in your prayers. Hurricane Milton is targeting his area in Florida, currently at Cat-5 strength.

Thanks, Jim

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Hello all.

I’ve meant to update for a long time. There seems no reason, if there is no good news! Every time I think I’m in recovery, maybe have an erection even, there is another crash, another setback.

I have many days when I feel totally worthless, a waste of flesh and space. I retired after PFS hit and didn’t have energy enough to do the things I planned. I’ve wasted 4 years of life since then. Don’t pick up the guitar, no organ playing, haven’t even had my stereo on in years!

I call myself lazy and worthless. I wonder why I bother going on. I bottle this up and tell nobody.

I wrote that hoping not to add to anyone’s blue mood. It is just something I’ve wanted to share but timing was never right. Still may not be, but there it is.

PFS ruined my enjoyment of life, my sex life, my retirement plans, my health…and still they sell it to others. Merck sucks, along with agencies that turn a blind eye instead of doing the right thing. I’m so tired. No light at the end of the tunnel, not yet.

I visit this forum several times daily, like an addict, hoping for that post that announces important advances if not a cure. How stupid am I? At age 69, I’ll never see a cure unless I miraculously spontaneously recover.

Ok I’m done. Enough whine for today. Let me muddle through another day.
Jim

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I used to play fiddle a lot…can’t even hold the damn instrument now my muscles are so weak and breathing is so labored…have not played in years and used to be in my hands daily.

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Hi Jim,

Did you cycle ALCAR? (Acetyl L Carnitine).
Or were you taking it continuously/daily?

While I struggled with PFS for 3.5 years,
I have been cycling ALCAR and avoiding 5ari foods for the last 6 months, and have noticed major improvements.

I feel 95% recovered these days.

I have taken 1000mg of ALCAR daily, no cycling, since I started. Frankly, I haven’t noticed any benefit from it and have considered discontinuing it.

Someone remind me what it is supposed to help with? Jim

Hi Jim,

I am not an expert on hormonal supplements, but a user by the name of @Livid171 recovered after cycling ALCAR for 12 months.

He had PFS for 10 years, and had been taking ALCAR every day continuously for a while (not sure the exact amount I’ll have to go back and read his recovery post).

But he said once he heard about “cycling supplements” he tried that instead, and started to notice positive effects within months. By the time he was 6 months in, he felt very close to recovered.

I am now 6 months into cycling myself, and have started getting spontaneous erections again, full on hard erections (like they were before PFS), erections from thinking.
And nearly all other side effects have also faded, both mental and physical.
I almost feel completely recovered, and I feel better and better every day.

I would recommend giving cycling a go, as the others who have taken it Daily, it has had little to no effect on them.
The two people that have cycled it, both Livid and myself, have had great improvements/recoveries in their symptoms.

I would also recommend avoiding 5ari foods. That has had a big effects for myself to I believe. However @Livid171 did not do that, and he still recovered.
I would still recommend it though, as it stops side effects from constantly re-appearing daily, and having mini/major crashes.

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Thanks for sharing. What do u eat if u don’t mind sharing that also

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I have had some erections, never hard or long-lasting enough, you think ALCAR may have helped? On a few occasions with extra stimula (a BJ) I’ve almost felt “normal.” But then I feel rundown for a week.

Can you explain your cycling routine? I’ll certainly try that, and continue ALCAR, if it helps me like it did you. I need to have hope in something. Jim

I have created a list of foods I eat, and don’t eat.
The list of foods I don’t eat are all 5ari’s.
However now that I am feeling more recovered day by day, I have started to introduce more 5ari foods into my diet with no side effects/crashes/symptoms appearing.

The two lists are below. Fully staying away from the 5ari’s really helped me in my recovery.

Foods that make me crash:

  • Soy
  • Green Apples
  • Tea
  • Coffee
  • Mushroom
  • Broccoli
  • Rosemary
  • Soybean Oil
  • Soy Sauce
  • Soy Milk
  • Pumpkin
  • Pumpkin seeds
  • Pumpkin seed oil
  • Protein bars
  • Peanut
  • Cashew
  • Walnut
  • Peanut butter
  • Sugar (except fruits)
  • Canola Oil
  • Turmeric
  • Fries
  • Ice Cream
  • Brown Rice
  • Beetroot
  • Basil
  • Cottonseed Oil

Foods that I can eat (not everything is here. There are a lot more):

  • Onion
  • Spinach
  • Cabbage
  • Kale
  • Celery
  • Almonds
  • Macadamia
  • Bacon
  • Ham
  • Cauliflower
  • Carrot
  • Cucumber
  • Capsicum
  • Chickpeas
  • Garlic
  • Ginger
  • Chilli
  • Oregano
  • Sweet Potato
  • Fried Calamari
  • Wedges
  • Sour Cream
  • Sweet potato fries
  • Tapioca Starch
  • Palm Oil
  • White Rice
  • Tomato
  • Butter
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Thanks for compiling and sharing this demonstrates as always how individual this disease is. Some on your safe list are indeed 5aris however I could eat many of them too whilst in thr pfs state in the early years while others that were a total no no can now be tolerated to a degree. Nothing remains static with this. I’m very pleased for you and your gains. Recovery stories offer up hope to everyone. Thank you

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I agree with you, and understand what you’re saying.

While avoiding 5ari’s helped, I believe 6 months of cycling ALCAR has been the most important thing for experiencing the recovery from those symptoms.

I believe it’s no coincidence, as when I quit ALCAR last time, my symptoms came back within months.

I have posted on this thread with my ALCAR routine, but the comment is awaiting approval at the moment.

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Beato te che puoi andare in bicicletta ….

Thank you for the lists. I have only a few items I enjoy on the taboo list:
Ice cream, fries, peanut butter, and coffee. Coincidentally, all would be prohibited on a lo-carb diet as well.

If the ALCAR routine is not permitted on this thread, feel free to PM me. I want to follow a proven method. Jim

Hi Jim, I’m not sure why my comment is not being approved yet, as I have also posted this information elsewhere and it was fine.

I have PM’d you directly.

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I have also created a list of Vitamins/chemicals to avoid:

(I compiled this list from searching on this forum. It’s not the most thorough list, but it helped me to avoid 5ari’s, please feel free to use to it or add to it when people want).

  • Vitamin B - All of them (B1, 2, 3 etc) (but it’s okay in some food, as it’s only a minor dose, not like supplement)
  • Vitamin K2
  • KETACONAZOL
  • Theobromine
  • Beta-Sitosterol (5ari)
  • Lauric acid (5ari)
  • Stinging nettle
  • Turmeric
  • Saw Palmetto
  • Glutathione
  • Sodium Butyrate
  • Gysopyl (in Cottonseed Oil)
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@Leesy
Nothing on that list do I use/take. Thank you for your posts and information. I’ll try cycling ALCAR with renewed hope for the future. Anything must be better than the last 5 years. Jim

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Are you sure of that? Not so fast. Consider:

-Theobromine is in cacao, chocolate products, black/green tea, and coffee.

-Beta-sitosterol is in avocados, nuts, olives.

-Lauric acid is in butter and coconuts.

-Butyrate is in butter.

-Some restaurants and bakeries use cottonseed oil. I know Little Debbie does. The active ingredient gossypol was planned to be trialed as a male birth control for its anti-sperm actions, said to have no influence on erections, but was aborted due to safety concerns. We have worn cotton for centuries, never eaten it, but only recently consumed it in oil form. I’ll stick with the ancient wisdom over modern idiocy.

Saw palmetto contains beta-sitosterol and lauric acid.

Stinging nettle and spurge nettle make me feel awful. A shame, because they taste amazing in stir-fries. The thorns hurt though.

2nd thoughts yet, bud?

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Why is glutathione on your "to avoid list "

If you can explain that would be great

I tried it two years ago and one capsule caused a bad reaction but couldn’t figure why.

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I guess you need to be a chemist to know what you are eating! Lol, Jim

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@Leesy Hey, man! Thanks for sharing your improvement story. Can you please pm me your cycling routine? I Just bought Alcar, and I’ll give it a shot

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Hi Lazarus,

While I have previously crashed from numerous foods and some Vitamins and chemicals, I haven’t crashed from all of those on that list.

About 12 months ago, to avoid continually crashing further, I compiled a list of 5ari’s/substances that others have said they crashed from.

Back then when I searched up 5ari’s on this forum, Glutathione was one of those mentioned.

From avoiding all 5ari’s, my symptoms slowly started to improve. But it wasn’t until I started and kept going on ALCAR, that I saw radical improvement.

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Thanks for the response @Leesy

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Hey @Caio912, it’s my pleasure. I have just PM’d you now!

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Thanks for answering @Leesy. I’ll report back on the long run

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I had been taking ALCAR steady, and two weeks ago I stopped, planning a 2 week cycle routine. Coincidentally, I had been taking nitric oxide and had allowed it to run out, unsure whether to continue it.

[For those new to nitric oxide: a testimonial from elsewhere that convinced me to try it:

I’ve been taking nitric oxide (NO) capsules. Though this supplement will not grow your penis, it will make you feel bigger, as it allows for more blood flow into the penis, making you feel larger between the legs…

Just before I stopped both supplements, I was recovering sexually, slowly but measurably. I had my best experience in five years. I was excited for what might be.

So, two weeks back I stopped ALCAR and coincidentally ran out of NO. The last two weeks have been hell. No sexual response whatsoever. Dead meat as bad as my worst PFS days. Depression growing daily. Cause and effect? Opinions?

Tomorrow I restart the ALCAR and hope some recovery occurs. Do I obtain more NO as well? Any others here with NO experience?

I’ll restart the ALCAR and report if I have positive results. Your opinions matter. Talk to me. Jim

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Im not sure, but please let us know how it goes. The updates from you and other veterans is a tremendous boon to me.

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Hi Jim,

I’m sorry to hear about that.

In terms of the no sexual response, the dead meat and depression, you are describing a crash. So say, I would say it might be cause and effect. I haven’t had any experience with Nitric Oxide, but I would stay clear of it just for now.

While it did sound like it was offering you a temporary sexual recovery, it seems that once you stopped it, you had an immediate crash.

There have been other supplements on here that give great temporary recoveries, but cause crashes once stopped. The good thing is ALCAR is not one of those.

The reason I crashed from ALCAR the first time I ever took it, was because I only took it for 3-4 months. I didn’t even feel fully recovered at this point, I was only half recovered and felt a bit better than having full blown PFS. 2 months after I stopped, I slowly started crashing. I should never have stopped. It sounds different to your immediate crash, and I would say it is related to the NO.

ALCAR won’t give you a quick temporary recovery. But once it starts to work, it really works.

If I was you, I would stick to just cycling ALCAR for now. From what I have seen, no one on this forum claims to have experienced a crash from it.

If after 6 months of ALCAR, and if you really wanted to still try NO again, then you could. But both @Livid171 and I are both proof of ALCAR success stories. I’m not sure about long term recoveries from NO.

I am currently at 7 months cycling ALCAR, and I feel incredible. I haven’t felt like this since before PFS. Each day I feel more recovered. It almost feels like I am fully recovered some days.

Don’t worry about the fact that you’ve crashed, if you are starting cycling ALCAR now, that is all that matters.

This time around, I crashed about 3 months in to taking ALCAR, because I started eating too many 5-ari’s at once. While the crash sucked, it didn’t hinder my recovery, and at 7 months in I feel fantastic. I can now have more 5-ari’s without any negative effect.

In terms of the “no sexual response” that you describe, you might not experience positive results from ALCAR straight away. Your crash will pass, and if you stay away from 5-ari’s and keep cycling ALCAR, it will pass even quicker. However on ALCAR you might not start to notice positive sexual effects till 6 weeks to 2 months in.

If you ever do crash again, taking ALCAR seems to “kick” the crash away quicker, which is good.

All I cycle is ALCAR, it has recovered me in so many ways, especially sexually. That part of me almost feels fully back to normal these days.

While NO might be a temporary fix, ALCAR is a long term supplement.
Even after you do start to feel recovered after 6 months on ALCAR, keep going, don’t stop.

Good luck Jim, and hope to hear good things soon.

Hang in there, it’s worth it.

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Want it on the record…

First visit with a new urologist today. I have had BPH long preceding my PFS. In relating my history to the Dr, I told him I was on Proscar for several months but quit it due to various side effects. I asked him if he had heard of “Finasteride syndrome”, his answer? Yes but he doesn’t believe in it. OK. He just dropped my confidence in him.
I asked him to change my BPH med from one that is no longer working (Doxazosin) to another that gets high marks for BPH (daily Cialis). He ignored my request until after he does some ultrasounds and other tests. He suggests we may end up doing a procedure instead, that would stop the need for meds ( TURP or Urolift.)
Also, I asked him about using Nitric Oxide (NO) supplements. Without hesitation he said no. Waste of money. There you go, @Leesy.

We had further discussions that are irrelevant to this forum. I mainly wanted to expose the anti-PFS attitude of this highly regarded Dr.
Thanks, Jim

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What’s ALCAR pls?

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ALCAR-- (Acetyl L Carnitine).
Discussed in depth by @Leesy in several previous posts above, starting at post 160. Take a look, hope it helps. Jim

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Not good for me. Bad effect

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I reacted badly to it too.

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I’m sorry to hear that @Legalmust. What were the bad effects?

That’s not good. Can I ask how you reacted to it? @LazarusRy

Accelerated metabolism weight loss and increased pains there are probably underlying pathologies but carnitine did me no good at all to build it helped me lose. I believe that the properties you attribute to it are completely non-existent if I may afford it. Alone a little energy but to the detriment of what burns you then pay the consequences

Just putting this study out there:

How the keto diet could one day treat autoimmune disorders by increasing anti-inflammatory compounds

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But butyrate has absolutely destroyed some people here, I think one of the final pushes in my recovery was reducing the lactic acid load by reducing the bacteria producing it and like tryptophan and its metabolites too. In fact I believe the brain burning thing some of us here got may actually be a lactic acid and/or tryptophan/tryptophan metabolite overload. Not saying Keto is bad though, if it works for you it works for you but just saying with this condition it’ll still help to tread carefully with it especially if you’re much earlier on in healing…

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Proscar fin victims

My travails with finasteride started with Proscar over five years ago. I’ve summarized my current situation here for those who may be in similar straits, with prostate problems instead of hair loss:

I first was diagnosed with BPH @2018, and my urologist prescribed daily Cialis for relief. It worked great, but after a year my insurance company decided not to cover it, it was a “sex drug.”

Around then, memory fades on timing, my prostate was enlarged enough that they did a biopsy, which was negative.

After Cialis, Dr tried Flomax but it gave me headaches. Then came Proscar. In less than 90 days my sexual life dropped from 2-3 times daily (in my 60s!) to total absolute nothing. Been that way since.

I searched online and discovered PFS and the connection to Proscar. I quit Proscar cold turkey, Dr switched to Losartan which I still take, but it barely helps.

My Dr moved out of state, the pandemic hit, and I didn’t have a urologist for 4 years. Now I’m pissing 4-5 times a night and every 2 hours during days.

I finally found a new urologist in October who specializes in BPH and TRT and hypogonadism. He thinks I am a candidate for a procedure such as Urolift or TURP or similar. I am scheduled for an ultrasound of kidney, bladder and prostate in December. Also, some bladder emptying test I don’t understand yet. By Christmas I’ll know more about my prostate and the hope for relief.

I’m 69 now and have finally seen some returns of erections. I’m hoping for less pee time and much more sexual recovery! Maybe that seems shallow, but I’m weary of being a eunuch!

If you have further questions, write me. Or, if you just want to chat. I’m here, Jim

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Please kindly pay your attention to my good friend Jim for his commendable and selfless character. He is going through a rough change in addition to longstanding PfS, and he continues putting the wishes of others above his own. I cannot say too much as he has not given me liberty to do so, but I want to draw attention to his additional plight as he needs the thoughts and prayers.

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My friend @Taw has opened the door for me to relay some bad news.

As some of you might know several years ago I attempted to leave this world. My wife was there at an opportune moment and saved my life. But in the years since then there have been many times when I have thought about doing “that” again.

The only thing really that has stopped me has been the fact that my wife is a survivor of cancer in her lungs, but was still undergoing immunotherapy. She needed me by her side as she went through this. That was enough to keep me grounded despite my PFS miseries.

But now comes the sad part and the bad part. My dear wife passed away last week from cardiac arrest. So now I am alone, no kids and only a few friends.

This is all still so fresh that every day is miserable. I find myself so many times a day telling myself I no longer have a reason to stay. My sisters live a thousand miles away, but they text me many times a day with encouragement. But that doesn’t take the place of the warm hand I no longer have to hold.

We were together 50 years and I am hopeless and helpless on my own. I do not expect to do anything drastic very soon, but if the Heartbreak doesn’t lessen in the days and weeks ahead, I make no promises.

Good luck to you all in your search for a cure and the healthier life. I’ll be 70 later this year and there will be no cure for me. Take care of yourselves and each other and do not abandon the Forum here!

Good day to you all, Jim

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We’ve never talked to each other but I was reading your posts ever since finding this forum and had a nice time checking some of the music you shared in the music thread.
I just want to offer my condolences.

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@Soup
Thank you for your kind words. I haven’t posted much music lately, I never had much response to recent tunes. Glad you enjoy them. Jim

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My condolences Jim, I’m distraught to hear this. I pray for better days, and joy to come your way. You’re such a selfless person and you don’t deserve any of this.

Inbox me if you need anything.

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Thanks, @Hopeforbetterdays.
We were together 50 years. She helped me cope with PFS, and I was there for her as she battled cancer.
Now I can’t tell you how many times a day I wish I was dead, too. I hate being alone.
But, I’ve got a slate of legalities to deal with, and a house full of “stuff” to go thru. I’ll be around, like it or not.
Thanks again, Jim

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Dearest Jim.

This is very sad news and the deepest of condolences in losing your love.

I believe she is around you our souls are eternal you just can’t see her in the physical realm anymore.

Your loss and pain must be great but try to continue in your fight God will choose the timing.

Rest in him Jim.

You are highly thought of on here and are a very kind man you wife will be looking down on you with pride and love. Love is eternal and has no bounds.

I’m so sorry Jim :heart:

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I’m extremely sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what you’re going through. Thank you for keeping us in the loop; I personally consider all of us a big family here on this forum.

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Thank you @Bruce.
Today makes 11 weeks exactly since she went into the hospital. Tomorrow will be 11 weeks since she’s passed on.

After 50 years, I still miss her so much that my heart breaks anew daily. Thanks to all who have sent me condolences. It’s nice to know people care.

I was watering her plants today, and a shoe box was calling my name from the top of the stack of accumulated “stuff” . I took it with me back to the living room and found Elaine had created a storage of memories.

The Box had four of my wallets from over the years, going all the way back to my teenage years. My driver’s permit from 1971. A picture of Elaine she gave me when she was still just dating this big old lunk. Some Father’s Day cards I had given my Daddy back in the 1990s. And on top of all these memories, was this framed picture. Sharing it with you.


From our wedding, September 11, 1976.
Jim

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That is incredibly heartfelt and wholesome. I’m so happy she was there for you during this rather unwieldy predicament that has brought us together. Thank you very much for sharing.

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I’m very sorry for you it must be a great pain… I can’t understand this pain because the one who was my wife after 15 years of marriage decided to label me as a depressed person and asked for separation she didn’t want to care about me anymore she took away my whole house and children since December 2024 I live with my mother. Dear Jim, I’m telling you this because I want you to appreciate even more the loving and caring wife you had in my illness I also had the misfortune to discover that I had a snake next to me who couldn’t wait to dump me at the first real difficulty of life. Sincere condolences

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